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how come chick's races dont have podium "boys" ???(24 posts)

how come chick's races dont have podium "boys" ???Spirito
Aug 7, 2002 6:36 AM
ive been loking for a new vocation and having accepted that i'll never be atop a podium for celebrating a victory (only because i refuse to ride a dayglo bike and wear those billboards that pass as team outfits) i thought perhaps i would make a great podium boy (one dimensional decoration for them women ciclisti).

who should i contact?

what should i wear?

why is the cycling world so sexist that there isnt any podium boys already?

being lusted after and thought of in purely a physical sense is something i am already quite used to and i thought to use my panty dropping good looks to benefit and raise the profile of womens cycling. i have already practised being sprayed with champoo whilst remaining not only composed but remaining my sultry, sexy self.

i really think its time women's cycling added a little gratuitous glamour and im ready to pave the way for other creamboats like myself.

whats a guy gotta do to be an adornment?

re: how come chick's races dont have podium "boys" ???Jon Billheimer
Aug 7, 2002 6:45 AM
This ridiculous politically correct thing about valuing the WHOLE person has gotten in the way. Personally I, too, have always wanted to be objectified, lusted after, and otherwise devalued as a human being, but I don't have the "Chippendale looks" to pull it off...and it's the women who started the whole thing, too! Write a protest letter to the UCI.
hey bill .... you dont need "chippendale looks" ......Spirito
Aug 7, 2002 6:53 AM
you can get all the lusty attention from women just by demonstrating an ability to hang 3 wet towels and go without breathing for long periods.

in fact being too pretty mostly has an effect of being perceived as a "muscle mary".

hey, yourself. how did I get involved?bill
Aug 7, 2002 7:29 AM
And who says that I don't HAVE chippendale looks.
you know, those two cute little chipmunks? chubby cheeks, round bottoms, little thing from between their little stubby legs (I thing it's called a "tail").
In my own defense, I can only say that I've never been set up on a blind date, because, I've been told, it was assumed that I didn't need it. I believed it at the time. What else was I supposed to think?
Maybe the women racers prefer podium girls.SnowBlind
Aug 7, 2002 7:00 AM
Most look pretty butch.
Maybe the women racers prefer podium girls.ohmk1
Aug 7, 2002 8:24 AM
I happened to watch some bike race on OLN last week, and they featured a women's bike race in between the men's. I couldn't help but notice that a lot of them were kind of chubby, and looked like they were approaching 50. I have to admit, I'm not that familiar with the women's racing scene, but is this the norm or just an anomoly to this race?
Maybe the women racers prefer podium girls.No_sprint
Aug 7, 2002 8:31 AM
Well, uh, I'm pretty familiar with the large racing scene in SoCal. The women, some are just down right mean and so butch that they really don't even talk to men. Every once in a while you'll find a *breeder* who is actually nice. :) One thing you'll find is most have non-skinny *powerplant* areas if you know what I mean. JLO doesn't even come close. There are typically a couple of babes in the bunch.
Maybe there are "a couple of babes in the bunch"LeaneWilde
Aug 7, 2002 8:41 AM
I have really been working hard to lose some weight. I thought I might take up racing to stay in shape. What do you think boys? I know Mr. Spirito doesn't like blondes but what about the rest of you?
you & freddie mercury have a lot in common ......Spirito
Aug 7, 2002 8:47 AM
but at least he didnt pretend to be a woman even though he liked to dress as one.
Spirito, wasn't it you?cyclopathic
Aug 7, 2002 7:51 AM
who sued Hooters for refusing his application on basis of sexual discrimination?
I'm in.Ahimsa
Aug 7, 2002 9:29 AM
Sign me up brother. I'd love to be podium boy. Finally put these dashing good looks to use. They don't do me much good now that I'm married, so this sounds perfect.

I might have to do more upper body workouts though, as I'm sure a true cyclist body may not appeal (those podium girls aren't exactly female cyclist build) to the unwashed masses.

Just let me grow my long locks back a bit more, and give me a chance to ruffle the package before I stand up there.

I don't have to wear swimwear do I?


A. (ready to be pretty)
A you can be my podium boy any daylonefrontranger
Aug 7, 2002 9:44 AM
My 16-year-old teammate and I were bemoaning the lack not too long ago. We have to settle for hanging out and watching all those delicious Pro/1/2 boys in their slinky tight lycra, muscles straining as they sprint for primes... quads that a girl would aspire to covering in chocolate and eating for dessert... In my book a glimpse of blinding white bum atop a pair of smooth shaven coffee colored legs as the owner changes clothes behind his car door beats big fake capped-tooth smiles and butt-floss undies any day.

As for me, I'm afraid I fit the mold of the female bike racer: "butch" looks, large power plant and all. Too bad I'm hopelessly hetero. Oh, well, you can lust after my Campy-equipped Colnago and the salary to afford it, right?

After all, guys like Levi Leipheimer, Alberto Elli and Andrei Tchmil are no one's paragon of beauty, right?
Heh heh! Sixteen year old teammate?Ahimsa
Aug 7, 2002 10:00 AM
My wife 'll never agree to this idea. ( ;

I'm afraid i might not quite fit your criteria though; I don't shave. I spend too much time cultivating my bohemian side to begin applying the same lack of effort I give face shaving to my legs as well.

Blinding white bum? Oh yeah, I got one o' those.

And you could bounce a quarter off it.


butt dear, can you crack a walnut too?AllisonHayes
Aug 7, 2002 10:04 AM
I would shell out a lot to see that kind of bum....

(but as someone asked, what do you do then with the meat?)
"what do you do then with the meat?"Ahimsa
Aug 7, 2002 10:07 AM
Well.....I'm hoping you ea....

Never mind.

Baseball baseball baseball baseballl baseball baseball baseball baseball...........

"so clean you could eat off it ..... "Spirito
Aug 7, 2002 10:26 AM
Aug 7, 2002 12:05 PM
"so clean you could eat off it ..... "cp123
Aug 7, 2002 4:41 PM
OH PUHLEEEASE!!!!! I was flicking through this message at work and damn near spat drink all over the computer screen as i cracked up laughing. quickly had to hit the back button to remove the offending bottoms.
re: paragon of beauty?cyclopathic
Aug 7, 2002 10:14 AM
yeah, but look at the legs
don't get me wronglonefrontranger
Aug 7, 2002 10:23 AM
Tchmil is one of my all-time favorite riders, but he's one of those poor unfortunates you have to wonder if they busted the ugly stick on him.

Sean Kelly had those veins beat by a Manhattan street map.

Personally I think Vaughters has dandy legs for a featherweight (seen 'em live up close, skinny but ripped) but the most gorgeous pro gams of all time, period have got to be Ja Ja's.
what do you mean?No_sprint
Aug 7, 2002 10:52 AM
You don't want mullet man Brochard slapping a couple of kisses on you after a sweet win? Maybe put il pirata on the other bookend? LOL
eugh (shudder)lonefrontranger
Aug 7, 2002 11:40 AM
you had to go and ruin my lunch didn't you?

There are quite a few babes in cycling (male and female). I think the guys tend to focus on the fact that the vast majority of women racers lack inch-thick makeup and porn-star boobs. Despite our social responsibility to "keep ourselves up" as it were, sadly for practical reasons most tend to refrain. Controlling one's line in a sprint is kinda difficult when your mascara's running in your eyes and your gazongas are bouncing off the top tube.

However, for every Hanka Kupfernagel out there, there is a Jessica Phillips. Now I admit Hanka isn't supermodel material, but last time I checked, looks weren't winning races. The last time I saw Jessica in person she'd just gotten done delivering a wicked lesson in humility to a Men's Cat III field after motorpacing 50-odd miles from Boulder to Ft. Collins where the event was held. Those guys couldn't figure out whether to nurse their bruised egos or propose to her on the spot. In the end, I saw a couple that settled for autographs.
eugh (shudder)No_sprint
Aug 7, 2002 12:05 PM
LOL Good stuff. I'd have trouble riding if Jessica were in my field, especially if she were pourin' on the hurtin'. Talk about woody! LOL I'd love just to fall in on her wheel....

There are some ladies on my team that I swear have more testosterone in them than I do. They'll walk right by a group of us guys on the same team and not even look at us, never even say hello. Really funny but I even feel a bit sorry for some of them. What's the deal? It can't be a butch/straight thing, if it is, well then ladies, you've got tremendous hangups.

I wish looks were winning races. I'd have a much better resume at this time. AlthoughI've spent a year climbing back to pre-crash last year shape, I thought I'd eeek into the f#$%ing top 20. Oh well... Next year.
eugh (shudder)cp123
Aug 7, 2002 4:47 PM
how much power and speed are the anorexic stick skinny chicks going to create? Go the "Thunder thighs!"

hmmmm - there's a thought, perhaps i should give up road cycling and take up track cycling, i've already got the legs for it...