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Spirito, There is only 1 REAL way to tell the difference.(16 posts)
|Spirito, There is only 1 REAL way to tell the difference.||Dave Hickey|
Sep 6, 2002 7:40 AM
|How to shower like a woman:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red and raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (take at least 15 minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
How to shower like a man:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower).
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
16. Partially dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
|dave .... :-) - i have much to thank you for||Spirito|
Sep 6, 2002 8:26 AM
|till now i have lived in constant guilt and self admonishment as i on occasion pee in the shower but at least im a good aim and stand well back.
hair on soap however is something that i draw the line at and refrain from.
your post is very funny.
i know im a male as i can use the toilet, shower, shave face, get smelling good, brush teeth, dress and be out the door in 10 mins but i love those big soft towels and have at least 1/2 dozen (all white) which is not bad for a single male.
in analysing my traits however i realise that i fall somewhere inbetween as im a neat/clean freak, like big towels and shave my legs (and a bit higher) in the shower. sadly there is no mirror in my apt. with which to check on weiner size but my roomates cat (female) which shows dissinterest to me in general always follows me into the bathroom.
that cat is strange but an adonis can be admired by all species i 'spose. maybe i can use the cat to make a mohwak with as my head is devoid of hair?
|Dave, ROTFLMAO!||Mel Erickson|
Sep 6, 2002 9:04 AM
|You have condensed the essence of man (I suggest you look into selling it to Old Spice) and have stated what we all fear to admit (but all do, more or less).|
|Then how is it that man ever gets married to woman?||Kristin|
Sep 6, 2002 10:46 AM
|Master the art of deception? That description is truly disturbing!|
|That description is truly accurate...||Spinchick|
Sep 6, 2002 11:53 AM
|scary, but accurate.|
|I dunno, opposites attract?||Mel Erickson|
Sep 6, 2002 1:02 PM
|Or is it the challenge of taking a crude hunk of clay and molding it into ......into.....into.....well, it's just the challenge, let's leave it at that.|
|LOL :-) nm||Dave Hickey|
Sep 6, 2002 1:17 PM
|closely mimics my morning ritual...||merckx56|
Sep 6, 2002 9:04 AM
|save for #12! as i don't have enough hair to make the mohawk! and i do #14 first!|
|That's High-larious, thanks Dave :-D||js5280|
Sep 6, 2002 9:14 AM
Sep 6, 2002 9:51 AM
Sep 6, 2002 10:11 AM
|...for that pesky spy cam. A wonder-post indeed.|
|best o/t funny post of the year!! (nm)||Marcocyclo|
Sep 6, 2002 10:30 AM
Sep 6, 2002 10:42 AM
|These things make the rounds via e-mail several times a year and I still laugh EVERY time I read them!
|I am crying it's so good THANKS! NM||RayBan|
Sep 6, 2002 10:45 AM
|re: Spirito, There is only 1 REAL way to tell the difference.||clintb|
Sep 6, 2002 7:55 PM
|Hey, you forgot the shower version of a "snot rocket".|
|You mean I'm not the only one who pees in the shower?||Mr Good|
Sep 7, 2002 7:43 PM
|When my wife accuses me I deny it.|| |