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Scene 17: Spirito Meets the Shadowy Figure(10 posts)

Scene 17: Spirito Meets the Shadowy FigureAllisonHayes
Aug 8, 2002 6:09 AM
The shadowy figure watched him walking into the restuarant and it was like they say, you know, he kind of glowed. Like a ray of light was around him. A kind of Jesus,or, some kind of alien.

He was wearing a light pink leather suit that had airbrushed flames all over, and engraved into the leather were flowers, hearts and bunnies. He made it himself. God, he does it all. He also made his patent leather cycling cap which was frayed into the shape of Warren Beatty's hair in the movie Shampoo. And a pair of transparent Sidi's that Mr. Sidi made for him in 1981. He was wearing solid gold DeFeet socks underneath.

As he walked through the restaurant, every chick and queer's head turned (seems like every man becomes queer around Spirito). The waitress, sweating, gave Spirito a piece of paper with her number on it before she handed out the menus. Spirito blushed (there was a shallow gasp from the lonefrontranger who was sitting a few tables away).

The shadowy figure and Spirito both ordered the beluga and blinis. Spirito is known not to drink alcohol during the season, so they shared a bottle of Evian cooled with cubes of Stolichnaya. Although most people are rather sceptical, it is a known fact that Spirito has never taken any drugs to enhance his cycling. He's a natural.

Shadowy Figure:

Okay, before we begin I just have to tell you something. First of all, I am a great admirer of you. You write Political thesis that is subscribed to by everyone from Mandela to Lek Walenca to The Pope. You do plumbing, electric and plaster work. You cook and clean like a Sicilian immigrant. You co-managed Michael Jordan and changed the face of Basketball.

You are a supermodel. You've supermodeled for Calvin Klein, Yohi Yamamoto and Versace all over the world. You satisfied 36 girls at a Motel 6 in Texas for 48 hours nonstop. Legend has it that the maid keeps three dozen rubbers in a shrine in Mexico. You can fix or repair TV's and VCR's. You still maintain a 90 mph average pace for a century fun ride even though you must be well into your twenties. Hey, Spirito, what the hell don't you do?

Moving closer, the Shadowy figure takes on a serious tone:

I am from the government and we need you, Spirito, to combat this great terrorist threat. You need to be careful because some of these terrorists are not only gay, they are also aliens.


Thank you. That's really an honor. I never really know what to say when people as me to solve their most pressing problems. And by the way, I'm not gay. Never have been. Never will be. But I was just going to ask you the same thing.

I tell you, these terrorists are all creepy. Creepy creepy creeps. Creeping around. Creeping here and creeping there. Creeping everywhere. Crippity crappity creepies.

Shadowy figure:

So you already know some of them?


I'm glad you asked. Well, there's that rat bastard, Sheldon Brown; the backstabber Jobst brandt who is ungratefull for me teaching him everything he knows; that twisted phony Bob Roll; Jeannie Longo that lesbo monster; Gregg that bullshit site host, he's the king member of the lucky club; Mario Cippolini, that filthy no-talent Psuedo wannabe-me; Bill and Hillary Clinton and their ugly orphan-like daughter Chelsea; Dr. Ferrari and his poisoned mind--"sport coach" my ass; Phil Anderson, that Judas piece of crap, listen everybody, he's the most gutless cyclist that ever was in the world; Mr.Rolf, that dark, anal wheel design plagiarist and his useless penis, he's a great example of a world gone wrong; Tullio "stumpy" camapgnolo who organised and funded the stealing of my collection of designs before i had patents on them, wow is he creepy; Mr. Shimano that A/Anon basketcase, worst component manufacturer who ever lived, shoulda stuck with fishing reels; Jan "I can't ride, but boy can I brown nose and have a whole team ride for me" Ullrich; my Ex-Mother-in-law; and that drug king and perform
re: Scene 17: Spirito Meets the Shadowy FigureAllisonHayes
Aug 8, 2002 6:11 AM
Ex-Mother-in-law; and that drug king and performance grandfather Eric Zabel, boy has he been around a long time.That's some creepy losers right there, huh? Huh?, yeah, and my mother, Mamma Creepy Spirito. And my father, the Godfather of Creepy.

Shadowy Figure:

Wow. That's amazing. I agree with you about all of them. Especially your mother. Boy, these terrorists are creepy, huh? Though, chicks after you date them all seem to become the creepiest terrorists on the planet.

Anyway, I need to get to the point.

The government has been working with Scattante to develop a series of stealth bikes. We started out with Litespeeds, but due to their terrible image on RBR, we deciced against that approach.

Our latest model, the "Spirito" is so stealthy even we can't even find it. The breakthrough came when we used your name on the bike. You must realize there is a lot of quantum physics involeved here. According to Heisenberg's principal of uncertainty, the Spirito is capable of entering into another dimension, sort of a time-space wormhole. What happens is that the bike is capable of being in all places in the universe and the same time. The word my scientists use to explain this phenomenon is chronosynclasticinfundibulation.

It is completely over my head, but I know you will immediately grasp the theory. Spirito, you are the only person in the universe who is capable of riding this bike. We need you to first find it and then to help the save the world of these terrorists.


That is fine, but I will only accept this mission if I am allowed to have my two prodigies join me. They are Kristin and the Boxer.

Shadowy Figure:

First, we are grateful to you. Secondly, we anticipated your request and we have been trailing both Kristin and the Boxer. You have three days to get them up to speed. Time is of the essence.

Spirito and the Shadowy Figure leave the restuarant.

i prior thread:

AllisonHayes "The Saga Continues...The Boxer & The Cyclist" 8/7/02 11:07am
Wow, creepy (crippity?) crap....;-)) nmrwbadley
Aug 8, 2002 6:58 AM
Shadowy Figure revealedcyclopathic
Aug 8, 2002 7:43 AM
PS I prefer good western myself
LOL; maybe next RBR script will be made a westernAllisonHayes
Aug 8, 2002 7:49 AM
perhaps you can start it
re: westerncyclopathic
Aug 8, 2002 8:15 AM
Liberty works as undercover agent in whore house trying to trace down famous train robber Spirito da Kid. Lotsa shooting, place trashing, boose seeping.. etc etc etc Events take place in SW territories.

Obviously when Liberty meets Spirito they fall in love as it ment to be. When Liberty realizes she cannot turn Spirito da Kid she buys a ticket and tries to run on the train. da Kid chases train down, lotsa fight, stopped train..

Final sequece Spirito da Kid looks into Liberty's eyes and tells her he is giving up on his very promicing criminal career because of how much he loves her. At the same moment he gets shot by the evil marshall, Liberty's boss Jubba da Hutt. Dying Spirito in Liberty's hands. Is it the end of great love? no, Liberty rushes remains of Spirito to secret lab where he gets cloned.

Unfortunately things don't go that well, Spirito gets cloned to 3/5 of original size and he has to change his name to mini-Spirito. Never the less this doesn't stop great love, mini-Spirito and 55' tall Liberty; happy hereafter.

get a life
this never-ending threadColnagoFE
Aug 8, 2002 7:33 AM
i just dont have the kind of time on my hands to write stories to contribute here. some very creative thinking...will give you that, but don't you think this belongs on the non-cycling board?
was thinking the same thing tooAllisonHayes
Aug 8, 2002 7:46 AM
In the future I will move it there.

Q. General discussion to me means anything that is cycling related, no matter how loosely interpreted. So, how is this any different than someone posting they want to be a podium boy?

The non-cycling forum has topics that are, for the most part, not related in any manner to cycling.
yup...not really a big deal, but if it's gonna be posted oftenColnagoFE
Aug 8, 2002 8:24 AM
might be better on non-cycling.
YOUR'E A DORK (nm)Trollgirl
Aug 8, 2002 12:50 PM