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Management(3 posts)

ManagementTig
Feb 13, 2002 7:52 AM
Its a little slow in here so I'll post a joke many of us can relate to:

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
LOL. Here's another one...Spinchick
Feb 13, 2002 8:01 AM
A man comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. Joe, the border guard, stop him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answers the man.
Joe says, "We'll just see about that -- get off the bike."
Joe takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them
out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the man
overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that
there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

Joe releases the man, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Joe asks, "What have
you got?"

"Sand," says the man. Joe does his thorough examination and
discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives
the sand back to the man, and the man crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Then Joe runs across the same man one day in a cantina in Mexico. "Hey, buddy," says Joe, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about. I can't sleep! Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

The man sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
good one! it reminds me of this oneTig
Feb 13, 2002 8:12 AM
This one isn't as funny, but I love the lesson!

"The American Dream or The Mexican reality?"

An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied "only a little while."
The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish?
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?", to which the Mexican fisherman replied,
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, señor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat and with the proceeds from
the bigger boat you could buy several boats.
Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery.
You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually
NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But señor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
"But what then, señor?"
The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO, sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions."
"Millions, señor? Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."