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BOB ROLL, oh, how i love bob roll...(3 posts)

BOB ROLL, oh, how i love bob roll...JS Haiku Shop
Jun 5, 2002 7:39 AM
you've probably all seen/read this already from the OLN site (it's from '01), but i just discovered it. bob roll's e-mails and responses. my coworkers are wondering why i'm laughing uncontrollably in my 6x6 carpeted box. the next-to-last one may be the funniest. then again, they're all good.


Bob F. writes:
More Bob Roll! He is the man! You guys are great. We love Phil and Paul, but we need more Bob Roll too!

Bob Roll:
Well Bob, thank you kindly for your encouragement and I hope to use your letter as reason enough for a pay raise.


The Roswell Cycling Club writes:

Our cycling club, although watching every minute of the Tour de France, are wondering what has happened to Bob Roll as commentator? We enjoy Phil Liggett's coverage and put up with Paul Sherwen's comments and bias but were looking forward to Bob Roll's down home commentary.

Thank you for your incite.

Bob Roll:

Dear Lora and the Roswell Cycling Club,

First of all, my only desire to "incite" is to incite a riot of love. I think "insight" is what you meant, although if not, please correct my correction.

As for what happened to me during the Tour, it is a long story. It begins with too much vodka and muscle relaxers on the plane to Paris. By the time I got to customs, I was in no mood for some pithy, snooty Frenchy grandma asking me, in my Stetson and Tony Lamas, if I had anything to declare. I said, "Yes I do, as a matter of fact." And quoted Popeye Doyle from the French Connection, "I'd rather be a lamp post in New York than the king of France."

So the mean and humorless Frenchies pitched me into the airport hoosegow until I sobered up, which took about 30 days -- just in time to meet the OLN crew coming back from the Tour on their way home. Maybe next year.


Alex writes:

Bob Roll: can not write, he offers no insight in to cycling despite his years of experience, and has no talent for media or journalism. please find someone else to cover cycling; it is laughable, I'm afraid to say, and he looks even worse measured up to philL and paulS.

Bob Roll:

Dear Alex,

I have forgotten more about cycling than you will ever dream of. As for not being able to write, you can scan to find reams of evidence to the contrary. Perhaps what you meant to say is that Bob Roll cannot write well. I would have to agree 100% with you, but at least I can spell. I think we should have a bare knuckle boxing match for seven to ten 3-minute rounds. Please write again with a date, time and place where we can do this.


Rusty G. writes:

… i think that your coverage is great. more bob roll would be a good thing. bob roll is insane in a good kind of way.

Bob Roll:

Dear Rusty,

Thanks for your kind words, but is there actually a good kind of way to be insane? Just kidding. I think people like yourself are what cycling is about…serious fun.


Chris C. writes:

If you would, please ship this on to your friend "Bobke" (Bob Roll). He and I were high school classmates (and neighbors) during our days at PHHS. In those days, Bob had not yet discovered a bike, though he thought he might make a pretty good footaball player ....he found a sport that he loved (and that appears to love him) better.

Hey Bob, drop me an e-line sometime ..... you've done very well, my friend.


Bob Roll:

Dear Chris,

I would email you, but I don't have a computer. If you send your phone number (, Attn: Bob Roll) I'll be able to contact you.


Shawn M. writes

…I especially enjoy events that have the great orator of the century Bob Roll invo
i want him on location with pork chop sideburns nmishmael
Jun 5, 2002 7:53 AM
pork chop sideburns e-mail...JS Haiku Shop
Jun 5, 2002 9:31 AM
Jeff K. writes:

After reading some of the comments others have written to you Mr. Roll I feel silly asking such an "unbicycle" like question. At what point do lamb chops get "stupid"? I am currently at a state of 2 months growth and my wife has urged me to shave them because they look "stupid." The average whisker length I am at right now is around 1.25 inches. Any insight?

Bob Roll writes:

To Jeff,

1.25 inches of lamb chop growth is a pretty good effort, and lamb chop length doesn't get "stupid" until they get caught in your bike chain as you reach for the drops. If you can grow 'em that fast, your wife should be psyched that you are a mesomorphic cro-mag real man. As my priest at St. Columba church once said, "Hey, sometimes you gotta please your own self," when confronted with 7 months of chop growth that extended to my collarbones.