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You might be a LIBERAL if...(30 posts)

You might be a LIBERAL if...DougSloan
Jan 8, 2003 8:03 AM
If you think Rob Reiner had to stretch to play the liberal in "All in the Family"

If you think the answer to ANY crime, infraction, or injustice is counseling.

If you've spent no less than 30 years in the walls of academia and don't see how today could be too much different from the '60s.

If you think the criminal has more rights than the police who arrest this criminal, unless the crime is sexual harassment, or racism.

If you use the term 'open-minded' and don't care that it can't be defined in absolute terms.

If you think only white people can be racist.

If Clarence Thomas made you sick, Bob Packwood made you protest, but Bill Clinton is a victim of partisan politics.

If you think that teenager's sexual behavior is uncontrollable, but hardened violent criminals should be released on parole after serving a cut sentence in a "correctional institution".

If you think Maxine Waters and Sheila Jackson Lee are articulate geniuses but Justice Clarence Thomas, Dr. Alan Keyes and Dr. Walter Williams are dolts.

If you think Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farakahn aren't and don't.

If you think that the Constitution is a living document and should be changed but the writings of Karl Marx are "written in stone".

If you think burning the United States flag should be Constitutionally protected but burning a cross should be outlawed.

If you think that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is compassionate

If your idea of hell is having to mind your own business and not meddle in other people's lives.

If you believe that posting the "Ten Commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but putting "Heather Has Two Mommies" or "Ask Alice" (on the internet) won't.

If you think that the American Dream could have only been accomplished in the '60s.

if you think that conservatives have no sense of humor then shudder at the idea of a Clinton joke.

If you actually do believe that Clinton doesn't know the definition of the words "alone", "is", or "correct".

If you believe that Columbus is a mean-spirit bringer of genocide, and never should have explored to the new world, which meant that no one would have religious or taxation freedom whatsoever.

If you think that the only way the tragedy in Littleton, CO could have been avoided was to restrict the access of the guns, two of which were bought on the black market.

If you actually think the multicultural movement of the '90s works better than organized religion.

If you don't want the Christian Right imposing their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because they won't do the right thing.

You're a liberal if you can't see the irony in your own beliefs.

If you believe Peter Jennings is a very educated and intelligent man.

If you can actually believe everyone around Bill Clinton is lying, but Bill Clinton himself is telling the truth.

If you point to God's forgiveness of King David in reference to Bill Clinton but "forget" to read the rest of the scripture about the ruin that he inflicted on his family, his kingdom and himself.

If you think that the only acceptable hate crime is Christian bashing.

If you want to make the rich "pay their fair share" but leave Ted (more people have been killed in my car than in an American nuclear power plant) Kennedy and Dick Gebhardt out of the definition of the rich.

If your idea of compassion is giving a homeless person a shopping cart but expecting them to accept the responsibilities of life is mean spirited, racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.

If you think Princess Diana was compassionate for hugging poor children and children with AIDS (while "forgetting" about her getting in her limo and driving away) but Mother Teresa mak
re: You might be a LIBERAL if...DougSloan
Jan 8, 2003 8:04 AM
If you think Princess Diana was compassionate for hugging poor children and children with AIDS (while "forgetting" about her getting in her limo and driving away) but Mother Teresa makes you uncomfortable.

If you think that "dumbing down" America's school kids is compassionate but holding them to high educational standards is "mean spirited", racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.

If you think that people need to be punished for good choices and rewarded for bad ones.

You're a liberal if you think what Hitler did to the Jews is horrible but the "Christian Right" is dangerous and needs to be done away with.

If you don't see the parallel between yourself, Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin and Chairman Mao.

If you believe that the "700 Club" are a group of fakes or actors but the people on "The Jerry Springer" show are real people.

If you actually refer to the Reagan and Bush Presidencies as one Presidency.

If you think that affirmative action is the only way to solve racial problems in America.

If you think the best way to care about a disease is to wear a ribbon.

If you think that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, they're extremists!

If Sean Hannity makes no sense and Alan Colmes makes perfect sense.

If you voted for Mondale in 1984 thinking that raising your taxes was a good idea.

If you refer to listening to Jesse Jackson or Sam Donaldson as "equal time".

If you make snide remarks to guys for looking at women but champion Clinton's right to do whatever he wants with his interns.

If you think the impeachment vote was 'just about sex'.

If you think all the attacks against Republicans are justified, but got outraged about the Willie Horton incident.

If you actually think Clinton 'only inhaled'.

If the last 'good old president' you remember was Carter.

If you condemn Dan Quayle for misspelling potato and then ignore the witticisms of Al Gore (who are these people?)

If you think Alec Baldwin was justified in his protest on the Jay Leno show.

If you actually think there IS a way that the Republicans can poison the water supply to certain people, and destroy the ozone layer.

If you believe any of the conspiracies such as that the AIDS virus was started by the government or that certain products cause sterility in black males, but think "The X-files" is too far fetched.

If you think that Watergate and Iran-Contra was a travesty of justice, but anything against Clinton is partisan!

If you believe VH-1 when they tell you that warning labels were put on by "Conservatives led by Tipper Gore".

If you believe Clinton's 'change of heart' after the sudden switch in the 1994 election.

If you use the words "right wing extremist" at least four times in any given day.

If you think that bombing on Iraq couldn't have possibly had anything to do with the impeachment vote... then why did they stop as soon as the vote was done?

If you think that the four cops who beat Rodney King should have been thrown in jail forever, but the four thugs who beat Reginald Denny should have fair justice.

You complain that your community has too many white people and the Catholic church you go to doesn't have enough ethnicity, but you're the first one with a for sale sign in your yard when blacks start moving in.

You called Vietnam Veterans "baby killers" but think that allowing a woman to suck her baby into a sink is a constitutionally protected right.

You think that Joe Camel and big tobacco are out to kill your babies, but allowing a babies brain to be sucked out of its skull when it's 1/3 of the way out of the birth canal is paramount to a free society.

You scream if a CEO sleeps with an employee but think that Clinton receiveing oral sex from an Intern is just fine.

You believe that Clint
re: You might be a LIBERAL if...DougSloan
Jan 8, 2003 8:06 AM
You believe that Clinton was forced to lie under oath by the "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy"

You think that Ken Starr is the devil's helper for calling Monica's mother to testify but believe that Ollie North's wife and minister being called before the grand Jury was fair.

You believe Clinton's numbers about the number of jobs created and don't credit it to the businesses given opportunities in the 1980s.

You know no recorded economic history (e.g. the massive stagflation and recession) before the Reagan Era.

You think sexual harassment is rampant, date rape pervasive, domestic violence common and Paula Jones is lying.

You get mad when rape victims' sexual history is plastered all over the news media, but think Paula Jones' sexual history "must be made public."

You hate Hillary jokes.

You hate Monica jokes.

You pale at the execution of child killers, but defend the killing of unborn children as an expression of choice.

You fully support women who have "exercised their right to choose" when they abort in the 3rd trimester, but think Amy Grossberg should get the death penalty before the trial even goes to court.

You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm.

You wear a red ribbon to show your support for a cure for AIDS but oppose all animal experimentation needed to find that cure

If you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death because he is a minority or gay and you rally about punishing the bigot who committed the terrible act BUT, if you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death for his money, and you start talking about the poor disadvantaged person who is forced to commit such acts to survive.

You are convinced that Frank Capra films and Norman Rockwell paintings are lies and distortions but "Platoon," "Dances with Wolves" and "Thelma and Louise" are realistic.

You thought Walt Disney was saccharine sweet and terminally cutesy-pie - until it made Pocahontas.

You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority, while sex education, condom distribution and multiculturalism are values-neutral.

You agonize over threats to the natural environment (acid rain, toxic waste) but are oblivious to threats to the social environment (pornography, promiscuity, and family dissolution).

You are appalled at all the money being spent investigating the alleged illegal activities of Bill Clinton, but insist that investigating 75 charges (74 which were dismissed as unfounded) charges against Newt Ginrich was "the only just thing to do."

You want to outlaw cigarrettes and legalize marijuana

You want to legalize cocaine and outlaw handguns. You think cops are pigs and criminals are products of their environment.

You believe the National Rifle Association helps criminals while the American Civil Liberties Union protects the innocent.

You think Rush Limbaugh is responsible for the Oklahoma City bombing but are outraged by suggestions that Ted Kaczynski (the suspected Unabomber) and Al Gore have anything in common.

You just know that everything Rush Limbaugh says is a lie but you have never listened to him.

Jesse Jackson makes sense to you. Barbra Streisand makes even more sense.

You think Herblock cartoons are funny and Janet Reno is totally hot.

You believe corporate profits are obscene but government spending is too low and the American people are undertaxed.

You see cartoons condemning religions and making fun of Christianity as funny and an expression of free speech, but think the cartoon B.C. should be banned.

You think deficits are caused by tax loopholes.

You think AIDS is spread by insufficient funding.

You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but da
re: You might be a LIBERAL if...DougSloan
Jan 8, 2003 8:07 AM
You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics trying to legislate their theology when they defend the right to life.

You are convinced that proponents of welfare reform hate the poor and opponents of affirmative action hate minorities, but AIDS activists who bash the Pope and People for the American Way types who go psycho over Protestant "fundamentalists" are guardians of democracy.

You attribute every minority problem to entrenched, institutional racism and the legacies of slavery and segregation.

You think the black middle class is a myth created by Newt Gingrich.

You view race riots as justifiable expressions of rage over injustice and fail to see the similarities between a black mob burning a Korean store and a white mob in the Jim Crow era lynching a black man.

You don't understand all of the whining about affirmative action and are more than willing to sacrifice someone else's employment or education opportunity to assuage your guilt.

You marched against American involvement in Vietnam, thought the Gulf war was unnecessary but believe 25,000 U.S. troops in Bosnia are vital to our national interests.

You see no correlation between welfare and the rise of illegitimacy, judicial leniency and surging crime rates, or addiction and an entertainment industry that glorifies drug abuse. But you believe Richard Nixon is responsible for everything horrible that's happened in the past quarter-century.

You think those child-abusing, religious fanatics at Waco had it coming but the illegal immigrants roughed up by California deputies - after leading them on a high-speed chase - are the victims of the decade.

You continually say that conservatives have no sense of humor, but after reading this page, think that I am cold and mean-spirited.
I might be a LIBERAL if...Alpedhuez55
Jan 8, 2003 9:51 AM
You hate Monica jokes.

I got sick of these two years ago. I guess I am now a liberal.

THey should have included the P.J O'Rourke line about Liberal getting excited after reading the back of a carton of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream.

Mike Y.
Jan 8, 2003 12:16 PM
I've seen these kind of lists before, but this one ....! Each and every one points out their (the liberals) hypocrisy. Beautiful. I went to the webpage and printed out a copy for myself. I gave the copy (about 5-7 pages) to someone in my office to read. Within the last hour, numerous copies have been made and passed out. I love it.

But my personal disclaimer: I don't agree with them all. Just the vast majority.
Is this verbatim, or did you editOldEdScott
Jan 8, 2003 8:28 AM
to include only the ones you agreed with?
Jan 8, 2003 8:36 AM
There was one that was sort of offensive that jumped out at me, and I deleted -- can't recall what is was. I didn't change the others, though.

Whether or not I agree with them, I think they do point out some (even if innocuous) hypocrisy; that's not to say conservatives couldn't be equally as guilty of it. They are pretty funny, though, particularly when you see them all together.

LOLDuane Gran
Jan 8, 2003 8:30 AM
Good stuff, man. As a liberal, I'll buck the trend and enjoy laughing at myself. I did however find one of the listings that was pretty off-base:

If you believe Peter Jennings is a very educated and intelligent man.

I do happen to think Jennings is an educated and intelligent person. Maybe I'm overlooking something obvious, but this quip didn't set well with me.
I didn't get that one, either. And..Brooks
Jan 8, 2003 11:31 AM
it's not to say that you are a CONSERVATIVE if on all of those lines the situations are reversed. If the Liberals can get over Reagan/Bush (I&II), maybe the Conservatives will get over Clinton. My problem with National politics in the US is that everything is so polarized by the two parties. Can we agree to find the best solutions for the people of this country and not just our own political parties? Too much to ask, I'm sure.

Peter Jennings is a High School Dropout.Alpedhuez55
Jan 8, 2003 11:44 AM
One little known fact many people do not know about Peter Jennings is that he dropped out of high school. Here is a link to a bio since some people will probably accuse me of making it up:

I do not think being a drop out means he is stupid or uneducated. People can be well read and intelligent without having it written in script on parchment paper to prove it. I think he is a smart man. Or at lease as smart as anyone who dated Barbara Streisand can be considered ;)

That just pointed out the double standard that Jennings is largely regarded as an intellectiual by the liberal community while they are claiming Dan Qayle, Rush Limbaugh & George W. Bush, who are all college graduates are dumb.

Mike Y.
Let's talk about Rush, though.sn69
Jan 8, 2003 12:54 PM
I agree with your points. To play devil's advocate, however, it's only fair to point out that Rush was on and off wellfare (non-AFDC) for the better part of 10 years. In fact, he got his foot into the entertainment industry (which is REALLY what he's part of) through his father, a respected print and broadcast journalist in Kansas City. So, to continue this train of thought, Rush, who is largely regarded by many right wingers as their spokesperson could, in fact, be construed at worst as a raging hyporcite or, at best, as nothing more than an entertainer.

What I think both cases demonstrate is that there is often far more than is readily visible to most of us. Do Keyes' radical religious views necessarily define him as a racist or bigot? Are his thoughts on abortion and womens' rights indicative of masogony? Maybe, but maybe not. It's very hard to get a glimpse into the real person behind the rhetoric. FWIW, I'm a conservative, but I wouldn't vote for him.

Likewise, I remember watching an interesting PBS show about professional ethics back in the 80s. The episode I remember had to do with the military and the media and the relationship the two share during conflict. Jennings said without hesitation that he was, above all else, an American and wouldn't knowingly endanger American servicemens' lives in order to get a story (there was a well-scripted scenario that took him to a decision point relating to that). Mike Wallace, on the other hand, said that he'd go with the story....
Jan 8, 2003 1:16 PM
Rush's father was a lawyer in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. So was his grandfather; so is his brother. I know. I worked with them.

I don't understand the claimed hypocrisy of which you refer. It's just a non-sequiter there.

Rush did not finish college (Southeast Missouri State, where I graduated), but became a radio DJ and talk show host in Cape Girardeau, then Kansas City, then Sacramento before going to New York. That pretty much was always his passion.

You'll have to concede, whether you like it or not, that he is more than an entertainer. He exerts real influence, so much as to affect outcomes of national elections. Even raging liberals will admit that, even if they don't like it.

Jan 8, 2003 2:29 PM
I will most certainly concede that he's more than an entertainer, but he's also selling a product, which I think you need to concede as well. In fact, most well-known entertainers exert influence. You have people like him on the right (joined by fellow Republicans like Aaahnold), and those on the left, Baahbra S. comes to mind.

Now, I have to credit my sources just so you don't think I'm blowing smoke. My source was/is the father of a close friend who, on tiger cruise (a military dependants' 3 day trip on the carrier) told me about Rush. He worked with Rush's dad, and they did in fact do some newspaper editing together. My friend's father was a sports guy, so I assumed that Rush's pop did the same. I was apparently quite qrong. Granted, my "source" (journalism pun intended) was second hand, but his dad claimed at least to be speaking from personal experience.
Jan 8, 2003 3:03 PM
I'll concede he is an entertainer, too. However, is primary function is persuasion. The entertainment is the medium. Don't even think of putting him and Barbara S. in the same category. While she might be a lovely singer and actress, but her political influence is more of a running joke than real.

I suppose that Rush, Jr., (Rush III's dad) could have been involved in a few editorials or something, but no doubt about it, he was a lawyer in Cape Girardeau life long. There is a fairly conservative newspaper in Cape Girardeau, The Southeast Missourian, in which Rush, Jr., might have been involved. The owner/publisher of the paper, Gary Rust, ran for congress as a Republican a long time ago, and certainly was close to conservative causes. I graduated from high school with his son, Gary Rust, Jr.

Actually, the Limbaugh family is very interesting. Rush Sr. started practicing law in 1916. I was a law partner of his in the 90's, until he died at age 104, still practicing -- the oldest practicing lawyer ever in the country. He would tell stories of riding horseback to court. He was an extremely nice gentleman, and very well respected. He was personal friends with William Howard Taft.

Rush, Jr., was a lawyer, too, but a bit more brash than Sr. This is where Rush III gets his spunk (and maybe from his mom, too).

David Limbaugh, Rush III's younger brother, is still a lawyer in the firm. He also has a nationally sindicated column:

Steve Limbaugh, Sr., son of Rush Sr., is a United States District Judge in Missouri. One of his sons, Steve, Jr., is Chief Justice of the Missouri Supreme Court. Another is president of a bank in Cape Girardeau. Another son of Steve, Sr., is Andy, who was a friend/classmate of mine in high school.

The funeral of Rush Sr. (1995?) was amazing. You would have thought the President (not likely at the time) was there. There were probably more judges and public officials present there than any other single event that year. People were lined up out the door of the Methodist church, where I belonged since the 70's; yet, it was an extremely understated and modest service, with the notables there barely notable. It was sad to lose such a great man. But then, he was 104 year old and left an amazing legacy. But, I am rambling...

Back to your post. I think Rush naturally uses entertaining ways to persuade. But, make no mistake about it, he believes everything he says, and does it with a passion. The entertaining quality merely serves to broaden and capture the audience.

just fyi

I will consider myself duly educatedsn69
Jan 8, 2003 5:22 PM
about the L. family. I'll have to ask Craig to ask his dad about things. It was in '95--some years ago now--that we had the discussion.

I think my other paragraph in my original post was more germane to my point. I have no doub that Rush believes in what he says. I also have no doubt that Barbara believes in the psuedo science she preaches, as do/did G. Gordon Liddy, Tom Metzger, Suze Ormond, Oprah, etc.... The point is that people from both sides of the political spectrum often prosthelitize, most born from deeply held convictions that they are right (no pun intended for a change). Still, I tend to automatically tune those out who more often than not discount anything that the other side has to say simply because its a point made by the other side.

Again, that's spoken as self-descirbed conservative. Political affiliation doesn't preclude us from thinking and honestly appraising all the facts at hand. I would still argue that Rush uses pusuation to entertain, but if you know him, than you are a far better judge in actuality.
a good read, thanks (nm)SteveS
Jan 9, 2003 8:29 AM
Let's talk about Rush, though.Alpedhuez55
Jan 8, 2003 3:36 PM
Doug, thanks for the correction. I thought Rush had graduated. My mistake.

I do not think spending time on welfare makes you lose credibility as a conservative. My family spent a little time on welfare and food stamps in the late 70's after my father lost his job and had to re-train. Just about all conservatives feel it should be there as a safety net, but not a life long career that it turns into for some people.

Rush is an entertainer. I think his show was good up until the mid 90's. He took to much of the humor out of the show. I take P.J. O'Rourke as a spokesman over Rush any day. Rush probably had a lot to do with the Republicans winning the house in 94. He does probably speak for a small group of his listeners just like the Teamsters just about fills out my dad's ballots. I think the Democrats would be wise to take him a lot less seriously. And they should stop calling him fat. He has slimmed down a lot.

I think Rush feeds into the crap the liberals throw his way. Rush is like a troll on a message board. You stop responding to him, and he goes away. Instead, they make him relevant by blaming him for democratic electoral losses rather than look at weaknesses in their candidates and policies.

I am glad to hear Jennings would not endanger US Servicemen for a story. It is too bad that Mike Wallace and CNN would not share the same ethics. I think Jennings is a good anchor but sometimes lets his personal views too well known during news casts.

Mike Y.
Let's talk about Rush, though.sn69
Jan 8, 2003 5:37 PM
Boy, IMHO, you hit the nail on the head: "...rather than look at weaknesses in their candidates and policies." The worst thing that the Democrats can do in the next election is field the same ineffectual group of talking heads. They need a change of blood inasmuch as the Republican party needed to purge Lott after his statements.

Again, it's not so much honest intent as much as it's image and perception.

As for that show, I REALLY wish I could remember more about it (Doug's got me questioning my memory now...I'll blame my anthrax shots ;-)~ ). I seem to remember that it was in Spring of '88, and the show was a forum hosted by a Harvard Law prof. There were military, dept. of state and journalism folks on it, the two prominent journalists being Jennings and Wallace. The scenario posed to them was a Vietnam-type jungle war of dubious/questionable cause in which they were each sent on patrol with a US military fireteam. They were asked what they would do if they knew that the enemy had an ambush staged. Jennings didn't hesistate and said that he'd warn the Americans. Wallace, I remember clearly, was angered by Jennings and said their first duty was to report the story even if that meant endangering American lives. The two Marine colonels were enraged, but I also remember Jennings launching into Wallace, berating his motivation, self-righteousness, etc. Incidentally, I took particular interest in this show because not only was I in ROTC in college at the time, I was also a journalism major.
Let's talk about Rush, though.Alpedhuez55
Jan 8, 2003 7:13 PM
I remember CNN's actions during the Gulf War. The goverment asked them not to report the exact location of scud missle explosions. The US thought it could help the Iraqi's dial in the aim. CNN Said they were an "International News Agency" and refused. That could have cost US and Isreali lives. But Ted Turner sold more subscriptions in Iraq.
Jan 8, 2003 8:31 AM
I voted for Mondale in 84. A weak moment, but I must take responsibility for my actions.

This should be fun to see all the knees jerking from the left of center set. I think I'll just sit back and watch.

re: You might be a LIBERAL if...mohair_chair
Jan 8, 2003 8:51 AM
A lot of those are dead on, but some are just dumb. This one, for instance:

If you think that the Constitution is a living document and should be changed but the writings of Karl Marx are "written in stone".

Huh? The Constitution had multiple authors and has since been amended many times, but no one has amended anything Marx ever wrote.

And this one is really dumb:

If you think Princess Diana was compassionate for hugging poor children and children with AIDS (while "forgetting" about her getting in her limo and driving away)...

I think Diana's security detail selected the limo, not her, just like the Secret Service does for the President. In fact, I could very easily write something similar about President Bush, who is no liberal.
Well, as Grandma used to say...cory
Jan 8, 2003 8:59 AM
"Never get in a pissing match with a skunk."
No, wait--that was Grandpa. Grandma used to say "There is none so blind as he who will not see."
Outstanding (nm)SteveS
Jan 8, 2003 10:26 AM
Use those billable hours for ORIGINAL thoughts, Doug...Silverback
Jan 8, 2003 4:42 PM
there's been nothing original since Plato :0 nmDougSloan
Jan 8, 2003 5:47 PM
Since Socrates nmcarnageasada
Jan 8, 2003 6:16 PM
Louis Armstrong. Edward VH nm128
Jan 9, 2003 5:54 AM
Jan 9, 2003 6:16 AM
I deserved that one. But I have to agree too. Where words ended, Louis took over.
Jan 14, 2003 9:33 AM
i'm glad that the spirit of the original post was preserved and this didn't turn into an actual debate.

i think the best part of the whole post is calling attention the absurdity of most arguments people have against "Conservatives" or "Liberals" (or for that matter "feminists") as if they were this one single-minded evil group. "Those conservatives are evil because..." Any following argument is inherently weakened by stereotype contained within it.

While I'm reluctant to spark any serious debate, I didn't get this one though:
"You're a liberal if you think what Hitler did to the Jews is horrible but the "Christian Right" is dangerous and needs to be done away with."

My favorite: Janet Reno is hot.

Dude, Reno is hot. Did you see her dancing on saturday night live? Look out J-Lo, there's a new booty shaker in town.