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Reasons Your Riding Partner is Hazardous to your health...(13 posts)

Reasons Your Riding Partner is Hazardous to your health...niteschaos
Jan 31, 2004 4:17 PM
Top 10 Reasons you think your riding partner may be hazardous to your health.

1. He rides within inches of parked cars, unafraid of smacking into a hastily opened door.

2. He rides in the middle of the lane when there is more than enough room on the right of the white line.

3. "Redlight? what redlight?"

4. At the start of the ride you ask him why he doesn't have a frame pump and he replies, "Oh, I never get flats so I stopped carrying all that stuff."

5. After he flats for the 2nd time he takes your last tube.

6. One word: Squirrel.

7-10?

Can anyone help me out with the last few? Some of these need to be reordered, but that's just what I've had on the top of my mind today after seeing a few people out on the roads.
re: Reasons Your Riding Partner is Hazardous to your health...mickey-mac
Jan 31, 2004 4:54 PM
Calling out "stopping" or "light" is just too much of a pain in the ass.

He thinks riding through pot-holes builds character.

That 10-year-old right pedal he pulls out of on every sprint.
His/Her Nickname Is "Fumbles..."Gregory Taylor
Jan 31, 2004 5:33 PM
...for the number of water bottles that they have dropped.
re: Reasons Your Riding Partner is Hazardous to your health...TNRyder
Jan 31, 2004 6:23 PM
He likes to ride aero style without aero bars
re: Reasons Your Riding Partner is Hazardous to your health...tempeteOntheRoad
Jan 31, 2004 6:54 PM
Because he keeps blowing his snot without looking while he's pulling at the front...

??
Calls out to the local skinheads,PseuZQ
Jan 31, 2004 11:15 PM
"HEY BABY MAN! MY COLNAGO (KHS...litespeed...giant) COULD KICK YOUR GTO'S A**!"

Or:

1)Demonstrates his/her descending prowess by passing you by crossing the double yellow.

2) Decides it's OK to relieve him/herself in the dugout of the local middle school's baseball diamond. (presumably where some other cyclist's kids play....)

3) Says, "Hey! Let's cut through the golf course. We could take the cart paths!" (Note to self: Re-rent Caddyshack...)

4) Or says, "Dude, I'm starving. Let's just take some fruit off of this [usually really old] person's tree." (Tomatoes that fall out of converted gravel trucks are fair game, however.)

5)Drafts buses in heavy city traffic on crappy streets. (I know this is dangerous because I had a spark from a Muni overhead-wire electric trolley fall on my head and it burnt.)

6) Chitty-chats at the local coffee shop in the Super Snotty Rich Cyclist-Hating Suburb while planting his/her sweaty bibs squarely on the hood of someone's new Jag. (The same guy wanted to go to lunch just in his bibs. No base layer, no jersey, just...bibs.)

7) Hammers through the cemetery while a funeral is in progress. (Please note that this would be perfectly acceptable at *my* funeral.)
Trys to spit on cops doughnut at 25 mph...n.m.koala
Feb 1, 2004 5:29 AM
Though thats not as easy as you might think...
Some of my favorites...cydswipe
Feb 1, 2004 6:20 AM
1. Drinks cough syrup before/during ride.
2. Likes to look at his shoe/pedal combo while swerving to and 'fro on the move.
3.Weird call outs, "Mardi Gras"= broken glass, "Hazzard County carwash" = big puddles. The latter is my favorite, just when he gets through bellering it out, we are already half way through the the mud.
4. Waves hands at lights to trigger light change.
5. Euro cycling cap in lieu of helmet in middle of city traffic.
6. Saddle wedge with NOTHING in it. Nada, zip, zero.
These are the main reasons I ride alone now.
Some of my favorites...witcomb
Feb 1, 2004 12:07 PM
With the exception of #2 and possibly #6, the person actually sounds like an interesting person to ride with. I must say, #3 is great, never thought of calling anything out before, we just use hand signals.
His name is Tyler Hamilton . . .ms
Feb 1, 2004 8:45 AM
I know, it is a cheap shot. And, usually, Tyler crashes solo. But, I am sitting at work on a Sunday and am in a ornery mood (Of course I should be working on the document that is due tomorrow rather than hanging out on RBR, but I need a break).

A few genuine reasons I would add:

1. He talks on the cell phone while riding.

2. He has a walkman plugged into his ears.

3. He spends more time looking at the scenery than looking at the road.

I won't ride with people who violate #1 and #2 (at least not after they have done these things on a ride). I can forgive #3 (I have been guilty of this one, but try to be good).
re: Reasons Your Riding Partner is Hazardous to your health...owmynads
Feb 1, 2004 8:55 AM
7. Rides down steepest hills with the entire top part of his body extended over the front of the handlebars, hovering over the front tire. And he's in front. (I shudder at the road pizza that awaits mi amigo).

Other than that, I've had to learn to bring things along like a flat pack, more than one spare tube, etc, etc. Though I'm not nearly as good as my riding partner, who seems to think he's Batman, and has to be prepared for any enventuality, including acts of God, mother-in-law, dogs, flesh-eating viruses, small cloven-hooved children and their inbred parents, low-flying kamakazi early-spring blue jays, and the eventual deer or squirrel encounter (he's obssessed with his "scatter gun"). You get the picture. How prepared is "prepared" and when does it become just silly?

-Owmynads
re: Reasons Your Riding Partner is Hazardous to your health...Inspector Gadget
Feb 1, 2004 12:26 PM
I believe the phrase for Owmynads is hyperbole. He did leave one out; one of our MS150 teammate's code name is "Blazing Saddle." You figure it out, but NO ONE wants to ride his draft.
re: Reasons Your Riding Partner is Hazardous to your health...RemmingtonShowdown
Feb 1, 2004 9:03 AM
--Rides like he/she is in a video game with finger on the restart buttton.

--"Hey man, can I grab one of your gu's?"

--He (she wouldn't do this) reaches over and "borrows" your water bottle which will certainly never be seen again.

--Has a pack of cigarettes in his jersey.