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Bush Election Platform(17 posts)

Bush Election PlatformMJ
Sep 5, 2003 12:17 AM
This is the speech George Bush ought to give to the nation. He has made quite an unusual record during his presidency. Heidi and I believe the following to be a true and accurate draft of a speech that SHOULD BE written for him.

Perhaps a similar resume of "My best friend, a man of steel" is warranted!

George W. Bush Resume The White House, USA:
MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I attacked and took over two countries with no plan for reconstruction in place.
I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the Treasury.
I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by any president in US history.
In my first two years in office I allowed over 2 million Americans to lose their jobs.
I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of TV.
I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other president in US history.
I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
I've made my presidency the most secretive and naccountable of any in US history.
Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
I am the first president in US history to have nearly all of the states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world.
I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
I engaged the nation in a war that is costing $4 billion dollars a month.
I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US history.
I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.
I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
I am the first president in US history t
re: Bush Election PlatformMJ
Sep 5, 2003 12:18 AM
I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors access during the 2002 US elections.
I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force One)
I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.
I took the world's sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
I set the all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling their huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
In a little over two years I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has been since the civil war.
I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texasdriving record has been erased and is not available).
I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.
I refused to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited
away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
review.

PERSONAL REFERENCES:

For personal references, please speak to my dad or Uncle James Baker
(They can be reached in their offices at the Carlyle Group where they are helping to divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq war and plan for the next one.)
That's so original and witty! But we didn't get all the lies in!TJeanloz
Sep 5, 2003 4:53 AM
Almost every one of those statements is as much a "lie" as the things Mr. Bush is accused of. Politics.

When I'm a billionaire, every election season I'm going to run non-partisan ads that take 30 seconds to refute attack ads, pointing out why they are theoretically true, and why they are really not accurate. It's going to be good fun for me.
Hang it up man. Some politicians are worse than others. No?128
Sep 5, 2003 5:47 AM
I'm probably as much a moderate as you but this neo-con take-over of the Republicon party is largely indefensible.
Talk about violence, lack of humilty and hubris. Sure one can't blame this administration for all the world's evils but they can fairly be blamed for a hell of a lot. It's apologists like you who take all the fun out of politics!

Looking forward to your commercials, I've always wanted to run my own commercials. And hey, I thought you already were a billionaire??
Unfortunately yes,TJeanloz
Sep 5, 2003 6:13 AM
Some politicians are worse than others, and that's a big part of the problem. There is no viable, better alternative to Mr. Bush. I don't like a lot of what this administration has done, but I'm quite sure that I had at least as much of a problem with things that the Clinton team did. And frankly, I think the lack of humility and hubris is part of the election strategy. If the Democrats (or any other party) put forward a reasonable candidate, I'm game, but until then, I've got to stick with the evil I know.

And no, not even close to being a billionaire. A billion dollars is a lot of money.
am shockedMJ
Sep 5, 2003 5:55 AM
that you didn't have a New Testament style Saul = Paul conversion and believe everything on the list...

am truly disappointed it didn't change your life and fundamental view of politics
Hey, one post down I'm accused of being a liberal (nm)TJeanloz
Sep 5, 2003 6:20 AM
Funny. I read that as Compassionate Imperialist128
Sep 5, 2003 6:40 AM
Hey, as a season holder at Fenway, was that you I saw behind home plate at the Yankees game? Where do you sit?
No, I have the best value seats in the house,TJeanloz
Sep 5, 2003 6:47 AM
I sit in section 97, the best $37 section, sort of behind canvas alley. The guy one seat over from me (across an aisle) pays $65 for the 5 feet closer he is.

I do have behind-home-plate tickets to the three games this weekend @ Yankee stadium though...
Sweet. Tell Manny to hustle will ya? He'll be in pinstripes. nm128
Sep 5, 2003 6:53 AM
Manny was my favorite player until this week,TJeanloz
Sep 5, 2003 6:59 AM
I used to have great respect for Manny's ability to just show up, disheveled, and make it look easy. It was like he was going to work in his pajamas with uncombed hair, and then making everybody who worked really hard look stupid. His laziness, yet the ability to get things done, used to impress me.

Now, he's too damn lazy. His attitude seems to be: as long as everybody knows I can hit a home run whenever I want to, why do I have to prove it anymore?

I hope somebody's saving a space for me on the David Ortiz bandwagon.
Same here.128
Sep 5, 2003 7:16 AM
April 13th, I'd just been sworn in to the Bar, great day all around, listening to the game against the Dem Bumbs, now I get home and flick on the tube, tied, bottom of the 9th or 10th, 2 outs Manny comes up to a full count (I think). I said "Manny, this has been a great day for me. I now will you to hit a home run and make all things right with the world. We will beat them today." Bam. Out of the park. A beautiful thing.

Than last year, April 13th, Fenway, I'm at the game. The Spankees again...imagine great game...then throwing a stealing Soriano (the tieing run) out at second to end it with a win. what a day.

I can't figure out what Manny does out there in. Sometimes it's like he's just out in left field or something...

GO PATS!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe Lawyer Milloy will be in pinstripes too.
Isn't that what John Stewart does?sacheson
Sep 5, 2003 7:06 AM
I see a lot of 'straightening out' partisan news in his show.

Maybe you should just bounce the idea off his producers ... I'm sure a weekend being pampered at your villa in Southern France would soften them up. ;-)
To a degree,TJeanloz
Sep 5, 2003 7:09 AM
But you have to seek out John Stewart on Comedy Central for the half-hour he's on; I want to run network ads to combat the slew of attack ads. So right after you see an attack ad, you see a "here's why this ad was misleading" ad. It would be good fun.
where's peggy noonan when you need her? maybe old ed can fix itmohair_chair
Sep 5, 2003 6:38 AM
That's a terrible speech. It just sounds like he's whining. Oh, woe is me. In fact, it sounds a lot like a speech California Governor (for now) Gray Davis gave not too long ago. Whatever you think of Bush, he has to have done something positive at some point. For instance, I'll bet he's the first active President to trap on a carrier.
He carries his pup off Airforce One. That alone makes him128
Sep 5, 2003 6:49 AM
totally btchin. As a dude. As a President? I really believe that a bush, an actual say, juniper bush, would be a better (no chance of mal and non-feasance) President than Mr. Bush. But remember! He WAS assembled by a great team of puppeteers. Great team. The Pinochio President. (Karl Rove as Jepetto. Daschle as the Whale) God luv 'em.

I also think his dad should have named the kids with some humor:

Rose
Holly
Juniper
Fragrent!

...stuff like that. Jeb is cool. Jebush.
credit and blameDuane Gran
Sep 5, 2003 6:44 AM
Presidents take too much credit for a good economy and get too much blame for a bad economy. It looked like about half of the things listed were related to economic issues, which is understandably the biggest priority these days. I'm sure there are some stats that are on the upswing, but I'm just as skeptical to give Bush credit as I am to blame him for the economy.

(although for the record I think his tax cut plan is absurd)