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With the endless style/Fred/poseur discussions(20 posts)

With the endless style/Fred/poseur discussionsgeeker
Jul 24, 2003 10:43 AM
I thought I'd post this old material from Usenet. FWIW. I'll say no more.

'It appears that the time has come to revisit the Rick Denney cycling
food chain and I quote:

"After conducting detailed research, I have created the definitive
list for all cycling snobs to provide much-need guidance on Who To
Snub Without Remorse. I provide this service to all of you free of

By the way, I don't care if mountain bikes are 60% of the market. If
your knobbies have never been off the pavement, then you are The Rest
of the World.

Here's the Modified Comprehensive Cycling Food Chain:

-Roadies--Cat I/II
-Trackies--All, but they must own their own track bike
-Roadies--Cat III/IV
-Roadies--Cat V
-Triathletes--Age Groupers wearing Speedos in a group ride (plus all
of below)
-Triathletes--Age Groupers with forward position, 650 wheels, aerobars
and normal cycling clothing
-Triathletes--Age Groupers on normal road bikes with aerobars
-Tourists--Loaded, cross-country, self-guided tours
-Tourists--Loaded, cross-country, guided tours
-Tourists--Loaded, organized vacation group
-Tourists--Non-loaded, organized vacation group in mountains (e.g.
Pedal the Peaks
-Tourists--Non-loaded, organized vacation group in mere hills (e.g.
Texas Hill Country Tour)
-Tourists--Weekend century riders
-Club riders with Fancy Road Bikes
-Club riders with Normal Road Bikes
-Club riders with Aerobars
-Recreational MTBers (off-road only)
-Commuters with fenders, panniers, and lights
-Commuters with panniers and lights
-Commuters on racing bikes
-The Rest of the World

Messengers are orthogonal to this ranking.

If you are riding in a group, you gain Obnoxiousness Points for acting
as if you are higher on the list, and Humility Points for acting as if
you are lower on the list. Both points are Bonus Points, depending on
who you are trying to impress.

Now, you must adjust your position based on the following Unspoken
Rules (never read these aloud):

If your bike is Italian, you may move up one notch. If your bike is
British, and you are a tourist, you may move up one notch; otherwise,
you must move down two notches. If your bike is aero, and you are a
triathlete, you may move up one notch.

Move up a notch this year only if you have nine-speed. Move down a
notch for each cog short of eight (nine starting next year).

Move down a notch if you have a triple up front, unless your are a
tourist. If you are tourist and have only two chainrings, then move
down to the Tourists--Weekend Century Rider rank even if you have

The Uniqueness Limit allows only two bikes of the same make and model
in any one group. If the limit is exceeded, then all riders of the
offending make and model must move down a notch for each excess bike.

If you have visible scars, you may move up two notches, unless you are
a mountain biker. If you are a mountain biker and have no visible
scars, you must move down one notch. If you have scars in an area that
is not displayable in public, and you can persuade a member of the
opposite sex to admire it, then you can move up two notches, but not
in combination with below.

The above is correlated to the Getting Regular Sex factor. If you are
getting any, and you are male, then move up four notches. Add two more
notches if your partner is in the riding group. Add another notch
still if everyone else is flirting with her. This factor does not
apply if you are married, even if you are getting regular sex.

If you ride a team jersey for any team you have never joined, then you
must move down two notches. If your jerseys are tattered from use,
then you may move up a notch. If you are a roadie, and wear sleeveless
jerseys, then move down a notch. Drop a notch if your jerse
end of quotegeeker
Jul 24, 2003 10:46 AM
'" Drop a notch if your jersey
advertises a brand better than the one you own. Drop four notches if
you are wearing a T-shirt. Drop four notches if you are wearing
non-cycling shorts (unless they are speedos).

If you do not shave your legs, move down three notches.

If you ride Campagnolo, move up a notch, unless it's Record, in which
case move up two notches. If you ride Shimano, move down a notch,
unless it's Dura Ace, which is neutral.

If your bike is titanium, move up two notches. If it is high-end
carbon, move up one notch. If it is aluminum, move down a notch,
unless it's a Felt, in which case you can move up a notch. QR's are
neutral, but only for triathletes. If you are a tourist, and your bike
is not steel, move down three notches.

If you have aero wheels, move up a notch, unless you are a tourist, in
which case move down a notch.

If you ride tubulars, move up a notch.

If you ride with toe clips, then move to the bottom of the list.

Move up a notch if you train on a fixed gear in the early season. Move
up another notch if you train on a real track bike.

Move down a notch for each stupid question.

Move down four notches if you use the phrase "I'm a triathlete" in any
group of Roadies, Trackies, and/or Club Riders.

Move down a notch for each 15 pounds excess weight,unless you are
wearing a Speedo, in which case move down two notches. Pronounced
cycling-short tan lines move you up a notch, but only in the Summer.
In the Winter, such tan lines move you up two notches.

If, during the application of the above Unspoken Rules, you ever dip
into the The Rest of the World Category, then you must stay there.
Subsequent Bonus Points become null and void.

Note that non-roadies may choose not to participate in the above
ranking system. Roadie participation, however, is required.

I hope this detailed approach to this serious problem will assist all
of you in determining who to snub."
Jul 24, 2003 11:55 AM
Pretty funny, and by most stadards I guess I'm a "fred" and a "poser". A couple years ago when I started riding seriously I bought a Liquigas jersey, bibs, and gloves because I like how it looked. Turns out the Nalini gear is also very functional and comfortable. I went down hard a little over a year ago and shattered my left colarbone. The jersey got road rash marks and tears along the back so I guess it's not as "fred" any more. I recently decided to try and look at mismatched as possible. The whole elitist road cycling crap makes me ill. Ride hard and enjoy yourself and I don't care what you wear. My riding buddy is a machine - in the last two years he's done two 200+ mile rides, a half-ironman, and some crazy climbing rides. He still uses mountain bike pedals and shoes that look like they are for skateboarding (with clips). He wears baggy mountain bike shorts with an insert and a surfing shirt or t-shirt. WHO CARES! I entered my first crit the other day and got my ass handed to me. The group lapped me twice but I kept grinding until I just couldn't go on. A few guys from a club team ran into me about 15 miles down the road on my way home and complimented me for coming out and giving it a shot. I was totally "fredded" out and they didn't care. Cool guys. Renewed my faith in cyclists not all being snobs. Ride hard, have fun, look silly if you like!
One entry incorrect ...Humma Hah
Jul 24, 2003 2:05 PM
>>If you ride with toe clips, then move to the bottom of the list.

There are exceptions to this. If you ride a top-of-the-line bike built 1975 or earlier, or a bike built with chromed lugs, or a bona-fide track bike, then toe clips are neutral. If you ride one of the above with clipless pedals, move to the bottom of the list.
One entry incorrect ...Darkangelamd
Jul 24, 2003 2:54 PM
>If you ride with toe clips, then move to the bottom of the list.

What if you can't find bike shoes in your size? I wear a size 17, 62 EURO.... They only make up to a 52...
One entry incorrect ...yeah right
Jul 24, 2003 3:10 PM
you buy sidis like the rest of us guys with big feet...(they make a 52, which is about size 17 US. If you had 62's you'd put bigfoot to shame and a half)
LOL - notice how little clothing matters nmdzrider
Jul 24, 2003 11:14 AM
And when it does, overdressing loses points! (nm)Humma Hah
Jul 25, 2003 8:30 AM
"unless it's Felt" -- what's the reason for that, eh?globalhelipimp
Jul 24, 2003 12:04 PM
I'm quite a newb and had been looking at Felt bikes
throughout my bike search.

good question...funknuggets
Jul 24, 2003 12:32 PM
only guys that ride felt around here are the triguys... nothing really notable about the rigs. Typically are setup forward, but dont appear to be as aero as Cervelo... which are also predominanly only ridden by triguys around here... which is Kansas City, but who knows if that trend is the same everywhere else.
The list is some years old...geeker
Jul 24, 2003 1:13 PM
thus, for instance, the "8/9 speed" stuff should be bumped up by a speed. I think Felt started out as a pretty exclusive private builder. Now that the bikes are mass-produced, the clause probably shouldn't apply. But I didn't want to edit somebody else's material. [FWIW, I'm craning my neck to look up at riders in the "rest of the world" category. ;-)]
Jul 25, 2003 8:56 AM
How many times have you seen a Felt bike in a group ride? I have never seen another Felt and I ride with hundreds of different people throughout the week.
depends on the localeJS Haiku Shop
Jul 25, 2003 9:57 AM
I see them 2-3 times per week on a sunny week.

when the weather's not 80*F+ and sunny, forget it.

probably because the lower-end felt bikes are sold by our local LBS and local tri specialist.

no offense intended in the least to anyone riding a Felt, but they don't do anything for me.
What about RAAMsters, et al? (nm)PseuZQ
Jul 24, 2003 12:55 PM
Gods do not fit into this mortal scheme. (nm)Humma Hah
Jul 25, 2003 10:24 AM
Commuters on racing bikes???MaRider
Jul 24, 2003 4:38 PM
Commuters on racing bikes are listed at the bottom of the list. What gives? I am occasionally commuting to and from work (35mi round trip), and I'll be damned if I didn't use my road bike.
For people high up in the ranking..Qubeley
Jul 24, 2003 4:42 PM
such as cat123 racers, watch out for the "Randonneurs". Some of these guys disguise themselves as lowly tourist, when in fact they are on top of the food chain. So high that you don't even realize there is another ranking--sort of like Illuminati.
Show absolute respect to someone you think are possible Randonneur, at least don't look down at them. 'cause more than likely, that old fart has 5 shiny Colnago sitting at home..
Jul 25, 2003 8:59 AM
If they are Colnago with Shimano on them then he moves to the bottom of this list! ha ha!

God I love the 'weemons'! To the top!
Jul 24, 2003 7:58 PM
what they fail to mentionDougSloan
Jul 25, 2003 9:36 AM
Up to a certain point, there's almost an inverse relationship between ranking and social skills.