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How to approach a Mother about her Daughter at work?(25 posts)

How to approach a Mother about her Daughter at work?chopper
Aug 12, 2003 3:42 PM
I work for a large corporation and a girl used to work on the same floor as me that I found very attractive, and we exchenged those glances that made it seem like there may have been a mutual attaction, I never really talked to her or had any business dealings which was fine because I had a girlfriend at the time. She was a consultant and at some point she left, I was disappointed but no big deal. I no longer have a girlfriend and wish I would have talked to her and found out a little about her. This was about 6 months ago.

I now come to find that her mother works here but in a completely separate department and building. I'm tempted to contact her mother and ask for her email or number or something but am unsure how to do this? Her mother is actually pretty high up the food chain - a lot higher than me - so I want to be careful. Here are some options:

1) email her and say that I work at same company as her, briefly met her daughter, would like an email address if that's ok or can she give her daughter mine.

2) same as #1 but I use yahoo account to try and keep it separate from work but I have to email her at her work address so its kind of pointless but I feel that if she knows I work at the same company I seem 'safer'.

3) send a letter to work address stating pretty much the same stuff.

4) forget it, just go meet some other girls........

Any other ideas out there?

Much appreciated.
re: How to approach a Mother about her Daughter at work?lotterypick
Aug 12, 2003 3:52 PM
Just go up to the mother's office. Knock, introduce yourself and ask if you could ask her a question.

Say you used to work near her daughter in the other building and you were wondering if she was seeing anyone.

If yes, then you say thanks for her time.

If she says no, then you ask if you could give her your card or phone number so that if she wants she can call you.

You may find that politically it could work out very well, because you showed guts and courtesy.
Good in theory, but I dunno....retro
Aug 12, 2003 4:07 PM
A straightforward approach is probably best, but that food chain thing makes it harder. I don't think you need to go into much detail--for example, it's none of your business whom her daughter's dating, and the question might seem stalker-ish.
If you know the younger woman's name, you could just happen to run into the mom and mention that you used to work with Susie, what's she doing these days?, I always liked her--Hey, could I ask you to give her my number? As a parent, I'd be reluctant to give my daughter's number to a guy I didn't know, but I wouldn't mind passing a number TO her.
pretty good, but i'd be slower about passing on the number.rufus
Aug 13, 2003 6:00 AM
if you run into the mother at work, accidently of course, ;) let her know that you used to work with her daughter, tell her how much you enjoyed the opportunity, ask how she's doing, ask her to pass on your hellos and best wishes, and then follow up from there. perhaps she'll contact you, if not, then you can take further steps to give her your number.
That tactic MIGHT work,TJeanloz
Aug 13, 2003 6:12 AM
The only way I see this working out is if you "run into" the mother in an elevator or something (which seems unlikely considering you work in seperate buildings), and inquire, in passing, about how her daughter is doing. You can say something like: "I used to work with your daughter, what's she up to now?" and then end with a "say hi to her for me.." or some such thing.

The message ("hi") is likely to get back to the daughter - because it's probably not every day the mother runs into somebody who professes to know her daughter. And the daughter knows where to "run into" you if she wants to.
I choose option #4...TJeanloz
Aug 12, 2003 4:00 PM
Any way you look at this, the way it plays out is: I was attracted to your daughter as a backup plan, in case things didn't work out with my girlfriend, but she (your daughter) wasn't really good enough to get me to break up with my girlfriend on the spot, but now that I'm broken up, I'd like to go to plan B.

For future reference, you should befriend all women that you are attracted to, regardless of your current status. Then when you have to implement plan B, you are in a much better position to make it happen.
That's funny, and some good advice but she's definatelychopper
Aug 12, 2003 4:11 PM
not a plan B type of girl, she's the A game looks wise but so was my other girlfriend maybe I'll ask around the office more and see if anybody knows her current whereabouts.

Funny post TJ.
I wasn't trying to be funny,TJeanloz
Aug 12, 2003 4:19 PM
I speak from experience. Girls hate knowing they were the backup. But you seriously can't afford to let somebody with potential to slip away.

I'm currently implementing plan C.
Speaking from my own experience. . .czardonic
Aug 12, 2003 4:39 PM
. . .they don't always appreciate the knowledge that you dumped person A for person B, even if they are person B.

In general, I think that noticing person B should be your clue to part ways with person A and start looking for person C.
Not alwaysKristin
Aug 13, 2003 8:53 AM
I know lots of guys who married person B. It depends on how you do the dumping and how shallow the attraction was to person B. I know someone who was in ministry in the church and was dating girl A for 2 years. The job put them in the path of girl B. He became attracted to girl B for solid reasons, realized he needed to end it with girl A and did so in a considerate manner. He's living happily-so-far-after with girl B.

I also know a girl who was dating the wrong guy for 3 years. When she finally ended it with him, guy B came out of the background and pursued her diligently. He had been quietly watching and waiting for her to become available. He purposely didn't date anyone while he waited for her. Now THAT is romantic! They are living happily-so-far-after as well.
YMMV.czardonic
Aug 13, 2003 10:10 AM
There is certainly an honorable way to go about it.

I was refering more to the "someone better came along" scenario, which begs the question for person B: what will happen when someone better than me comes along?
On the nose!!!Kristin
Aug 13, 2003 8:45 AM
A girl wants to be pursued with purpose. Which you are doing and that will give you some points. But you didn't do it when you first met her, which inidcates that she wasn't worth it to you then; but now she is. And keep in mind, if she realizes that you are only seeking her out because of her looks--which you are--you lose some points. How many depends on how smart she is. It sounds like you only met in passing. Are you sure you haven't romaticized this in your mind and have already assigned a personality to her? If so, she likely won't stack up to your ideal.
Thank you for validating my methodology,TJeanloz
Aug 13, 2003 8:54 AM
For what it's worth, good looks only amount to "potential" in my book. Using my method, you can further evaluate other characteristics with less risk.

Maybe I should run a seminar or do an infomercial or something...
You mean like the Tom Cruise character in "Magnolia"?!? (nm)RhodyRider
Aug 13, 2003 10:43 AM
Let it gofiltersweep
Aug 12, 2003 6:29 PM
She joined the Peace Corp and is in Kenya for two years...

Seriously, you will look like a stalker and a creep if she left the company SIX MONTHS ago... like you have a masturbatory shrine devoted to her above your bed... pics taken with a telephoto lens, her school's yearbook, even though you went to a school in a different state.

Several years ago, I had a phone call out of the blue from a female music store (CDs, etc...) clerk who had swiped my name and number from a check I had written- weeks after I had been there. Curiousity got the best of me and I checked it out by going out on a date, and she turned out to be just as crazy as her actions were... I seriously suspect she had bi-polar disorder. I should have known better, but then again, I have those Y chromosome thingeys.

In your case, are you sure you want to include her own mother in your craziness?! I'm sure no man is good enough for her daughter anyway, much less someone a bit lower on the food chain. Preserve your dignity and don't give yourself that kind of audience.

I think you need to get out a bit more....
Don't get yuh meat where yuh get yuh bread....asphalt assault
Aug 13, 2003 4:58 AM
This was my dads advice with regards to workplace relationships.

I certainly wouldn't use her mother as a go-between. She might not appreciate your advances towards her daughter and with her being "higher up on the food chain", might decide to have you (your job) for lunch.

Option #4 is your best bet, meet some other girls....OUTSIDE of your work place.
New Option: Hit on the Mother, consolidate your losses ;-)nmSpunout
Aug 13, 2003 6:04 AM
Go for broke: BOTH of them! nmpitt83
Aug 13, 2003 6:31 AM
And this thread slides right into the gutter lol...nmasphalt assault
Aug 13, 2003 7:29 AM
Is she a MILF? (nm)Fender
Aug 13, 2003 9:08 AM
..I was waiting for that...LOL! nmSpunout
Aug 13, 2003 9:53 AM
A lot fo you are making assumptions that I can easily dealchopper
Aug 13, 2003 11:20 AM
with. First, I can explain that I didn't talk to her when she was here because I never had an opportunity to since we only saw each other in passing and I'm a pretty quite / shy person so I can claim I was too shy, didn't know what to say, etc. Second, I know she's smart already because of the job she had and the consulting company she worked for. Third, I'm not a stalker I only started to think about this because I just found out her mother worked here. Once I meet her I'm confident I can deal with everything its the initial contact that's tricky. I'll keep you posted if anything happens.

By the way, never seen her mother so don't know if she's a MILF?
A lot fo you are making assumptions that I can easily dealmaple301
Aug 13, 2003 12:14 PM
Wait, you know her name and the company she works for...contact her directly and leave a message. Someone in the office must have her business card. Done.
Better yet. Call the main phone number of her companyKristin
Aug 13, 2003 12:19 PM
Ask the operator for her. Get transferred. The simplest solution is always the last considered.
I like it; it does still say "stalker" though (nm)TJeanloz
Aug 13, 2003 12:31 PM
Albeit, not as loudly as asking mom for the digits.