|Spouse/SO reaction to Elite Bike Purchase||deHonc|
Nov 13, 2002 4:50 PM
I have recently taken delivery of my first elite road bike - and I'm very much in the "honey moon" phase with her (bikes are female, right?). It took me some time to get the "all clear" from my wife to let me buy the thing in the first place - I had shelved the idea based on the initial opposition. However, she could see the effort I was making - training, getting fit, feeling good and healthy - and over the course of this year she changed her mind. So out I went - ordered the bike of my dreams, had to wait 3 months (I live in Australia and ordered an American bike) and now I have it - Its brilliant, so whats the problem?
Without doing my wife a dis-service, whenever she is pissed with me (to be fair - not too often) she raises the issue of all the money I spent (around $3000US) on the bike and how she is going out to spend wads of money on something for herself. It only seems to annoy her more when I respond with, "Thats understandable sweetness, go for it!". But I'm serious - its not like we can't afford to - more that she doesn't have a similar sort of love on which to splash out on. This line of argument is starting to detract from my enjoyment of the bike and the sport and making me feel guilty. I try to balance riding time and being together - but I do race and need to train accordingly.
I thought I'd start a string asking others if they have had this experience and how they resolved it.
|I heard/hear much the same||sn69|
Nov 13, 2002 4:58 PM
|and my new bike was a compromise (not quite the gruppo I wanted). That said, my wife understands and approves of my obsession with the sport, but the money for a bike can still be a bit of a shock. I don't blame her.
We resolved it by me honestly and sincerely encouraging her to pursue her hobbies. Also, I've been careful to try to balance my time with our time, if that makes any sense. Finally, I've been banking up "husband credit" by doing things like sacrificing workouts to pull out hedges and whatnot. After all...I love my wife dearly and respect her to no end, but I'm not above sucking up to earn the points needed for my next tri bike!
|re: Spouse/SO reaction to Elite Bike Purchase||GeoCyclist|
Nov 13, 2002 5:09 PM
|I went out and splashed a very large sum of money on a Tandem bike. Now both my wife and I can enjoy the same sport. Only problem I have now, sneaking out the door on my road bike!
Relationships constantly change. Go with the flow and try to make the most of it!
|I bought my wife a Calfee. That keeps her quiet!||gogene|
Nov 13, 2002 5:49 PM
|But seriously folks, my wife is my riding partner
and 'team mate'. I just bought a tandem for a different kind of 'togetherness'. Sometimes when I show up with a new high-end frame, she'll ask, "Can you live in it?".
|tell her how much of a flabby, nasty, fatass...||fbg111|
Nov 13, 2002 5:58 PM
|... you'd be without it. Give her a choice of a fit stud who bikes a lot, or an Al Bundy who spends all his $$ on beer and all his time with her. ::evil grin::|
Nov 14, 2002 8:09 PM
|if I don't ride for a few days, the wife throws me out of the house cause she can't stand how crabby and hyper I get...
|Remind her of that BMW...||duckstrap|
Nov 13, 2002 6:48 PM
|her friend's husband bought. The bike's starting to look pretty cheap!|
Nov 14, 2002 12:22 AM
|everytime my wife and I walk past a car dealership she is amazed that I never want to stop and look
after she tells me how glad she is that I'm not a motorhead I remind her how cheap bikes are by comparison which always gets a laugh
|I take a similar approach to the previous responder.||Bonked|
Nov 13, 2002 7:16 PM
|I bought my new ride with money that a relative willed to us. She used her half for the down payment on a car for which we will be spending more on the loan each year (for the next five) than I spent total on my bike.
The only problem is that we got the money in April and I just got my bike last night...her honeymoon is over and mine has just begun!
PS - bikes are definitely female.
|Communicate with her..||Ride-Fly|
Nov 13, 2002 11:40 PM
|that her guilt trip is bringing you down in a BIG way. Let her know once and for all that the bike (money spent on the bike) should never be brought up during arguments, after all the bike is not the point of contention is it?? Lastly, if that doesn't work remind her of the $$ on that big diamond on her finger or the BMW, Saab, MB, or whatever vehicle you bought for her, the many pairs of shoes, dresses, jewelry, etc. Remember that this would be a last ditch argument!! (If you do have to resort to the lat ditch measures, I'd suggest some marriage counseling in the near future)
My ex-wife divorced me because she thought I loved the bike more than her. Seriously though, we divorced because of a "failure to commicate!" I hope you work it out bro!! Ride ON!!!!
|re: Spouse/SO reaction to Elite Bike Purchase||Sintesi|
Nov 14, 2002 5:48 AM
|I had the same problem. Here's what you do: After every ride come home, take a nice long shower, shave, put on some nice smelling lotion. Then go up to your wife, completely nude, grab her, throw her onto the bed and pork her good. IF she still complains, buy her flowers from time to time. Problem solved.|
Nov 14, 2002 8:44 AM
|Ditto! "pork" hahahahaha (nm)||RhodyRider|
Nov 14, 2002 10:29 AM
|re: Spouse/SO reaction to Elite Bike Purchase||brianmcg|
Nov 14, 2002 6:10 AM
|Women are all the same. They dont want you to spend money on yourself. She's pissed because you didnt spend it on her.
A comedian once said "Women dont care what it is as long as you spent a lot of money on it for them. If a florist gave his wife a dozen roses she would be pissed because she knows he got it for free."
|re: Spouse/SO reaction to Elite Bike Purchase||VVS|
Nov 14, 2002 6:44 AM
|I'm older than many of you (50's) and I bought mine for fitness (much more fun than the gym) and on a good weekend, I log 80 hilly miles. Our understanding is that a fit husband is a better family man. Although money is an issue, the time is a much bigger issue. It does no good to remind her that the rides are not just for me when she wants me to take our kid for the day so she can "get a break" from childcare. She's begun indicating an interest in the sport and I'm hoping to involve her along with our kid.
P.S. that advice about a shower and good smelling lotion and a moment of intimacy didn't work as well for me as an evening with a babysitter and dinner at a nice restaurant after a day with a long bike ride.
|Things that have worked; things that have not worked||ms|
Nov 14, 2002 7:14 AM
|I am "lucky" in that my wife has an expensive "hobby" -- she talks often and for a long time with her sister, who lives several states away. By that I mean often daily calls, sometimes calls that last over an hour. My wife also talks incessantly with her friends on the cell phone when she is commuting to work, etc. The bottom line: my wife is a major supporter of the telecommunications industry. Our compromise -- she takes care of the phone bills and I never see them, but she does not see how much I spend on my hobbies.
I never feel guilty about spending money -- I have worked hard to earn it. However, one argument that makes my wife see red is when I have noted that I make more money than she does and, thus, I should be able to spend more on my hobbies. The few times I have raised the argument, I have had to hear how she does all kinds of things around the house for which we would have to spend money (e.g., cleaning, yard work, etc.) if she did not do them while I am out riding my bike.
|re: Spouse/SO reaction to Elite Bike Purchase||MVN|
Nov 14, 2002 8:27 AM
|My wife doesn't care how much I spend as long as we have enough money to pay the bills. I recently bought a GT frame from ChucksBikes and got my LBS to build it up for me. I got a deal on the build kit. When she asked how much everything would be, she asked if that was expensive for bike. I told her how much it would normally cost (bought through a store), and gave her the rundown on bike prices for mid-level and more expensive bikes. She was fine with it. She loves the way I'm looking (lost 28 pounds) and knows that if I don't ride I get grumpy. I consider myself VERY lucky to be married to her because she is so understanding (one of many great qualities), and she always has been with all my purchasing activities in the past. She will ask me why I need something (like a long sleeve winter jersey I got 2 weeks ago)and once I explain it, she's ok with it. She doesn't mind me buying stuff as long as I look for deals and sale items. That doesn't bother me because I don't like to pay top dollar for everything. However, sometimes I do like to get a nice shiny new expensive toy, but only if the bills are taken care of first. She likes to ride too, although not as much as me. She prefers mtb to road, so we hit the trails every so often. It seems as if I'm one of the lucky ones, lol.|
|It's not about the bike. Really.||djg|
Nov 14, 2002 9:54 AM
|Look, if there just isn't enough money to cover the purchase, she's gonna be pissed no matter what. If, on the other hand, this did not compromise either short run or long run fiscal health . . . there may be other issues.
My wife didn't give me a hard time about the last "elite" bike purchase because, well, just because. There are lots of reasons why she was reasonable not to hassle me, but in the end I think it was really more a question of her state of mind, the stars lining up, phases of the moon, etc., etc., than anything to do with me or the bike. Everybody has moods. The thing is: if the money is fine, then separate the political/diplomatic question what to say or do (or not do or where to go run and hide) when your wife is being pissy from the question of how thoroughly you enjoy your bike. Don't feel guilty, just enjoy the damn bike. If she's pissed, she's pissed and she'll find something to focus on even if the bike disappears. So just deal with the fact of her being pissed.
Disclaimer: what the heck do I know? You're on your own pal.
My best advice I save for last: good luck.
|re: Spouse/SO reaction to Elite Bike Purchase||Ironbutt|
Nov 14, 2002 11:22 AM
|Every time that I read a thread like theis one I realize how fortunate I am. Last anniversary's gift from wifey was a Litespeed Ultimate. No problems with ride time, either. Wouldn't matter, she gets in as much time on her Waterford anyway. Now looking for tandem, but will have to be custom as I'm 6'7" and she's 5'6". Should be interesting!|
|She's pissed. The bike isn't the issue.||czardonic|
Nov 14, 2002 12:08 PM
|It doesn't sound like the bike is what is pissing her off, and if you are fine with her spending equal amounts of money on herself, then the money isn't the issue either. The issue is what is pissing her off in the first place. It'd be nice if arguments could stay on-topic, but when people are mad they tend to argue against each others weaknesses. Annoying as it is, I don't think there's much you can do to keep her from holding the bike over your head. You've pissed her off, and she is trying to even the score. As long as you allow yourself to be guilt tripped, the temptation will be there. Just remeber that in the heat of an argument, we all say things that we'd never say with a cool head.
When my GF is mad at me, if I am anywhere near a bike she'll bring up how much time or money I spend on it. Otherwise, she uses whatever else is handy to beat me over the head. But, when she doesn't want me in her hair, guess what she encourages me to spend my time on?