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Question about Cat 5 races . . .(15 posts)

Question about Cat 5 races . . .SimonRex
Aug 26, 2002 2:56 PM
I have never raced (newbie), but plan on doing some this coming spring. Are you subject to urine/blood tests at Cat 5 races and what do they check for exactly? Is it random or do they test only the top 3 or none at all.
LMAOCT5
Aug 26, 2002 3:04 PM
Whatcha worried about? Sounds like you have some hobbies besides cycling.
Oh, myDougSloan
Aug 26, 2002 3:09 PM
Sounds like you better clean up your act. Random testing might get you, even if you don't place. I hear they are jailing people for violations now.

Seriously, there is no testing. You want to win a Cat 5 race badly enough to do drugs and risk your life, go for it.

This is actually pretty funny, but not laughing at you. There are no drugs on the planet that you could take that would matter. If anything, they would either kill you or actually slow you down, unless you had strict medical guidance and already were in great shape. Even if you benefit, it might not matter. You'd be off the back by 1/2 mile instead of 3/4 of a mile.

Doug
You meant 'off the back, within a 1/2 mile of start' ;-) nmrwbadley
Aug 26, 2002 3:31 PM
lol. you're assuming he's referring to athletic drugs... nmfbg111
Aug 26, 2002 3:58 PM
Heh heh hehgrzy
Aug 26, 2002 5:40 PM
Hey, come to Santa Cruz - show up early for the bong hits THEN go race! Be amazed when the most stoned guy wins sometimes. Get penalized if you don't share with the officals. ;-)

Seriously, some guys a squeaky clean and others aren't, but it's the least of your worries.
Is this drug testing on animals approved by some US Authority?Iwannapodiumgirl
Aug 26, 2002 3:48 PM
After all, I have no issues with testing on lab rats, but roosters...

With the correct amount of EPO and other human growth hormone, you may turn into Foghorn Leghorn!
Forget epo, use chemo!carnageasada
Aug 26, 2002 5:25 PM
It's perfectly legal and you're guaranteed to lose at least fifteen lbs. You don't have to waste big bucks on treatment either. Just hang out at one of many superfund clean-up sites across the nation or find work on an old Russian Submarine. Good luck racing! Let us know how you do.
is there a cafine limit?ishmael
Aug 26, 2002 6:18 PM
I know in the olympics youre not allowed to have more than the equivalent of 3 cups of coffee in your blood for all the events (Im pretty sure about this). (There are so many people on here I'm bound to be contradicted). There was a ruckus from the olympic chess players (coffee and cigaretes are practically part of the game)
what about pot and lsd, I guess cocaine is out nmishmael
Aug 26, 2002 6:19 PM
I'm not sure, but...empacher6seat
Aug 26, 2002 8:18 PM
personally I hope you OD and stop posting here long before the spring rolls around.
Some Cat 5 Fiction (very long) In The Spirit Of Hunter ThompsonGregory Taylor
Aug 27, 2002 5:14 AM
New Team Orders

By Racer X
TO: Basil.Duke@Lardbutt.com
FROM: 'RacerX'
DATE: 08/19/02

RE: ALL AMERICAN ROAD RACE RESULTS

Not much to report here, Basil, except to tell you that those freakin' little Frenchmen have got it exactly right. Bike racing can sometimes be called "the race of truth." And we've certainly got a shit-load of "truth" to sift through after this weekend's race, don't we Basil?

So far this morning, the truth seems to be a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a large coffee with extra milk. I know this, Basil, because that is what I am eating right now, very late on Sunday morning, 24 hours after we both got our asses kicked in yesterday's road race. I'm tired and disgusted, my legs feel like lead, and I plan on eating several more of these doughnuts just as soon as I finish the chocolate cruller that I am presently chewing.

Yes, Saturday's race was THAT bad.

It all sounded so good when we signed up to do this race, didn't it, Basil? Yessir! We were entering the "All-American Road Race" right outside of Washington, D.C. -- the Nation's Capital. It was almost our patriotic duty to try our luck in something like that, wasn't it? Getting our one-day licenses and signing up to ride the CAT 5 race just seemed the thing to do.

Okay, so neither of us has raced much, but we have been tearing up the team's Sunday morning club A-ride lately, haven't we, my friend? With preparation like that, it was reasonable to expect our competitive outing against a pack of jejune amateurs would be a walk in the park for us, wouldn't it, Basil? Especially with you, our club's strongest rider, as our team leader for the weekend. We are, after all, men of substance: professionals and family men. Mature men. Victory? That was almost a formality. It all sounded so.... possible.

Too bad we forgot to look at the map of the racecourse, eh Basil?

If we had looked, my friend, we would have discovered that there was 900 feet of climbing on each lap. Seven miles per lap, for five laps equaled thirty-five miles of near-constant climbing at a race pace.

You're not a climber, are you Basil? Two hundred pounds is an awful lot to pedal up such steep hills. My apologies for being so unthinking when I cajoled you into entering this race. And for the sake of our friendship I will erase from my memory all of those awful names that you called me while we struggled together up those cruel, cruel hills.

At least we started strong, Basil. Remember how, on the first lap, we were trying bravely to keep the team colors up in contact with the lead group? Things quickly unraveled from there, didn't they? On the second lap we were doing our best to keep contact with the peloton. By our third (and, for us, our final) lap we were merely trying to stay in touch with our dignity, weren't we Basil? You succeeded admirably there, my friend, first hurling your water bidons and then the contents of your stomach into a rather rude crowd of jeering spectators as we left the race.

There is no need to apologize now, Basil. They were getting rather tedious with their constant calls for us to "Move Up!" Our race was run at that point, but you impressed us all with the way that you handled the situation with an equal measure of belligerence and panache. Our sponsors will be proud.

Ahh, but Basil, you must remember that you were not suffering alone - I too was suffering like a sow on those hills. And while neither of us finished the bicycle race, but we did discover just where we stand with respect to our fellow competitors in our own personal "race of truth", didn't we, my friend?

The truth is that I was not ready to do this race at all. The truth is that my body and my mind have assiduously avoided real suffering on the bike for quite a while. The truth is, if I want to keep racing as something other than CAT 5 pack fodder, I will have to suffer and put in th
Some Cat 5 Fiction (very long) -- The EndGregory Taylor
Aug 27, 2002 5:16 AM
The truth is that I was not ready to do this race at all. The truth is that my body and my mind have assiduously avoided real suffering on the bike for quite a while. The truth is, if I want to keep racing as something other than CAT 5 pack fodder, I will have to suffer and put in the miles, more miles than I have been willing to ride in a long time.

These are the unavoidable truths that I took away from Saturday's race, Basil. That and a powerful hunger for doughnuts.

The bottom line, Basil, is that we will need to train harder. And when I say that "we" will need to train harder, what I really mean is that we will be looking to "you" to work especially hard in order to provide better support for our new team leader. And that new team leader would be me, your loyal friend, RacerX.

I know, Basil, that the idea of voluntarily signing up for more suffering, more intervals, and more hills is not an attractive prospect to you right now. No one said that racing would be easy.

But - let's be blunt here, Basil - I fully expect that the brutal ass kicking that was delivered to both of us this past Saturday will provide special motivation for you, my dear friend, to even greater efforts for the team. You are not a quitter, Basil. I won't attempt to sugarcoat it, my friend, for what I have in mind here will require that you undergo countless hours of training in order to ensure our redemption as racers of note.

But you will be working your ass down to a nub for the purest reasons of all: the greater glory of the team. And, as I am sure that you yourself have realized by now, Basil, the surest path to success for our team is to assemble a strong pack of riders such as yourself to pull me, your team leader, to victory in these long, grueling races.

You know how these things are, Basil. Victory can only go to one rider, and it appears that I alone have the equanimity and even temperament to be a successful team leader. Be truthful now, we found out all about that aspect of bike racing from your performance as team leader this Saturday, didn't we? We as a team cannot depend upon an ill-tempered leader who drops out at the mid-point of a race covered in vomit, spewing obscenities, and hurling water bottles at surly spectators, can we? Our sponsors would think that we were, well, unreliable.

We all salute your combative spirit, Basil, but something had to be done.

So I know, Basil, that you will understand this new division of labor within the team because you are, after all, nothing if not a team player and a consummate professional in all of your endeavors. Including bike racing. Especially bike racing.

So Basil, my friend, get out and train more. The team is depending upon you. More to the point, I am depending upon you. And I swear that the next race that we do will be flat. Real flat. And we will win, Basil. I promise.

Your Team Leader,

RacerX
why? do you have something to worry about? (nm)ColnagoFE
Aug 27, 2002 8:09 AM
why would anyone bother to cheat for winning a lousy cat 5 race?elviento
Aug 27, 2002 10:58 AM
Nothing against cat 5s, but there is really too little at stake to even bother.