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Prenuptial agreement for the biker (x-post from mtbr)(7 posts)

Prenuptial agreement for the biker (x-post from mtbr)undertrained
Dec 3, 2003 1:08 PM
PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT FOR THE BIKER

This agreement acknowledges that the forthcoming marriage is an arrangement that accepts the perpetual continuity of pre-existing relationship between the first two parties and that a three-way coexistence shall be created consisting of the following participants:

Spouse A (the non-biking loved one) hereafter referred to as SA; Spouse B (the biker) hereafter referred to as SB, and; The Bike (the glorious one) hereafter referred to as TB.

Condition I: Acknowledgment
SA shall henceforth recognize that SB and TB have forged a long standing and unbreakable relationship and shall never attempt to permanently divide, or otherwise separate the two.

Condition II: Co-Habitation
SA and SB shall agree upon comfortable and equal living quarters for TB, it's related service equipment and riding gear. TB shall only be exposed to the elements of nature during rides. All other times TB shall have access to warm, dry, low traffic living space. If at any time there should be conflict with SA, SB or furniture, TB shall have preference as to where it stays. In SA's absence TB shall be permitted bedroom space (if not already arranged).

Condition III: Exclusivity and Infidelity
At no time shall SA, SB, or TB be loaned out to be ridden by anyone outside the three-way relationship. SA must request from SB permission to ride, fondle or otherwise physically contact TB and only do so in the presence of SB.

Condition IV: Equal Time
SA shall be guaranteed quality time equivalent to TB unless it conflicts with TB in which case TB gets preference. Service time shall be guaranteed and considered a separate requirement. In the event of emergency, ie SA stranded, child sets hair on fire etc, SB shall complete whatever TB related activity as soon as possible and attend said emergency. In the event of a in-law visit or should for any reason, SB become depressed, or otherwise in need of stress relief, SB shall be permitted as much time with TB or TB related activities, magazines, books, events etc as needed until such time SB feels better.

Condition V: Parts
SA and SB will agree that SB be permitted and encouraged to purchase any and all TB related equipment at any and all times, whether they be repairs, replacements, upgrades, or just plain Chi-Chi. Any replaced parts shall be considered cherished spares and provided appropriate storage space equivalent to that provided for TB, preferably under the bed, favorite closet or on coffee table as a conversation item. New Items immediately installed shall require TB to be put on prominent display (i.e., in front of TV). Newly purchased items not immediately installed shall be put on display as a centerpiece during the day and they shall be kept under the pillow of SB at bedtime, unless it is potentially dangerous to said part. This shall be for no less than 5 days or until they are installed whichever comes first.

Condition VI: Finance
All household finance shall be considered separate from TB finance. If conflict should arise then TB gets preference.

Condition VII: Disposition
In the event SA has a compatible bike SB can offer spare parts to be temporarily installed for use by SA until such time SB requires their use on TB. No prior notice is required. All equipment and The Bike they are installed upon or intended for, shall remain the property of SB come hell or high water, and shall not be relinquished under any circumstance including death, in which case the surviving party will be obligated to complete the upgrades (expressed, implied or dreamed of) and bury the bike with the departed, unless TB or SB requests a separate grave in which case they shall be buried side by side and SA shall not be buried between them.

Condition VIII: Protected Communications
All TB related communications intended for SB, be they voice (phone messages, visitors); print (mail-order catalogs, etc.); or electronic (e-mail
I find it troublesome...cmgauch
Nov 27, 2003 11:11 PM
...in that the document doesn't seem to address the issue of multiple bikes. I'd hate to see someone in the position of having to designate just one TB.

Perhaps a reasonable # could be incorporated into the document. Ideally that # would leave room for future additions (since the optimal # of bikes is x+1, where x is the # of bikes you have now). This should be done before a draft is distributed to SA. In my experience, it's much harder to negotiate up from one than down from a larger #.

Just my .02, of course. It's too late for me.
This is a riot. Please finish the post, you got cut off. nm.AllUpHill
Dec 3, 2003 3:38 PM
Anyone know? In the Commonwealth of MassachusettsACE-
Dec 3, 2003 9:16 PM
Can you now marry your bike?
Only if you ride it without a seat =)KG 361
Dec 4, 2003 6:20 AM
Sorry-couldn't resist!
Whoops! got cut off. Part 2undertrained
Dec 4, 2003 8:52 AM
Condition VIII: Protected Communications
All TB related communications intended for SB, be they voice (phone messages, visitors); print (mail-order catalogs, etc.); or electronic (e-mail, buddies calling to ride, etc.) shall be forwarded and delivered to SB as expediently as possible. Furthermore, no censorship of said communications shall occur, and SA agrees to refrain from making disparaging comments about the content of these communications and/or their source(s).

Extended Conditions:
TB shall never be the focus of an argument nor brought up as part of one. TB shall never be discussed with in-laws unless said discussion is in praise or defense of TB. No retaliation shall ever be taken against TB.

All of the above is to be considered iron-clad and in stone and non negotiable unless of course, the nonbiker says so.
Older version ....coonass
Dec 4, 2003 5:48 PM
PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT FOR THE BICYCLE RIDER
This agreement acknowledges that the forthcoming marriage is a legal arrangement that accepts the perpetual continuity of a pre-existing relationship between two parties and that a three-way coexistence shall be created consisting of the following participating parties:
Spouse A (the loving, non-bicycle rider), hereafter referred to as SA; Spouse B (the loving, bicycle rider) hereafter referred to as SB and The Bike (the all-beautiful, glorious one) hereafter referred to as TB.
Condition I
Acknowledgement: SA shall henceforth recognize that SB and TB have forged a long-standing relationship and unbreakable bond. Efforts or attempts to alienate, separate or to divide permanently or temporarily, regardless of circumstances, shall never occur.
Condition II
Cohabitation: SA and SB shall agree upon comfortable and equal living quarters for TB, it's related service equipment and riding gear. TB shall only be exposed to the elements of Nature during outdoor rides. All other times, TB shall have access to warm, dry, low-traffic living space with complete protection from any and all physical harm. If at any time there is a conflict with SA, SB, furniture or other objects, TB shall have absolute precedence of it's desired stationary location. In the event SA is absent overnight or longer, TB shall be permitted bedroom space (if not already arranged).
Condition III
Exclusivity and Infidelity: At no time shall TB be ridden by anyone other than the two parties of this agreement, without the sole permission of SB. SA must request permission from SB to ride, fondle or attempt physical contact with TB and shall only do so in the presence of SB.
Condition IV
Equal time: SA shall be guaranteed equal, quality time with SB, equivalent to time spent with TB unless it conflicts with plans, or spontaneous actions with TB; in which case TB has absolute preference. Evening hours of darkness, rain or any weather conditions which may be considered undesirable by non-bikers, does not offer SA preferential status if SB and TB view these moments to train for these possible weather conditions. Maintenance-service time shall be as determined by SB and shall not be interfered with by SA or others, without approval of SB. In the event of an emergency (i.e., SA needs assistance; child sets hair on fire, etc.) SB shall complete any or all TB related activities as soon as possible and then, and only then, shall SB be expected to address said emergency. In the event of distress, need of stress relief, a visit by In-laws, or moments of depression, SB shall be permitted as much time with TB (or TB related activities), magazines, books, events, etc. as necessary for SB to return his/her emotional status to an uplifting and satisfying condition.
Condition V
Upgrades: Parties SA and SB shall agree that SB will be permitted and encouraged to purchase any and all TB related equipment at any and all times, whether the aforementioned be repairs, replacements, upgrades or just cosmetic. Any replacement parts shall be considered cherished spares and provided adequate, preferential storage space equivalent to conditions set to TB; preferably under the bed, favorite closet or placed on the coffee table for a conversation item. Coffee table books such as, but not limited to, the biographies of Greg Lemon, Eddy Merckx, Faust Coppi or History of the Tour de France shall retain prominent placement on said table; free from possible damage related to the displayed replacement part. Newly installed items on TB shall immediately require TB to be prominently placed on display as the focal point of the household (i.e., in front of the television). Newly purchased items, which have not been installed, shall be openly displayed as a centerpiece, to be seen and envied by all visitors. Said item shall be allowed to be placed under SB's pillow during the sleeping hours unless it is potentially harmful