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She works in mysterious ways(25 posts)

She works in mysterious waysRoyGBiv
Dec 2, 2003 12:36 PM
Last spring, I was smitten over a woman and when I worked up the courage to tell her how deeply I felt about her, she replied, literally: "That sucks."
Needless to say, I was taken aback and from then on did my best to keep my feelings under wraps. We continued to see each other and for a while enjoyed each other's company, but in time I could feel her drifting away. By September, the relationship had fizzled out.
When I saw her with another man a month later, I was crestfallen but took it as a cue to move on and I've started dating again, although I must confess I think about her, wistfully, just about every day.
In late November, after having not spoken to her for almost two months, she left a message on my telephone answering machine, wondering how I was doing, wishing me well, etc. But she stressed that I didn't have to call her back. I haven't and don't plan to. But I'm intriqued as to what motivated her to call. Anyone have any ideas?
Boredom?? Guilt??PaulCL
Dec 2, 2003 12:44 PM
Maybe she saw or realized how crestfallen you were over the breakup. Maybe she was concerned? Maybe she just broke up with the new boyfriend?

Or...maybe she realized she blew it with you and wants you back?? Either way, I'd ignore her call. If she calls back, then make your own judgement as to her motivations.
I agreelotterypick
Dec 2, 2003 12:57 PM
When messing with the good looking girl or the one that's got you by the bells.

You have to act like it's not that big a deal and then they will call back or be intrigued by your not being crazy about them.

Funny observation. When I've seen a hot girl in a group, if you ignore them and yet have fun with their friends, they hate it and do all sorts of stuff to get in your face. Like, why is he attracted to them and not me, I'm the hottie.

In any case, play it cool and if you can forget it. Then if she does call you can say, you appreciated the call and life is good (even though she's not there). She may be intrigued and want to hang out some.

Kind of like Shallow Hal.

If you call her, you'll confirm that you're the weak person she remembers. But if you don't, maybe you've changed and that'd be a good place for you (since she's not interested in the old you).
Sorta like child psychology. Thanks for your insight nmRoyGBiv
Dec 2, 2003 1:01 PM
Can I share some experience?lotterypick
Dec 2, 2003 1:24 PM
I've been with beauty queens, Pro Sport cheerleaders and home coming queens.

Unless the girl has the ability to deal with all the attention by saying "I'm with him" and you have the strength to ignore all the idiots hitting on your girlfriend and making snide comments all the time and the looks you see all day down the street. You're better off not going that way at all.

It's truly a hassle and I got sick of it. Any way, all girls grow to look regular to the person their with. Like Hugh Grant going to a prostitute when he had Elizabeth Hurley. What an idiot.

You need to go for character, while meeting the minimum looks requirement (as cold as that may sound). Thankfully, my wife definately has the character and is pretty good looking to (at least to me, two kids and 20 years later).

Funny, she's different (while of course I'm the same ;) ) yet I still get the hots for her all the time. It's about building relationship and that's mostly about character and sharing, not looks.
Similar experienceRoyGBiv
Dec 2, 2003 1:36 PM
I know exactly what you speak of when you're with a knockout. Early on - er, that would be the early sevenites - it made me insecure, but in time I learned to ignore the leering and snide comments.
This latest case, though, doesn't fit that scenaario. She is easy on the eyes, of course, but there were other things about her that took hold of me ... I haven't quite figure it out.
Anyway, I could have been a transition guy in her life or maybe she wasn't ready to go steady for any number of reasons or, quite simply, perhaps I didn't have the right stuff. These things happen.
Still, I'm curious as to why she would call way after the fact.
My initial response was to ....Live Steam
Dec 2, 2003 2:18 PM
not call her back, but her call could mean a few things.

1. it's as simple as she said. just wanted to see how you were fairing if indeed your separation was visibly tough on you.

2. she is interested in rekindling your relationship, but wouldn't want to be that obvious about it to come right out and state that, especially not knowing your situation. she is also protecting herself from rejection in not stating this is her reason for calling.

3. she is very insecure and somewhat narcissistic and needs reaffirmation that her rejection had a devastating effect on you. kind of mean and selfish on her part if this is why.

If you are cool enough to handle it, you should call her back though you probably know better than the rest of us how you would feel about someone who once prior, tossed you aside. You would have to be a very cool customer and not let her see any weakness. But the call would be about and for you. If you are able to determine that number 2 or 3 is her reason for calling, it wouldn't be bad for your self esteem, that is if you need to feel good about this. It's obvious that you were hurt by this episode. Yes this is a game and you don't have to play. She put the ball in your court. You can just kick it aside and move on. Who cares what she thinks.

Good luck and stay COOL :O) Remember men get older and more distinguished looking. Women just get older looking ;O)
Dec 2, 2003 2:19 PM
Hmmm most of the hotties I have dated are HIGHLY impressionable. hmmm this I mean they are easily smittn by anything and everything new or novel. It was me for awhile but then it was something else after a few months and a few more thousand dollers. Yikes! As a matter a fact almost all of them have become impressionable at one time or another. I too am subject to this sensibility by being swept up by a whim however my feelings for the person usually remain the same until its a little to late.

It has recently become embarressingly clear I need to look harder for the right women since at this point I can't imagin getting married and actually trusting someone to have kids. I am about the most optimistic person I know LOL too! All but 1 have called me back at some point and I always feel better when I DON'T return the call.

However, who gives a sh1t what do you have to risk by returning the call? You won't risk losing any respect providing your commentary during the conversation is playful and entertaining. Which by now you should have mastered. Everyone likes to be with fun people right?

The weak guy? I think that's silly. In a year you might be with another someone and she as well but at least it won't remain in the back of your mind. Besides talking to her after a long silence you might find you really are not as attracted to her as you thought......then again you might just be intoxicated by her all over again. Just remember to recognise a dead horse when you beat one

I say call her and explore every avenue possible in the other areas of your life. Report back here and share your exploits so the rest of us can avoid the same mistakes LMAO !!!!! jk :P

We should have a girl/boy friend review

Categories could be:


Think of the hilarity! Ok ok maybe its not a good idea, I know Id be the first name under Bastad HAH!
this sounds like my good friendColnagoFE
Dec 2, 2003 2:45 PM
he was nuts about this woman and has probably broken up and gotten back together with her more times than i can count. she is bad news for him--everyone tells him this. when she gets lonely or broke and needs a sucker...ahem...friend she calls him up. she's lovey dovey for a whle then gets all cold as soon as something better comes along. lather, rinse, repeat. seems like some people never learn. hopefully you're smarter than that.
That's what I've been afraid of - my own round heels nmRoyGBiv
Dec 2, 2003 2:57 PM
It has nothing to do with smarts :O)Live Steam
Dec 2, 2003 3:02 PM
I was a sucker for a relationship like that. I knew where she was coming from, but she was alluring and I couldn't resist. It was like a drug addiction. It takes maturing and making yourself a priority. Not in selfish sense. One needs to know they are a complete entity and can exist on their own, but choose to exist with someone that enhances their being. One needs to be their own person before thay can be of any good in a relationship with someone else.

These girls certainly don't know who and what the heck they are about and what they want and need in life. I'm not talking about material stuff. I'm talking about emotional things that make them feel good about themselves first. One cannot look to someone else for happiness. A partner is a complement to the package not the answer to desires or wishes.

And to think, I got this all from a fortune cookie :O)
Dec 2, 2003 3:31 PM
Live Steam I used to think you were a crackhead sent here from the 1980 Republican Convention to spy on us cycling Democrats...or maybe not spy just supervise after 2000 since the Demos are like out of control children on speed in a lunch room LOL! Except Howie D. of course, he sits alone in the corner bewildered and in awe at the spectacle that these are his collegues. LOL!

But, your post above rings true through and through my friend. I respect your perspective and I hope your at the Ride For the Roses next year so we can cover some miles together. You have handled your defence concerning the party well and for that alone its commendable. It gets hot in here over politics and depsite I disagree with alot of the GOP, its good to know your out there
Sometimes I feel like the male black widow spiderRoyGBiv
Dec 2, 2003 3:42 PM
It can be scary out here in the singles world, especially when you're at a relatively advanced age. They see you coming.
But hey, I'm still having fun, and in spite of this summer's setback still maintain that, all in all, life is beautiful. I mean that.
Thanks all, for things to think about (other than just her alone) when I'm cruising the country roads on my bike.
Brian C.
You said a mouthful, brutha!Dale Brigham
Dec 2, 2003 8:49 PM
Yes, we are brothers in the formerly "addicted to bad wimmin" category. Your advice for the lovelorn is as sound as your politics are goofy (just kidding, LS!). Fortunately, it looks like we have each found someone who completely fulfills the "complementary partner" specification.

I think you should consider riding PBP in 2007 (the 84 hour start group) with me and whomever else I can con into slogging across France and back. We could consume the entire 1200-plus km. rando with a spirited political discussion.

All The Best,

Dale (Vice-President, North American Man-Cat Love Association)

P.S. My bro-in-law in KC has a cat, Fritz, with roughly the same specs as your Junior. Fritz looks exactly like a large concrete block wrapped in a gray and white cat-suit. DB
Luv to ride with you both or ...Live Steam
Dec 3, 2003 5:48 AM
anyone here. Cycling is the thread that binds us. I'm usually breathing too hard to do much talking while riding anyway. I guess I'll have to make some travel plans for '04 :O) The RFR has always been one ride I'd like to do especially because of the charitable nature of it. PBP is not something I'm as familiar with. I'm guessing it's similar to BMB? I ride with a few guys who completed BMB in under 80 hours.

Hey Dale that's a funny yet appropriate description of our "little" Junior too. Solid as a block and tippin' the scales at 24lbs and change. My wife tries to get him to diet, but he gets ornery and mean even though he's really a sweetheart of pussy. We figure one day he'll just get tired of eating. He's not really fat but thick and solid. You can pat him on the back like a Labrador Retriever :O) He has thick fur like one too.
Big rides, big cats, and the men who love them.Dale Brigham
Dec 3, 2003 7:49 AM

Yes, Paris-Brest-Paris (PBP), like Boston-Montreal-Boston, is a 1200 km randonnee (a long brevet). Under 80 hours, as your pals did in BMB, is a very good time for one of these rides (time limit is 90 hours for 1200 km randonnees). I hope to ride BMB someday, but right now, PBP is my quadrennial passion. (It's held every 4 years, with 2007 being the next one.) I think of it as going to Mecca for cyclists. I believe every cyclist should give it a shot before going to The Big Velodrome in the Sky. (My apologies for interjecting cycling into the NC board.)

My sister and bro-in-law's Fritz hits the scales at about 28 lbs. As with your Junior, Fritz has tried dieting, but gave it up. He shows no signs of becoming tired of eating.

Does your Junior sort of swaggger when he walks? Fritz saunters into a room like John Wayne, ready to clear out the joint with shotgun in hand. Of course, unlike The Duke, Fritz typically flops down onto the floor and turns onto his broad back, exposing his ample belly for the admiration of onlookers. He's one magnificent feline.

My guys, Lester and Little Red, weigh in at a measly 15 lbs or less. Regardless, they are Big Boys to me.

Yeah he likes to make an entrance :O)Live Steam
Dec 3, 2003 9:33 AM
He is very vocal and will do his googlie bird chirp and then flop himself on the ground in desperate boredom. He doesn't do anything cat like, well at least not like other cats. His sleeping habits are pretty funny. He slumps over the arm on the couch or falls asleep sitting up like a fat old man after a big meal. He lays stretched out, on his back looking like road kill. He his one goofy, but lovable, stout little cat.

Here's some pics of Junior with one of his brothers (not really a brother) Sippio, engaged in his second favorite pastime. You can see he is somewhat annoyed to be disturbed by the flash of his keepers camera. He usually doesn't have a problem getting back to that comfortable sleeping position :O)
Forgot one :O)Live Steam
Dec 3, 2003 10:22 AM
Junior's one Kute Kat! Thanks for the photos, LS. (nm)Dale Brigham
Dec 3, 2003 12:47 PM
Thanks ! He knows it too :O) nmLive Steam
Dec 3, 2003 2:17 PM
Oh yeah, here's what you wanna do...rwbadley
Dec 2, 2003 5:29 PM
Call her while she's at work so you get her answering machine. Say something innocuous at first, then quickly work up into a thirty second bit of hot phone sex. Remember these machines will cut you off at some point, but you want 'the final blow' to coincide with the approximate cutoff of the message.

She'll have to call you back now...
Yes - alcoholcmgauch
Dec 3, 2003 2:15 PM
No reflection on you of course.

In my single days, it always made me want to call those that "slipped through the cracks". Now it just makes me tired.

Her statement that you don't have to call her back is a rather transparent veil. Like, what - hearing your voice on the machine was enough to tell her how you are doing? A load of crap IMO.

If you want to play tit for tat (or if you just don't want to go there) don't call her back. If you really think about her that often, & want to have closure one way or another call her, play it cool and see where it takes you.
Follow the directions for the "return call"CARBON110
Dec 3, 2003 2:38 PM
-First take two Large shots of Grey Goose Vodka straight up. Only the finest Vodka will do and it tastes like water so you wont ack by the finsih of the following shot

-Second, play a bunch of Elvis songs accompanied by some hip swinging but pull your blinds down so no one sees you. Make sure you have the volume on 10 and feel at liberty to sing as loud as possible.

-Now your prepped to say things you may have hesitated to before,perhaps for good reason I don't know you that well.

-Thirdly go to the biggest mirror in your house and look yourself in the face and say "your super cool and everyone knows it" Repeat this until you believe it

-Then make your call and tell us what the hell happened LOL!

NOTE TO READERS: I wouldn't do this myself especially since all the women I want to call I havent dated to say nothing about it being bad advice :D
LOL Thanks nmRoyGBiv
Dec 3, 2003 2:40 PM
My take on why she calledStarliner
Dec 3, 2003 9:10 PM
Maybe she called you because she liked the kind and sincere way you were with her, which she came to realize is a quality that is lacking with the other men who are presently in her life. So, in a vulnerable moment, she called you. When she told you a callback wasn't necessary, she was trying (to convince herself) to appear not to be needy, when in fact at the moment of the call she really wanted to talk to you. (Do you ever get the impression that she is not true to her own feelings?)

The subject of discussion however might not be what you hope for, as she would be interested in getting some sincere counsel from you on dealing with some important personal decisions facing her. So instead of rekindling things and moving around the basepath with her, prepare to find yourself still stuck in the bleachers after this call.

You've got some good advice from some of the other guys - I'll just add that with women, you should never operate from need; but rather, from want. So, if you call her back, it's because you want to. You liked her, you still have something in your heart for her, so, don't you want to know what's going on with her, as a friend to a friend? You might even have a laugh with her with regard to your exposing your true feeling for her, and her sit-com reaction to it. Who knows what'll happen after you talk to her - but at least you won't someday be kicking yourself as you lay on your deathbed, wondering what might have been had you returned her call...