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Armstrongs to divorce....(53 posts)

Armstrongs to divorce....philippec
Sep 4, 2003 1:49 AM
so sad... esp. for the children

http://www.cnn.com/2003/LAW/09/04/armstrong.ap/index.html

now -- renewed speculation on the podum girl kisser?

A+

Philippe
re: Armstrongs to divorce....aliensporebomb
Sep 4, 2003 2:40 AM
Extremely sad. Even if he does hook up with someone new
eventually it's not like he'll be able to have kids with
them.

Also, reading bits of "It's not about the bike" sort of
ring strange now, talking about his "stud wife" and stuff
like that. I suppose parts will be rewritten.

And the next book - I wonder if it will touch on that at
all....
I agree, parts of book seem odd in retrospect...had me guessn[nmbent_spoke
Sep 4, 2003 5:42 AM
Not surprising...SilentBob
Sep 4, 2003 4:39 AM
It's not surprising that his marriage didn't work out. The guy doesn't seem to be the easiest to get along with. He's very driven and focused on his personal goals (obviously with 5 straight tour wins), and that leaves little time for a significant other. Even my friend tells me that his wife feels like she's competing with his bike for time with him... and he's not close to being out on his bike as much as Lance is. Guess there's just not enough hours in a day.
Not surprising...03Vortex
Sep 4, 2003 4:59 AM
It is sad truly. They have been through so much together and you can only applaude his/their accomplishments whether you are a cyclist or not. I agree, I believe he is so obsessed with his cycling (and he has to be) that it leaves no time for anything else. Don't forget he also has to allow time for the endorsements he does; the foundation; and a number of other obligations. He is who he is in terms of a cyclist because he legitimately trains like a maniac. I think she was truly not prepared for such a hectic life and is kind of worn down. As she said, multiple houses; 3 kids; back and forth from Europe, etc. Its a awful lot. I'm sure their time together was limited. It will be interesting to see how his life changes once he retires. We all admire him but life will slow probably after next year and he will have three young children. It is a God awful difficult balance for him to mainatin.
Amen... (nm)SilentBob
Sep 4, 2003 5:28 AM
Kids would rather have mom and dad together than 5 TdF winsContinental
Sep 4, 2003 6:28 AM
I'm ambivalent about Lance. I'm awed by his athletic abilities and inspired by his dedication, perseverence, and tolerence for pain. I don't admire him personally or consider him to be a hero. I admire people who put family first, compromise their selfish interests for the benefit of others, and stay together through very tough times. Those are my true heroes, like my mom and dad were.
he'll probably retire in a year or so... nmDougSloan
Sep 4, 2003 6:32 AM
that sucks, but half of us have been or will be thereDougSloan
Sep 4, 2003 6:24 AM
Half of marriages divorce, so it shouldn't be that surprising. Just because Lance is fast on a bike doesn't mean he should be immune from normal life problems; in fact, I'd guess that what makes Lance, Lance would likely make him a difficult husband. Being that single focused and dedicated to anything is a recipe for family troubles.

Their situation is a little more diffucult to understand since they had sort of a fantasy beginning, with his miracle survival and then string of wins, with kids right off, etc. But then, the epitome of fantasy marriages, the Prince and Princess, ended harshly, too. Sad fact of modern life.

Doug
Don't get sucked into the bad statlotterypick
Sep 4, 2003 7:30 AM
It's true that half of marriages end in divorce, BUT in reality 66-75% of first time marriages last.

The balance is made up of those who have been divorced multiple times.

Say you have a banquet table on a cruise with 9 aweosme marriages (of varying lengths) and Elizabeth Taylor sits down.

It can now be said that half of the marriages that the table have failed.

As for Lance, he would have been a much better role model if he hung up the cleats for the family.

His life would have been better, which really is what life is about, and more full of wonderful things.

Being driven by what society values in fame, power and achievement, doesn't seem that great when your personal life is a failure.

I'm sure when he's dying and his kids are around him, they'll say, we're glad you won 5-6 whatever number tour de frances. nah.
There was an interview a while ago...OffTheBack
Sep 4, 2003 7:41 AM
6 months or so ago, where a bunch of athletes were asked, "would you rather live another 10 years or be remembered for 100 years?" Lance's answer was (words to the effect of) he would definitely prefer to live another 10 years, spend more time with family & friends, who cares about being remembered.

Are his actions speaking louder than his words? Of course I don't know the whole story between him & his wife, but I wonder, if he retired from racing right now, would their marriage have a chance? Hmmm...
I would emphatically saylotterypick
Sep 4, 2003 8:05 AM
YES.

They fell in love when he was nothing (compared to now).

She would take him back in a second and love things and Lance to be as he was. Probably more humble and more real.
Not necessarilyKristin
Sep 4, 2003 8:36 AM
First of all. No one here knows why they are getting a divorce. Its all speculation. My parents got divorced AFTER my dad retired and they began spending more time together. They were two very different people who stayed together for 16 years only because my dad travelled. He was in the Navy. Once he started hanging around the house more the marraige was over.
perhapslotterypick
Sep 4, 2003 8:52 AM
but yours is a rare case.
Ha! Not actually.Kristin
Sep 4, 2003 9:22 AM
There is something called the "Navy Syndrome." A good portion of military marraiges end after the serviceman retires from the military. This is especially true of the Navy, which is the only branch that routinely takes the serviceman far from home.
Slow downlotterypick
Sep 4, 2003 10:43 AM
The percentage of marriages from navy personnel that divorce from Navy Syndrome in light of the balance of marriages not in the Navy has got to be small, wouldn't you agree. Therefore rare is a valid description.

Not wanting to assume but it appears that perhaps those people initially fell in love with the understanding of being apart as part of life. Meaning, they have long standing lives built away from each other.

the return or retirement causes a disruption of the initial situation and a disruption of the long standing life built apart. They fell in love and had a relationship that was built with scare time together not daily exposure over time.

Lance and his wife fell in love together from daily exposure over time and had a life like that (in a sense). it's my contention that his wife wants the more normal situation of the husband being a family guy (even normal joe would be a good description), rather than life jet setting and filled with outside commitments as his life has become now.

In conclusion, my theory is that the wife suffers from the opposite of Navy Syndrome. She wants Lance to be a family guy, around for them. Which if opposite of the rare Navy Syndrome, is common.
Wow. I agree with the others. You come across as quite arrogant.Kristin
Sep 4, 2003 10:50 AM
First of all, I'm not going to discuss Lance's marraige with you because I am not foolish enough to assume I know anything about the couple outside of the fact that they have decided to end the marraige. Secondly, you are completely wrong about the Navy thing. Many, many Navy families break up after retirement from the Navy. It has a lot to do with the fact that 2 incompatable or immature (or any combination thereof) couplse, can remain married indefinately if one of them is away from home for half of the year.
I don't get your pointlotterypick
Sep 4, 2003 10:57 AM
Your statement of them being incompatable (but disguised by their being apart always) or immature (again disguised by their not being together) exactly matches what I said.

They built a relationship that included not being always around (hides their incompatibility).

Don't discuss lance's marriage with me. Discuss marriage.

People here are so into being politically correct than being honest and seeing things as they are.

A man who's marriage failed is a failure as a husband (barring a luny wife). The responsibility has to fall somewhere so if we're talking about marriage, it typically falls on the husband.

Get off the bandwagon. I'm a normal, decent and well liked person, I just don't mess around when it comes to real life issues like marriage and values, which happen to be very important to me. I'm not a relativist on those issues.
Does the phrase, "Blank and white thinker," mean anything to youKristin
Sep 4, 2003 11:04 AM
I'm not gonna wade in there with you. I'm sure that when you leave work today, you'll got hang out with all your good friends and figure out exactly why Lance is a failure.
Nopelotterypick
Sep 4, 2003 11:18 AM
I'll be hustling to be with my wife and kids, by choice thank you.

We'll talk about Lance on the group ride Saturday, which jsut happens to be filled with the nicest, fundamentalist wacko Christian business guys/ teachers, etc.

Hang in there with me. I love your posts and thoughts on other threads, and this one.
wearing blinders?laffeaux
Sep 4, 2003 1:17 PM
You said, "a man who's marriage failed is a failure as a husband (barring a luny wife). The responsibility has to fall somewhere so if we're talking about marriage, it typically falls on the husband."

I say, "what are you talking about!!!??"

I had a failed marriage. I wish it had not failed. If I could go back many years and do it all over, I think I could have made it work (hind stie is 20/20). Was it "my" fault that it failed? No, it was "our" fault. It takes two to make a relationship work, and it often takes two to make it fail.

In an earlier post, you said that if Lance quit racing that things would be fine. That's likely not true either. My ex-wife and I loved each other, but by the end no matter what either one of us did or said, there would have been nothing that would have made the marriage last. Wounds run deep, and often can't be healed.

People who are divorced are not bad people. They do not go into marriage thinking that it will end in divorce. I had no plans or contingencies for divorce when I was married, as it never occured to me that it was an option. Yet here I am, divorced.

You're on a very high horse if you think what you're saying is true. Some marriages fail regardless of how hard both people try. It's sad, it's unfortunate, and it sucks. But it's true.
Don't get me wronglotterypick
Sep 4, 2003 2:36 PM
I find that more often than not the guy, including myself, is the one whos screwing up by not listening and not really seeing what the wife needs.

I'm not trying to be on a high horse. I'm aiming at perfection.

I'm married and working on it. It's gotten very good and it's not all skill.

But in truth, there are always things that can be done, but it requires humility and forgiveness, two not always common things when people are angry and hurt.

Our goal, your goal if you get married again, is to look hard at our relationship and see if there are ANY areas where we don't talk about something, are hiding something, or not in synch.

If so, we need to air it out now, tell the truth, suffer the short term ire or quite some things like riding for a time, if that's what it takes to remove those things.

If we don't then you will get to that place where calluses build and people don't talk or hear each other and they wonder what happened.

I'm human, sin every day, but in hindsight, over the long run, I think people around me think I'm the most changed person they've ever meet.

My friends were in gangs, did drugs, etc. I was around that but didn't do it (designated driver stuff). I would fight anyone, talked tons of smack, etc. I was a serious jerk.

Got married and was the same, amazing she married me. Long story short, after 5 years of marriage, I became a Christian. Neither of us were.

Over that time I've changed 180. So much so that people think there's no way I was like I was when I tell them. That's a great thing. Funny. They can't picture it...in fact, I can barely remember it.
how do you know..._rt_
Sep 4, 2003 9:45 AM
she would take him back? are you her confidant? do you know anything more about their lives than what the rest of us read in the papers? speculating that the marriage would have worked if Lance had quit his job and hung out at home more is ridiculous. How miserable do you think he would be? Would that make for a strong relationship? i doubt it.

their marriage didn't work. it's unfortunate. it's not a surprise. and it's really none of our business.

rt
I'm trying not to hurl heremohair_chair
Sep 4, 2003 10:03 AM
Amazing. This post makes me want to hurl. Seriously.

Can you be any more judgemental?

You have no idea why their marriage broke up, so stop preaching about how Lance messed things up, and how he neglected his wife and kids, etc. You have NO FRICKING IDEA what went on in their marriage. It takes a mighty arrogant person to deliver a sermon like that to Lance detailing his failures as a man, husband, and father, when you have NO FRICKING IDEA!!!

I AM going to hurl.

It's pretty easy to judge a marriage from the outside, isn't it? You should go into the counseling business.
lol! exactly!_rt_
Sep 4, 2003 10:28 AM
Go ahead and hurl. I'll join you. Jeez. nmOldEdScott
Sep 4, 2003 10:41 AM
Sorrylotterypick
Sep 4, 2003 10:51 AM
I do actually in a form.

There are basic issues surrounding what makes a good marriage. The wifes statement that it has to do with his fame and commitments, merely points to a common aspect of marriage where failures often appear.

That is priorities.

I can assure you this. He is a failure as a husband and a father since his marriage is breaking up.

Barring her being a luny case, it is his job to fix things and put everything else aside until he's got it fixed. What else in life is really more important, right?

I'm sure if his bike ain't quite right he'd demand to get it fixed, but his marriage apparently, not so.

Now you and your cohorts won't like it or agree with it, but that doesn't mean it's not true.
do you charge for your time?_rt_
Sep 4, 2003 11:03 AM
your armchair analysis is facinating.

rt
do you charge for your time?lotterypick
Sep 4, 2003 11:07 AM
These are just musings, right?

We're just talking. But if you need I'll certainly talk with you about something else or more specific.

My time is expensive, at least that's what the founder of our company tells people.
Fundamentalist sanctimony always just SETTLES things,OldEdScott
Sep 4, 2003 11:09 AM
doesn't it? Must be comforting to have inside access to all knowledge and Truth. You guys need to be in charge. You'd get us whipped into shape.
May I hurl, too?KG 361
Sep 4, 2003 1:05 PM
You are exactly correct. We have no idea AT ALL of what is/was going on in their marriage. Sitting and discussing it over beers/on the message board/on talk shows does absolutely nothing. It's their life; our postulations about why they broke up do nada.
In your opinion!Zman
Sep 4, 2003 1:17 PM
Unless you are Lance you can not make that call!
Frankly, it's none of my business...kjr39
Sep 4, 2003 8:04 AM
Let us try and respect their privacy, eh?
re: Armstrongs to divorce....MKD
Sep 4, 2003 8:05 AM
She knew what his life was like before she married him. Obviously he became more popular since then. I bet she enjoys spending the millions that he makes and will continue to with alamony. It kills me that that when people get together that they expect them to change. I will never give up my adventurous lifestyle for a relationship. Now he will probably win a couple of more tours for sure without headaches which probably was the biggest factor with the tight margin of victory this year. They should of not had kids until he was done if lack of family time was a factor. I feel bad for the kids. Also it seems that LA is not the easiest person to live with from reading his book. (I had to stick up for his wife just a little) She seemed like she was playing the role of first lady supporting her husband until the tour was over like Hiliary did. I am suprised she didn't stick it out until he won #6 though. Hopefully LA with have some money left over after Kristin for his domestiques. My 2 cents.
Walk a mile in those shoes,TJeanloz
Sep 4, 2003 8:06 AM
What people have a hard time seeing is that Lance has a fundamentally different life than he did when they were married.

When Lance and Kristen were married:
1) Lance needed and leaned on Kristen for support
2) Very few people believed he would have a cycling career, beyond MAYBE being a third-rate domestic pro
3) Winning the Tour was a complete pipe-dream

The odds of Lance being where he is today were only slightly higher than you or I being where he is today - a five time tour winner, much in demand from sponsors, media etc. Basically, the marriage became entirely different than it looked like it would be. How would your spouse feel if you suddenly, and unexpectedly, became a superstar?

Think about that for a minute. And how different their life became than what they might have reasonably expected.
be careful for what you wish for...you just might get it (nm)ColnagoFE
Sep 4, 2003 8:31 AM
I prayedlotterypick
Sep 4, 2003 8:54 AM
to not be famous or rich.

He granted it in spades, and life is great.

You're right and I'm thankful for what I've got...and it ain't no terminal illness. now that's something to be thankful for.
...'fundamentally different life'Steve_0
Sep 4, 2003 8:52 AM
World Sprint Tri Champ in 89 and 90
93 Triple Crown Winner
93 US champ
Oslo in 93
Two Olympic showings
Great finsh at WRR and numerous wins in 98.

I think she realized she was marrying a dedicated athlete.
No,TJeanloz
Sep 4, 2003 9:09 AM
She was marrying a retired athlete, who had virtually no chance of a comeback, and would remain an obscurity in his home country for the rest of his life.

How close was he to hanging up the bike for good in early 1998? Very.

There's no question that he was a great athlete before they were married, but there was an expectation that he would not be afterwords.
yesSteve_0
Sep 4, 2003 9:14 AM
A retired athlete who, from the onset of his illness publically vowed to again be a competive cyclist.
I don't believe I saw that,TJeanloz
Sep 4, 2003 9:29 AM
Expectation was certainly not that Lance Armstrong would ever win the Tour de France, let alone five. There was speculation that he might, if he survived, race one year on the USPS domestic squad.

But, correct me if I'm wrong, nobody expected Lance Armstrong to be a world-class cyclist post-cancer.
yesSteve_0
Sep 4, 2003 10:30 AM
A retired athlete who, from the onset of his illness publically vowed to again be a competive cyclist.
I agree and she probably thought she could change that. nmMKD
Sep 4, 2003 9:29 AM
Perhaps this was one of the "things people don't know about""PseuZQ
Sep 4, 2003 8:24 AM
That he referenced during the tour? Seems a little more serious than a saddle sore.
re: Armstrongs to divorce....Sao
Sep 4, 2003 8:39 AM
How do we know his life would've been better had he hung up his cleats and dedicated himself to his family? We don't know. So why speculate?

What we do know is that, whatever his personal issues, he won 5 TdFs and is probably the greatest American bike racer ever.
How is a skinny guy like that ever going to attract women?LC
Sep 4, 2003 9:00 AM
Just imagine him trying to pick up a chick in a bar:

So what do you do?

I ride bikes for a living.

Yea, I had one of those messenger boyfriends before. I think he is in jail now.

No, I ride in like 100+ mile events.

Oh, so you don't have a car either.
lots of bling bling? ;) (nm)ColnagoFE
Sep 4, 2003 9:06 AM
I'm not sure. But...PseuZQ
Sep 4, 2003 9:11 AM
I'm volunteering at the T-Mobile International.

Maybe I should wear a teddy!!
Now I am going for sure. nmMKD
Sep 4, 2003 9:29 AM
How is a skinny guy like that ever going to attract women?Eric F
Sep 4, 2003 9:59 AM
I think the tried and true

Hey I have millions of dollars and am world famous

will work just fine
Oh, lets' see.....money? Fame? Pick one. nmKG 361
Sep 4, 2003 1:12 PM
can I ask something?ET
Sep 4, 2003 10:59 AM
After testicular cancer treatment, can Lance still, well, do it, if you know what I mean? Not to speculate on what went wrong, but if he can't, well, that's a big part of a marriage.
I dont believe treatment affects bloodflow. nm.Steve_0
Sep 4, 2003 11:09 AM