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Do you view your wife differently after childbirth?(14 posts)

Do you view your wife differently after childbirth?chopper
Sep 5, 2003 10:57 AM
The recent news about Lance and Kristin divorcing got me thinking about something I always assumed but have never experienced as I'm not a father. I always assumed that when your wife gives birth to your child that from then on your admiration and love for her is deeper because the two of you have, together, brought another living person into the world. A parents love for their child is pretty evident and I always thought that would also reflect on the spouse and you would be more in love than ever before. In a way divorce doesn't surprise me but divorce does surprise me when there are three children of such a young age involved.
ask the 'q' again in 5 mo- I might have an answer then (nm)sacheson
Sep 5, 2003 11:09 AM
It can work both ways.Jon Billheimer
Sep 5, 2003 11:34 AM
But more often I think kids start to put a lot of stress on a relationship because the focus shifts away from the relationship and onto raising the kids. Women in particular start to get really stressed out because of the added workload, whereas men begin to feel left out and less valued. In fact they are because a mother has to shift her primary focus towards raising the kids. Hormones also change and the marriage moves into "maintenance" mode. This directly conflicts with our modern romantic view of the marriage relationship.
good response nmJS Haiku Shop
Sep 9, 2003 8:22 AM
I think your viewlotterypick
Sep 5, 2003 12:32 PM
of the way it should and can be is true.

I certainly love my wife in crazier ways than when we got married.

Even though she looks different, when I see a fine girl I just remember, she ain't got nothing (probably :) ) on my wife. Which Kobe forgot.

Society today is very superficial and although the ey candy is nice, it's a big thing for husbands to fight it like everyday. I do, it's tough.

As for Lance, I bet (although I'll get flamed for this) that he didn't spend much time with them, which is probably part of the problem.

Having really young kids is a lot of work and when one person is handling the whole burden, it's very straining.

I know as an old offender, but thankfully reformed, for her sake and my added joy.
It ain't that easy...ColnagoFE
Sep 5, 2003 1:06 PM
Having kids makes things much tougher if anything. You get less sleep, you never have any time to yourself. You have to schedule EVERYTHING (including sex) to get anything done. Sorry...but I've come to the conclusion single people just don't get those with kids. It's a great experience overall, but is extremely challenging at times and it can really strain a marriage--and break one that isn't strong to begin with. Having a kid to save a marriage only works in the movies and fantasyland. Divorve is ugly and always hurts the kids the most.
It ain't that easy...ColnagoFE
Sep 5, 2003 1:06 PM
Having kids makes things much tougher if anything. You get less sleep, you never have any time to yourself. You have to schedule EVERYTHING (including sex) to get anything done. Sorry...but I've come to the conclusion single people just don't get those with kids. It's a great experience overall, but is extremely challenging at times and it can really strain a marriage--and break one that isn't strong to begin with. Having a kid to save a marriage only works in the movies and fantasyland. Divorce is ugly and always hurts the kids the most.
no, but she views me differently -- inflicter of the pain ;-) nmDougSloan
Sep 5, 2003 1:22 PM
Worse when infertility crops uppitt83
Sep 5, 2003 3:50 PM
You've failed at the one main reason you're together. You've planned it this way all along; that's what you envisioned on that day and before then. Since you met really, just that it was unspoken at first.

Just that you can't. Nature didn't allow one or both of you to have that privledge. End of gene pool.

You're no longer or never able to procreate, only "recreate". It takes a huge portion of intimacy away and makes "recreate" much less important between you and your partner. You've failed at the fundamental aspect of marriage. Love is now a very different word.

It has really changed our marriage and made intimacy never what it once was.
Like most stress, I think, varies day to day & couple to couplecory
Sep 5, 2003 4:28 PM
It's not necessarily UNPLEASANT stress (that comes when they hit about 14), but it does mean a huge change in your life and your priorities. My wife and I were a little older than average (30 and 35), and we'd been married seven years before our son was born, so we had some maturity going for us. And while her bonding was instant, mine took a few days, so she was wholly dedicated to the baby before I was able to understand it. That was a short-term problem, though. Overall it did bring us closer, though as the kids go through their teens, other pressures arise.
One interesting thing: When my son was almost 3, he was diagnosed with leukemia. THAT'S pressure--three years of painful and debilitating treatment, lots of uncertainty, no guarantee of success. Next to that, having teenagers is cake. It breaks up a lot of marriages. In our case, though, it brought us closer, because we were...hell, I don't know, united against a common enemy or something. If nothing else, it puts unmade beds and socks that miss the hamper into a new perspective.
My first wife yes, but not the current. nmfirstrax
Sep 6, 2003 8:08 PM
I view her with a wide angle lens now...nmasphalt assault
Sep 8, 2003 3:10 AM
I take it your wife never reads this forum? nmDougSloan
Sep 8, 2003 6:34 AM
Yuh got that right LOL...nmasphalt assault
Sep 8, 2003 11:25 AM