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Should I get a new profession?(11 posts)

Should I get a new profession?ms
Jan 16, 2004 2:54 PM
Last night I was seated at a bar association dinner with two well-respected lawyers (that is not an oxymoron, at least in my book) and three important judges. From the minute I sat down until thirty minutes later, the five of them spoke non-stop in excruciating detail about one of last week's football games. Finally, one of the judges looked at me and said "is something wrong with you, we haven't heard a word from you all night." Before I could give some excuse for my silence, one of the lawyers said "Mark is a cyclist" in a tone similar to someone's saying "Mark is a child molester." Before I could respond, someone else said "let's see if he shaves his legs." Fortunately, my legs have not seen a razor in many months. So, I pulled up the leg of my pants and displayed a hairy calf for all to see. Then the conversation changed to politics and I was one of the guys again. But, if it had been summer, who knows what would have happened?

Maybe the cycling gods were punishing me for missing my Thursday night spin class at the LBS. In any event, do you think my days at the law are numbered?

BTW: a bonus non-cycling note for Doug and the other Republicans: the chief instigator of this event was appointed to the bench by a Republican President.
Spoiler
Jan 16, 2004 3:29 PM
"Let's see if he shaves his leg."

"Hold on, I got your wife on speed dial. She'll give you all the details."
Cuckolding the judge . . .ms
Jan 16, 2004 3:39 PM
I don't even want think about that.
?The Human G-Nome
Jan 16, 2004 4:22 PM
"Fortunately, my legs have not seen a razor in many months."

come out of the closet already... you have a huge cast of supporting folks waiting to accept you for who you are. you can't help it that you were born this way.
re: Should I get a new profession?xxl
Jan 17, 2004 10:27 AM
Dude, it'd be a whole lot easier to brush up on some sports jargon than switch careers. So, not a football fiend? Well, take an occasional glance at the sports page, and get yourself a few good questions to hold at the ready, so you can "pass." For example, almost no football fan really understands line play. You can use this, by saying something like, "yeah, that was an interesting game; did you notice how the [insert team name here] guards were pulling? Then, you are free to let them ramble on, while you think happy thoughts, nodding and interjecting at the appropriate times. Now, on the off chance that some "fan" actually asks you to clarify yourself (and, frankly, almost none will, since no one will want to risk exposure as "uninformed," and the ones that actually understand what you said, well, they understand it already), simply "start to do so," by saying, e.g., "well, it looked like the guards were pulling so much that the defense should've been able to underpursue [notice the heavy use of jargon/gibberish], and ... oh, hey my pager just went off, I have to take this." Then, you make your exit.

The beauty of football is that it has some things in common with cycling, i.e., very few people actually played competitively past high school, even fewer truly understand the more subtle nuances of the game (ask most fans to explain the difference between the nickel defense, and cover-two, as proof of this), and the propensity for people to state the obvious in interesting fashion is quite good. Get yourself a copy of "Football for Dummies" at the library, and have some fun.
I do know a little about football, but . . .ms
Jan 19, 2004 7:22 AM
my experience the other night was extreme. When I was growing up in the late 60s and early 70s, I actually had season football tickets with my father (Baltimore Colts). And, I went to every home game when I was at the University of Michigan. But, I can't stand to watch football (or basketball or baseball) on television. I usually glance at the sports pages to see how the local teams are doing and I usually know things like which teams are in the Super Bowl or World Series. My attempt at a humorous rant was sparked by the fact that I clearly was viewed as being from another planet because I had not watched every play of every NFL playoff game on the preceding weekend and spend my leisure time on a bike rather than on a couch. Don't worry -- after 20 years at the law, there's no hope that I am giving it up even if it is filled with football fanatics -- I actually like practicing law.
re: They were out to give you shlt..jrm
Jan 18, 2004 4:23 PM
Its part of the ritual.
I just wish that I could turn the tables on them sometime . . .ms
Jan 19, 2004 7:27 AM
It would be fun to have five or six of us hold one of the football fanatics hostage for 30 minutes while we doing a mintue-by-minute replay of a race that they never have heard of (the Tour would not count). Then, after the fanatic was silent, ask if we could see how fat his stomach really was from lounging in front of the television all weekend.
No, just practice in a different citymickey-mac
Jan 19, 2004 7:35 AM
Here in LA, where we have no professional football team, talk of football decreases dramatically once the college bowl games are over. Even during college football season, lawyers out here are much more likely to talk golf than football. I'm not a fan of either, but I'd rather listen to a bunch of boring guys ramble on about football than their approach shot on the 15th at Riviera Country Club.
BTWmickey-mac
Jan 19, 2004 7:41 AM
Some of the best lawyers in LA are cyclists. Both of my former bosses were pretty serious mountain bikers. We used to go out for work a few days a week. I could come into the office at any hour of the morning and nobody could say anything because I was with two of the highest-ranking partners in the firm. A named partner at another big LA firm rides a lot and has an associate who is a part-time bike messenger in downtown LA.
BTWms
Jan 19, 2004 8:13 AM
There are other lawyer-cyclists in town, but the usual lawyer lunch and dinner discussions center around football, college basketball and baseball (in the appropriate seasons). Based on my visits to Southern California, I think that it is fair to say that you live in a more cycle friendly culture -- after all you even have bike lanes, all we have are a few (very few) "share the road signs." Times are changing here -- at least one local judge is a cyclist and another cyclist is on the short list for appointment to be bench. But, we have a long way to go.