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Why don't good-looking guys get the girls???(28 posts)

Why don't good-looking guys get the girls???liu02bhs
Apr 27, 2002 7:37 PM
I don't get this. I'm relatively good-looking, but I'm having trouble with the opposite sex. I'm not as perverted as some of the other guys out there. But the guys who have their other head controlling them seem to get all the girls. This seems to be generally true. For example, one of my really good-friend who is really good-looking. Don't get me wrong, girls constantly talk about how hot he is behind his back. But he doesn't have a girlfriend, and almost didn't get a prom date. He got the date because some average-looking (at beast) girl, whom he doesn't even know, just came up to him and asked him. On the contrary, I see average guys walking around with hot ass girls. What is up the that? Most of these guys don't care for a relationship at all. Are girls just suckers for pain?
Any advice on how to get the girl?
I think y'all got the idea of my dillema from my previous prom post.
I'm telling ya dude....dirtbag
Apr 28, 2002 5:14 AM
...It takes too much time and energy going after these hot lookin' babes. Try going after the ugly chicks like I do, ya got as many as ya want cuz nobody else wants em!

Skank chicks never say no... to anything.
It's not my styleliu02bhs
Apr 28, 2002 7:39 AM
I'm sure I can get skanks too, but it's just not my style. While get the easy ones, there is not fun in that. It's like a cat 1 racer racing a cat 5 race, what's the glory in that? Plus, do you really want to be around skanky hoes all the time?
Chicks are just weird.
You never know if they really like you or they are just flirting with you.
cat 1 racer in cat 5 race is a very appropriate metaphor, nmweiwentg
Apr 28, 2002 11:52 AM
Well, racing's one thing....dirtbag
Apr 28, 2002 11:55 AM
...But when It comes to wimmen, I go for the easy stuff. You go out with the hot lookin ones and before you know it, some other dude, with a nice car...or concert tickets... comes along and off she goes. The skanks stick around til you're ready to kick em to the curb. I myself got no problem hanging with the skanky hoes...the shoe fits.

You're right though, chicks are some strange creatures indeed.
Have faithliu02bhs
Apr 28, 2002 3:37 PM
You have too little faith in women. I'm sure not all of them are gold-diggers like Anna Nicole Smith. It seems like your skanks are pretty faithful. Maybe we have different definition for skank.
Do any girls read this forum?
It seems to me like 90% of the readers are guys.
I read it- nmzk3
Apr 28, 2002 8:43 PM
Have faithcp123
Apr 28, 2002 10:13 PM
yes there are a number of girls who read this forum.

I don't know what you mean by a skank as its not a word we use here, although I expect its a reference to a type of person for which we have a somewhat more unflattering title.

Either way, not all of us grab guys in, chew em up and spit em out like rubbish. Give us a bit more credit.
maybe you're gaymr_spin
Apr 29, 2002 7:31 AM
Just kidding. Although it is something to consider.

Anyway, high school sucks. People are a lot less inclined to act as individuals, and that puts you, and most others who aren't head cheerleader or varsity quarterback at a disadvantage.

All hope is not lost. Keep banging away (no pun intended) at it for now, but keep an eye towards the future. When you get to college, you'll find that everything changes. You'll have to fight the women off with a stick.
maybe you're gayweiwentg
Apr 29, 2002 10:13 AM
odd. I'm in college, and I don't find myself fighting anyone off with sticks.
maybe you're gaymr_spin
Apr 29, 2002 10:22 AM
maybe you're gay!
I don't think so :P nmweiwentg
Apr 29, 2002 10:42 AM
Jeez, I thought we DID get 'em...cory
Apr 29, 2002 11:25 AM
Actually this is something I don't think about much anymore, coming up on 28 years of marriage...but when I used to think about it, I thought about it a lot, and I have a son who thinks about it now.
It's an old complaint, though--be polite, treat a girl nice, and in about two weeks she loses interest in you and starts hanging out with some loser (however you define loser...). Some women (girls, whatever; I'm not sure what age group we're talking about here) really do have self-destructive tendencies, for whatever reason (some guys, too, but who cares about them?). Some, especially young or immature ones, are intrigued by the perceived danger, or want to piss off their parents, or are just tired of the same old clean-cut guys they see every day (ask the father of a teen-age girl...).
Some are out for the money or the car or the concert tickets, as somebody else said, but that's not as common as you may think. A Corvette or BMW may catch their eye, but it won't hold it long (I know, two weeks seems like a long time). And it's undeniably true that there are no bigger jerks in the world than teen-age girls in the "too cool for you" phase, when they begin to discover their power and use it for evil. It starts about 13, and lasts three or four years in some, 20 or 30 years in others....
Finally, as somebody told me years ago and I didn't believe it but now I do, "If you don't ask, you don't get." Britney Spears isn't going to go out with you anyway, but if you don't ask, she SURE isn't going to... Girls are sitting at home with the same doubts and worries and fears that you have (though they conceal them better), and some of them will be glad to hear from you. Though as my son said in high school, "I think life is a lot easier if you're a blonde hottie."
only guys who think they are good looking have problems nmDougSloan
Apr 29, 2002 3:05 PM
90% of guys think they are handsome ...liu02bhs
Apr 29, 2002 5:02 PM
If it were like that, our race will fail to exist.
Looks are just the beginningSteve98501
Apr 29, 2002 4:15 PM
Looks or some other "cool" factor serves to create interest in the beginning and works for short term relationships, which is what most high school and college hook ups are. If you're curious about what really works, and works forever, is check out the average looking guy who's always got one or more chicks hanging by a thread. He knows the secret. He knows how to relate to chicks. Maybe his mother and father nutured this attribute in him, or maybe he checked out the book at the library, but he's putting the techniques to use.

He doesn't usually call girls or women chicks. And no female is a skank. He treats every woman like she's a "10." He has the memory of an elephant, is cunning (in a sincere way) like a fox, and is just shy of being too humble. He remembers who everyones' friends are and all their positive attributes and talks about the good things often, he doesn't waste energy on the negative ones - there's no payoff in that, he remembers what each girl thinks is important (he asked if you're wondering how he found out), and he's always a friend to everyone, and like a good friend, is always there when needed. He doesn't let anyone walk over him, yet remains consistently respectful. The only ones who dis him are too stupid to realize he's on the path to being the lifetime winner. And his father told him if he's gutsy enough to make himself emotionally vulnerable to chicks on a one on one basis, all the mature girls/women just won't leave him alone, altho some of the bitches may have a heyday at his expense.

And no, I didn't know any of this when I was in high school. I was a decent looking nice kid who asked out nice girls, and they all said yes. It was decades ago, and if any said no, well, it wasn't important enough to remember. So if you're interested in someone, don't keep it to yourself. Go up to her, introduce yourself, say something nice, and ask her out. If you get 3 consecutive refusals, something's wrong, and you should get some constructive advice. Belive in yourself. You can make it happen. Cuz if you don't make it happen, it ain't gonna' happen. What you got to lose? Spending Friday and Saturday nights doing something else is the alternative.

Good luck. It won't take much. You'll see.
Nice Adviceliu02bhs
Apr 29, 2002 4:58 PM
I am gonna keep it at heart. I hope the comment about the girls in college is true.
Nice Advicezk3
Apr 29, 2002 6:04 PM
ditto ( on the advice)... and ditto...

college is so different and you'll meet al least (25 x number of classes) of new people every quarter/semester, plus there's tons of clubs, and you have the perfect excuse to hang out with them, everyone has to study/club activity, and then if you find someone you want to get to know better see if they want to grab a bite to eat pre/post study/club time...

When I think about it he things I look for in a guy are
#1 Easy to talk to
#2 Good sense of humor
#3 What do we have in common - (need one big one and a couple little ones)

... and a smalll compliment goes a long way too...(like wow, your sprint is kicking ass today)... beyond that I have a bunch of things I've learned that I like...
Apr 29, 2002 8:00 PM
*How do I find out if a girl has a boyfriend already if none of my friends knows?
*How do I know if a girl is interested in me? I see some girls look at me alot, but I'm not sure if it's just the sitting arrangement. Cuz they never talk to me.
*Is immaturity a disadvantage? I have been raised by my mom, so I'm kinda a mom's boy. I have been told many a times that I'm immature by both sexes.

I'm okay to talk to.
I can be funny with the right people.
QuestionsLen J
Apr 30, 2002 6:08 AM
How do I find out if a girl has a boyfriend already if none of my friends knows?

She knows, ask her.

How do I know if a girl is interested in me? I see some girls look at me alot, but I'm not sure if it's just the sitting arrangement. Cuz they never talk to me.

She knows, ask her.

Is immaturity a disadvantage? I have been raised by my mom, so I'm kinda a mom's boy. I have been told many a times that I'm immature by both sexes

Yes & no. It can be a disdvantag if you don't know about it. You know it, now how do you change it?

I remember, and have noticed with my boys, how easy it is to be insecure when you are a teenager. Everything about you seems to be changing, you get all kinds of mixed messages from people, you really don't know who you are, and who you are becoming. Relax. Think about the people around you that you really would like to be like (not just for one night but for life). What is it about them that you like? Try to be the person that you would be most proud of. The advice above

Steve98501 4/29/02 5:15pm

is a great place to start. Take a risk, be sincere, learn grow. You'll do fine.

Re: Questionszk3
Apr 30, 2002 8:39 AM
How do I find out if a girl has a boyfriend already if none of my friends knows?

Start talking to her, ask her what she did last weekend, or seen any good movies lately. If she has a boyfriend and she's happy with him then she'll mention him. If she's not happy with him she might not mention him, but that might also mean that she's looking around too. Bottom line: talk to her, listen to what she says.

How do I know if a girl is interested in me?

When you're talking to them and asking them about their life, see if they ask those same questions back, or are even paying attention to you.

Is immaturity a disadvantage? yes

If you see someone you like get to know her, become her friend, hang out with her... everything else will fall into place if it's right...
Pay attention numb-nuts!Steve98501
Apr 30, 2002 10:45 AM
We really are trying to help, but you gotta' do your part! I think immaturity is a decided disadvantage, but you can become more mature. Asking for advice is a good sign. Seeking to understand the advice the good people here have offered you is also a good sign.

If you want to know if "Mary" has a boy friend or is interested in you, what her friends or your friends tell you is never any better than second hand information, because that's just what it is - second! There is no substitute for first hand information. Only Mary knows what Mary really thinks, so why on earth would you rely on what her or your friends tell you? Yeah, they might know, with a great deal of precision, or they also may know, but with great imprecision. So for your sake, get your answers from Mary. Accept no substitute.

So girls never talk to you? Do you talk to them? Maybe they have the same insecurity you do, and are secretly dying for a decent guy to talk to them. Consider that an invitation to be that guy. There is always something to talk about.

Example: Mary wears a legible sweatshirt that reads: "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." All kinds of places to start. Where did she get the shirt? Does she think it's funny? Why? (Always ask why) What does she like/dislike about bicycles, fish, men, women who wear legible clothing. Later ask, does she think you're as dorky as you do? This is risky - being vulnerable - and full of potential payoff and learning, possibly at the cost of considerable personal pain. But pay attention; sometimes someone will really tell you what they think, and sometimes their personal insecurity or politeness won't let them, but you'll be able to tell the difference. Or you might get a million dollar answer like, "well you act immature a lot of the time, and you never talk to anyone but one small group of friends, so it's hard to know much about you." If someone you respect says anything even approaching that, know that the ball is now in your court. And the key to the gate of your happiness waits for you to whoosh a 3 point shot, which you do by printing out this thread, taping it to your wall, reading it every morning and night, and doing it every day.

Being OK to talk to is a start. Strive to be excellent to talk to.

Being funny with the right people is OK if you only wish to interact with those right people. Strive to be funny with most people.

Be interested in almost everyone. It gives them a reason to be interested in you. People, especially the chick you'd like to meet, are far morely likely to want to talk to you if they find you interesting. The more interested you are in people, places, and things, the more interesting you will be to talk to.

Also, never be a know-it-all. Be interested in it all.

I realize that this may be painfully difficult at this time in your life, but the secret you appear to be after really is just about as simple as what folks have posted in this thread to you.

I'd wish you good luck, but you don't need luck, you just need to practice what you know.
Great post, think I'll copy it for my sons. nmLen J
Apr 30, 2002 6:00 AM
my 2 centsDuane Gran
Apr 30, 2002 12:16 PM
I will admit up front that I'm horrible at relationships, but then so are most guys. Take a look at the magazines in the grocery aisle sometime. Notice that 80% of them are for women, but everything they talk about concerns relationships. Pick up a magazine for guys and it talks about things, not people. Face it, when it comes to relationships we (guys) are totally unequipped for the conversation. We just showed up to a bike race with training wheels and she has years of prime experience playing this stuff out in her mind.

That is my socratic wisdom on the matter, which is basically to say that men don't know jack about relationships. That doesn't mean it has to be that way, but such is life.

Now for the my other gem, if you will. High school is a nasty time for dating & stuff, but it can be fun. The best way to handle it in my opinion to firmly imprint it in your mind that it is infitesimily (sp?) unlikely that anyone you date in high school will be "the one." You might spare yourself some angst this way and just enjoy the ride. A note of caution, the girl will very unlikely hold this view and will most likely have picked wedding colors and names of children within 30 days of dating in high school. Scary, but true.

Good luck man. It is a crazy and wonderful journey. Do a better job of it than I do. ;)
I'll follow it religiouslyliu02bhs
Apr 30, 2002 5:44 PM
Thanks y'all. That's some good advice. I'll try to follow it religiously and paint it on my wall.
These questions is for all the girls out there.
* Here is the situation. I started talking to this girl online because I don't see her very often at school. But she doesn't voluntarily talk to me, does that mean she's not interested?
* Second situation. I know this girl likes me. She approached me and started to talk to me. I wasn't very interested at the time because I was interested in some other girl. Now, I try to talk to her, but she never voluntarily talk to me. Does that mean she's not interested anymore?
To quote a great movie:empacher6seat
May 2, 2002 12:38 AM
Please remove the shrink wrap from your penis!

Sorry... I've just been dying to say that, although it's pretty much irrelavent to my post. Here goes. =)

Highschool relationships are like putting on your pants with your left leg first when you usually do it with your right.

Having just graduated last year, I kind of know what you're going through. Personally... I think you're worrying about the whole thing too much. It seems like you're interested in a few girls... so what's the harm if you make a mistake with one? Don't be afraid to talk them. You've got to take charge, don't wait for them to talk to you. Like anything, don't be afraid to make mistakes. Girls will appreciate honesty way more then some try-hard show off. Just be yourself... if they don't like you, maybe you're looking at the wrong kind of girl?

I never really had problems with dating... I'm not trying to brag or anything... but I have lots of empathy, I'm honest, and friendly, and that's what girls have said they like most in me. Many girls picture that as an ideal male friend... and while that may not be what you're looking for at the moment.... look at the big picture. You're gaining a great friend, and who knows, she might introduce you to some of her cute friends who are single and looking!

Most importantly, and I can't stress this enough... make sure if you're looking for a serious relationship... ask her out because you're interested in her. No one wants to be the person everyone dates because of their looks. There's a personality behind every face and that's what counts the most. One thing I've noticed from your posts is that (correct me if I'm wrong) you don't really seem to mind which one of these girls you end up going out with... as long as you're going out with someone it's all good. I'm hoping I'm incorrect on that assumption, but if I'm not please take a deep breath and ask yourself why you want to get into that kind of relationship?

I'd like to close this message with a bit of advice pretty much as meaningless as those that started my message:
The first few relationships of your life are like test runs. You can work the bugs out... see what kind of girls best compliment your personality and interests, and really get to know what you're looking for... so when you're a bit older and looking for a serious relationship, you're confident, well informed, and experienced enough to really know how to work with and understand your interests.

I'll probably read this in the morning and realize it makes no sense. Oh well... it's 2 am and I'm allowed to write dumb stuff =). Good luck.
It's not all goodliu02bhs
May 2, 2002 4:57 PM
The reason it seems that way is because the one that I actually wants to go with doesn't want to go. That's why the rest of the options doesn't seem so appealing to me. Thanks for your concern.
May 3, 2002 5:56 AM
and just go enjoy life! when you aren't looking for anyone
and when you least expect it-that's when you'll find the right partner. you will find the right person when they find you!
take care.