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Near-Miss RMD (Ruminants of Mass Destruction) Attack(6 posts)

Near-Miss RMD (Ruminants of Mass Destruction) AttackDale Brigham
Mar 11, 2003 2:17 PM
Just when you think it's safe to go for a ride in the woods....

Last Sunday afternoon, I'm tooling along merrily near the end of my two-hour Tour de Meth Labs route on dirt and gravel roads in northern Boone County, deep into my Roger De Vlaeminck Paris-Roubaix fantasy ("The crowd roars as De Vlaeminck enters the velodrome!"), when I hear a bit of a rustle off to my left and behind. Not loud -- maybe just a spooked squirrel skittering through the leaves. Nothing like the breathy, heaving German Shepherd I dispatched with great effort ("De Vlaeminck's violent jump has sprung him from Freddy Maerten's grasp!") miles earlier. No, this sound is gaining on me, and fast.

In the deepening late-afternoon twilight, I catch a glimpse of sleek snout and liquid eye pulling abreast, and now I'm calculating the trajectory of this bounding ungulate projectile seemingly intent on my destruction. It's closing fast on interception course, headed for my most vulnerable part, the front wheel.

I scarcely have time to squeeze the brakes, and before the pads contact the rims, this Cervid With Attitude (CWA) passes inches in front of my wheel, impossibly close and fast. My heart begins beating again, and then -- Whoosh! Another hoofed missle passes just behind my saddle and out of sight into the woods.

I turn to the left and spy in the pasture beyond the road three of the would-be assasins' compatriots calmly assessing the scene. Yes, I escaped this time, but would I be so lucky the next? I know they will be waiting, and that I must be ready.

Be careful out there, people.

:-) :-) awesome!!lonefrontranger
Mar 11, 2003 2:32 PM
Glad to hear you escaped with your life.

I had a big whitetail buck leap *over* me on my road bike once. Scared the freakin bejeepers out of me.

Two years ago I got chased by a cow on an open space ride. Fortunately I was going downhill on fairly mellow trail and was able to outrun the silly bugger, but I did a world-class cyclocross dismount and hurdled the fence without even bothering with the gate. That's the last time I ride a bright red-and-yellow Team Klein MTB through a herd of seemingly placid hamburger candidates!
Near-miss JMD's (Javalina's of Mass Destruction)eyebob
Mar 11, 2003 2:42 PM
Reminds me of the story....

A few years ago when I lived in Tucson, a friend of mine and I would go to Sahuaro East Part to do some early morning time trialling through the park. It's an eight mile loop of a one-way, well paved single car width strip on the outskirts of Tucson. No stop signs, no stop lights, and early in the morning, no one on the road except riders and walkers so it's ideal to try to time trial on. After the only short climb and a few rollers (the back side for those who've ridden it) theres a swooshy down that you can get going about 40 on that crosses a wash and then heads upward again. I'm screaming (for me) down and just about to bottom out in my best Pantani tuck, and a family of Javalina's (small desert pigs) comes trotting accross the road. I still don't know how I didn't hit one or how I stayed upright after the fact. I do recall the shot of adrenaline that I got afterwards and thanked the coincidence and stupid luck that I didn't hit one of the critters. Unlike you, I don't think that they were would be assasins, but perhaps, just perhaps they were. I still think that I head one or two of em snickering and I went by.

Be well my friend. Loved the story.

Fun reading, Dale!!! Anyone remember who it was that had oneMike P
Mar 11, 2003 3:34 PM
jump on their back while riding? Stories like this crack me up!

Thanks Dale! Write more stories!!!
Venison quesadillas for dinner tonight = My revenge! (nm)Dale Brigham
Mar 11, 2003 8:58 PM
Boone County? Which State?(nm)funknuggets
Mar 12, 2003 11:47 AM