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France Surrenders to Lance Armstrong(5 posts)

France Surrenders to Lance ArmstrongStinky Hippie
Feb 13, 2003 7:26 AM
Courtesy of the internet....


The Tour de France came to a close in a fashion similar to most tours in the past, an overall winner crosses the finish line in the Yellow cycling jersey to cheers from a large international crowd. This year's race, however, hailed slightly different results. Sources say that the country of France has surrendered to Lance Armstrong, giving him full control over the entire country. Armstrong was confused by the thousands of white flags that were waving as he finished the final stage. "I'm not sure what country those flags were from, but I've seen them a lot here in France" He was almost unable to cross the finish line, as men crowded the route, attempting to give themselves up to Lance as prisoners. As his confusion wore off, Armstrong seemed ready to give in to the situation, noting his fondness for wine and young maidens.

Armstrong not only shook the French President's hand, but was also allowed to behead him using an 18th Century guillotine.

Although the French have frequently accused Armstrong of using performance-enhancing drugs, they welcome his "new dope" to the country in hopes of making a super army of bike-riding soldiers... who will no doubt capitulate at the first sign of trouble.

The United States presented Armstrong with the Congressional Medal of Honor out of confusion and lack of clarification as to why France gave their country to him. The new French flag has been anticipated to have the Star of Texas on it and a 21-speed bicycle.

Effective immediately, the country will now be called "Lance"... therefore next year's multi-stage bike race will be called the "Tour de Lance."
ROTFLMAO (nm)comedy-tragedy
Feb 13, 2003 7:42 AM
France Surrendering ... who would have imagine that? (nm)bsdc
Feb 13, 2003 11:06 AM
re: France Surrenders to LanceLeroy
Feb 13, 2003 1:41 PM
Why not, France has surrendered to just about everybody else.
That should be the "new dope fan"SnowBlind
Feb 13, 2003 1:45 PM
Vive le Dauphin!

Sad to think this was once their attitude:

French national anthem:

Allons enfants de la patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé!
Contre nous, de la tyrannie
L'étendard sanglant est levé


Entendez vous dans les campagnes
Mugir ces féroces soldats?
Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras
Egorger vos fils, vos compagnes.


Aux armes, citoyens!
Formez vos bataillons!
Marchons! Marchons!
Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons!

Amour sacré de la patrie,
Conduis, soutiens nos bras vengeurs!
Liberté, Liberté chérie,
Combats avec les défenseurs!


Sous nos drapeaux, que la victoire
Accoure à tes mâles accents!
Que tes ennemis expirants
Voient ton triomphe et notre gloire!


Ye sons of France, awake to glory!
Hark! Hark! the people bid you rise!
Your children, wives, and grandsires hoary
Behold their tears and hear their cries!

Shall hateful tyrants, mischief breeding,
With hireling hosts a ruffian band
Affright and desolate the land
While peace and liberty lie bleeding?


To arms, to arms, ye brave!
Th'avenging sword unsheathe!
March on, march on, all hearts resolved
On liberty or death.

Oh liberty can man resign thee,
Once having felt thy gen'rous flame?
Can dungeons, bolts, and bar confine thee?
Or whips thy noble spirit tame?

Too long the world has wept bewailing
That falsehood's dagger tyrants wield;
But freedom is our sword and shield
And all their arts are unavailing.

Tragic, no?