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'Nother Rant (warning man-bashing herein)(31 posts)

'Nother Rant (warning man-bashing herein)lonefrontranger
Sep 18, 2003 4:11 PM
Well, looks like I lost ANOTHER one to the racing jones. After eight years of unwedded bliss, the ex has fled to greener pastures, apparently because I refuse to settle down, sprout an apron and a June Cleaver attitude, and spawn a pack of rug rats. What the **** is it with these guys? It's not just me, my best friend had a guy pull this on her last year. First they want someone independent with shared interests who's not going to saddle them with a bunch of commitments, then all of a sudden the midlife crisis hits and all they want is a mortgage and some brainless broodmare. Screw 'em.

So, looks like I'll be doing a LOT of training this winter... Cat 2 upgrade, anyone?
I imagine your singles ad would look something like this...biknben
Sep 18, 2003 5:57 PM
b Single White Bike Chick in search of male cyclist who enjoys pain and suffering.

b Hobbies:
Road bikes, Cross bikes, BMX bikes, bike wrenching, pavement surfing, pain, & inflicting PAIN. Freelance writing on RBR boards.

b Turn-Ons:
Colnago bikes, downhill sprints, spandex, long rides with tailwinds. Seeing the look of pain on you competitor's face and knowing you're about to make it worse.

b Turn-Offs:
Whiney, skinny b!tches who climb fast. Whiney momma's boys who wait 8 Foking years to figure out they don't want to be tied down.

Potential mates should submit race resume, avg, yearly winnings, and podium pics to mensuck@luv.com

----------------------------

Sorry to hear things didn't work out. You realize there are a few dozen guys here that are willing to move out to CO and help you recover at the drop of a hat?
teehee, singles ad, now THAT's funnylonefrontranger
Sep 18, 2003 6:59 PM
As if.

Nah, being single is actually pretty cool. Aside from needing to go buy a decent set of speakers and bribe someone to mow the lawn, life without a man is so much less... smelly, actually.

The part that irks is that, looking back on things, I feel so... compromised. I spent an entire season trying to juggle "quality time" and "counseling" (geez, when did I ever need a frigging shrink?) with training, work and racing, stressing the hell out of myself, when I should have just wised up and kicked that sorry SOB to the curb some while ago.

You guys out there with partners tending to the manipulative, listen up. Yeah, we all have to compromise, and if we've got a great thing going, then it's plenty worth it to sacrifice some bike time, or ski time, or hanging-out-with-the-buddies time. But we can't let a little compromise become a bigger compromise, become a giant compromise, until we're so twisted up and miserable we no longer even recognize ourselves. A real lifemate would understand this and not let it happen. At some point, you gotta be true to yourself. In the end, who's really going to make you happy? Yep, that's right, good ol' #1. Selfish? Probably.
teehee, singles ad, now THAT's funnySadlebred
Sep 18, 2003 7:53 PM
Sorry to hear about the breakup LFR. If you want to talk chick to chick email me off the board at sttarlite at yahoo dot com. Finding a guy is SO hard! I've been trying for years to find the right one. He's out there somewhere, and he's doing a REALLY good job of hiding! If there are a few things I've learned:

1. Rediscover who you are. This can be fun!

2. Have fun doing other things with your girl friends. We started a girls' night out "club" here with a gathering every 6-8 weeks of doing something "chick-like." We've gone drinking, painted pottery, had dinner, had a Xmas party, done charity work, etc.

3. Find out that you don't need a man to be happy. GASP! It's gotten so bad here that my boss told me I could bring my bike or my horse to the yearly teambuilding outting that my company has (everyone else gets to bring a SO). (like I said, Mr. Right is doing a great job of hiding!)

4. Have fun and try to forget about him for a while. Yes, it will take plenty of time to heal. You will eventually get over it. I find it helpful after a breakup to bury myself in something for a few days to let the numbing pain subside. It's easier for me to deal with "in a few days." (You do need to deal with it eventually, though)

5. Guys suck...it's a fact of life. Guys think we suck. It's the never ending merry-go-round of relationships. Can't live with em, can't live without em.

6. Never, ever give up who YOU are for a guy. This is a biggie! I nearly did it about 8 years ago. Won't make that mistake again! Sounds like you will be just fine. You are strong willed and don't ever give that up!
Correction. 5. Guys suck. We know we suck. We can'tBrooks
Sep 19, 2003 1:15 PM
understand why you stay with US!
Oh Brooks, you're so sensitive!shirt
Sep 19, 2003 1:37 PM
Hope the self-deprecation gets you a date...
no, #5 is actually misquotedlonefrontranger
Sep 19, 2003 4:54 PM
as in: "Can't live with 'em, can't cut 'em up and bury 'em in the back yard."

I know well enough that men don't equal happiness. They actually equal a lot of stress, self-doubt and compromise in my experience. But they sure are darn cute when they're trying to impress, no?
:( (nm)weiwentg
Sep 18, 2003 6:27 PM
10 Fresh Smackdowns for LONEfrontrangershirt
Sep 18, 2003 11:00 PM
1) Be careful when you say, "Screw 'em."

2) People change, people stay the same. Know what I mean?

3) Midlife crises hit. They hit men, they hit women, they hit. You two are in your 30s and you haven't bred. It was bound to hit one of you, and it did. (see #5)

4) Give up. Don't try to find a guy. Surrender. Throw up your hands. "Screw em" as you say, except learn how to really mean it. When you really, really don't care and you're really living the way Beth is supposed to live and think, one of two things will happen. One: Nothing, but you'll be happy. Two: Mr. Perfect suddenly appears from nowhere and you have no clue how it happened. Go with the flow. Don't try to figure it out.

5) We are a sexual species (We are not stolons! We are not rhizomes!). Figure out what that means, and then decide if you're going to party with us or not.

6) Broodmares can be pretty smart. Mine is (does that make me a stud???)

7) Women and men are exactly the same, except they're quite different. It's almost as though we're different genders of the same species.

8) Burying yourself in riding is the same thing as sitting around being miserable, it's just that you'll be busier and fitter. Re-read point #4. Achieve point #4, then decide if a Cat-1 upgrade is the way to go (Cat-2s are pussies.)

9) Drink lots of fluids, look left-right-left, wipe front to back, never ride in your 53/25 and don't ever, ever watch any Woody Allen movies made after 1990.

10) Sorry.

/shirt
yeah, well...lonefrontranger
Sep 19, 2003 5:56 AM
I know all this my man. Good points all.

I realise I'm hard to live with. I know I'm pretty single-minded. I also find it pretty ironic that with a little distance (it's been over a month now, BTW) that there are some things I'm figuring out about myself that are pretty scary. And, shirt-me-man, sorry to say, but you don't know the half of it.

The guy was 23 when we started living together. That in itself says a lot. When you're 23 and suddenly realise your degree isn't worth a decent job, but all the loans are due, I'm sure an older, financially secure gal with no agendas in the family area is a good thing. This changes, I'm good with it, over that, move on. Here's the part that rankles, if only because I can't believe I let myself get suckered into it: You didn't see the part where I spent 5 FREAKING YEARS supporting this clown while he worked in various convenience stores and low-rent McJobs trying to "find himself", all the while focusing on his training and racing while I sacrificed it to keep a roof over our heads. I moved 1500 miles away from everything I'd ever known, including a really great job, because he decided he didn't like living in Ohio anymore. Yet, once he finally gets himself on his feet and I figure it might be time for him to carry a bit of the load and me to make a go of it, suddenly it's "too much time on the bike" and he skates. How fair is this? He used to be the one begging me to go riding, which consisted of him spending hours and hours magnanimously waiting up at the top of every hill for my fat slow ass, now he whines that he "doesn't like training"? Bull, when he was a good Cat 3, he spent more time out on the road than I do now. He's just suddenly realised HE'S the one being waited for, and his puny male ego can't handle it. Shirt, I realise quite well that not all family gals are brainless Kathie Lee impersonators. Some of my best friends have kids, and some are even more opinionated than I am if you can believe it. It's just a little off-putting to figure out after all this time that for all the pretense of being an enlightened modern male, this cat doesn't want a partner, he wants a body slave.
EVERYONE is part a$$hole!Mike P
Sep 19, 2003 6:57 AM
Sorry to hear LFR. Some of the things you posted of riding with your SO made me envious, mine does not ride at all.

Anyway, we are all part a$$hole, male and female, and most of us end up showing it more than once in life.

Mike
Good points all!!Jon Billheimer
Sep 19, 2003 9:29 AM
Including some of yours, LFR. The fact is people change. He has. And obviously, so have you.

BTW, LOVE the singles ad:)-
yeah, I knowlonefrontranger
Sep 19, 2003 10:53 AM
Mea culpa, and in hindsight I could probably have known we were growing apart a couple years ago had I just paid closer attention. That in itself should tell you something. Forgive me while I indulge my inner child a bit. You know, the 2-year-old who throws oatmeal at the walls and breaks toys just because she can.

(p.s. I thought biknben's "ad" was falling-down hilarious, just don't tell him I said so).
everyone has an a'hole friend...merckx56
Sep 19, 2003 2:34 PM
Believe me when I tell you that everyone has a friend that is an a'hole. I will fully admit that I am a huge a'hole from time to time. Generally, most folks have endearing qualities that make you look past the a'holeness. I've been friends with Mr. Billheimer for a while now and he'll tell you that I'm a decent enough fellow. Most of my circle of friends would say the same. The key to being an a'hole is relishing the fact that you are one, and not being afraid of it! When my wife or friends need someone to be an a'hole, I'm the first one called in. I'm a lot like the Marines in that sense!
Cherish these people whom you consider a'holes, you may just need 'em one day!
Jeezus, Merckx...Jon Billheimer
Sep 19, 2003 6:01 PM
...what is this with you, LFR and everybody else? True confessions day? Must be the after effects of Isabel! I think we all need to get on our bikes and churn out some endorphins before we all go hang ourselves or sumthin'. On the other hand a real misanthropic hissyfit once in awhile never hurt anyone. Most guys, me included, have gone through extended spells feeling exactly the same way about our wives, girlfriends, errr, erstwhile tormentors and critics. So have at it!

Oh yeah, remember the above advice too. You really MAY need your SO someday. He can't be ALL bad or you wouldn't have stayed with him for eight years.
You make the guy seem like a total assMR_GRUMPY
Sep 19, 2003 11:33 AM
When in reality, he probably isn't more than 60%-70% of total assdom.
Find somebody next summer. All the winter snow shoveling will do you good.....Lift with the legs.
no, he's not and that's what's got me really tickedlonefrontranger
Sep 19, 2003 11:59 AM
Like I said, I'm merely indulging in a nice cathartic tantrum. Nice? No, I'm tired of being nice. I tried being nice long enough thankyouverymuchindeed, and in the end, it didn't matter anyway. I'm tired of being a submissive, passive-aggressive, neurotic, whiny, joyless doormat. I'll even 'fess up and admit that my ex was a good man, sensitive, intelligent and even reasonably well housebroken. Hey, I recognize we ALL have problems and we all do stupid stuff. I'll be the first one to admit I'm not perfect, or really even close to it. What's got me wound up is the part where I finally woke up and realised I've wasted several years trying to mangle myself into some Betty Crocker mold when we both knew it wouldn't fit me.
Hope this doesn't turn you into a man haterRoyGBiv
Sep 19, 2003 11:58 AM
Lord knows there's enough of them around.
I've been single for a few years now, the time punctuated by a couple of girlfriends, and, while it can be lonely at times, it's also very liberating.
Good luck
All things change...............MR_GRUMPY
Sep 19, 2003 12:31 PM
Unless you are in Hell...................
this entire thread is Sherpa23's faultlonefrontranger
Sep 19, 2003 12:50 PM
that sadistic you-know-what has put me on a no-bike holiday for 2 whole weeks! And I'm not quite so stupid (anymore, anyhow) as to go against his instructions. So now I'm all raged and pent up and it's Friday and work has been boring as hell this week, and my posse is out of town... AND I CAN'T RIDE MY G.D. BIKE!!! Aaaaarrrrgh!

Is it any wonder that I'm over the edge and hating on the entire male species right now?
re: 'Nother Rant (warning man-bashing herein)Ironbutt
Sep 19, 2003 2:39 PM
Trust me, one day you'll do just what I did. I found exactly the one for me, and while it hasn't always been fun,or easy, it's always been worth it. The trick is in just being the right person for yourself. If somebody can't accept you as you are, he has a real problem. And if he can't accept you as you change, he has a real problem. Last month was 35 years for me and my wife; we both think that we found keepers. I may be biased, but she loved me and stood by me when I wasn't fit for human habitation. Hopefully, you'll find one like we did, the right one for each other through any set of circumstances.
Well, well, wellPack Meat
Sep 19, 2003 3:07 PM
It sucks. Your boy is a good guy, love is nature's cruel joke. You know I feel for you but I also know you're not looking for a shoulder to cry on, you're looking for something that's cathartic and something that will maybe make you laugh, so with that in mind, I present sarcasm:

well boo hoo hoo, finally on freak'n woman gets a taste of what hundreds of guys have been through. Welcome to the it's either me or the bike club. I have lost probably 4 girlfriends because of the dedication it takes for this sport so you got 3 to go before you can start whining. Ok everybody, try to avoid brining up the fact that it's probably cause I'm a stupid jerk and not really the bike at all. Yeah sister, you got it rough, you're in the fit guy enriched Boulder area, you're a cool chicky that already knows a lot of guys and you happened to be in a sport that is extremly heavily male dominated, yeah that's rough. And to top it all off you have been given fury to add to your training motivation. I wish you're competition luck next year. Quit your bellyaching and go sow some wild oats, you can't swing a hippy by it's dreadlochs in Boulder without hitting 5 single biker dudes. Now git out there sister!
dude, I thought the Sherpa made you dump that handlelonefrontranger
Sep 19, 2003 3:58 PM
We all know 'tain't true nohow.

Daggone, the hippie analogy nearly made me shoot Pepsi out my nose. Thanks PM, and hope to see you at a 'cross race or two. I haven't done barrier practise or run an inch since last year, so it should be entertaining.
Awesome....So When Are We Getting Together?!?! =)BigLeadOutGuy
Sep 20, 2003 5:44 AM
One mans misfortune is another mans gain...I think thats how the saying goes.
Dont sweat it Beth. Get on the old iron horse and take out some of that anguish out on the pedals. Theres plenty of more out there, I'm sure youll do well. Should I pick you up at saaaaay 9ish tonight? =)
hehe
drop me aan email...you got the addy!

Ride Safe =)
life lessonDougSloan
Sep 22, 2003 6:45 AM
I've heard, from therapists, no less, that "What you initially like about someone will eventually be the thing that causes problems in the relationship." (or something like that) It has nearly always borne itself out for me.

Lance will be available... ;-)

Good luck. If it were me, I'd bury myself in riding, too.

Doug
don't let the bastards grind you downJS Haiku Shop
Sep 22, 2003 12:18 PM
and just remember, memphis is only 1156 miles away.

what's with the bike holiday?

i'm with shirt. re-read #4.

my apologies on behalf of man-pigs.

:)
:) back at yalonefrontranger
Sep 23, 2003 9:17 PM
Bike holiday was merely coincidental, it's end of season and I was both physically and mentally fried.

In an interesting and rather comical development, I fell off the wagon. The Sherpa busted me (I'm now betting he works for the CIA, as he called me WHILE I was on the bike...), and promptly dinged me with yet another week off, bastard indeed. That sorry sack had better run the next time he sees me is all I can say.
ps: return to ultra racing; that'll eat up time! nmDougSloan
Sep 22, 2003 1:37 PM
When the rant peters out...............Len J
Sep 23, 2003 4:08 AM
and the anger fades;
you will still be left;
with you.

Sorry to hear about this LFR, it sucks when the reality of "changing apart" hits you in the a**.

Shirt hit the nail on the head & it sounds like you know it (deep down). Find yourself again, let go & it will all work out. At the end of the day the only control any of us has is on our own actions & reqactions. We all forget that sometimes.

But a rant right now sure does feel good doesn't it. When my ex wife left me, I railed and ranted, told everyone I knew what a sh&* she was, and felt really good when they agreed with me, because after all, if she was a sh*% then I must be OK. Then I realized that there were two in the dance and she was only one of them. I decided that I would try to understand my part in the dance & make choices about what I did that was true to who I wanted to be & what I did that wasn't me & coose to move forward. It sucked! (Ranting was so much more fun) but I ended up truly happy & more secure with myself than I'd ever been.

Rant, Baby, Rant
And then get on with being Beth....she's worth it!

Len
When the rant peters out...............Len J
Sep 23, 2003 4:09 AM
and the anger fades;
you will still be left;
with you.

Sorry to hear about this LFR, it sucks when the reality of "changing apart" hits you in the a**.

Shirt hit the nail on the head & it sounds like you know it (deep down). Find yourself again, let go & it will all work out. At the end of the day the only control any of us has is on our own actions & reqactions. We all forget that sometimes.

But a rant right now sure does feel good doesn't it. When my ex wife left me, I railed and ranted, told everyone I knew what a sh&* she was, and felt really good when they agreed with me, because after all, if she was a sh*% then I must be OK. Then I realized that there were two in the dance and she was only one of them. I decided that I would try to understand my part in the dance & make choices about what I did that was true to who I wanted to be & what I did that wasn't me & choose to move forward. It sucked! (Ranting was so much more fun) but I ended up truly happy & more secure with myself than I'd ever been.

Rant, Baby, Rant
And then get on with being Beth....she's worth it!

Len
thanks, manlonefrontranger
Sep 23, 2003 9:24 PM
you guys are awfully indulgent. I know shirt is right, he's just so damnably smug about it, I could kick his shiny white arse. You hear that Mr. Happily Married Self Righteous Smugster?! - too bad he lives in CA is all I can say...

Len, good to hear from you, and I was happy to read the hurricane didn't damage youall too bad.

Cheers - LFR