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Oh, the shame....the shame....(3 posts)

Oh, the shame....the shame....Gregory Taylor
Aug 25, 2003 7:26 AM
Scene I: Sunday morning Lardbutt Ride

The Lardbutt paceline is noodling toward home after the normal 50-miler. They come up to a cycist who is off to the side of the road, fiddling with his bike.

"Got everything you need?"

Sheepishly, the rider responds "Well, actually no."

The 'Butts pull over. It's a simple flat tire. Tools and pumps are exchanged, polite chit-chat ensues. Soon, it is discovered why the stranded rider was so embarassed to admit that he was about 30 seconds from having to call his wife to pick him up.

The guy is the manager of a local bike shop. He KNOWS better than to go out without a tube and pump. The dude was trying out a new Giant that had just come into the shop and he figured that, what with the new tires, etc., he shouldn't have a problem.

Oh, the shame...

(I wasn't there -- the was related to me by a fellow Lardbutt, between gales of laughter)

Scene II: The Mt. Vernon Bike Trail, my evening commute home.

It's a warm, humid summer evening. I'm nearing the end of my commute home from work, honking up a grade on the fixed gear. Up ahead there is a woman rider on a hybrid, decked out in bike shorts and jog bra. She looks to be in her late thirties, a little zaftig, obviously out for some evening exercise. Good for her! As I approach to overtake her, I notice a strange lump in the backside of her bike shorts, which are slung fairly low. As I pass, I nearly fall off the bike from laughter. Poking out of the top of her shorts, jammed between her ample butt cheeks, is a cell phone. You can actually see the buttons outlined in the lycra, and the antenna is poking out the the top of her waistband


There are just too many hideous possibilities here.

Would you want to put that thing up to your mouth or ear to talk? How do you fish it out to answer a call? What if someone wants to borrow your phone?

"Honey, can I borrow your cell phone?"

"Sure dear, here it is."

"Dang, honey, this thing smells nasty."

"What do you mean, dear?"

"Man, this thing smells like butt. Did something die in your purse?"

Oh, the shame...the shame....
What about the Dingle-Berries? nmeschelon
Aug 25, 2003 9:35 AM
Eschelon is single male, yes? nmKristin
Aug 25, 2003 9:46 AM