RoadBikeReview.com's Forum Archives - Non-Cycling Discussions


Archive Home >> Non-Cycling Discussions(1 2 3 4 )


For Kristin and other Chicago-area motorists...(9 posts)

For Kristin and other Chicago-area motorists...RhodyRider
Jun 19, 2002 9:08 AM
Illinois Driving...
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go, or Cha-ca-ga depending on if you live North or South of Roosevelt Rd.
Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "I94"... which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added Elgin O'Hare and I-355 to the mix.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period.
First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, , all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).
If asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side you better be armed.
A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is not ornamental.
The Congress expressway is our daily version of NASCAR.
The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
If it's 100 degrees, It's taste of Chicago. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, It's opening day at Sox Park. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round.
If you go to the Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park "Cubs Lot". Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his 'yard', run him over.
ALL OF IT TOO TRUE, WHICH IS WHY I'M GLAD TO BE IN SOUTHERN RHODE ISLAND NOW!! :-))
LOL - so true!Kristin
Jun 19, 2002 11:16 AM
That's uncanny! Did you write that yourself? I have a couple comments and additions:

-The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush
-hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday
-morning.


You forgot Sunday rush hour from 5-10pm. Affecting all traffin in or near Wisconsin, Indiana, O'Hare and Midway. Okay, everywhere.

-If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear
-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the
-first one on the starting line, count to five when the
-light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all
-the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.


LOL - Chicago has got to hold the record on number of "turn on red" offenders. At some intersections, its customary for upto 15 cars to cross AFTER the light has turned red.

-Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a
-permanent form of entertainment.


Speak for yourself. It only becomes funny two years after you move. I'm still too traumatised to discuss it. ...They are widening it again. The surrounding townships, (Schaumburg, Hoffman Estates, etc...) Have also chosen this time to widen Rte. 72. Additonally they decided to do road work on Central, Algonquin AND Golf.

-First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, , all mysteriously
-change names as you cross intersections (these are only a
-FEW examples).


And you didn't mention our infamous multiple roads like Hicks Road. Lets see, there is old Hicks Road, Hicks Road, North Hicks Road and East Hicks Road. I've yet to find a town that doesn't have a Euclid Avenue. Then there's Bartlett Road. What can I say about Bartlett? It travels both North/South and East/West and at one place actually intersects itself!!!

The Eisenhower: Minimum driving speed on the Ike is 80MPH. If wearing a bandana after 6pm, remove it before entering the IKE. Ignore any and all vehicular assaults and otherwise reckless driving. Keep eyes on the road and only on the road. You don't want to know whats going on in that Caddy anyway.

Lastly, driving speeds by lane.
Far Left: Shared by high speed cruise control users and the elderly with IPass.
Middle Lanes: Used by speed limit adherants and high speed drivers passing the elderly.
Far Right: Reserved for Nascar wannabe's and used cautiosly by exiters.

ALL passing occurs on the left.

Thanks for sharing. That was funny.
~Missing the ocean
Kristin
As much as I would like to take credit...RhodyRider
Jun 19, 2002 12:49 PM
...alas, I did not pen this remarkably accurate and amusing summary of greater Chi-town motoring. But, I did live it in all it's glory for 17 years before fleeing, as you may recall!
I like your additions, Kristin, they fit in very well. I think your awareness of the mayhem in which you drive will keep you sane and safe. I hope so, anyway!
Hey, the ocean misses you, too, I'm sure. It is spectacular out here, you know June in Southern New England is second to none. In fact, last weekend on Block Island seemed to be "everyone in Fairfield County gets married in J Crew style" days. A bit tedious to witness for me & s/o, but we had our private laughs at the cookie-cutter Stepford people nevertheless.
Take Care!
Eric
Try riding and driving in ATL...dmoller
Jun 20, 2002 7:36 AM
where there are about 48 streets named Peachtree something or other. Our roads mysteriously change names, but that's usually when you go from one county to another, and we have just as many yellow/red light runners as anywhere.

BTW, I didn't realize Rhode Island was big enough to need a "southern/eastern/western/northern" to describe where one was in the state :-)
Uhh...no thanks, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Yank...RhodyRider
Jun 20, 2002 8:26 AM
...I don't think I'd be too happy down there in the holler with y'all. (Just kidding!)
And I think you'd be surprised by how diverse this little state of RI is. But, I'll be pleased if we remain an enigma to the rest of the country.
Worst/Best Areas to DriveAllisonHayes
Jun 20, 2002 8:31 AM
Worst:
1. Atlanta-drivers are super aggressive, never let you change lanes, cut you off.
2. Houston-ties for Atlanta, tailgating or drafting? and be careful about cutting someone off--those shotguns in the windows are really scary.
3. Boston-people just pull out into the middle of the street to make a left turn forcing you to stop; and those rotaries must have designed by a cyclist trying to get revenge on cars.
4. Chicago-particularly on the Dan Ryan and on weekends.
5. Seattle-when it rains it pours.

Best:

?are there any?
Not so many shotguns in the P/U Truckdmoller
Jun 20, 2002 8:47 AM
windows these days after adding 1,000,000 folks, many of which are from up yonder, since I moved here from Chicago in 1980. You're right about #1 big time. And now everybody rides a turn-only lane to the last second then either barges over to the front of a line of traffic, or they give you major attitude if you don't let them over after waiting patiently like civilized human beings.
And all of these are mild in comparison w/Rome! (nm)RhodyRider
Jun 20, 2002 12:18 PM
Try riding and driving in ATL...dmoller
Jun 20, 2002 8:42 AM
where there are about 48 streets named Peachtree something or other. Our roads mysteriously change names, but that's usually when you go from one county to another, and we have just as many yellow/red light runners as anywhere.

BTW, I didn't realize Rhode Island was big enough to need a "southern/eastern/western/northern" to describe where one was in the state :-)