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Go North, Turn Left(6 posts)

Go North, Turn LeftJon Billheimer
Apr 15, 2003 12:32 PM
Why are Canadians generally more left leaning than Americans? According to one or our genius staff writers at the Edmonton Journal, Mike Weir's win at the Master's indirectly sheds light on this burning question. Weir's a lefty, right?,correct? Now, while only 5 percent of U.S. golfers golf left handed, a whopping 25% in Canada do! Rush Limbaugh would have it that this is due to our proximity to the former Soviet Union? But what does Limbaugh know? Absolutely nothing, of course! The reason for all the lefties in Canada guessed it: Hockey. Specifically the prevalence and skill of shooting lefthanded. Not only does hockey season determine crucial Canadian foreign policy decisions; fundamental game skills precondition our political leanings. So Scott, take this vital information to your next course on Canadian Studies and International Relations at the War College. You'll surprise and amaze your profs:)- I'm sure the neo-con braintrust upon receiving this esoteric cultural insight will set in motion plans to bomb all our hockey rinks with leftover cruise missiles from GWII!
Apr 15, 2003 12:59 PM
We'll just hurl empty bottles of Old Miwaukee and Schlitz at your noodles. And then Brittney and Mariah will kick Celine's booty. Of course, Alanis would come to her aid...and then there'd be that whole geriatric 70s/80s progressive heavy metal melee that would no doubt erupt between Rush, Triumph, Blue Oyster Cult, Boston, and The Nuge.

Hey...there's an idea. We could market it on pay-per-view and make millions.

FWIW, I still think Bob and Doug McKenzie are great. Take off, eh.
re: Go North, Turn LeftAlpedhuez55
Apr 15, 2003 6:18 PM
As far as the left handed thing goes, I know my oldest siter started out writing left handed. The Nuns go a hold of her in Cathlic School and would hit her with a ruler if she tried to write with her right hand!!! I think even 40 years ago people implied being left handed was evil or something. How silly!!!

And if what the nuns was not bad enough, when she was in High School, she worked at the Parish Center. One of the priests used to chase her around the desk trying to feel her up. He died a few weeks after that though!!!

Mike Weir is having a great year. I was glad to see him with. Maybe he can steel the Lefty Nick Name from Michelson!!! He has already won 3 events this year. If he keeps it up, he could beat Tiger on the money list.

Mike Y.
The hockey rinks are safe.jesse1
Apr 16, 2003 2:24 AM
A CIA report states that the Canadian govt has moved Molson storage sites in and around all hockey rinks, thus asurring their safety.
Nothing's safe when beer and hockey are in proximity nmContinental
Apr 16, 2003 7:06 AM
Very a-stute....Jon Billheimer
Apr 16, 2003 7:33 AM
comments, everyone! We need more stutes!!!