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Something to do on rainy days when you can't, uh...you know.(16 posts)
|Something to do on rainy days when you can't, uh...you know.||Spinchick|
Nov 1, 2001 6:31 AM
|How to sing the Blues . . . A Primer
1) Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
2) "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3) The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right,
repeat it. Then find something that rhymes . . . sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
4) The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you
stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out.
5) Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down
trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6) Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7) Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8) A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
9) You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10) Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; b) Jailhouse; c)
Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places for the
Blues: a) Dillard's; b) Gallery openings; c) Ivy League
institutions; d) Golf courses
11) No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit,
'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
12) Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if a) You
older than dirt; b) You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis;
d) You can't be satisfied. No, if a) You have all your
teeth; b) You were once blind but now can see; c) The man in
Memphis lived; d) You have a 401K or trust fund.
13) Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
14) If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline,
it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap wine; b) Whiskey or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee. The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; b)Chardonnay; c) Snapple; d) Slim Fast.
15) If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
16) Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c)
Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling
17) Some Blues names for men a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little
Willie; d) Big Willie
18) Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and
Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19) Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a) Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.); b) First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.); c) Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.); d) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
20) I don't care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.
|Or if you're injured and can't ride your b***.||Spinchick|
Nov 1, 2001 6:44 AM
|Pedalin' Blues by Limpin'Ro Watson
Well I woke up this mornin'
My legs felt just like cement
Yeah I woke up this mornin'
These old legs felt like cement
I didn't take no freight train
I sho didn't take no limo
Didn't take no aeroplane
To git where I had to go
Had to shoot a man in Memphis
Cause he tried to steal my bike
You know I shot a man in Memphis
He done messed with the wrong damn bike
You know I rode that bike
To the Miss'ippi line
Now I'm singin' the blues
Cause I sho got one sore behind
|Dumb Dog Taft - here||Dog|
Nov 1, 2001 6:45 AM
|Pretty good. New handles for everyone! (Taft is my real middle name.)
I don't think I would qualify to sing the blues, but maybe to listen. I spent many a night in underground (literally) blues bars in Kansas City. Great stuff. You can't dance to it, which is perfectly fine with me.
Dumb Dog Taft
|I got them Hi-Class Blues by One-Eyed Mango Mark||MB1|
Nov 1, 2001 7:03 AM
|My hi-speed internet service is down.
New CD's get less than 5%.
The lawn needs raking.
Car only got a half tank of gas.
Got no mail service again today.
I broke a spoke.
There is no one to ride with.
My massage got cancelled.
Yankees won in the 10th.
Thems the blues.
|even though i'm middle classed, office working, male,...||Js Haiku Shop|
Nov 1, 2001 7:29 AM
|caucasian, with the early stages of male-pattern baldness, and drive a honda civic, and live in the suburbs, and own numerous computers, i think it's all negated by the fact that i'm pierced and tattooed, with facial hair, and have played in a blues band that toured the south (actually played at howlin' wolf in naw-lens), followed immediately by forming and playing in a speed-metal-alternative-rock band with people that didn't have cars at the time. and that i was a starving punk rocker for quite some time.
what's with all the mention of memphis, anyway?
19) Follically Challenged J-Plantain Roosevelt
Nov 1, 2001 8:11 AM
Ingrown Banana Clinton??
Wart Melon Bush
TornACL Papaya Carter
Roadrash Strawberry VanBuren
By the way, BB King is playing here in two weeks!!!!!!!
|Got to make one exception||mr_spin|
Nov 1, 2001 9:38 AM
He is white
He is British
He hasn't shot anyone in Memphis
|Got to make one exception||4bykn|
Nov 1, 2001 9:50 AM
|You left out an "o", Clapton is good, Stevie Ray Vaughan is god.|
|Amen to SRV . . ,||12x23|
Nov 1, 2001 4:00 PM
|but Mr. Clapton is a close relative.|
|Stevie Ray is (unfortunately for us) WITH God.||look271|
Nov 1, 2001 4:04 PM
|Saw him open for the Cars, for chrissakes! What was wrong with that?!|
|Stevie Ray is (unfortunately for us) WITH God.||12x23|
Nov 1, 2001 4:23 PM
|The Cars? That's ok, I'd sit through ABBA to hear Stevie Ray. :-)|
|At least you could LOOK at the ABBA girls!||look271|
Nov 1, 2001 5:11 PM
|I liked the Car's music but they sucked in concert. Stick-straight, no movement. Can you imagine looking at Rick Occasic (sp?) for 45 minutes?|
|Like Hendrix opening for the Monkees... nm||mr_spin|
Nov 1, 2001 4:47 PM
|Or R.E.M. opening for the Untouchables?||mickey-mac|
Nov 1, 2001 5:32 PM
|I saw REM open for the Untouchables ("Free Yourself") at a tiny club called Ichabod's near Cal State Fullerton. It was right after the Chronic Town EP came out and before their first LP Murmur came out. I was an instant fan. We left before the Untouchables finished their set.|
|Perhaps the ultimate underappreciated artist...nm||4bykn|
Nov 2, 2001 12:14 AM
Nov 7, 2001 11:10 AM
|The loss of Stevie was greater than John or Jimi to me. I got to see SRV & Double Trouble a few times here in Houston. He'd come through every 3 or 4 months. Sometimes he'd be good (God!), other times wasted. The sad part is he was finally getting his life together when he died (like Sam Kenison).|| |