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Old fat balding bearded guy - tactics(10 posts)

Old fat balding bearded guy - tacticsMike-Wisc
Jan 10, 2003 9:11 AM
Gettin' back into pedal-land. Bringing with me less hair on the top of my head, currently more hair on my chin and cheeks, more weight everywhere, and am currently 3/4 of the way through my 40's. :)

So, when one of you younger or more experienced racers see someone like I just described in a race, do you adjust your tactics any relative to the OFBBG, or do you wait to see how things shake out on the ride? I'm wondering if I can use my acquired appearance to any race advantage. I've got the loud wheezing down pretty good, and several years of working in a flour mill and currently working around smokers has given me an intermittant deceptive cough. I don't think I'll show up riding the old Schwinn 2-speed cruiser, but may throw a luggage rack onto the seatpost of the Colnago for some psychological advantage. Oh, and I may even wear the camelback full of an extra-dark juice. :)

Anyway, just trying to lighten the laughter level a bit, all while I dust off the wheels and find where I put my bike shoes and socks after two relocations (got it narrowed down to one of 40 boxes). I'm also debating on wearing the baggy touring shorts or going with bibs or bibless. I may or may not shave the beard back to just a mustache. I figure I've got three months to get my legs back, and to temper the new wife to accepting the activity.

I used to just grind away at people on long rides and mostly they dropped out prone in someone's front yard under a sprinkler. May not still have that endurance that I used to, but we'll see come April. And if my schedule permits I'll probably do some track work if the glue is still good on the fixed gear hanging on the wall in the living room (wife thinks it looks like art so I get to keep two bicycles in the house, yahoo! Normally the spare bedroom is for bikes and weights, but now it got reserved for guests and relatives, bummer.).

So, anyway, how do you react to Freds in a race? And should I leave the mirror on the helmet and handlebar? An aging guy wants to know. See you on the road, and maybe on the podium if I've got any legs left under me. :)
LOLOL I think you're setNo_sprint
Jan 10, 2003 9:37 AM
Jump right in the next nasty cat 3 crit and you'll see fame and fortune!

Beware, the tactic of going bibless with back mustache and plumber's crack will certainly backfire on you.

As you likely know, the lower cats are truly a mixed bag. While you've got movers ripping through 4s, you'll also have the weak brand new 4 that's done only 10 and is really not a good rider/racer/handler, anything.

Absolutely, the mirrors are critical. Go for the handlebar mount Godzilla or dinosaur too.
re: Old fat balding bearded guy - tacticsThorman
Jan 10, 2003 9:44 AM
Usually when I see a Fred in a race they tend to be wearing some goofy jersey, have their number pinned on wrong, and last, but not least, a hairy set of stumps.

With that said, I normally don't pay much attention. In fact I don't really have any issues with racers who fit the criteria I stated above. To each his own I figure.

Looking like a Fred can actually be an advantage, at least in the races I've been in. Usually they have a tendancy to attack right from the start of a race and no one ever seems to react. So if you have the legs to stay away it can be an advantage.

Dude, go with a pocket protector and street socks!!(nm)Jon Billheimer
Jan 10, 2003 11:47 AM
Jan 10, 2003 12:06 PM
I think people will take you into consideration if I've drawn up the right picture. As has been mentioned on this board before, if the dude in the back with the t-shirt, the old, seriously beat up steel with logos covered in tape bike goes, we all go.

On the other hand, I typically pay no mention at all to the dudes in the full Once or USPS skinsuits down to the rig, shoes, socks and especially the Yahoo sticker on the Pneumo.

Thanks for the laughs, good luck and happy returns to the world!
I agreeshirt
Jan 10, 2003 1:58 PM
Any over-the-top attempt at Fredism is always seen for what it is. Hairy legs, rear-view mirrors and plastic mascots simply scream, "I'm fast and dangerous, pay me no heed!!"

If you really want to be ignored, wear a Credit Agricole skinsuit with matching socks and helmet. ("Write off!")

Frankly, it doesn't matter much what you wear from Cat 3-5, Masters or no. With the exception of my neighborhood, where the Masters in US Postal kits actually race for Postal Masters. They are to be feared.

re: Old fat balding bearded guy - tacticsMR_GRUMPY
Jan 10, 2003 7:16 PM
If you (1) wear your jersey under your bibs, (2) wear long white sox with hairy legs, (3) Ask "how fast do you fellows go through the turns", (4) scream while cornering, (5) mention that you hope that their cordless computers don't interfear with your pacemaker, riders will give a wide berth to you, and will be distracted the entire race.
I'm not sure where you are from, but where I am, the 40+ races are as fast or faster than the Cat 3 races.( Maybe that's because they are old Cat 2's)
LOL. I like (3) and (4). nmNo_sprint
Jan 13, 2003 1:55 PM
re: Old fat balding bearded guy - tacticsWoof the dog
Jan 11, 2003 8:25 PM
just leave it alone and it will go away.

Gotta have some fun in the off/pre season ;)Mike-Wisc
Jan 13, 2003 7:59 AM
I think I'll go buy a new pair of over-the-calf black dress socks. I would not look good in a skin suit. :o