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Corollary to Kristin's Crash Poll: Funniest biff you've ever witnessed?(8 posts)

Corollary to Kristin's Crash Poll: Funniest biff you've ever witnessed?lonefrontranger
Mar 14, 2003 10:27 AM
Most of us have seen our ride buddies do something really inane from time to time, which results in no injury but a lot of hilarity. You know, getting loose on a technical downhill, bailing out and "ghost-riding" the MTB into a tree, that kind of thing. I've done a lot of stupid ones myself; probably my favorite was when as a neophyte MTB'er, I went sailing off a drop-in in flat light on a really dry and dusty motocross trail, only to discover there was a hidden jump about halfway down. Having no clue as to balance or keeping my weight back, I did the inevitable flying "W" and landed on my back in the soft, silty dust. As I lay there trying to figure out what the hell just happened, I heard this pathetic sniveling from the top of the drop-in. I caught my breath and told the guys in disgust that "it's okay to laugh, I'm fine". Cue sounds of hysterical guffaws. My ride buddies claimed the impact looked like a mini-Hiroshima, with a 30-foot mushroom cloud of dust.

The funniest crash I ever witnessed was back in '92 when they still ran the Wright State Cyclocross series in Beavercreek, Ohio. My old mentor / coach was in a tight series points competition with his arch rival and training partner. The course was really slippery and muddy and there was a pretty technical descent that was getting greasier as the race wore on. My coach was in a heated 2-up battle on the lead with his arch-rival, and on the final lap he managed to gain the uper hand coming through the runup approaching this descent. He was worried he wouldn't be able to outsprint his rival on the line, so he put the hammer down hard going over the top, and probably got a little overzealous. About midway down the descent, he lost it and parted company with the bike. The bike went tumbling down the hill ahead of him, hooked the bars on a little sapling, and just like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon, the damn tree flung the bike *all the way back up the hill*!! Well, you can't finish a race without your bike, so the poor guy had to crawl / grovel through the mud BACK up the hill to retrieve his bike, meanwhile his rival passed him hooting with laughter and taunting him. My coach was livid.

Karmic justice: the next race in the series his rival endo'd on the same descent and destroyed his front brake.
Several years ago, I built up a MTB for a youngOldEdScott
Mar 14, 2003 10:49 AM
lady I know who wanted to get into riding. Bike had V-brakes, and I wasn't sure about the adjustment. She gets on the bike for her first test ride, and as she comes zipping by me for the first time, I call: "Test out those brakes!" She says "Huh?" I yell "TEST OUT THOSE BRAKES!" She says: "OK!" and clamps on the front V-brakes with the Vulcan death grip. Of course they lock up and she does a HUGE endo over the bars, bike flips, she's on the ground, handlebars twisted sideways ... We get her up and dust her off, get the bike back in order ...

Few minutes later, a friend of hers comes by and says, "Groovy bike, can I ride it?" Friend gets on, goes zipping off, comes zipping back, gets ready to stop and clamps the front V-brakes with the Vulcan death grip. Of course they lock up and she does a HUGE endo over the bars, bike flips, she's on the ground, handlebars twisted sideways etc etc ... Two major identical endos on the first two rides of a now pretty scratched up brand new bike!

I learned that day that when introducing a newby to mountain biking, you warn them about V-brakes.
re: Corollary to Kristin's Crash Poll: Funniest biff you've ever witnessed?MR_GRUMPY
Mar 14, 2003 11:06 AM
It had to be 10 years ago when I was watching the sprint finish of another race. 200 yards out, one of the front riders had his left crank arm come off. He shot over to the side and took out three other riders.
The other funny biff involved myself. A few years ago, I was on a typical hammer training ride. We were charging up a litle hill (I guess you would call it an ant hill) when my left foot unclipped. My foot went down to the pavement and certain body parts went down on the top tube. Eric Zabel may be able to pull out something like that, but I can't. I went down hard and busted my helmet. The funny part was, that I was so pumped after the crash, that I kept buzzing the rear wheel of the people in front of me, for the rest of the ride.
While I was a paperboy in the '80s...shawndoggy
Mar 14, 2003 11:21 AM
My wrecks are actually my own... and they date me because I used to deliver papers from my bicycle in my neighborhood in Las Vegas. Are there real paperboys like that anymore? Here in Reno the trade seems to have been taken over by grownups in cars who do 500-1000 houses at a time (I had 78 at my peak).

Anyhow, on my very first sunday I stuffed all 78 papers into my bags on the bars. It was really heavy, but hey, they wouldn't have made the bags big enough to fit all of those papers if it wasn't safe, right? So about 100 yards from my house I reach down to throw the first paper, the bike wobbles, and goes down. It was too freakin' heavy for me to pick up again! Mortified I had to slink home and wake my dad up to get the bike upright and back to my house where I could upload some papers to split the load.

Honorable mention: I used to deliver papers with my walkman on (Ahhh, the 80s. I was helmetless too of course), and I would boogie to get all of the papers delivered before I got through all of a particular tape (probably REM's Fables of the Reconstruction). Right after tossing the last paper I put my head down and started hammering to get home before the song ended. 10 seconds later I was on the roof of a car after rear-ending it (parked, unoccupied). I looked around and thankfully nobody saw, though the headtube angle on my Gemco mountain bike was about 4 degrees steeper after that.
Brings back memories for sureRickC5
Mar 14, 2003 12:31 PM
I delivered the Arizona Republic in Yuma, Arizona as a kid. I distinctly remember dumping my Schwinn a couple of times with a full load of Sunday papers stuffed in the bags. No way I was able to pick up the bike without unloading about 1/2 the papers, then getting the bike upright and finding a tree or telephone pole to lean it against, then re-filling the bags. What a pain in the rear. But, jobs for kids were hard to find, and $12 a week (or so) was a fortune for a 13 year old in the 60s.
Our first mountain bikes were.....RickC5
Mar 14, 2003 12:23 PM
two of the very first Specialized Stumpjumpers imported into the US (wish we still had them). Even though may wife and I had ridden road bikes for years, the concept of doing things like jumping curbs was totally new to us. You just don't do things like that on a road bike. At least not back in the early '80s.

So I start by riding toward the curb in a fairly low gear, and popped a wheelie just before the front wheel hits the curb. Up and over. Cool! Piece of cake!

My wife immediately wants to try the same thing. She starts in the same low gear, approaches the curb, TRIES to pop a wheelie, but no, not enough height, so she smacks the curb with her front wheel and does this amazing slow-motion endo, doing a face-plant in the dirt. She gets up and begins laughing like a possessed woman. I then joined in, realizing that she wasn't hurt. However, it was quite some time before she again attempted to jump a curb, long after she mastered the art of the wheelie.
re: Corollary to Kristin's Crash Poll: Funniest biff you've ever witnessed?Juanmoretime
Mar 14, 2003 2:12 PM
A couple come to mind. These are not really crashes, more roll overs. When I first converted to clipless pedals in 1990. Falling over in several places including stop signs and my driveway because I couldn't disengage the cleat. The best was probably riding up my driveway and not getting the cleat to release, crashing ito the garage door and slowly sliding down the door. I look to see my niehbor watching me shaking his head.

The funniest had to be on a mountain bike ride. Myself and a friend were climbing up a ravine and a couple of guys were coming down. The lead rider of the group had his front wheel stick in a rut and he flipped over. He jumped up and starting judging his crash, ...a 9.8 for creativity, 9.3 for originality.....
pulling an artie johnsonridingthegyro
Mar 14, 2003 2:25 PM
In the 80's (i think), artie johnson of the laugh-in used to get big laughs when he would lose balance and tip over when coming to a stop on a tricyle. When I switched over to clipless pedals, I would do an artie johnson every time I came to a stop. I thought it was a just a learning curve but it went on for days and artie johnson became my hero. The problem tuned out to be loose screws on the cleats that prevented the shoes from disengaging properly.