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what stupid bike records can you claim?(97 posts)

what stupid bike records can you claim?DougSloan
Feb 10, 2003 8:01 AM
Most of us will never set a "real" record. So, we have to come up with some odd ones, right?

So, let's lay down some challenges for others here to beat.

Here's mine:

Longest climb totally out of the saddle -- 2,000 feet elevation gain, 4 miles. Did it this last Saturday. Never sat the whole climb. (no stopping, either)

BTW, this is not the fast way to go, and it's not necessarily hard on the knees, either, if you gear down. Worst part about it is not being able to drink, wipe sweat out of your eyes, your nose, and your hands start hurting.

I'm confident someone, here or otherwise, has beaten this, but it's the best I can offer.

Anyone have some goofy records to offer as a challenge? (For example, ultra guy Danny Chew claims the record of longest continuous ride with no water or food at 185 miles...)

Longest walk in cleats after flat tire . . .ms
Feb 10, 2003 8:16 AM
On New Year's Eve, I rode to work because I could leave early and get home before dark. I got a flat about midway home (I have a 14 - 15 mile one way commute, depending upon the route). My first spare tube had a hole in it (I guess it had spent too much time rubbing against other things in my saddle bag). One CO2 cannister gone. Then I used my second spare tube (the one I keep in the box in my jersey pocket). Second CO2 canister gone. After about 2 or 3 miles it developed a slow leak. I stopped several times to inflate the tube with my minipump. After a while, it would not stay inflated at all. Then I discovered that my patch kit was not in my saddle bag. I had a cell phone and could have called for help, but my wife still gets in digs about the last time she rescued me in the Summer of 2001. The end result: I walked home, 2.5 miles, in my bike shoes (the Look cleats were shot by the end of the walk).
Longest walk in cleats after flat tire . . .xcandrew
Feb 10, 2003 8:05 PM
I have you beat there by a lot. I once walked 6 miles in my cleats. I don't remember the circumstances, since it was about 15 years ago, but I often got multiple flats on rides back then because I always rode on on cheap bald tires (in high school, no money...).
Longest walk in cleats after flat tire . . .mfuchs1
Feb 11, 2003 7:03 AM
I walked about 5.5 miles once but after about 1/2 mile (on speedplay cleats)I decided that it would be easier to walk barefoot. Five miles barefoot on pavement does a number on ones feet but hey I didn't have to put out another 35 bucks for a new set of cleats and my feet eventually healed.
Most spokes replaced in a single rideniteschaos
Feb 10, 2003 8:22 AM
Went on a group ride in Atlanta and hit a pothole and started breaking spokes. I always brought 4 with me, but I ended up having to use them and then some. I broke 7 spokes on my rear wheel that day. Needless to say it was promptly rebuilt.
Rode 3 miles one legged after snapping crankbigrider
Feb 10, 2003 8:24 AM
After snapping a Cook Bros. crank and wrecking by doing a head dive off the bike I rode 3 miles to a pay phone. I was only 15 miles into a long ride with my buddies and didn't want to ruin their ride. BTW my helmet saved me major damage and it is amazing when you are standing up really cranking up a hill and your crank snaps how fast you hit the road.
Cook Bros. was kind enough to SELL me another crank since it was past their ONE YEAR warranty period
may I respectfully nominate your buying ANOTHER one? man,bill
Feb 10, 2003 10:58 AM
if a crank broke on me, I wouldn't think of doing it again until someone convinced me that this would never, ever happen again. And I'd have to really, really like that crank.
wise advicebigrider
Feb 10, 2003 11:43 AM
I rode them two weeks until my new splined bottom bracket and shimano 105 cranks arrived. I figured it was not time to get laughed at by my buddies for tempting fate and snapping the other side.
Cann't imagine how surprizing that must have been...bent_spoke
Feb 10, 2003 11:43 AM
I'm glad to hear that you weren't hurt. I always wear my helmet too...don't want to have to "relean my A-B-Cs".

Were those carbon cranks that you broke? Did Cook Bros. give you a decent deal at least for the replacement cranks?
machined aluminum cranks and a very little price breakbigrider
Feb 10, 2003 11:49 AM
The lesson I learned is that machined solid cranks fatigue quicker than the generic shimano or campy stuff. I think these style cranks will be completely extinct in the near future.

PS my head hit the ground before i could say one mississippi
I guess if I was a good enough rider I could have avoided this mishap if I wasn't wearing a helmet Riiight.(You can tell which Helmet/No Helmet camp I have my tent pitched in)
Longest walk in touring shoes; most flats from single thorncory
Feb 10, 2003 8:26 AM
Back in the pre-clipless days (which aren't over yet, on a couple of my bikes), I walked seven miles in those cheap black canvas Bata Biker shoes. When I got back to the car, my pump was still sitting where I'd left it on the roof.
Also, in the Mammoth Century a couple of years ago I had SIX punctures from a single thorn. Six consecutive, I mean--six removals of the tire, two spare tubes and four patches before I found a tiny piece of thorn that apparently slipped back into the casing when I felt for it, then poked out again as I rode.
Feb 10, 2003 8:29 AM
Highest speed in the dark: 64 mph (2001 508 down east side of Townes Pass in Death Valley)

Now that's just plain scary (nm)B2
Feb 10, 2003 8:46 AM
Yeah, very scary. I once worked with a guy...bent_spoke
Feb 10, 2003 11:49 AM
who claimed that he was riding at night wt/ot lites when he got his front wheel caught in a crack in the pavement. He went over the bars & got knocked out. He said that he might have been in the road for 15-20minutes. No thanks, I'll be a wus & ride during the day.
Most obscene words uttered in one minute.....PEDDLEFOOT
Feb 10, 2003 8:43 AM
...afetr flatting for the third time in less than an hours ride.No patch kit.No more tubes.Out of co2.Walked home 8 miles .
You're 496 miles short there Doug. . .js5280
Feb 10, 2003 8:51 AM
Remembered this from March 2003 Bicycling magazine. Steve Sokol cycled from San Francisco to Los Angeles (500 miles) standing the entire way! No word on elevation climbed though.
Feb 10, 2003 8:57 AM
Did he even have a saddle?

Cindy Whitehead rode a 50-mile XC race w/broken postcory
Feb 10, 2003 9:02 AM
Can't remember where it was (Mammoth??), but about the time I got back into cycling, in the mid-'80s, pro racer Cindy Whitehead broke a seatpost in the first mile of a 50-mile mountain bike race. She rode the whole thing standing, and I think won the race
ok; I'll narrow the scope of my recordDougSloan
Feb 10, 2003 9:08 AM
Mine if for longest continuous climb; anything involving coasting down hill in places would be different.
ok; I'll narrow the scope of my recordCHRoadie
Feb 10, 2003 9:26 AM
That's about a 10% climb for 4 miles--brutal!! Way harder than the climb to Oak Glenn, which kicks my tail. Where was that?
Feb 10, 2003 11:08 AM
up to Northfork on road 200
That was awesome!Matno
Feb 10, 2003 11:39 AM
She not only won the race, she won it good!
O this is fun!PODIUMBOUNDdotCA
Feb 10, 2003 8:53 AM
1) Longest walk after a broken chain at 15 km. Sadly I was not wearing cleated shoes.

2) Most concussions in a single year from crashes. I think the count was 5.

3) Most crashes by T-boning the same teammate at 2 in 6 months.

4) Biggest legs and lightest squat. Argh.

5) Then I have my high school record for the longest season without a victory. No comment... it helped me get in shape though.

6) Longest continuous ride of rollers at 3 hours. K maybe not a record but the way I felt after it should have been.

I think thats it.

another: most expensive wrenching mistakeDougSloan
Feb 10, 2003 8:58 AM
$750 fork; we all know the story.

Longest Climb Thinking I Couldn't Shift Out of the Big Ringjtolleson
Feb 10, 2003 9:00 AM
Big Thompson Canyon, 1995. Damn that front derailleur seemed to be tweaked. Oh, the suffering. Sit stand sweat, sit stand sweat.

Get to the top and study my dilemma more closely... frame pump (which I had mounted on the seattube) had wedged over and was blocking the derailleur from moving in. Put the pump back in its spot... no worries for the remaining miles (all downhill).

The loser award.
Devil's Gulch?sacheson
Feb 10, 2003 11:10 AM
You said Big Thomson Canyon - outside of Loveland, CO? If so, did you ride Devil's Gulch with that big ring?
aaaah, if I were only so tough!jtolleson
Feb 10, 2003 12:31 PM
That had been the plan, but given my... ahem ... mechanical problem I went the regular way up the Canyon, and then DOWN Devil's Gulch.

Devil's Gulch in my big ring... I would have had to walk. Seriously, I admit that!
somewhat related... highest gear up Hicks Rd.xcandrew
Feb 10, 2003 8:25 PM
When I was a sophmore in high school, I would ride Hicks Rd. in south San Jose every day. It's about 1.7 miles long with about 1100 ft elevation gain from the New Almaden side. For variety, I once did it in my big chainring or 52/21 (or maybe 24... don't remember if I resorted to the big-big combo).
somewhat related... highest gear up Hicks Rd.xcandrew
Feb 10, 2003 8:33 PM
Actually, maybe it's 900 ft gain. Anyone know? In any case it's steep.
Most stops on the way home to hand tighten a loosening BBterry b
Feb 10, 2003 9:06 AM
n = 12. italian threaded BB walking itself out at mile 13. turn around and stop every mile to hand tighten it enough to ride one more mile.
Most stops on the way home to hand tighten a loosening BBRob Sal
Feb 10, 2003 12:33 PM
Ha ha, tell me about it, the same happened to me on my then newish Colnago. The LBS overtapped the threads so I had to superglue the cups in! Before I did this, I first had to find out that....the LBS had overtapped the threads, and I did this 30 miles from home. I couldn't hand tighten it as I had no suitable screwdriver or thin tool to jam in the cup splines. The chainrings were starting to make a mark on the chainstay, so I undid those bolts and mounted the small ring where the big ring should go, mounted the bolts the wrong way round, stuck big ring up front of jersey and prayed continuously to Saint Tullio that it would get me home, and it did, just in time to avoid the crankarm knocking the chainstay.
re: what stupid bike records can you claim?GileyD
Feb 10, 2003 9:08 AM
8 hilly miles (mix of road and off-road) standing up on MTB back to the campsite we were staying at in Mid-Wales after seatpost clamp broke.

Legs were sore!
Fastest to be dropped in a crit.Ken of Fresno
Feb 10, 2003 9:12 AM
My first collegiate criterium was over really fast. At the line I had problems clipping in. When the gun went off I was off the back from the beginning. Somebody must have had a wad in their shammy that day because they were doing over 30 before the first turn. Needless to say, I never cought on and was pulled on the second lap. What made it particularly bad was that it was a home race (Fresno St.) and lots of people I knew were there. I didn't give up though. Later that season I managed a 3rd place finish at a Sacramento State road race. Ah, those were the days.
didn't know they had a teamDougSloan
Feb 10, 2003 9:18 AM
Funny, I didn't even know Fresno St. even had a cycling team. Is this a club, or a varsity school team?

About 10 years ago they did.Ken of Fresno
Feb 10, 2003 9:44 AM
Don't think they do any more. And I only raced for 3 seasons. It got kind of tough to do all that much training and travelling for races and keep the grades up too. Here are the jerseys I have. Someday I will fit into them agian. Here's some pics:
and hereKen of Fresno
Feb 10, 2003 9:47 AM
and here.Ken of Fresno
Feb 10, 2003 9:49 AM
Fastest to be dropped in a crit that beatPaulCL
Feb 10, 2003 9:57 AM
My first crit.

Nobody told me to start in the big ring. So, after barely being able to clip in, I immediately shifted to the big ring only to have the chain fall off. I was toast. I caught up to the trailing pack after a total effort. I was burnt toast. My group got pulled 2/3 of the way throught the race.

Always fun to embarrass yourself in front of a bunch of friends and family. Ken, like you, I had lots of 'em in the crowd. Short day.
Yep, live and learn.Ken of Fresno
Feb 10, 2003 10:14 AM
Hey, at least you cought some stragglers. I think I was too nervous and blew up on the first lap. Probably wasn't warmed up enough either.
Longest winter walk home in wool socks after flatting onOldEdScott
Feb 10, 2003 9:14 AM
beater bike and realizing had forgotten spare tube/patch kit: 6 miles back in December. Look cleats and composite soles fine, wool socks shot.
on a mountain bike...mohair_chair
Feb 10, 2003 9:24 AM
Longest ride on a mountain bike including miles of technical singletrack with a blown front shock while not being able to see: 26 miles

A blown shock doesn't act like a rigid fork, it acts like a broken rigid fork, and it's no fun riding in Soquel Demonstration Forest that way.

Plus, on that ride I forgot my glasses, which have prescription inserts. I can't even see most of the stuff on the trail that was beating me up.

I bought a new bike the next day. Fixing the fork just wasn't going to cut it.
Most spectacular dog accident...funknuggets
Feb 10, 2003 9:33 AM
T-boned a collie going downhill at 43mph.

Was in a paceline following Mindrop (punches a mean hole), stealth collie lunges out from ditch, goes straight for Mindrop... Mindrop swerves to avoid, collie lunges at Mindrops rear wheel... blam. The guys behind estimated my distance from impact to landing at about 20feet. Lets see...

Tacoed the front wheel, which had to be extricated from between wedged between the right crank arm and big chain ring, bent the Specialized Allez in 3 places (was on display at local BS for some time), shredded a jersey, shorts, tore off right side aero brake lever, chewed up handlebars, tape, time mag pedal, and edge of seat, and chiped the bone off the end of my elbow, 6 stitches in chin, road rash from cheek to chest and hip to knee...
new bike sticker: "One Less Dog". nmSpunout
Feb 10, 2003 9:36 AM
You know the funny thing...funknuggets
Feb 10, 2003 10:07 AM
Is that the dog actually got up and limped off and hid under the farmhouse porch and the old couple called the vet and had their lawyer call ME and said they were going to sue ME for the vet bill saying that we must have teased the dog to get him to come after us...

I dont know if he lived or not, but no dog came to greet me the next time I rode by some time later.

Longest distance traveled by car for a ride???biknben
Feb 10, 2003 9:35 AM
Two years ago, I traveled from NJ to Vermont to ride to the top of Okemo Mountain (2,300ft/3.75 miles). I left early on a Friday, traveled 5 hours by car to do the ride. I spent a little over an hour on the bike. Then I went back home. 10 hours spent driving and just 1 hour on the bike. I had something to prove to myself.

I had done the climb 8 years earlier on a MTB. After loosing 60 lbs and seeing huge climbing improvements I wanted to go back and do it on the roadie. No one wanted to go with me or plan a weekend. Winter was coming and the road would be snow-covered for months (it's a ski slope). I took a day off, said screw it, and went by myself. It was very rewarding.
Longest injury free ride with a loose skewerKristin
Feb 10, 2003 9:46 AM
At mile 42 I looked down and noticed the QR flopping around. AAAAH! Shivers to remember some of the potholes crossed over and the 40 MPH decents. Brrrr.
most liquor carried on a midnight rideJS Haiku Shop
Feb 10, 2003 10:01 AM
november 2001. 30th bday. after marathon drinking, rode (solo) 10 miles beyond the 'burbs to watch the leonids, no shifting (53x14), backpack literally full of bottles o'poison, and a 2-liter of gingerale. used AA-battery commuter lights that failed on the way back, btw. never, ever, ever, ever again. ok, never again by myself. :)

i'm sure it's been done before, but not by me.

peak of cycling stupidity prior to 2001 was running into a parked car on my mountain bike at 11:30 one night, after--you guessed it--marathon drinking. couldn't use my left hand for about 8 weeks.

moral of the story? i can't remember.
Most puntures at one time/shortest training rideStraightblock
Feb 10, 2003 10:05 AM
Heading out on a training ride years ago, I rode past Fresno Ag (Doug & Ken know where I'm talking about) where a crew was resurfacing the parking lot, and had swept all the goathead thorns from the edge of the lot into the street. I instantly picked up 150-200 thorns in my tubulars. At least I was only about a mile from home, so it was a short walk.
First rider to have a rear wheel freeze solid at 12mph...Quack
Feb 10, 2003 10:28 AM
Trek Carbon roadbike, January of last year, commuted to work on dry roads about 40 degrees F. Started snowing and accumulated 6-8inches before I left work to go home. Still snowing .5 inch/hour, slushy roads, 17 miles to go, and the temp is dropping quickly below freezing. Made it 4 miles, rear cassette frozen solid with ice, bike covered in slush. Chain would not even engage the teeth due to ice. Chipped ice off of top cog with Alien tool, seated chain and continued using only top cog and big ring. Hadn't applied brakes until this point but didn't much matter, the calipers were frozen solid long ago. They were part of an icy mass now bonded to the frame.

Continued on my route with no brakes and 10 pounds of slush frozen to my wheels, pants, bag, etc. Slowing slightly coming up to a traffic light, approx. 12mph, rear wheel lockup. The old roadbike rear wheel clearance just wasn't up to the task of clearing slush. Rear wheel frozen solid to the frame near the bottom bracket. Still 6 miles from home. Couldn't chip it away for fear of damaging the carbon.

Dragged the bike to a Midas repair shop where I placed the one and only "Honey, will you come and pick me up?" phone calls made to date. Totally covered in slush that had frozen solid at 15 degrees and wind blowing about 20mph, I was still warm enough in my winter gear to sit on a bench outside to wait for her so that my bike wouldn't get stolen. Thinking back, that would have to be one desperate thief stealing a frozen bike in the wettest nastiest winter cycling storm imagineable. Can I mention that Gore-Tex is the greatest invention of all time. Without it, I would have been half dead.

Most number of pisses on a centuryhrv
Feb 10, 2003 10:30 AM
Did my first ever century in June last year and found out how important proper saddle adjustment becomes on the longer rides.I swear I had to stop every 10 or 15 minutes for natural breaks. Same frequency at work the next day too!

Figured out later that my saddle angle was too low and the subtle sliding forward I ended up doing was irrating to my urethra, or whatever.

Took all freakin' day to finish the ride!
Most undignified first rideSeth1
Feb 10, 2003 10:31 AM
On my first ride on my brand new Crown Jewel last year, I decided to take a spin downtown. It was about 8:30 at night. I turned a corner slowly, just trying to figure out where I was, and a group of about 10 kids were standing there. Before I knew what was going on, two came at me and one of them swung one of those thin, yellow wiffle-ball bats at my head. Fortunately, I was wearing a helmet, although the blow cracked the helmet in two pieces inside the plastic. Some of the other kids tried to push me off my bike and block my way. Somehow I made it out of there and didn't topple over. I had a pretty bad headache but, fortunately, the bike wasn't scratced.
Where the hell do you live? (nm)53T
Feb 10, 2003 4:14 PM
Where the hell do you live? (nm)Seth1
Feb 11, 2003 7:32 AM
Highest speed to get a front flat and live to tell about it. 48.Ken of Fresno
Feb 10, 2003 10:40 AM
After clinbing Tollhouse (once the steepest designated highway in CA) I was coming down a long 4 lane streatch of highway. Hit about 48 mph and pop! Man was I scared. Didn't wipe out, but it took me for ever to stop. The front tire and rim were toast, so I had to ride it down about 4 miles. Man were my hands sore. Thankfully, I'm still here. Anyone beat that?

Most dance steps while changing a flat.Len J
Feb 10, 2003 10:55 AM
In the Bay to Bay Century 2 years ago, I got a flat about 1 mile from the turnaround point in the Delaware Bay Salt flats. As I begin to change the tube, I am attacked by a swarm of giant green headed flys who proceed to bite the s#*t out of me (even through my clothes). As I'm trying to swat the flys away while changing the tire, my riding buddies are watching me do "the dance of the green headed fly" and laughing so hard, they couldn't help with the tire or the flys. Thank God there was no video camera. I had welts for a week. Try that in Speedplay cleats!

Longest chin blood-ciclesacheson
Feb 10, 2003 11:29 AM
Winter 1995 in Fort Collins, Colorado. I was riding my cross bike at the Lory / Horsetooth Parks ( by myself. About 1/2 way down Mill Creek, I launched over the handle bars and chin-surfed a switch back. I knew I cut my chin (saw the blood), but it quit bleeding in a relatively short time so I didn't think anything of it. A little dazed, I got back on my bike, finished my ride, then rode the 12 or so mile road ride back to the digs (getting a few odd looks on the way). When I got home, I walked in the house and looked in a mirror. I had a 3 - 4 inch stalactite of blood hanging from my chin. I tried to run some hot water over it, but it started bleeding pretty badly as the frozen blood started to thaw.

I called the CSU Death Center (OK, Health Center) and explained my predicament, proceeded to ride my bike (with cycling gear still on - in sub 30 degree weather) to the emergency out patient care area. They ended up wrapping the lower part of my face with a hot towel, and injecting me with some Lidocaine before they could pull it off. Got 17 stitches for that one ... the first of 5 bike related chin-stitching procedures.
Landing school?Kristin
Feb 10, 2003 11:39 AM
5 chin crashes? You might want to learn to land those. :-)
Yeah 5 ...sacheson
Feb 10, 2003 11:52 AM
2 X off road riding (once on the cross bike, in the drops)

1 X crit in the rain. Collegiate and they let some guy who had never raced before race in a Men's B category - in the rain.

2 X really drunk riding home from the bars. You gotta love a small college town like Fort Collins.

I figure I have worked on the landings ... It just took me two times to figure it out on a mountain bike, and one time on the road ... still working on the drunk-while-riding, though!

Te-he, te-he, te-he.
Ignore the second post ... Cat 5 operator error here (nm)sacheson
Feb 10, 2003 11:59 AM
Yeah 5 ...sacheson
Feb 10, 2003 11:56 AM
2 X off road riding (once on the cross bike, in the drops)

1 X crit in the rain. Collegiate and they let some guy who had never raced before race in a Men's B category - in the rain.

2 X really drunk riding home from the bars. You gotta love a small college town like Fort Collins.

I figure I have worked on the landings ... It just took me two times to figure it out on a mountain bike, and one time on the road ... still working on the drunk-while-riding, though!

Te-he, te-he, te-he.
Highest speed front flat and live to tell about it. 48mph.Ken of Fresno
Feb 10, 2003 12:15 PM
After clinbing old Tollhouse Road (once the steepest designated highway in CA) I was blasting down a long 4 lane streatch of highway heading back home. Hit about 48 mph and pop! Thump thump thump. You know the sound. Man was I scared. It took all the balance my tired body could muster to keep from going down. It took for ever to slow to a stop. Didn't wipe out, but the front tire was toast. Thankfully, I'm still here. Anyone beat that?

Most holes in a spare tube... And other stories.Matno
Feb 10, 2003 12:38 PM
Went on a group ride once, and one of the guys got a flat about 2 miles down the road. I was the only one in the group with a spare tube, so I gave it to him. Oops. Tube was Schraeder, rim was Presta-only. So we traded tubes (I had a presta on mine in spite of Schraeder holes). Somehow, the spare tube I was carrying was one I had ridden through a patch of thorns on the previous year. I have no idea how it ended up folded and back in my pack (with a rubber band no less!) instead of the garbage. Patched 12 holes before I finally rode back to the house for another tube!

Longest ride on split valve stem:
In the middle of a 1000 miler up the Pacific coast a few years ago, I got a flat about 10 miles from anywhere. In our efforts to go lightweight, it never even occurred to us that we should carry a spare tube. That's what patch kits are for, right? (Hey, my buddy and I were both 17 at the time!) Anyway, long story short, the valve stem was ripped about half way around right where it connects to the rest of the tube. We found a nice green twig on a nearby tree, wove it into the spokes tight enough to apply pressure to the valve stem. Amazingly, it held well enough that I didn't even have to add air! The nearest town was 25 miles away, but we passed a gas station at about 10 miles that just happened to have a tube in my size. Phew! Now I ALWAYS carry spare tubes...

And on a non-cycling note:
I was on a soccer team as a kid that didn't win a single game in 8 years! Pretty sad. It's amazing that I still love soccer (and I'm actually not too bad at it!)
Most miles ridden on a flat rear tyre-38 miles!Rob Sal
Feb 10, 2003 12:49 PM
No spare tube!! Took the innertube out after 3 miles as the bunching at the valve was literally a pain in the arse! Managed to average 16mph for those 38 miles!!
dorkiest stunt ever pulled at a bike race in front of the most witnesseslonefrontranger
Feb 10, 2003 3:00 PM
Best Stupid Bike Trick Ever:

My teammate and I executed a flawless "synchronized dorks" maneuver; also known as a perfectly synched pair of Artes off a curb at a big regional crit a few years back. This was right at the start/finish, in front of 2 officials, the announcer, several pit mechanics, a TV press guy and a packed set of bleachers at the KY/IN State Crit Champs. My teammate had just won the previous race. We were wearing matching team kit, on matching team bikes, with matching blonde ponytails, and to top it off our team kit that year looked like Barbie goes Velo. The chief official could barely stop laughing long enough to apologize for laughing at us. She said we reminded her of a pair of synchronized swimmers going into the pool. Splat.

First Runner Up: Longest (and possibly most lawless) Drive To Retrieve Forgotten Bike Shoes and Still Make the Start of Your Category (barely): Oxford, OH to Milford, OH and back in 73 minutes. The gods of Highway Patrol smiled on us that day.

2nd Runner Up: Longest Cyclocross Portage Ever: 13.4 miles of running with bike on shoulder after the cassette on my MTB exploded in the first lap of a Sport race. I did, however, jettison the wheels, saddle and seatpost when I ran past the car the next time through. My right shoulder was jacked up for weeks afterward.

I've also tried for the Most Holes in a Tube, Longest Walk in Cleats, Longest Single-Legged MTB Ride - 12 miles of really rough hilly singletrack, ow! and Longest Seatless Ride / Race (seatpin let go on the first lap of a Sport Race). After both MTB stunts, I could barely walk for days afterwards.

funknuggets, your collie trumps any dog story I've ever heard. Have you ever tried bunny-hopping a moving skateboard - traveling lengthwise / laterally in the same direction as you no less, at 28 mph? I am probably one of the few to have ever done so in a group ride and survived to tell about it.
using my calculatorJS Haiku Shop
Feb 11, 2003 5:58 AM says 92.4 miles round-trip between milford and oxford (OH). in 73 minutes, that's averaging about 76 mph, no? even though you were haulin' booty around cincy, that's about the average speed of sunday drivers on the memphis loop (55 mph speed limit here). what gives?
there's no direct way between the 2lonefrontranger
Feb 11, 2003 6:41 AM
As anyone who's ever done that route can tell you, that's some serious law-bending. It's all little backcountry roads and fairly populous. I was 23 at the time, and I highly doubt I'd be caught driving like that again.
touche' lfr....funknuggets
Feb 11, 2003 9:34 AM
Thanks for the vote lonefrontranger. One big difference however, yours required skill, mine didnt, so you get mas kudos for that. I wish I could have the skill to have bunny hopped a collie at 43mph... If I could have done that maneuver, I would have painted my bike orange, but a rebel flag on it and called it the General Lee.

However, there WAS a guy on my team in college that crashed while trying to bunny hop a box turtle and trashed one of his brand new ultegra sti shifters.

Maybe we should start a post called stupid cyclist tricks...

more dumb luck than skill, and the skateboard survived toolonefrontranger
Feb 11, 2003 10:37 AM
I did hit the skateboard on the way down, but fortunately didn't flip it further under my wheels or under someone else's. It was one of those hops where you not only need distance, you have to juke laterally in midair too, so I was lucky to pull it off at all (gut reaction). I landed all crazy and pulled a pedal (ow, crotch shot!) but by that time those around me had seen the impending doom and given me lots of breathing room. To this day I cannot believe I actually stayed upright and didn't crash someone else. It wasn't graceful by any stretch.

This was not a malevolent skateboard, merely an accidental skateboard. A kid stunting around on a sidewalk ramp looked up at the pack of bikes, lost control of his skate and it flew out into the road. He's lucky my mis-landed hop didn't snap his deck or bend the trucks.
Longest ride with no significant preparation ...Humma Hah
Feb 10, 2003 3:15 PM
... on a bike totally unsuited to the purpose. This would be my 130-miler on the cruiser about 30 years ago, my longest previous 1-day ride being about 35 miles.

Mmmmm ... fastest unofficial downhill speed on a cruiser with no idea if there were any sharp blind turns on the route, and no possible way to stop: 1 mile in 58 seconds.

Only person ever to wear the flanges off a Bendix coasterbrake.

Longest continuous use of a bicycle inner tube: about 28 years and counting.

Greatest distance spent sucking wheel behind two riders generous enough to slow down and let me do it to set a bunch of PR's: 152+ miles, MB1 and Miss M, Sept 8, 2001.

Possibly the most centuries ridden on a cruiser, about 7. Should actually be a lot higher than that if I'd been diligent.
Longest ride with no significant preparation ...Got it beat.Brooks
Feb 10, 2003 4:17 PM
San Francisco to Boston summer 1978. With no experience at all on bike touring or long day rides, and with a new saddle (ouch!).
Quickest trashing of new bikeUprwstsdr
Feb 10, 2003 3:19 PM
In 1987, after my first few paychecks from my first real job I saved up $800 and bought a new Raleigh Grand Prix in Sea Foam Green and sporting the new revolutionary Bio-Pace chain ring. That evening I went on my first ride on a bike of any kind in about five years and my first ride on a "racing bike" ever. I was at the north end of Central Park where there is a curvy downhill section just prior to "heartbreak" hill (we are desperate for climbs in NYC, any of you would laugh at what many consider a difficult climb in Central Park) when "the pack" (the nightly group of racers) passed me. I went wide left to allow them the inside line on the decent. When I came around a curve there was a man jogging, accompanied by his very young son who was on a bike with training wheels, directly in my path. I tried to squeeze past them, but the boy swerved in front of me. I went right into him and cartwheeled. From flat on my back, I looked up to see the father standing above me holding my bike above his head about to throw it down on me. I quickly asked how the boy was hoping to get the man to focus on his son and not me. The man lowered my bike. The boy was fine, apparently I completely cleared him. My bike however needed a new fork and front rim. I walked about a mile home in sneakers.
I don't know ...sacheson
Feb 10, 2003 4:08 PM
... In college, I worked at a bike shop. I remember some guy coming in and putting a bike on layaway for something like 10 months. When he finally came to pick it up, there was some issue about us closing the bike out at the end of the year, and the current price on the bike was a hundred dollars or so less than his price (of course, no consideration that he bought a 56 cm frame, and we were closing out a 62 cm frame). He wanted us to give him close out price on the bike we'd been financing for nearly a year. We refused. After he got heated and rather violent towards several people in the store, we agreed to give him the bike at a reduced price, but not close out (at this time we just wanted him out of the store).

After getting really flippant about the situation, he stormed out of the shop with his new bike, and put it on the roof rack of his jacked up, over priced, full sized SUV, and burned a little rubber leaving the shop. He pulled a U Turn on a somewhat busy street, and ducked down an alleyway going way too fast. Someone pulled out in front of him in the alley and he swerved to miss them - and drove under a low hanging tree branch. It peeled the new bike straight off his roof rack.

I think he owned the bike for about 15 minutes. It had less than one mile on it.
kharma nmDougSloan
Feb 10, 2003 5:22 PM
Most ego-bruising drop on a climb - EVER!!seyboro
Feb 10, 2003 4:32 PM
There I was riding up US 181 in my trusty 38-32 XT setup. About 600 riders in front of me, at least 24 or 25 still behind. I had just gotten used to being dropped by everyone (well, I THOUGHT it was everyone), when I got passed again. I didn't really want to look up anymore, but did anyway and there he was: I had just gotten dropped by a ONE LEGGED MAN. Right crank cut off, pedaling on the left only. WOW!!
Haven't heard the end of it on our club rides since. (Man, do I love the flats!!)
On that note: A few weeks later, I felt a little better when one of my players came to me and said: "Coach, I'm really looking forward to soccer season." I replied: "Oh yeah? How come?" "Well, I don't really think this swimming season is working out for me. I was watching the special olympics the other day and one of those guys beat my breaststroke best in the 50." I said: "Beth, you know, many special olympians will beat quite a few of us in their discipline." "Maybe, but this guy DIDN'T HAVE ANY ARMS!!!"
Funny, how some ego-bruising puts things in perspective, isn't it?
humble piebartje
Feb 11, 2003 11:32 AM
me and my teammates were riding the recreational version of Luik-Bastenaken-Luik. On the Redoute (20%) nobody could say a word, you need every bit of oxygen you can get.
And then were were passed by two belgian guys chatting while climbing! With my last bit of air I said: guys,don't humiliate us by talking while you climb and pass us by.
their reply: sorry, we have to , we can't hear eachother on the descent!
more humble pieDougSloan
Feb 11, 2003 11:38 AM
My first road race after returning from only mountain biking a few years ago was a 10 mile circuit, 5 times, with 2 big hills each lap (Rocky Hill). I got dropped on the first hill, still in sight of the start line (I entered Masters 35+, open, not 4/5).

On the second lap, while riding alone, in front of a thousand spectators, a motorcycle pulls up, and a woman on the back shouts out to me, "Keep right for the ladies!" Next about 50 women blast past me. I dropped out next time around.

Flukiest animal slaughtering on a bike ever!Frith
Feb 10, 2003 7:16 PM
That honor goes to one of my ridemates... I was riding about ten feet behind him down a hill when a mouse ran out from one side of the road and ended up directly under his rear tire.
Two infintecimaly small points in the universe sharing space and time for an instant...The thought of it still blows my mind.
I got a better one!timfire
Feb 11, 2003 5:20 AM
Again, this actually goes to a ridemate as well.

Once when my friend was riding, a low-flying pigeon flew directly into his rear wheel! It's head went between the spokes and subsequencely got ripped off! It was a bloody mess!

--Tim Kleinert
Another birdContinental
Feb 12, 2003 10:30 AM
I drafting a friend when a bird scared up from the ditch along side the road flew into his front wheel, flipped him over and took me out, too.
I think Doug set some kinda record here with this thread...The Walrus
Feb 10, 2003 7:36 PM
...with 1530+ hits in under 12 hours
Most star nuts inside a steerer postInhighgear
Feb 10, 2003 8:16 PM
Found out the hard way how to mount a new stem.
shortest race before DNFFrank Tuesday
Feb 10, 2003 8:51 PM
Second pedal stroke, my chain exploded into 3 pieces. I made it about 6 ft.
Feb 10, 2003 11:05 PM
On the same ride..I ran over a guy's cat by accident...then got chased by his dog, then rode away until I got hit in the face by a bat. on my way back, a bird actually perched on me for a brief moment.....I never understood that day.
Feb 11, 2003 8:15 AM
that's one of the funniest things i've ever read!

Doug - where was this 4miles/2000ft climb ?PeterRider
Feb 11, 2003 12:59 AM
If my memory's right, you're in SoCal ? Then I am interested by this climb !

Longest ride with a bat in your jersey...Fixie-ated
Feb 11, 2003 5:07 AM
I used to live near I-85 business route near Lexington NC. In the evenings, there would be little to no traffic, so it proved a fantastic place to sprint from ramp to ramp.

One hot and humid evening, I was doing such interval training. My jersey was zipped way down due to the humidity. It was about 11:00 PM. I was flying down a long hill when I felt something slap me in the chest. I did not think much of at the time, thinking it was jus a really big bug or some debris.

About 45 minutes later, I finally made it back home. I was soaked with sweat as I pulled off my jersey. As I did, I felt something kind of slimey in my hand. I looked down and there it was. A small bat had been trapped in my jersey.
OK, that record will probably stand ...Humma Hah
Feb 11, 2003 6:22 AM
... But was the bat alive or dead?
dead or alive? nmDougSloan
Feb 11, 2003 6:45 AM
Dude, you winKristin
Feb 11, 2003 7:08 AM
Thats friggin hysterical. Did the bat live? Do you drink blood now? I'm suspecting so, since you seem to think 11pm is the "evening."
longest wait for someone to change a tube: 45 min..._rt_
Feb 11, 2003 7:56 AM
sorry, mtb related (couldn't think of anything good that is roadie related)

last fall i went on a ride with some friends & friends of friends in western NC. this was an epic & ride time was estimated to be 5+ hrs. about 2 hours into our ride i was riding sweep with my buddy Seth. we were behind a guy named, i kid you not, Flash (friend of my friend's friend). i'm not sure how Flash got his name, but i'm certain that it did not have anything to do with either his cognitive abilities, mtb abilities, or his ability to fix a flat.

so Flash flats (rear tire). Seth says he'll catch up with the rest of our group and let them know that Flash & I will be along shortly. we were on very narrow single track with a 20' drop to our right & a steep bank to our left. Flash insists on pushing until he can get to a "flat spot" (which was not likely to be found for at least 2 more hours). mercifully he gives up after about 10 meters or so and decides to go ahead and fix the flat.

Flash's steps to fixing a flat:
1. pull everything out of your camelbak & disperse it over ever available inch of trail
2. mention that you NEVER flat and your tube & CO2 cartridge have been in your pack for so long that you're not sure they are any good.
3. mention that you work in a bike shop but don't understand why you don't make any money
4. mention again that you work in a bike shop.
5. look for tube that you pulled out of your pack
6. remove wheel from bike
7. mention that you work in a bike shop
8. remove tire from first side of rim
9. remove tire from rim COMPLETELY
10. take off glove, wad glove up, run wadded glove along inside of tire to remove debris (this isn't a bad idea & better than what i normally do which is just run my fingers along the inside of the tire)
11. turn tire inside out & visually inspect every inch of the inside of the tire
12. mention that you never flat
13. mention that your CO2 is really old.
14. go in search of tube that is strewn somewhere along the trail
15. reassemble tire & tube on rim
16. notice that you do not have a CO2 inflater
17. borrow a CO2 inflater
18. discover that your CO2 cartridge is empty
19. borrow a CO2 cartridge
20. inflate tube
21. discover that your tube has a hole in it
22. discover that you don't have a patch kit
23. borrow a tube
24. begin steps 7 thru 12 and 15 again

when all was said & done, it took Flash 45 minutes to get the flat fixed and another 10 minutes for us to catch up with the rest of the group who had been sitting & waiting on the trail. in the time that it took Flash to fix that flat, i had stared at the view until i had it memorized, eaten a power bar, eaten a gu, & stopped listening to anything Flash said. everyone who was waiting had decided that we had either eloped, been eaten by a wild animal, or had decided to build a tire from the available trail detrus (sp?).

mortal fear I'll be "that guy"DougSloan
Feb 11, 2003 8:41 AM
When I'm with a group and flat, I feel it's my moral obligation to change the tube as fast as humanly possible. Usually, it's 1-2 minutes, now. The key is to check the tire for any lingering thorns what could cause another flat, plus use (proficiently) a 16 g CO2 inflater.
you & me both...._rt_
Feb 11, 2003 9:37 AM
but not Flash. i seriously think he set a world record for the slowest tube change.....and i find mtb tires/tube easier & faster for fixing flats than road tires/tubes.

That was funnyKristin
Feb 11, 2003 9:59 AM
Even I was faster than that on my first attempt to ever change a tire--okay, my second attempt. On my first attempt I couldn't get the tire over the lip of the rim and the whole job was promptly taken away from me. My second attempt (with no rescuers in sight) took me 16 minutes. And I'm not very mechanical, so I doubt Flash's record will ever be challenged.
Number of turtles carried in jersey pockets.Turtleherder
Feb 11, 2003 1:20 PM
The record number of turtles carried in jersey pockets at one time and saved from being road pizza is: seven. Granted, they were on the smallish side but their claws do dig into your back as they try to climb out the top of the pockets. My wife laughed her butt off at the writhing mass of critters in my jersey and me reaching around and pushing them back down.
Ah, we finally know the story behind the name.Kristin
Feb 11, 2003 1:55 PM
That's great.
Did they pee on you?bent_spoke
Feb 11, 2003 6:19 PM
I pick up a box turtle to get him to the other side of the road & he peed all over me. Ingrate!
re: what stupid bike records can you claim?Bike Bum
Feb 13, 2003 5:17 PM
I've gone thru 7 Bike computers in one year....yanked wires, Broken Mounts from crashes or kneed and launched into the bushes, None of them the same way.......It's a record I'd prefer not to have......the latest one was my Vetta 1000. I liked that one the best...Boo Hoo.