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Has anyone heard of
May 30, 2003 7:33 AM
Legal question. Can these guys be sued? Not that I would want to. I don't have that much time. But I wish they weren't in business.

I've met Neil Clark Warren personally and my opinion of him has changed over the years. I believe he started out as a well meaning psychologist who went off the deep end. He has come up with some far reaching concepts about matchmaking. (His book, "How to find the love of your live in 2 Dates or less," for instance.)

He also launched a 3 or 4 years ago that was supposedly the most sophisticated computer dating tool available. They give you something akin to a psychological survey and create a 29 point profile that they use to match you to potential mates. They made these claims at launch. First, you would get very few matches because the matches would be HIGHLY compatible to you. Second, they assured you that the survey tool had the ability to detect if you weren't emotionally healthy enough to date, and would not allow you to receive any matches if that were the case. This is the cusp of my entire beef with them. It sets people up to be taken advantage of by both assuring them that they can not meet an unfit match, AND certifies, if you will, that they themselves are perfectly ready to date and marry.

I found this to be untrue, both by observing friends use the service and by trying it myself. I'll post a detailed description below for anyone interested. But I do believe that this site is selling snake oil. Its hard even for me--being fully aware I'm not ready to get married--to not feel some pang of hope that, "this could be the guy." Thankfully, I'm grounded enough not to send them $130 to find out. Their site charges around $400/year to subscribe. And personally, I think they shouldn't be in business. They make claims I believe they can not support.

Sorry, I'm just venting. I'm really angry about this site because I believe they are preying on a very weak group of people, and doing so under the guise of wanting to "help."
The sordid details and meat behind my gripe...for the interestedKristin
May 30, 2003 7:51 AM
I knew several people who tried this service (and paid handsomely for it) who were clearly unprepared for marriage by even basic definitions. But somehow they slipped through the net, were receiving matches and going on a string of dates that never progressed past dinner. (I'm not trying to be mean here; but I knew these people and they weren't going to be entering any healthy relationships.)

Suspicious, I took the profile myself. (Now I admit, I fall into that "unfit" category myself. I know I'm not ready to sustain a healthy relationship--the kind I want--which is why I've put dating on hold.) So I answered the 45 minute survey honestly, and was not surprised that I was allowed to search for matches. However, I was surprised that my profile was not accurate in two key areas. I took the profile 3 times in a row and it turned up the same. So I called their tollfree number (not available any longer) and asked about the descrepancy. They actually suggested that I'm perhaps more of a type A than I realize. What the hell?

I didn't match with anyone for several days, then received 3 matches on one day and 2 more the next. (5 is the max your allowed at one time.) I met 3 of my matches--the freebies--and was clearly not compatible with any of them. I closed all of those matches and was quickly matched with more. Wow, where did they all come from? I could find out if I just pay $400/year for the subscription.

At this time I emailed and called EHarmony. I told them what I thought their site and that I wouldn't use them again. I also suggested that they to turn off their servers and find more honest work; but they didn't listen. After that, I set my preferences so that I wouldn't be matched anymore.

I get an email from EHarmony. Match Found! Well, I had asked to NOT be matched. BUT, they made an exception because he PERFECTLY matched me on 29 points. WOW!!! AND he only lives 20 minutes from me. I'm such a lucky girl!!! Perhaps this one will work out. All I have to do is pay $130 and I'll find out. THEN, today I receive yet another perfect match. Now I know I'm blessed. He lives 15 miles from me. Holy cow! Should I pay the $130? It could be true love you know!!

Normally I through away junk like this. I wouldn't even give it a second thought if I didn't know anyone who was buying into this garbage. I know that as long as people can be taken in, there will be others who dream up scams. But that doesn't make it right.
May 30, 2003 7:52 AM
As I posted my last post, I recieve yet ANOTHER perfect match. Someone better scoop me up quick, cuz I'm hot!!
You ARE hot!mohair_chair
May 30, 2003 8:16 AM
After years of reading your posts, I have this picture in my mind of what you might look and be like. You're pretty hot, so don't ruin it! I also form these images what some of the other posters here look like based on their posts, but they're not as hot as you.

Anyway, I hear Eharmony commercials on the radio a lot. Some doctor guy who claims to be the founder does the talking, and I have to turn it off whenever it comes on. He sounds like one of these guys who is permanently smiling and perennially happy, someone who wakes up every morning and says "it's gonna be a great day!" It sickens me. No one is that happy unless they are on drugs, or their mind was destroyed by drugs. There is pain and unhappiness in this world and everyone encounters it. No one could possibly be as happy as this guy, which means the whole thing is a crock.

Just out of curiosity, I went to website and filled out the personality test. I got to page 10 out of about 2000 and gave up. It has to take hours to complete that thing. Who has that kind of time? I figure most of the people I would meet would be unemployed or in prison, or people with NOTHING to do but spend hours filling out web forms. Sorry, I'm aiming a little higher.

So, Kristin, what are you wearing right now?
ATTN: "Rapid" Ron PruitSpoiler
May 30, 2003 8:25 AM
you have competition
you, not so hotmohair_chair
May 30, 2003 8:34 AM
I'm pretty confident I KNOW what you look like!
You asked for it, I'm so SEAYYXXXEH!!Spoiler
May 30, 2003 11:04 AM
Oooh! Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell alright?
Hmmm, wafting, wafting.
Oh everyone loves their own brand don't they? This is magic! Alright - analysis.
Ooh, smells like carrots in throw up!
Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick... ass in a dead carcass!
Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?"
That, plus crap!
ew ew ew ew ewwww! nmKristin
May 30, 2003 11:13 AM
Hey Mohair, How hot am I? (nm)eyebob
May 31, 2003 8:02 AM
Oops, forgot to check "Extreme velophobia" box. . .js5280
May 30, 2003 10:22 AM
I've done the online dating thing through Lot cheaper though, only $100 a year, or you can go month by month for a bit more. It's a cool way to meet people and at least have a basic idea of what the person is like. Less random than meeting in public places or through friends but don't stop meeting people this way because it does work. However, there are women who looked great on the web page, we shared some good emails, but no chemistry when we met in person. I think any survey might get you in the ball park, but still, there's some things that can't be captured. What I've learned with dating, particularly on line, is it's a numbers game. You write a lot, get a few responses back, a few of those continue well, then you meet, a few of those will go well and you have good initial chemistry, then you see where those go. . . In my experience, nothing substitutes for meeting in person. Online dating services, just help narrow the field of desirable candidates to meet, not instant chemistry. There's also timing and direction to contend with too.

So what are you waiting for? You said you weren't dating cause you weren't ready to get married. That's not the problem, especially now because men and women are so independent. It's finding someone worth marrying first, which means dating. I find that you learn a lot about yourself and the person whom you will work best by dating different people. I guarantee you will learn something from each person you go out with and it will help you make better decisions about future relationships. Once I grasped this, dating became fun. I stopped looking for "the one" but now when I run into that person, I will know it. Don't worry about "taking advantage" of someone. As long as they are emotionally mature and you are truthful, that shouldn't happen. It's okay to date someone who isn't "the one" if you enjoy spending time with each other. It may blossom into something more down the road. Again, don't mislead them into something is more than it is, don't talk about other people you're interested in or dating, and use the golden rule. This makes you a savvy dater and someone worth being with, not a player. No one said we had to be alone and miserable before we're married, it's only after ;-)
I'm not alone or miserable. nmKristin
May 30, 2003 11:11 AM
Just to be clear, those comments weren't directed at you. . .js5280
May 30, 2003 12:33 PM
Should of put a blurb in there I was speaking in general. I don't know you well enough to make any such statements. Case in point, I thought you were already married!

However, some people do feel that way, I did at one point in time, but they shouldn't. Dating and marriage isn't about self-worth but a lot of people think it is.
agreed, and thanks for clarifyingKristin
May 30, 2003 1:28 PM
You are so right that many people equate dating and marraige with finding value and worth. If we believe we are worthless then we start despirately looking for someone to make us feel better about ourselves. But the problem is inside of us. Someone telling you that you have value from outside of you will never work. And in the end, the person who believes they are bad will end up destroying the relationship. (Believe me, I know.) Its like trying to rescue a drowning person. They'll push you under. They don't mean to, but they do.

The problem with websites like this, is that they play on that belief inorder to draw people in. You'll find the love of your life and everything will be okay. Personally I believe--with my mind, not my heart yet--that if you don't believe you're complete and valuable as you are; then you will not be able to build a mature and healthy relationship with anyone (spouse or friends). I'm still learning that I have value--with my heart--and so I've chosen to put romance on hold. I can grow faster to meet my goals if I'm not distracted by something that, for now, can only bring me pain. A wise mentor once taught me that we are never standing still. We are either moving towards our goals or away from them.
Great points. . .js5280
May 30, 2003 1:47 PM
Sounds like we've been down similar paths.

Yeah, I know this website where all they talk about is cycling and those suckers believe they'll actually be happier if they buy some lightweight bike component or eat some goopy carbohydrate concoction so they can improve their average speed by .1 mph when trying to outsprint the neighborhood dog. Can you believe it? ;-)

Guess we all have our vices :-) Have a great weekend!
if you want to seriously complainDougSloan
May 30, 2003 9:03 AM
Forward a detailed message to your state attorney general office; there is usually a consumer protection division. If there is much of anything to it, they might do something; could also forward to the FTC; look it up and send an email.

Your messsage alone might not do anything, but if they receive enough similar complaints, they might take action. Don't bother with your own lawsuit; that would be a pure waste of money.

sorry about that split infinitive ;-) nmDougSloan
May 30, 2003 10:24 AM
what split infinitive?Continental
May 30, 2003 12:12 PM
I tried to thoroughly search your message but I couldn't find a split infinitive.
nothing wrong with split infinitivesmohair_chair
May 30, 2003 12:20 PM
There is no rule in grammar against split infinitives. It's a style recommendation that you can safely ignore if you want. Sometimes avoiding split infinitives results in pretentious sounding prose. Which sounds better:

"To boldly go where no man has gone before"
"To go boldly where no man has gone before"

or even:

"Boldly to go where no man has gone before"

I'll split that infinitive any day of the week.