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Males only....really dumb question(41 posts)

Males only....really dumb questiondumbquestion
Aug 7, 2003 11:42 AM
Last warning...Females can hit their back key now.

This is really a dumb question, since wearing tight bike shorts, I haven't figured out where to.....well how do I say this...put it. Up? Down? I am an average male (trying to be polite here) and no matter where I ..."put it" it seems to end up in the same place stuck in the middle, kind of uncomfortable.
John Holmes syndrome?C-40
Aug 7, 2003 11:52 AM
I don't have much of a problem, mine tucks down fine. Up would look obvious. Of course, if you're sitting on it, that might hurt. Are you one of those guys who says "Damn that water's cold!" when you sit on the pot? Had a friend with that "problem" once.
John Holmes syndrome?boyd2
Aug 7, 2003 11:57 AM
Did you make this name up just to post this question?

Try bibs. They help keep things up and out of the way.
don't know John?C-40
Aug 7, 2003 12:03 PM
He's quite famous among porn fans. One of the most well endowed gentlemen in the business. Unfortunately died of AIDS.
I actually used to work with Johnny Holmescyclopathic
Aug 7, 2003 4:03 PM
John Homes Jr, actually. His father is a judge in Arlington Co, VA.
That's funny, my Mom dated a judge from Arlington Co. nmMike P
Aug 8, 2003 3:44 AM
I've been a lawyer in and around Arlington Co. for 16 yrs, andbill
Aug 8, 2003 10:06 AM
I don't know any Judge Homes, John, Sr, or otherwise.
John Holmes syndrome?PdxMark
Aug 7, 2003 12:04 PM
Peeing off a boat, the one guy brags "damn the water's cold." His friend, peeing next to him, says "And deep too."
"Welcome to Jamaica...have a nice day!"NatC
Aug 7, 2003 12:12 PM
email me if you need more than just the punch line.
Wendy??Charlie Amerique
Aug 7, 2003 1:21 PM
I love that joke...
LOL, this has got to be an original...asphalt assault
Aug 7, 2003 11:59 AM
I just let it wander where ever it wants, it sort of has a mind of itself own like that.
LOL! Best Cycling Related Thread in a While (more)...Fez
Aug 8, 2003 9:24 AM
Having a pad in the cycling shorts kind of keeps things from getting too scary.

What IS really scary is seeing people in other sports wearing spandex shorts with NO cycling pad. Then you see all kinds of crazy stuff like in one of the photos posted below.

That's kind of like the male equivalent of cameltoe.
isn't this good problem to have?cyclopathic
Aug 7, 2003 12:02 PM
I almost said it 8-P
Dress up as often as possible...NatC
Aug 7, 2003 12:06 PM
Becomes more important the older you get. Or if that's uncomfortable, maybe cut a relief hole in the front of your shorts? Al fresco! Ahhhhh, summertime...

Don't forget your sunscreen!
Spanky and his GangMR_GRUMPY
Aug 7, 2003 12:06 PM
Too much spankin'
I take it you don't wear boxersColnagoFE
Aug 7, 2003 12:08 PM
Let it go where it's most comfortable man!
re: Males only....really dumb questiondumbquestion
Aug 7, 2003 12:16 PM
I think you misunderstood. If I were John Holmes, I wouldn't have this problem. I am just an average sized male...most people understand AVERAGE.

names have been changed to protect the innocent
Not up, not up, not up!!!!Kristin
Aug 7, 2003 12:26 PM
I'm sorry, but I must answer. Please men. For the love of all that is good and right in the world. PLEASE keep it behind the chamois!! At the end of a ride, its a little awkward to hold conversations with men when their...erm...wants to come out and meet the neighbors. Quite honestly, its too much information. Doubely awkward, btw, if your wife is standing next to you at the time. Before the post ride socializing begins, please adjust. Thanks so much!
Sorry Kristin but comfort over fashion.....Dave Hickey
Aug 7, 2003 12:40 PM
For me, up is more comfortable:-)
I agree . . .up . . .ms
Aug 7, 2003 12:53 PM
Sorry, but my comfort wins out over Kristen's sensibilities. Now, certain shorts obscure things (e.g., Assos) better than others (e.g., PI microsensor -- most pro team kit repros). At least we are not wearing thongs (may Mr. Thong rest in peace) or Speedos (like our tri-geek brethren).
A Tri Geek RespondsMisJG
Aug 7, 2003 12:58 PM
We don't wear speedos for regular training rides, just in competition. I have my cycling shorts tan lines just like the rest of you! Now, for the question of up vs anywhere else. Kristin is a little right, up for the ride, adjust when the ride is over. Better yet, change into the Kilt after the ride!! Maybe funknuggets wouldn't be so funky then. . .
No, not a kilt!...asphalt assault
Aug 7, 2003 5:00 PM
Saw a guy show up at the MTB trailhead in a kilt one morning...not a cool thing imo.
what goes down must come up. nmdivve
Aug 7, 2003 1:40 PM
How did you get here?DCP
Aug 7, 2003 2:50 PM
Didn't see the males only sign?

Geez, where are guys supposed to go to discuss their privates in private. . . . What a minute. . . . Forget I said that. Just slipped out. Honest.
Don't look down!CritLover
Aug 7, 2003 6:03 PM
I dunno Kristen, my single gal friends and I always enjoy the post race show. Gives us some enjoyment after the misery of racing. I say LONG LIVE SPANDEX!
Yes UP!jhart11
Aug 7, 2003 6:31 PM
Hey Kristen, keep your laws off my body! Seriously, jog bras are distracting to us guys, but wearing a jog bra is a woman's perogative. How dare you tell me were to position my "erm." If a man tried to tell a woman how to postion her upstairs assets because the air temperature is cold (if you get my meaning), that would, I assure you be received with virulent hostility. Rather than expect us to position our units uncomfortably, how about seeking recourse in with the obvious option...just don't look/stare. Mabey if you cover your jog bra up, then your riding buddies "erms" won't come out to meet the neighbors. In the meantime, my "erm" will always be pointed Northward!
Um. I'm always tasteful.Kristin
Aug 7, 2003 7:06 PM
Sweetie. I am always dressed appropriately. Its not that I don't dress attractively, I do. Anyone can know by looking at me that I'm a woman. But you'll never see me walking around in a sports bra or any kinda bra for that matter. That's not my style. So, your the only one here who seems to want to flaunt something.
hey, you women always complain that we talk to your chestsrufus
Aug 8, 2003 6:01 AM
what are you looking down there for anyway? look us in the eye when you talk to us! otherwise we feel like we're only sex objects. ;)
John Thomas likes to see where he's going, therefore up (nm)terry b
Aug 7, 2003 12:39 PM
John Thomas likes to see where he's going, therefore up (nm)dumbquestion
Aug 7, 2003 12:44 PM
Even though he starts up...he always ends up stuck in the middle....oh well.....guess I am just not quite blessed enough.
Perhaps a Pam Anderson stem decal? (nm)53T
Aug 7, 2003 1:08 PM
...tight trousers...I mean, we've got armadillosgeeker
Aug 7, 2003 1:21 PM
in our trousers...they just run, screaming...
this is what kristin is afraid of.EpicX
Aug 7, 2003 1:23 PM
present arms!
Why'd she hang the medals around their necks?noveread
Aug 7, 2003 1:29 PM
To answer the question at, er, hand... uh... up for the ride, adjust afterwards...

The Empty Wrapper
Oh my. LOLKristin
Aug 7, 2003 1:29 PM
Yes, that is what I am talking about.
too funny..she appears to be checking out the wedding tackle-nmColnagoFE
Aug 7, 2003 1:59 PM
When in doubt...steve-z
Aug 7, 2003 2:37 PM
I whip it out.
The dreaded turtle!t0adman
Aug 7, 2003 2:49 PM
I know what you're talking about. Just keep pulling it out and shoving it down, or even to the side. Up doesn't seem to work for me. Personally, I'm a post ride adjuster - the post-centure "wedding tackle" should be properly stored.
Go with the 3 or 4 O'clock or 7 or 8 O'clock positionTig
Aug 7, 2003 7:45 PM
The over and then bent down works to keep it under the pad, around the twins, but not in the way. Sometimes it wonders off to the 3 or 9 O'clock position during riding, but so what. It beats the 12 or 6 O'clock directions.

Whew, I said "clock" each time!
up, definitely up.jw25
Aug 8, 2003 7:24 AM
I started out tucking it to the side, trying to keep it behind the chamois. Usually this was comfortable enough, as I was doing mainly mountain at the time, and the riding position's more upright.
When I got a road bike, though, I soon discovered there were priorities down there. I started moving everything up, to keep the boys away from the saddle, and everyone was happy.
Sure, it shows off what I got, but hey, it's what I got - I'm not ashamed. Besides, you're already showing off most of what you have in the lycra.
A lot depends on the fit of the shorts, obviously. Bibs seem better at keeping everything in place, for some reason. I gave a couple pairs of Biemme bibs, and a pair of Volers, that work great. My Cannondale shorts work well, but they're 10 panel, and fit a little better than some others.
My Garneau shorts let stuff move around, so a good tuck is essential for them.
I toss it over the shoulder (nm)wolfereeno
Aug 8, 2003 10:14 PM