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The Saga Continues...The Boxer & The Cyclist(12 posts)

The Saga Continues...The Boxer & The CyclistAllisonHayes
Aug 7, 2002 6:30 AM
Setting:

A chance meeting between some brain-whacked boxer who rides the MUTs no-handed while doing his punching routine. A down
and out tomato can who is fodder for the up and coming young pros.

A female cyclist who is looks to him as though she is clearly a professional rider.

A dark shadowy figure who offers both of them a chance at greatness.

Story to date:

The boxer was creamed by Spirito during the annual RBR ride across america training event. A shadowy figure with ties to stealth bikes and Area 51 stands in the distance. Something is clearly on his mind as he witnesses the carnage.

The boxer was out for the count and later awoke in a hospital. The boxer falls in and out of consciousness and dreams of crop circles and bikes. Later he is released but he can barely walk. He stumbles upon a bike store (Kristin's) who is having a contest to win a bike. In an amazing display of strength, he wins.

In the meantime, in a flashback scene, we see Kristin as a young girl leaving her home for Chicago. We now see the young Kristin in a restuarant in Chicago where the patrons are a cross between ghouls and aliens. It is not clear yet whether there is a connection between the shadowy figure and these people. Upon leaving the restuarant, Kristin rescues John Kennedy from two thugs. John offers Kristin a reward of either a million dollars or a bike. For some reason, she feels compelled to take the bike. (She does not yet realize that this bike has special stealth qualities but her sixth sense tells her to take the bike.)

Kristin is worn out from the ordeal and is very hungry. She has a craving for Dunkin' donuts. Her blood glucose level is low and she is feeling disoriented. She dreams of when she was an eight year old girl and of a mysterious Prince Campagnolo and Princess DeRosa. Suddenly, she pulls out her last letter from the Prince and rereads it for the thousandth time.

The boxer continues his recovery. He has found a trainer, old Blind Phil, who can divine the true potential in the boxer that everyone else thought was a washed-up tomato can. The boxer begins to train by riding no-handed on his bike.

Laura and Kirk are on their new tandem bike. Kirk, who rides like a man possessed, is on a mission from god. He fully intended to hit 80 miles an hour with Laura as his stoker.

i We need your great minds out there to now tie these characters & events together. What is the destiny of the boxer & the female cyclist and what role does the shadowy character play? Is he an angel of mercy or a messenger of darkness? How will this play out? What trials and tribulations must Kristin and the boxer yet still endure? What ties them together? And what will be the dramatic climax? What is the intrigue of Area 51? How does John Kennedy figure into Area 51? Will there be a scene in Lower Wacker?

Main Characters:

Female Cyclist - Kristin (as herself)
Boxer
Dark Shadowy Figure - Angel of Mercy or Messenger of Darkness (we will find out which)

Supporting Cast:

Spirito as Himself
peleton - the RBR riders
Blind Phil
Scientest 1
Scientest 2
Scientest 3
Scientest 4
Nurse
Carnival Guy
Boxing Manager
James Fenimore Cooper Jones, Kristin's Father
Dave, the farm hand
Lab Technician
Maitre'D
Waiter
Patrons in Restuarant
Thug 1
Thug 2
John Kennedy
Prince Campagnolo
Tandem Cyclists Laura & Kirk
Russell Crowe as himself

Links to previous threads:

Kristin "M.U.T. Rant - Angel of mercy or messanger of darkness?" 8/6/02 10:26am

rwbadley "Scene nine: In the clearing stands a boxer...." 8/6/02 11:25am
umm, Scene 13: Are we alone in the universe?AllisonHayes
Aug 7, 2002 7:23 AM
The arrival Wednesday of eight reflector dishes puts researchers at the SETI Institute one step closer to their goal: getting to the bottom of these stealth bicycle sightings.

The huge metal dishes, which are 20 feet by 24 feet and weigh more than 1,000 pounds each, are part of the Allen Telescope Array. The first shipment of dishes arrived at the Hat Creek Observatory, operated by the University of California at Berkeley since the 1960s, shortly before 9 a.m. An 18-wheel truck that carried them was escorted by three California Highway Patrol vehicles.

The truck driver who hauled the dishes from Idaho and said he got used to pointing and staring from other drivers during his three-day trek. Many people asked if his cargo was a UFO, he said.

The dome-shaped silver dishes look like Hollywood's rendition of extraterrestrial spacecraft, minus flashing lights and tiny green men. Researchers joked about the resemblance Wednesday morning, saying people probably assumed the dishes were coming from Area 51 - a secured military base north of Las Vegas rumored to harbor alien life - not Idaho Falls.

The Allen Telescope Array was originally called the One Hectare Telescope, but the name was changed to reflect the gifts of Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen. To date, Allen has given $11.5 million for the project.

SETI's director of research, said this telescope will allow researchers the opportunity to look for these cyclists 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

"That's always been a dream of ours," she said. "This is the first major step."

The Allen Telescope Array also will be able to capture visual images, something that has not been possible to date. "Contrary to the National Enquirer, there's absolutely no proof of stealth cyclists," the director said. "We think one of the best ways to find out is to look at the transmissions they emit."

"We've been working on this for several years. These are the first tangible things in the field," he said, motioning to the eight dishes stacked on the truck. "It will vastly expand what we're doing," he continued. "We've only observed a small number of cyclists here compared to how many there are in the universe."

People are intrigued with SETI's work because the institute is seeking to answer an age-old question: Are we alone in the universe?
News Flash: SETI has just sighted the stealth TT bikeAllisonHayes
Aug 7, 2002 8:00 AM
In an incredible stroke of luck, SETI has its first ever sighting of the heretofore rumored stealth bike. SETI's director of research was quoted as saying, "This is the breakthough we have been hoping for."

Spirito's comments on the stealth bike...AllisonHayes
Aug 7, 2002 8:14 AM
i "oh, that is one of the old retro stealth bikes....as it is an early design and the way is is geared i think you could only do a trans-continental crossing in a day, not like the new models....i would be in a support vehicle with my abacus and a case of makers mark with elvis shades, a hawaiian shirt and a troupe of vegas show girls cheering 'em on. actually i sometimes had a bus as the girls were counting the pedal strokes.....we needed more than a few as they ran out of fingers and toes........"
i resemble that remark :-) NmSpirito
Aug 7, 2002 8:23 AM
Scene 14: Aliensmr_spin
Aug 7, 2002 7:56 AM
The bicycle was shiny and sleek. There was no doubt about that. It was beautiful and it rode like a dream. Except the top tube was too long. And nobody seemed to see it except her. Other than that, it was fine. It even had a nice shiny bell.

Kristin was sitting in Grant Park, contemplating life, the bike, and John Kennedy. How could I have been so stupid, she thought. I could have taken the $1 million and bought a bike. A hundred bikes. A THOUSAND bikes!

She suddenly realized people in the park were staring at her. Maybe she said that last part out loud.

She turned to look out at the lake. Strange how she had tried to escape flat farm country only to realize that it's flat here, too.

In the sky above the lake, she saw a strange sight. It was saucer shaped and seemed to be spinning. It was also darting around at high speed. She looked around her to see if anyone else was looking at it. No one was.

The vehicle, the thing, whatever it was, was getting closer. And it was heading right for her. Kristin was frightened, but she couldn't seem to move. She was frozen in place.

The thing stopped directly over her. A beam of light came down from the center of the saucer. There was a strange noise, then suddenly, as if by magic, a man appeared before her.

Kristin wanted to run, but she was powerless to move. She tried to scream, but nothing came out.

The beam of light seemed to shut off, revealing the man in front of her. No, it couldn't be, she thought. No way!

"G'day mate," I'm Russell Crowe. "Sorry about your mum."

Kristin tried to stammer a reply, but no words came out. She was absolutely stunned.

"No worries, mate," Crowe said. "I've been trying to find you for some time. Luckily, my...uh...friends were able to assist me." He looked up at the craft hovering above.

Kristin was still speechless, but she could move now. She looked around her but no one in the park seemed to notice what was going on.

Crowe noticed her trepidation. "Right. I know what you are thinking. Is Russell Crowe an alien?" Kristin sort of nodded her head. "Yes," Crowe replied, "I am an alien. I'm from New Zealand, you know. Or Australia. I forget and I'm too lazy to look it up."

"Anyway, I felt so sorry about dashing off with your mum. So I have here a suitcase filled with one million dollars in cash. Spend it as you wish. I also bought you a bike shop down by the hospital. I took the liberty of calling it Kristin's Bikes."

Kristin still couldn't say a word.

"Well, no worries. I've gotta go now. Shooting starts tomorrow on my new film. It's a remake of 'Lambada: The Forbidden Dance.' It's directed by Quentin Tarantino."

He handed her the briefcase. The light beam reappeared and Crowe ascended inside the beam up to the ship.

"Oh, here's the keys to the shop," he shouted, and threw the keys out, just before entering the ship.

Kristin took another look around her. No one was staring. No one even seemed to notice.

She grabbed the briefcase and the keys and set off to check out her bike shop. For some reason she was compelled to ring the bell on her handlebars.

Ding!
Scene 15: Ahisma, Icabod Crane & Other SightingsAllisonHayes
Aug 7, 2002 8:30 AM
After the Grant Park episode, Kristin and Ahisma meet at Starbucks.

Ahisma says, "I ride at night alot along a lonely route. Sometimes I imagine that I am being trailed closely by one or more phantom riders. I imagine that at any minute I will be caught and doomed to some unimagined fate."

"There is no rational reason for this exercise in fantasy. It does not help me train any better by providing motivation. In fact I often times allows myself to become a tiny bit scared just to increase the thrill."

"I know it must seem odd to try to convince myself that I am being pursued by 2 wheeled wraiths just for the sake of a brief child-like escape. I never said I was sane," he comments.

Then he turns to Kristin and says, "Do you think there are any others out there trying to outrun their demons?"

Kristin didn't reply, she let Ahisma continue, "I hear them change gears sometimes, I look back and they are not there. I feel them gaining. I imagine the pale faces and hollow cheeks puffed in gory exertion. I race to the top of the hill and pause. I turn around, check the trail. Nothing."

adapted from Ahisma's post on April 17, 2002: Ahimsa "The Ichabod Crane effect." 4/18/02 2:15pm
Scene 16: Tool timemr_spin
Aug 7, 2002 9:11 AM
AllisonHayes calls to her husband, Rex. "Come on, let's go!"

Rex, annoyed, fakes slow motion running. "I've never met a woman who wanted to go to Sears so badly," he says.

Later, Rex and Allison are in the tool department. Rex is looking admiringly at a gorgeous Makita cordless powerdrill.

Allison picks up another tool and politely says, "Why don't you get this one?"

Rex looks distainfully at his wife. She's holding up a cheap Black & Decker model. Rex can't believe it. "You really don't know a thing about me at all!" he says.

Allison flinches and puts tool she is holding down. Rex storms off towards the circular saws.

Allison reels when she overhears a familiar voice from another aisle. "The first chick to buy me a lawnmower - I will marry !!!" the man says. A smile forms on her face. I know that man, she thinks, dashing down the aisle.

She follows the voice, which continues, "It would be nice if it has a Briggs & Stratton engine and is well constructed but a regular push mower is all that will be needed. Ride on mowers are for wimps!"

Allison is desperately trying to make her way over to where the voice is coming from, but she keeps running down dead-end aisles. "Dammit!" Allison says out loud after tripping over a wet-dry vac on sale for $109.99. A woman clamps her hands over a small child's ears and shoots Allison a mean look.

"No, I dont have a lawn," the voice continues, "but I love lawn mowers and will move to a locale to be able to use it with pride. The smart lady can expect a fat rock and bended knee for sure and I'll be happy to share a life with such an insightfull and savvy person."

Allison is going nuts now. She's on the hardware aisle now, which seems appropriate. Nuts, bolts, screws, nails, washers, bushings. Do we really need all this stuff? Metric sizes. Why do they size nails by pennies? A penny? Why not a cubit?

A man is standing in the center of the aisle, trying to line up threads of one bolt with another. He's oblivious to anyone. "On your left," shouts Allison. The guy doesn't react. "MOVE!" she repeats. The guy jumps out of the way. "Slow down, Miss Professional Shopper," he says, idiotically.

Luckily, the voice is still talking. She knows she is almost there, and smiles when she hears "She will have a spledid garden, a well maintained car, equal rights to the remote control, a very talented chef, and enough home renovating to make an episode of Changing Rooms look mundane as well as the usual (passionate love, an always ready ear, life friendship, support, comfort, happiness, laughter and loyalty)."

Finally, she sees him. He's in the garden section, and yes, it's who she thought it was. Who else could deliver such a soliloquy. He is surrounded by adoring women and an embarrassed, male store clerk. Women holding packages. Women holding tools. Women holding children or with children in tow. Allison can see more women coming, following the same siren voice that called to her.

The man sees Allison, gets a huge smile, but continues "I'm 33, an attractive proposition and have had many loves but until now I have to say that no woman has understood me and known me well enough to buy me a lawnmower."

Allison finally reaches the man. "Spirito!" she shouts. Hugs ensue.
ROTFLMAOAllisonHayes
Aug 7, 2002 9:38 AM
good one! pro shopper indeed! :)

(SADLY, it wouldn't last because Spirito doesn't drink beer, although I do like totally bald heads - they're kinda cute & sexy at the same time.)
bravo .... superbly crafted ... now for the Money Shot !!Spirito
Aug 7, 2002 9:47 AM
make a torrid love (ob)scene of this one ......

http://forums.consumerreview.com/crforum?viewall@@.efa3c4f

ciao
Brah! This part always kills me:Ahimsa
Aug 7, 2002 10:05 AM
"He was wearing a light pink leather suit that had airbrushed flames all over, and engraved into the leather were flowers, hearts and bunnies. He made it himself. God, he does it all. He also made his patent leather cycling cap which was frayed into the shape of Warren Beatty's hair in the movie Shampoo."

Bwahahahahahahahahahahah!

That is f*cking funny! Heh heh heh!

Ah, me.

A.
that was soo classic...AllisonHayes
Aug 7, 2002 10:07 AM
Spirito, you need to jump on board and contribute as only you can.

(and Ahisma too -- let's get with it. You two are just terrific writers. No excuses this time, buds.)