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I screwed up BIG TIME! Urgent help needed.(22 posts)

I screwed up BIG TIME! Urgent help needed.Spoiler
Aug 18, 2003 11:14 PM
If you've read below, you'll see that I purchased a bottle of liquid latex for protecting the sidewalls of my tires from dry-rot.

After coating the sidewalls of my tires with the liquid latex, I saw that I had hardly made a dent in the bottle.

I was bored, one thing led to another, long story short, I wound up tea-bagging my nads in a bowl full of the milky goo.
After letting the boys airdry, I started to try to peel it off. I quickly realized I'd have to rip out all my sac-fur along with the dried latex.

Any adice would be greatly appreciated. Better yet, I'll give you my address and you can pay me a house call and assist me with the delicate extraction process.
Aug 19, 2003 1:40 AM
Spoiler, I knew you were a jackass when you were first posting your tour de france spoiler posts last year.

Now you win the award. That is the dumbest ass post, I have ever seen. Even though you are a teenager it is inexcusable.

Doug, please delete.
Por Favor?

Spoiler, you are a jackass.
And, Spoiler, you can kiss my ass, you bastard.
Aug 19, 2003 6:58 AM
Can you imagine someone actling like a clown to get attention? You'd never do that.
He's juvenile by choice but makes people laugh. Your immature also but you don't have a choice and you just make people mad. Does this mean that deep down you wish you could make people laugh?
Post more pics of animals humping. That's all your good at.
re: I screwed up BIG TIME! Urgent help needed.mackgoo
Aug 19, 2003 4:13 AM
Get a blow torch and reliquify it, it will come right off.
Thank you for the help.Spoiler
Aug 19, 2003 6:43 AM
While others chose to mock me and rain insults, (jealous much?) you saw the post for what it was, simple request for practical advice. Blowing my nads had the goo dripping on seconds. I feel like a new man.
What a great visual that is. I'll welcome back my earworm! nmrwbadley
Aug 19, 2003 6:52 AM
re: I screwed up BIG TIME! Urgent help needed.FatManLittleBike
Aug 19, 2003 4:29 AM
I'll give him five points for fitting the word "tea-bagging" into a sentence. Rather creative but totally inappropriate.
re: I screwed up BIG TIME! Urgent help needed.Alpedhuez55
Aug 19, 2003 4:46 AM
THis is the funniest thing I have ever read. I say why stop at the beans. Coat the frank as well. You can have your own built in condom and may even qualify for a Darwin Award ;)

If you are looking for help, I saw Fabio taking off some guy's chest hair on TV with some waxing product he endorses. Maybe you can give him a call.

Mike Y.
Post on Golf review - they play with small balls nmafrican
Aug 19, 2003 4:57 AM
While I thoroughly disapprove of this postOldEdScott
Aug 19, 2003 6:12 AM
this here:

"I was bored, one thing led to another, long story short, I wound up tea-bagging my nads in a bowl full of the milky goo."

is a DAMN funny and well-written sentence!
funny thing about this is...ColnagoFE
Aug 19, 2003 7:04 AM
you just know someone has actually done this before.
Yeah, and this post compresses theOldEdScott
Aug 19, 2003 7:20 AM
whole sordid story into that great throwaway line "one thing led to another." You can just see some GUY, thinking, hmmmm ...
"Journal of Irreproducible Results"PaulCL
Aug 19, 2003 9:03 AM
An actual medical journal printed in England. This journal looks at those one in a million people in a study who had really bizarre results from a new drug, or the weird ER visits. This story fits right in. Some idiot has probably done it.

A couple of recollections that fit with this story:
1. numerous men reporting to the ER with their, ugh, "manhood" stuck in a vacuum hose. As in "oops I slipped". Yeah right.
2. My favorite. A study of a new antibiotic. 3 men,a few more women had the same 'adverse' reaction. While on the new antibiotic, everytime they sneezed, they had an orgasm. The men were in pain, the women wanted more.

So, I'm sure some idiot has dipped his "tea-bags" into latex.
JIR-not medical and no way realandy02
Aug 19, 2003 9:37 AM
Are you surePaulCL
Aug 19, 2003 9:45 AM
Not that I'm questioning your facts, its' just that I first read the journal sitting in my medical school library. The journal was among other "medical" journals. I just assumed that the numbers and 'facts' they gathered were real, but unusual. I gathered that articles were submitted to them by MDs or researchers like every other journal.

Here's their webpage:

Hey...if I'm wrong, its too bad becuase I've been searching for that antibiotic for ten years now. What a waste of my time................
The Straight Dope on vacuum cleaner erotica.Spoiler
Aug 19, 2003 11:16 AM
This makes latex dipping look positively practical.

Dear Cecil:

What can you tell us about vacuum cleaner wounds to the penis? This malady apparently afflicts an informational underclass who think that a vacuum cleaner can simulate fellatio. --Inquiring Mind, Chicago

Cecil replies:

Got those midwinter blues, kids? Cecil has just the thing to brighten up your dull lives. Several cases of "penile injuries from vacuum cleaners" were reported about ten years ago in the British Medical Journal. The injury reports are classic:

"Case 1--A 60-year-old man said that he was changing the plug of his Hoover Dustette vacuum cleaner in the nude while his wife was out shopping. It 'turned itself on' and caught his penis, causing tears around the external meatus.... Multiple lacerations of the glans [were] repaired with catgut.

"Case 2--A 65-year-old railway signalman was in his signal box when he bent down to pick up his tools and 'caught his penis in a Hoover Dustette, which happened to be switched on.' He suffered extensive lacerations to the glans.

"Case 3--A 49-year-old man was vacuuming his friend's staircase in a loose-fitting dressing gown, when, intending to switch the machine off, he leaned across to reach the plug; 'at that moment his dressing gown became undone and his penis was sucked into the vacuum cleaner.'"

I think it is very unfair of you to suggest that these tragic victims were involved in unnatural acts. Here they were, just trying to keep things tidy, when they were attacked by a treacherous appliance. The real fault lies with the Hoover company for manufacturing such a dangerous product. But even the doctors are snickering, the cads. The report quoted above concludes, "the Hoover Dustette [has] fan blades about 15 cm from the inlet. The present patients may well have thought that the penis would be clear of the fan but were driven to new lengths by the novelty of the experience and came to grief." New lengths, indeed. Just wait till it happens to you.


Celil Adams is the Lance Armstrong of useless information. All this research has done flung a powerful hunger on me. Now I'm going to go feast on a meal of ziti with Italian sausage.
re: I screwed up BIG TIME! Urgent help needed.wspokes
Aug 19, 2003 6:24 AM
I can honestly say this is inappropriate post but I still haven't stopped laughing continously. Very well written Spoiler. I honestly can't endorse this type of behavior but if anyone has know the last few days I have been having..I needed this laugh. Good Luck to your nardy boys.
Hang on buddy...rwbadley
Aug 19, 2003 6:49 AM
I've got three young women between the ages of nineteen and twenty-two on their way over right now.

They have had their teeth specially filed to razor-like sharpness, and have been instructed on the proper technique of extraction for those bad boys you've got penned up.

I have had them practicing on grapes dipped in chocolate all morning. Let me tell you, they know what they are doing.

Please, send them back as soon as they have freed your prisoners...

Good luck, and have fun.

someone watched sex and the city the other night nmrufus
Aug 19, 2003 7:24 AM
No, I think he rented the Jackass movie ;-) nmAlpedhuez55
Aug 19, 2003 7:54 AM
Cox PPV. Best $2.50 a juvenile-delinquent ever spent. nmSpoiler
Aug 19, 2003 11:54 AM
re: I screwed up BIG TIME! Urgent help needed.soulsurfer104
Aug 20, 2003 4:49 PM
hahaha i haven't laughed that hard in a long time. thanks for the humor. oh and ya, you definately deserve the jackass-post of the year award. and induction into the jackass hall of fame. and maybe ur name on a plaque. and......