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Does anyone have experience with this type of person...(34 posts)

Does anyone have experience with this type of person...eschelon
Aug 22, 2002 9:56 AM
I'm just waiting for one of these days when she's going to say it...she's my "girlfriend" and by all indications she seems to support my training and know she asks how my ride or race went. She hasn't given me any guff about it all...surprising...since I see her only once a week...but hey, a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do, right? I just feel like she is going to one of these days when she knows me long enough and say that I should "grow up" and spend more time with her or something along those lines.

I'm just curious...she hasn't given me any indications that she is going to do this...but have any of you fine gents ever have the 180 degree about face whammy attitude against your biking needs/habits hit you by the girlfriend/boyfriend?
isn't that your mom?mr_spin
Aug 22, 2002 10:07 AM
Even your mom will ask how your race went and she may even tell you to grow up. A girlfriend you see only once a week isn't much of a girlfriend. If she does do the 180 whammy, walk away. What do you care?
aren't one a week girlfriends the best kind to have?nmeschelon
Aug 22, 2002 10:09 AM
Aug 22, 2002 10:17 AM
Your post implies you are thinking long term relationship. In this case, a once-a-week girlfriend is not ideal. Frankly, she would have to be a really special girl to tolerate a long term, once-a-week relationship. If she is that special girl, how could you stand only seeing her once a week? Your focus is clearly elsewhere. Sooner or later she's going to walk away.
No girl is special enough to replace the thrill of biking. nmeschelon
Aug 22, 2002 10:20 AM
well, then there's your answermr_spin
Aug 22, 2002 10:21 AM
Some day you'll discover that's not true. Until then, enjoy biking.
and if it IS trueColnagoFE
Aug 22, 2002 10:47 AM
then don't ever get married or you'll be the most miserable SOB ever and so will she.
aren't one a week girlfriends the best kind to have?nmakatdog
Aug 23, 2002 11:42 PM
No but 7 of them are
yeah 1x a week is not much of a relationship (nm)ColnagoFE
Aug 22, 2002 10:45 AM
Lots of things COULD happen in the future.Spoke Wrench
Aug 22, 2002 10:08 AM
Most of them won't.
Right on! Truer words have never been spoken on this forum.rtyszko
Aug 22, 2002 10:22 AM
Let it be. What comes will come. The only Zen that you find at the tops of mountains is that which you brought with you. Stupid is as stupid does.

Do or do not, there is no try. 'Yoda' (nm)ColnagoFE
Aug 22, 2002 10:49 AM
Stupidest meaningless phrase ever, gets quoted all the time(nm)Raf1
Aug 22, 2002 6:14 PM
Depends upon the time of month.Juanmoretime
Aug 22, 2002 10:14 AM
My wife is going through that transition of life. You know what food reduces a womans sex drive to zero? Wedding cake.
Just the Oppositejromack
Aug 22, 2002 10:26 AM
I have the greatest wife! She loves to ride! And she encourages me to ride when I have one of those days.

She keeps an event calendar and suggests rides for us.

I also like it when she bookmarks a bike catalog with an item she thinks I would like.

Best of all, she gives great post ride leg massages!

If you are dating somebody that shows no interest in your passion, move on. Hit the road, find a biker babe!
Same here...desert-rider
Aug 22, 2002 11:06 AM
I've always dated active women. So, when I head off to ride, they're off climbing, hiking, or riding themselves...

My current girlfriend rides, although not as obsessivly as I do. But she's started training for an IronMan next year, so she actually spends more time training than I do!

We go watch & crew for each other's races, and trade off back & leg massages at night.

I have to should find someone that supports & understands your passions, if they don't actually participate. Relationships are hard enough, without adding the stress of being with someone who doesn't have any interest in what is obviously very important to you.
Not always the caseColnagoFE
Aug 22, 2002 11:21 AM
My wife can ride and is in great shape but she could care less about riding. I tend to value my training rides as time to think and be by myself anyway. I think if she didn't understand and support my need to ride it'd be tough, but as it is we have enough else in common to complain about cycling. She can have her own interests and I can have mine.
Sorry C_FE, but she COULDN'T care less.94Nole
Aug 22, 2002 11:38 AM
What you mean is that she COULDN'T care less meaning she has no care or concern at all for riding. If she COULD care less, then she would have >0 care for cycling.

Sorry to be a pain in the buttisimo, but I try to point this out everytime I hear that phrase used as almost everyone says that. know what i meant (nm)ColnagoFE
Aug 22, 2002 1:07 PM
can i have another chance? i don't know, can you? (nm)ColnagoFE
Aug 22, 2002 1:08 PM
Aug 22, 2002 10:39 AM
Okay, I've posted this before, but I'll reiterate it here.

I'm on my second (and last) marraige.

First marriage -- dated for 6 years, married out of college. In that time I trained a lot and competed in triathlon. Migrated to bike racing. She didn't do any sort of exercisiing, though she wasn't fat. She went to a total of 3 races in 14 years. She paid lip service to supporting my habits (more like tolerating them), but most of my vacations were spent working HER projects on OUR house. One of the final straws was her proposal for having children -- she would switch to working every weekend, 12 hour days, and I'd have the kids then. Doesn't sound too bad? Think of this: her identity was tied very closely to her work (registered nurse at a pediatric hospital). Her proposal was basically taking away my passion while keeping hers.

Second marriage -- I was still heavily racing when we met, she went to EVERY race, though had no interest in racing herself. She had no background in exercise, but enjoyed getting on a bike (tooling around for the most part). At this point, I'm not riding much (my choice), but we still like to watch cycling, she likes to keep abreast of what's going on in the Tour.

So the 180 can happen, even after you're settled in.
Sounds like my wife until I got kicked out of the house.Quack
Aug 22, 2002 10:45 AM
My wife acted much the same way. The tough part is that she is not a talker and I'm not great at reading minds or subtle changes in others. One month, I had 4 3-day weekend trips to either ride or race, and I guess that was the haybale that broke the camel's back. When I came back on the 4th weekend, my stuff was packed.

Juggling a serious obsession and a serious relationship with someone that doesn't have the same interest is tricky. I don't think my wife will ever understand, but I suppose the least I can do is devote some time to the relationship. I now primarily commute during the week and do one 5-hour ride on the weekends. One upside is that the projects around the house are actually getting done now.

If things don't work out in the future with this girl, don't settle on anything less than a bike-junkie hardbody girl on the next go-round. There are days that I wished I had done just that before taking the plunge.
My thoughts:MXL02
Aug 22, 2002 10:47 AM
There is no way that a non-riding girlfriend/ wife /SO will ever understand any sport where the participant becomes obsessed as in cycling, especially when it requires 2-4 hours of time away from the family. (My wife jokingly calls herself a cycling widow.)

So, how is this reconciled? By making time for both. I awaken at 5am on Sat AND Sun in order to get my riding in and spend quality time with my family. My wife understands my need to ride, and does not want to be near my grouchy side which comes out when I don't ride, so this is our compromise. As long as I'm home by noon on Sat and 10:30 on Sun, I get to ride.

Relationships are about compromises...if you can't reach one with your SO on your riding, then maybe it was not meant to be.

My Dos Centavos, FWIW.
And good ones they are...noveread
Aug 22, 2002 12:26 PM
It IS about compromise. My wife is not athletic but does want me to ride. During the week, I get up and ride before work except for the day with the weekly group ride. If there is a weeknight race she'll come to that and bring our two-year-old son along who loves to watch the bycables (bye-ca-bulls).

then, on the weekend, one day I get up early and go ride for as long as I want, then on the other day, I just take a 1-1.5hour spin during nap time!

Compromises. It works.

re: Does anyone have experience with this type of person...gerwerken
Aug 22, 2002 11:14 AM
My Boyfriend has a passion that I only partially share. He is a backpacking guide that spends weeks or even months away from cililization, and me. I know he loves it, so I don't stop him, but it can be rough.

Whenever possible (meaning when he is either at home or near a phone)we openly communicate how we feel about our relationship. He also spends all of his time when he is at home with me so that I know for sure that he loves me, at least as much as backpacking.

I could not easily turn a 180 whammy on him because he knows how I feel about his backpacking, and he has talked to me about it as well.

However, both he and I know that eventually he will have to "grow up." Due to a job, family, etc he will not be able to go out to the backcountry as often or as long as he does now. That doesn't mean I am going to try to stop him, I just know the facts of life, everyone has to grow up eventually.

By the way, he bikes too. I backpack with him, he bikes with me. So far it is working out pretty well.
I guess that I am very lucky...94Nole
Aug 22, 2002 11:17 AM
Any time I spend any significant amount of money on anything, my wife will make sure that I am reminded frequently (nagged) that I spent the money and that I need to be out riding. And we get along better when we aren't together.

And especially if it has anything to do with exercise. I have my soon-to-be 13 year old son out with me pretty often too. The little booger (though not so little...5'5" and size 11½ shoe at 12 years old) keeps up pretty well on a 12 speed off the rack "mountain bike" from Wal-Mart.
Whoa! I have been approaching it backwardTypeOne
Aug 22, 2002 11:24 AM
I like the way you have it set up:
You spend money on bikes,
wife nags you to ride.

My situation:
I ride
wife nags me not to spend money on bike stuff
wife spend money on frivolous crap for "OUR house"

Damn, where did I go wrong?
Sounds like...SnowBlind
Aug 22, 2002 11:23 AM
you have already decided she will.
If you think she will, it will become so.
she acts the other way with the guy she sees the other six daysbigrider
Aug 22, 2002 12:15 PM smart about it, make the situation advantageous to..curtybirdychopper
Aug 22, 2002 12:18 PM
...both of you. you've got to be smart and figure out a way to spend more time with your GF if that's what you want.

for example, i've always been more enthused about riding than my wife. but i was able to get her very into the sport with a little indirect motivation. actually I cant take credit b/c i didn't really see how it could work out like it did.
see, she is overly conscience about her body/weight, way more than she needs to be, like many women who read stupid glamour magazines and pay attention to pop culture. anyway, one of her motivations to ride is to tone her legs. in the mean time she has grown to enjoy the joys of pure riding for its own sake. i guess i got lucky, but maybe you can figure out a way to motivate or get your GF into cycling in a similar, indirect way at first.
values proposition.getoffmywheel
Aug 22, 2002 1:13 PM
Is she athletic, outdoors like? Maybe she's not into biking but is into other sports, fitness, competition and she respects what you do. The fact that you're so into riding and competitive might be something that turns her on to you. For me, I get alot of encouragement and support as well as an occassional ass kicking on "Why aren't you riding your bike today?". My wife runs marathons, same deal. Anyway, she hasn't changed from day 1 on being cool about my riding and racing and I never worried about it.
tell her what i tell my wife...merckx56
Aug 22, 2002 2:42 PM
"I rode before you were around and I'll keep riding after you're gone!"
my girlfriend rides too...Geds
Aug 22, 2002 10:47 PM
...her horse. Now there's a hobby where the spending of money never ends. And the amount of effort expended for the amount of time riding is huge.

But I love the fact she has a passion in her horse, and am fully supportive of it. And she's fully supportive of me riding, including me having my bike in my bedroom.

But I guess communication, cooperation and compromise are the keys to good relationships???
Sounds like you're her "boy toy" (not a bad thing)off roadie
Aug 23, 2002 4:01 AM
Nothing wrong with that, but look at the relationship from her side. Your more interested in riding than her, and chances are you are in better shape than most guys. Whats she getting out of the relationship? At what price- flattering you a bit by letting you talk about your hobby? Smells like "boy toy" to me. Been there, loved it. ;-)

However, there is a downside. Given that it may be a "casual thing", chances are it could end quickly and unexpectedly if she gets serious with somebody else. Relationships like yours can last a long time, but you have to realise your's might not be her only, or even primary, relationship. On the other hand, chances of her "doing a 180" are very low if I'm on the right page with her intersts.