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What is the Stupidist thing you have done in retaliation(29 posts)

What is the Stupidist thing you have done in retaliationbimini
Oct 3, 2003 8:30 AM
Just to liven things up a little, what is the stupidist thing you have done (in hind sight) in retaliation to bad drivers or drivers bad actions to you while on a bike.

Even though I try to contain myself and normally let the car idiots be and at times even give them a friendly wave after being an idiot, I have had a more than one episodes where my anger got the better of me.

One was to pound the side of an SUV several times with my fist as hard as I could as they were pushed me into a curve at an approaching stoplight. When they came to a stop at the light I threw the bike down in front of the SUV. I then approached the driver while letting him know with a long string of 4 letter words exactly what I thought of him, his mother and his father. The driver started to give me lip service back and get out of the SUV, but then though better of it and put it in reverse and got out of there.

In hind sight, I'm sure it was a stupid move. He could of been a wack job with a gun under the front seat, or he might take his frustrations out on me or another cyclist at a latter date.
A friend found the perfect get-back (Warning, Doug: R-rated)Cory
Oct 3, 2003 8:42 AM
A friend of mine got badly cut off a year or so ago and reflexively flipped the driver off. The guy swerved in front of him, forced him off the road and jumped out of the truck holding a big flashlight like a club.
Two or three cars back was a cop, who saw the whole thing. He stopped, settled things down and eventually took the guy away in cuffs for DUI, leaving his girlfriend to drive his truck home. Three days later my buddy was enjoying an intimate relationship with the girlfriend.
If only ALL driver/cyclist confrontations ended so happily....
not quite R rated, but one heck of a comeback. (nm)weiwentg
Oct 3, 2003 9:12 AM
not quite R rated, but one heck of a comeback. (nm)spockie
Oct 3, 2003 3:27 PM
this may be kinda long so I will be as brief as possible:
I was doing a training ride here in the New Mexico area. My wife being the cynical sort, didn't believe me that I could do 50 miles "just for fun." She decided to follow me, and note down my mileage without my knowing. Of course, you also have to understand whereever she goes, our dog "chili" has to go as well. The dog just loves riding in the car. I was about 40 miles into my ride when I had some shumck in a pickup (a couple of kids) threw a large 2 liter container of soda at me. It hit me in the head (and yes I was wearing a helmut), and took me out. Lots of bumps, nice road rash, some torn up knees and a taco'ed front wheel. My wife witnessed all of this, and proceeded to chase them down. They eventually pulled into a house driveway, when she let the dog out of the vehicle. The dog is no where near a menacing as my wife is, but I did get kisses from both when I got home. By the way chili the dog is a doberman.
With her car behind theirs, she called the cops and they came and arrested the punks. The one fact I failed to omit is that SHE IS THE assistant District Attorney in our town. This was the only time I got to watch her work a trial, and baby your the greatest!
The got 90 days, suspened driver's license 1,000 dollar fine, and I got a new bike ;) Sometimes we do win!
re: What is the Stupidist thing you have done in retaliationMJ
Oct 3, 2003 8:43 AM
in frustration at someone running a red light and almost taking me out - I threw my gum at them - it was pathetic but I couldn't help myself - more pathetic when I had to explain to my wife why my face was dirty (my gloves weren't the cleanest that day due to an earlier mechanical) - she was not impressed and gave me the Jerry Springer talk to the hand silent treatment as I tried to justify my actions to her...

lots of banging on cars and chasing people down - it's stupid - I should know better but I hate being threatened by acts of omission or commission by folk in cars - especially when you know they'd never be that aggressive if they were walking down the street...
Seinfeld...Jerry SeinfeldSpecialTater
Oct 3, 2003 8:58 AM
chuckling thinking of Springer doing "Talk to the HAND" on his talk show...
more springer like...Frith
Oct 3, 2003 9:25 AM
I think the reference was aimed more toward the guests on the springer show, who are all well practiced in the art of all things "diss".
re: What is the Stupidist thing you have done in retaliationgodot
Oct 3, 2003 8:48 AM
Got cut off by a driver on a group ride. The driver got stuck at a long red light a couple of hundred feet up the road. While a couple of us were "talking" to the driver, another guy in the group was off his bike letting the air out of one of the cars rear tires.

childish, but it was funny at the time.
re: I did it! I did it!cyclopathic
Oct 3, 2003 9:10 AM
I actually carry special valve cup to screw out valves. And yes together with cut off schredder valve it makes nice key chain. :)
Once, this guy cut me off, and I gave him the DIRTIEST look...nmmdehner
Oct 3, 2003 9:12 AM
Once, this guy cut me off, and I gave him the DIRTIEST look...nmshakyfish
Oct 4, 2003 7:52 AM
That is really crossing the line! This was supposed to just be fun to post things here but a DIRTY look is a little out of control.

Your Psycho!
does smashing driver side window with U-lock qualify as?cyclopathic
Oct 3, 2003 9:15 AM
not me.. the friend of mine bike messenger smashed one on SL500 Benz, for almost getting killed. Police was looking for him for a couple month
Threatened a guy with a knifeoff roadie
Oct 3, 2003 9:33 AM
I used to commute along a buisy but very wide road in Chicago (Western Avenue). Where it passes south under I94, there's a stoplight under the bridge that OH SO SLIGHTLY necks traffic down. Its a downloping area, that I could easily hit 20 on even on my old beater, but (even with a red light staring them in the face) drivers always thought it was MY fault that traffic slowed, and felt obliged to tell me so in the most violent terms if we were at a stop light. Guys literally saying "I'm going to kill you" was not uncommon.

Well, I got sick of that. After all, somebody saying that when driving a car is threatening you with a deadly weapon.

I was normally carrying a big knife in my bag as part of my job (personal chef) and one time I pulled it out on said speaker, who was a lard butt in puttering compact (likely slower than me on my bike) with his wife and kids. I said "OK, do it now, but you'll end up bleeding in front of your children."

After that, I added a big can of mace to my bag. Mace (or pepper spray) inside a confined space is very nasty to be around, even if its not on your skin at all. I figure if the guy has his window rolled down to threaten me, I could get enough mace inside the car to make it impossible for him to drive.
Wow. Knife in your bag? Don't crash. nmKristin
Oct 3, 2003 9:40 AM
Frame mount, probably. nmSpunout
Oct 3, 2003 10:26 AM
folding lockbladeoff roadie
Oct 3, 2003 1:36 PM
The guy I worked for was physically hadicapped. I did the cooking (among other things) at the guys house, and carried the folder to cut up food when we weren't at home. Saves a hell of a lot of time at cheap restarants that only supply plastic utensils. It was a Gerber Gatorback from Walmart, I think they still sell them. That knife and I went some interesting places, including the Capitol building and on several airplanes (pre 9/11). People don't look at you to suspeciously when you "helping a guy in a wheelchair".

I did have a friend who was a chef in a restarant and brught his favorite chef knife home with him every day because he knew the other chefs were clutzes at knife sharpening and might knick it on meat bones. He kept it in a cardboard sheeth, which I suppose would be good enough unless you landed on it real funny. Of course, he wasn't biking to work, either.
Or he could have just driven forward. . .MisJG
Oct 3, 2003 9:43 AM
"When they came to a stop at the light I threw the bike down in front of the SUV. He could of been a wack job with a gun under the front seat"

Or he could have just driven over your bike, leaving you standing there in your lycra shorts and funny shoes feeling stupid for not protecting your bike like you should have. You threw your bike in the street? Blasphemy! Maybe he was doing you a favour by running you off the road.

You realize of course, this post is to be taken lightly.
One reason to ride a "cheap" bike. nmbimini
Oct 3, 2003 10:01 AM
I usually just spit at carsMisJG
Oct 3, 2003 9:46 AM
Most times I miss them too, but it makes me feel better. No real harm done if I hit one either. . .
I rode my bike into the car of an angry motorist.Ken of Fresno
Oct 3, 2003 9:51 AM
I was five and he deserved it. He had just gotten through polishing his El Camino and started yelling at me "Don't hit my car! Don't hit my car!" So, I did. My stingray never handled the same after that.

I rode my bike into the car of an angry motorist.wily in pacifica
Oct 3, 2003 10:04 AM
I was cut off at an intersection by a guy in an old VW Bug. I yelled something at thim and he pulls over into the 7-11 parking lot. So I go over to give him an earfull and he just starts yelling back and not getting that I had the right away. I get so frustrated that I slam the top of his car with my fist. Immediately I get out of there as I don't think he even realized, as he drove away, that his roof was now concave. I didn't want to be hanging around when he tired to get me to pay for it.

On another occasion I got in a bit of a yelling match with a couple of guys in an old Nova. Eventually I told them to either hit me or leave. I had plenty of witnesses so I knew they would not hit me. About 45 minutes later I am returning along the same route and about a half mile from the earlier incident I see the two guys sitting on the hood of the car on the side of the road. The entire front end was smashed. Based on the timing between the to incidents it seemed like they tore away from me earlier and up the road rearended another car.

As I went by I yelled, "If you haden't stopped to yell at me earlier you would not have had this accident"

Felt great the rest of the day. Hell, I still feel great about that one.

Willy in Pacifica
Stuck my tongue out at them...alansutton
Oct 3, 2003 10:36 AM
I was in front of a flashy new Audi at a stop light. The driver started to revving the engine up and down to scare me. He and two passengers were laughing at me with the windows open. When the light turned green, I pulled out SLOOOOWWWLY into the intersection. The Audi driver started honking and swearing at me. Then he passed me full throttle, looking at me a giving me the finger. He wasn't paying attention what was in front of him and he smashed into a garbage truck that was pulling out. There was glass, car parts all over and engine juices pouring out of the Audi. I stuck out my tongue when I passed them.
I did that last winteroff roadie
Oct 3, 2003 1:45 PM
I was riding on the sidewalk and this boob drove right up to the corner, plum through a stop sign and a ped crossing zone. So I didn't use my brakes quite as agressively as I normally do (hey, there was snow on the ground), and my Nokina 296 ended up plowing right into his passenger side door at low speed. Then I had to turnm it to free up my bike, which obviously dragged it across the door.

Would have been pretty trivial, except the "296" in "Noklina 296" stands for how many carbide tipped ice spikes it has...
Because I'm more of a chicken$hit that the rest of you...gf99
Oct 3, 2003 10:25 AM
I fantasize about retaliating rather than actually doing it. One time I was having such an good fantasy that I unknowingly (until afterward) blew a stop sign. The car that could have killed me managed to swerve around, but just barely. The driver just continued on his way, probably cursing yet another idiot cyclist trying to get himself killed.
dickie-wavingHot Carl
Oct 3, 2003 12:00 PM
But it was done tastefully.
Stev_o WHERES YOUR CRITIQUE???? Awefully quiet LOL "nm"CARBON110
Oct 3, 2003 12:40 PM
Police officer gets evenIan
Oct 3, 2003 12:38 PM
Well, I have chased down a school bus when the kids on it threw a soda can and hit me in the back. The driver was actually fairly pissed at the kids and offered to pull the bus off the road and call the police. And I once dented the quarter panel on the front of a car with my fist as he nearly crowded me off the road.

But, my favorite is by a police officer I know. He likes to ride alone, because of a funky schedule and rides mostly to keep in shape. Anyway, he was out one day when a hillbilly in a black pick up pulled up next to him and started cursing him. He then swerved towards my buddy, forcing him off the road and somersaulting into a ditch. My buddy got up seeing red and re-mounted his bike. The truck was to far away to get the license number, but my buddy did get a good look at the guys face (since he had the window down and was yelling) and the truck. He started to give chase. although he really didn't have a chance to catch the truck. But, then he got lucky. The truck turned into a subdivision and although my buddy was a few minutes away from the entrance, he now had a lead on the guy. He didn't find the truck (was in the garage), but as luck would also have it, he knew someone who lived in the neighborhood. He called them later that day and gave them a description of the vehicle and the driver and was able to find out where the man lived. He then showed up the next day at the man's house, in full uniform and driving his squad car. He arrested the man and took him to jail in handcuffs.

If only all of these stories could end like this one.

re: What is the Stupidist thing you have done in retaliationspankdoggie
Oct 3, 2003 1:32 PM
My father was driving his brand new car in downtown San Francisco when a messenger biker came out of no where and, yelling four letter words, slammed down on my dad's rear view mirror and broke it. My father figured the guy thought he tried to cut him off, but anyway he completely snapped and chased the cyclist all downtown, going down one way streets until he caught up to the biker. He then rammed his bumper into the back of the bicyclist and sent then the green haired, tatooed bastard flying into the air. My dad ran over the bicycle, then got out of the car to yell at the punk.

People were coming out of stores, and my dad tried to explain to them that the cyclist broke his mirror, but they were all telling him he shouldn't have run down the bike.

My dad said that is when he jumped in his car and took off. He didn't hurt the guy, but he destroyed the bike. They were even: destroyed mirror, destroyed bike...

He says he has never snapped like that in his life. I guess the motto is: beware the guy who snaps...

Also, my friend saw a cyclist break a window of a car downtown with a lock a few years ago, for getting cut off.

Myself, I just don't get cut off, but San Francisco is very bike friendly.
re: What is the Stupidist thing you have done in retaliationTNRyder
Oct 3, 2003 7:59 PM
I was climbing a short rise near my the house that I lived in in TN one afternoon when a truckload of football players from the local high school came up behind my and one of them started yelling at me to 'get off of the road and use the sidewalk f@g'. Not being gay, I took offense to this statement and started to chase the truck as we crested the hill together. It was kind of cool seeing the look on the guys faces as I passed 35 mph sprinting downhill. But in retrospect, it was kindof dumb to chase them. What would I have done if they had stopped? hit them with my minipump?