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How do you feel about guests in your house?(19 posts)

How do you feel about guests in your house?PaulCL
Sep 1, 2002 2:06 PM
This is a discussion my wife and I have been having lately.

It is her theory that, in general, men do not like having guests in their homes. Why?? Becuase we guys get into a rut of daily living or lets say, a daily flow of life that we don't want interrupted. She on the other hand, enjoys the nice interruption of guests.

This has come up because we often have family in our home for a couple of days. She seems to think I get all bent out of shape over my routine being disturbed. The men vs women thing came up because my brother and another male friend mentioned their reluctance to have ANY guests in their house too. The wives concluded that this was a "male" thing. That men are creatures of habit that don't like their habits disturbed. (Makes me want to grunt like a cave man). Just curious if I'm just an anti-social unsharing unwelcoming jerk (maybe) or this is a common husband vs. wife thing.

By the way, both Liz (my wife) and I agree that fish and houseguests stink after three days. And there are some benefits to my Mother in Law coming in for a visit: namely: I get to ride more. If my Mother comes to visit...my wife gets to dissappear for a while. Mom doesn't visit very often.
Recharging my batteries, controlling the remote!filtersweep
Sep 1, 2002 3:17 PM
After a stressful "day at the office" and a harried rush hour commute home, the LAST thing in the world I want to do is communicate civilly with anyone for at least an hour or so. It is just the way I am- I process stress internally, rather than verbally vomitting on everyone near me- call me an introvert- I don't care.

The real issue of course is that I want to watch what I want, when I want (on TV).

Finally, regarding lin-laws: my in-laws have limited English skills, and I end up feeling like a foreigner in my own home- but they truly are wonderful, especially considering the scandal of their daughter marrying an American... and they certainly have a long flight to visit us.
re: How do you feel about guests in your house?rwbadley
Sep 1, 2002 8:42 PM
It really depends on the nature of the houseguest.

A month ago we had a family of four visiting us for a week. They were very easy to get along with. They were from Taiwan, (as is my wife) and we really encountered no problems at all, and had a great time.

These folks left on a Friday, that same day a couple from Marin CA came to visit (more freinds of the wife) These people were not as pleasurable for the two days they were here. I would like to have tossed 'em soon after their arrival, actually.

My mother in law comes to stay with us for weeks at a time. I think she is pretty easy to get along with, except her cooking stinks up the house. Like anything, there will always be a bit of the good with the bad.

All this being said, I think I tend to be less able to deal with the whole houseguest thing than my wife, but not so much it raises a problem with the Mrs.

RW
"a man's home is his castle"Starliner
Sep 1, 2002 11:48 PM
I'm not sure it's a male/female thing - when I was married, I had more guests than my wife. She was (is) tempermental and unpredictable, and sometimes she would blow her top over nothing in front of the guests. Guess that's why some cut their visits short and never came back. Her family was from Europe and didn't visit regularly. However, when they came, they came for three weeks. I had sufficient advance notice of their visit, so I prepared myself for the changed living situation. That raises a very important point - does your wife give you sufficient warning before her guests show up? If so, then maybe you need to let go of your resistance a bit and find a way to make it work for you (or get a divorce:-)). If not, then dig a moat around the house and fill it with sharks.
Sharks...not a bad idea..hmm...PaulCL
Sep 2, 2002 8:40 AM
Its not that I hate our houseguests. OK, some I don't like at all. Its' just that I dislike the disruption. And its too often.

I dislike the fact that my wife and I cannot communicate openly while guests are in the house, which leads to tension. My children get displaced from their beds (to other beds, couches, or sleeping bags) which makes them upset. These are all minor things.

I was just curious if it was me or a 'guy thing'. I guess its' me. To put it in perspective, we have guests in our home at least one weekend per month if we aren't heading up to my in-laws.

Paul
I'd rather have multiple root canals...The Walrus
Sep 2, 2002 10:48 AM
I not only can't abide the idea of guests in my home, I can't stand the idea of being a guest in someone's home myself. I'm unable to even stay with my sister's family when I visit them. I guess I'm just too old and too cranky to put up with the loss of privacy.
Depends on the guests...Spinchick
Sep 2, 2002 3:01 PM
If they're the low maintenence, go-with-the-flow type, I can handle a couple of days. Unfortunately, we only have one family member set like that - my dad and his wife. Everyone else (both his and my family) are mucho stressful to have around. In general, hubby tolerates guests better than I do. Mostly because he could care less what the house looks like so never feels much pressure to clean it.
Depends on the guests...daz I
Sep 3, 2002 2:00 AM
Agreed.
Some guests I can stand and miss when they leave some, I can't wait to say bye.

My specs for a good set of guest:
1. Don't change the TV channel
2. Don't ask me why I stay up so late everyday!
3. Don't ask me 'Its Sunday, ain't you coming along to Church?'
4. Keep out of my way

I find it stressful being a guest also since;
1. I sleep very late
2. Wake up late
3. Dont want to be woken up for breakfast
4. Dont want to join in to watch the news or movies
5. Want to be left alone mostly

But all in all, I have a very close circle of people I do stay with and they get to come over also and we get along fine (so far). I only get cranky, exhibit above with people I dont really want to stay with/or have stay with me.
More cultural than biologicalcarnageasada
Sep 3, 2002 4:11 AM
When I lived for a couple years in Central America at first I was amazed at how easily people shared living space. My friend Mundo who lived in the room next to me often had family and friends staying with him. Sometimes for months. This was a 10 by 10 room. There were never any fights over what television show to watch because there was no electricity. But that is not to say there were not other problems. They often played various instruments late into the night. Guitars, mandolins, one joker had a trumpet.
for how long?mr_spin
Sep 3, 2002 6:57 AM
I am a person who has to have time to myself, every single day. I'm like that restaurant on the Simpsons (from very long ago) that was open 23 hours (of course Homer showed up when they were closed!). I can handle guests, friends, lovers, etc. for 23 hours, but I need at least one hour alone. Otherwise, I feel like I'm trapped. It doesn't matter how familiar or intimate the relationship, I need time alone.

As far as guests go, I can handle them for short periods. A couple of days is about the max. The ideal guests are the ones who can find things to do on their own. I'm happy to show them around, go out to eat, all that kind of stuff, but I don't want to plan their entire stay. If they have no idea what to do, couldn't they do that anywhere else? Showing up at my door and saying "Entertain me!" is a good way to drive me insane.
Male or female houseguests are tiringColnagoFE
Sep 3, 2002 7:47 AM
Even the ones that are "low maintenace" are draining mentally.
Elderly houseguest are the worstPaulCL
Sep 3, 2002 8:59 AM
Take it from me, that's most of the guests we have.

I mentioned that I'm stuck in a rut (according to my wife), but the elderly??? Gotta eat dinner at 5:30pm...oh no...not 6pm or god forbid..7pm! Get up at 6am, go to bed at 9pm. Gotta watch Wheel of Fortune at seven, Larry King at 9pm. Doesn't like any food with any spice. Gotta take those pills each day at the same time - that's understandable. The rigidity just gets tiring.

But, in all fairness, my dear MiL has volunteered to watch our children for a whole, long weekend so that my wife and I can go for a "spa" weekend. My wife will "spa" it, I will ride in the mountains (then get a massage from a hot blond named Inga! I hope).
food with no spiceColnagoFE
Sep 3, 2002 10:28 AM
that's funny. that fits my father in law perfectly! no garlic either. it "stays with him for days."
re: How do you feel about guests in your house?Steve98501
Sep 3, 2002 1:25 PM
When my wife and I were together, I didn't mind having guests because I valued visiting and doing things together. I didn't care what the house looked like or if we had just the right things to eat. My wife had to have the house perfect and every meal planned in extreme detail, so she didn't get a chance to really enjoy time with guests. This is not to say that I left house cleaning and cooking to her, just that we valued those things differently. Anyone I valued as a guest wouldn't care if I dusted and vacuumed yesterday or a week or two ago. It's the being together that counts. If some one is coming for dinner, I'll plan and fix something special. If they're coming for several days, I'll plan one or two special meals and the rest of it is whatever I find in the fridge, freezer, and cupboards. It's easiest to have guests if the experience is relaxing and rewarding. If I don't get those things from it, I won't have those guests.

If some one showed up looking for better accomodations or meals than what I provide, I'll recommend a nice hotel and restaurant to them as I walk them to their car.

Steve
My wife and I are the samePaulCL
Sep 4, 2002 6:05 AM
She cleans like mad for a few days before the visit - particularly if it is her mother visiting. I really don't care that much. How clean can you expect the home of two working parents and three children to be???

The problem is: my Mother-in-law WILL comment on the cleanliness of the house. I swear the lady inspects when she visits. She doesn't do it in a mean way, just the offhand comment. Something like a backhand slam like..."you're not as ugly as your sister said you were"...or something like that. My wife acknowledges that it isn't her problem, but it doesn't stop the cleaning-binge-from-hell pre-visit. It adds a lot of stress before the stress of visitors.

My feeling is that if the MiL is going to visit so often, she can clean the damn house herself. If it bugs her, let her do the work. Actually, she has cleaned several times while we were out. It both thrills and pisses off my wife.
Try this for some fun...mr_spin
Sep 4, 2002 7:26 AM
Years ago, I was listening to the great Vin Scully, who has been calling games for the Dodgers since they were in Brooklyn. He is one of the great radio guys, and I was so shocked to here him calling a game on a San Francisco station (the Giants are the mortal enemy), I actually listened for a while. It was the World Series or playoffs, and there was a lot of down time. Vin was telling great stories in his masterful style, and somehow he and the other guy in the booth (don't know who) started talking about backhanded slams. It was hilarious, but I only remember one.

When someone you don't really want at your house shows up, greet them at the door and say "Welcome to our home, I know you'll want to wash up first."
I welcome just about any friend or familyDougSloan
Sep 4, 2002 7:49 AM
I enjoy having guests. I think it's essential to be a good host for guests. We partly bought a house too large for us purely because we wanted to be able to accomodate friends and family. No one is perfect, though, and as long as you don't expect them to be, things usually work out fine.

We often host other cyclists coming in town for events, family in for holidays or visit the baby, and so on. I look forward to it. It's extremely rare that there is a problem.

Doug
how about your wife?ColnagoFE
Sep 4, 2002 9:20 AM
does she enjoy these visits as much as you do? especially with a small baby now? babies make things a bit more difficult in regard to houseguest--at least in my experience.
how about your wife?DougSloan
Sep 5, 2002 6:40 AM
If the guests are helpful, she's for it. If they are not, life is not good.

Generally, she worries about having guests much more than I do. She wants the house perfect, wants to cook nice meals, etc. For me, when it's family or friends, heck, order a pizza and keep them out of our bedroom with the bed unmade.

Doug