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unrequited love(12 posts)

unrequited lovemohair_chair
May 27, 2003 6:38 AM
Here's one we haven't discussed before...

Ever been madly in love with someone for years who you know you'll never have because they are married? Hypothetically, of course.

Sorry, not politically related, unless that person is Ronald Reagan.
It happens, and with a happy ending in at least one case.Silverback
May 27, 2003 7:46 AM
My mom died eight years ago at 74, after almost 53 years of marriage. It came after a long illness, and my dad (same age) dealt with it pretty well.
Several months later he called and said he wanted me to know he was dating an old family friend whose husband had died a couple of years before. He was afraid I'd disapprove, but I was delighted--I like the woman, and I was happy he had some company.
A few months later he sat me down, all blushing and stammering (not like him at all) and told me he and my mom had met this woman in a military hospital when I was born near the end of WWII, and that they'd become friends with her and her husband. They lived near each other after the war and we saw them socially all my life--I always thought of her as an aunt, or even a second mom, and her kids were as close as my brother and sister.
Turns out, my father said, "We've never acted on it, but we've been in love for 50 years." They were married in 1996 and are still together at ages 83 and 78. None of the six combined children, all in our late 40s or 50s now, ever had a hint.
A happy ending ....PdxMark
May 27, 2003 10:00 AM
That's a lovely story... I wonder if there isn't an underlying bit of sadness in there though.

Not to imply that your dad was not devoted to your mom all those years, but 50 years could be a long time to be in love with someone other than your spouse. Your dad grandly lived up to his obligations to faithfulness, committment and family. In the context of being in love with someone else though, it seems that he chose to satisfy his committments to your mom and family over his own feelings.

It sounds like living up to those committments was more important to him, and his current wife, than acting on their feelings for each other. So they lived for 50 years just how they wanted to. It just seems that it wouldn't be easy. I'm glad they were close by all those years and have their time together now...
Yeah, I see your point, but maybe Silverback's Dad dideyebob
May 27, 2003 11:18 AM
truly have the capacity to love more than one woman (person). I would think that it's entirely possible to be married and in love with one woman and be in love with another as well. It doesn't necessarily that he withheld from his Mom at all. Admittedly, in our society this may sound strange, but there are people who can deftly walk that line. They are aware enough to know that their love can be boundless, enough for two at least.

I do not mean any disrespect at all by this, but perhaps the sadness you sense is a bit of you projecting through. Perhaps you would be sad in a similar situation?

BT
As Mohair said, this was all hypothetical... nmPdxMark
May 27, 2003 11:33 AM
re: unrequited loveeyebob
May 27, 2003 11:21 AM
Yup, but life is long. Patience is often rewarded. One year with that person can make up for years without. Ever have the feeling of bliss? If so, it's at that time that the past dissolves. Wait for it my friend, it may indeed happen.

BT

PS Unless of course, it really is Ronald Reagan
sometimes it works outDougSloan
May 27, 2003 11:55 AM
I met my present wife the first day of college in French class. We dated for about 2 1/2 years, and discuss marriage. It was premature, though, and then I went back to Missouri from California to finish school. We each lead separate lives for 12 more years after seeing each other last, then she looked me up on the internet about 6 years ago. After a few months, I decided to move back to California and we got married, and now have our little son.

Life can take many strange and unexpected turns, and frequently what at the time seems like a very minor decision impacts the entire rest of your life. If not for my answering that email, I'd never have returned to California, become a serious cyclist again, and nor would this little joy of a person we have ever have existed. Just can't imagine that, and all just from replying to an email.

You never know.

Doug
very cool, Doug.. nmPdxMark
May 27, 2003 12:00 PM
only Jodie FosterSpoiler
May 27, 2003 12:02 PM
if only there were some way to impress her.....
LOL, John nmDougSloan
May 27, 2003 12:20 PM
Jealous you beat me to that one. nmcarnageasada
May 27, 2003 4:02 PM
"Unrequited love?" -- You mean there's another kind??!!!?!? (nm)The Walrus
May 27, 2003 4:32 PM