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U.S.-Led Iraq War Slated For Super Bowl Halftime Show(4 posts)

U.S.-Led Iraq War Slated For Super Bowl Halftime ShowClydeTri
Jan 24, 2003 2:10 PM
Thursday, January 23 12:01 AM EST

U.S.-Led Iraq War Slated For Super Bowl Halftime Show

By Peter Detwick

(SAN DIEGO). -- Hoping for a simultaneous marketing and military coup,
the Bush administration today officially set a war date, announcing that
the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq will be part of the Super Bowl XXXVII
halftime show.

Pentagon and ABC Sports officials said the halftime festivities, slated
for the intermission of the Jan. 26 game between the Oakland Raiders and
Tampa Bay Buccaneers, will be a boon for all involved, with the possible
exception of Iraq.

"If you look at the facts, the Super Bowl is immensely popular, but the
proposed war with Iraq is not," said show co-producer Carl Rockne. "At
the same time, televised bombing is immensely popular, but halftime
shows are not. Put them together, and you've got serious potential."

"Viewers might walk out on Shania Twain singing, but I can't imagine
anyone getting up to go to the bathroom while F-16s are firing
sidewinder missiles," added ABC Sports Vice President Mickey Holmes. "If
we have some real pounding going on in the first half, and we roll right
into our military pounding the enemy during halftime, I think people are
going to hang out and watch."

Particularly important, said Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, were
demographic statistics showing that the event's television audience,
expected to be 800 million worldwide, is also an ideal combat audience.

"When you're watching an NFL game and there's about to be a big hit, you
don't have time to think, 'Is this right or wrong?' You just want to
see the hit," said Rumsfeld. "These are the people we want watching our

Rumsfeld added that the "U.S.-Led Invasion of Iraq Super Bowl XXXVII
Halftime Show" also satisfies two consistent Bush administration goals:
appealing to American populism while simultaneously infuriating the
international community.

To that end, nations across the Middle East immediately denounced the
plan, demanding that America wait until U.N. weapons inspections were
completed before taking action. In Iraq, Vice President Taha Yassin
Ramadan called the proposed show "typical United States arrogance,"
adding, "This halftime lasts only, what, 30 minutes? The Americans
cannot possibly believe they will defeat the entire invincible army of
Iraq in 30 minutes."

Rumsfeld acknowledged time could be an issue, but said the U.S. was
willing to stretch the invasion out to last the entire half hour.

In Europe, meanwhile, German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder warned that
America's "misguided strategy" only "reinforces the international
stereotype of the beer-swilling, football-loving, war mongering

Mindful of that reaction, Miller Brewing Co. has already filmed a new
version of its controversial Miller Lite "catfight" commercial. In the
new 30-second spot, instead of a pair of beer-drinking men dreaming of
scantily clad women fighting it out, American service
personnel are seen chanting "Tastes great!" while Iraqi officers shout
"Less filling!" Eventually, U.S. warplanes and armored vehicles are
shown bombing and shelling Iraq. The camera then cuts to a bar where
George W. Bush says to Rumsfeld, "Man, who wouldn't
want to watch that?" The two then toast with bottles of Miller Lite as,
nearby, their disgusted wives roll their eyes.
Jokes aside, the story makes a good point.czardonic
Jan 24, 2003 3:02 PM
Half-time shows suck. Yet, there are people with no interest in football who tune in to the Super Bowl specifically for the commercials. Why not just leave out the stage show and devote the entire interval to advertising?
Oh boy would that piss off the troops!sn69
Jan 26, 2003 7:16 AM
Lest we forget, five aircraft carrier battle groups, five amphibious battle groups, a couple air expeditionary forces and four brigades are in-theater, all hoping for a break from the dust, the monotony and the lousy food. Today is as big a day for them as it is for us. Starting the war today would be just cause for wide-sclae mutiny.

...That and I'm sure they are ALL hoping for new variations of the original Miller Lite commercial (I know I am). Oink Oink.
And what a show it could have beencarnageasada
Jan 27, 2003 7:17 AM