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RBR Exclusive: Yoda Tells Lance Spirito is His Father(9 posts)

RBR Exclusive: Yoda Tells Lance Spirito is His FatherAllisonHayes
May 16, 2002 8:16 AM
Hmm. That face you make. Look I so old to young eyes?

(Lance is sitting in a corner of the cramped space and, indeed, his
look has been woeful. Caught, he tries to hide it.)

No... of course not.

YODA (tickled, chuckles)
I do, yes, I do! Sick have I become. Old and weak. (Points a crooked finger) When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not. Hmm?

(Yoda chuckles at this, coughs, and hobbles over toward his bed.)

Soon will I rest. Yes, forever sleep. Earned it, I have.

(Yoda sits himself on his bed, with great effort.)

Master Yoda, you can't die.

Strong am I with the Force... but not that strong! Twilight is upon me and soon night must fall. That is the way of things ... the way of the Force.

But I need your help. I've come back to win the TDF one more time.

No more training do you require. Already know you that which you need.

Yoda sighs, and lies back on his bed.

Then I am a the greatest ever?

YODA (shakes his head)
Ohhh. Not yet. One thing remains: Spirito. You must confront Spirito. Then, only then, will you be the greatest ever. And confront him you will.

Lance is in agony. He is silent for a long moment, screwing up his courage. Finally he is able to ask.

Master Yoda... is Spirito my father?

Yoda's eyes are full of weariness and compassion. An odd, sad smile creases his face. He turns painfully on his side, away from Lance.

Mmm... rest I need. Yes... rest.

Lance watches him, each moment an eternity.

Yoda, I must know.

Your father he is.

Lance reacts as if cut.

Told you, did he?


A new look of concern crosses Yoda's face. He closes his eyes.

Unexpected this is, and unfortunate...

Unfortunate that I know the truth?

Yoda opens his eyes again and studies the youth.

YODA (gathering all his strength)
No. Unfortunate that you rushed to face him... that incomplete was your training. Not ready for the burden were you.

Well, I'm sorry.

Remember, your strength flows from the Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.

(He beckons the young champion closer to him.)

Lance...Lance...Do not...Do not underestimate the powers of Ullrich, or suffer your father's fate, you will. Lance, when gone am I (cough), the last of the American TDF champions will you be. Lance, the Force runs strong in your family. Pass on what you have learned, Lance... (with great effort) There is... another... Ah..., Ahisma.

(He catches his breath. A shiver runs through the ancient green creature, and he dies. Lance stares at his dead master as he disappears in front of his eyes.)
First, Lance has to go down in the cavemr_spin
May 16, 2002 8:35 AM
Remember that part where Luke goes down in the cave and ends up cutting off Vader's head with his light saber? The Luke sees his face there? That scene still freaks me out.

Last year on L'Alpe d'Huez, "The Look." Lance stared for so long because he saw his face on Ullrich. At that moment, he realized that he must complete his training or he will end up like Ullrich, with bad knees and no driver's license.

Empire Strikes Back was a really good film, and makes all of the others, including the original, look like student films.
First, Lance has to go down in the cavePhatMatt
May 16, 2002 10:18 AM
I do agree with you
May the farce be with you /nmMe Dot Org
May 16, 2002 8:42 AM
oh my gosh, that was SO funny!!!! nmweiwentg
May 16, 2002 8:45 AM
i knew spirito was old!colker
May 16, 2002 9:06 AM
all that ny youth jive didn't fool me. he must have done some plastic surgery in beverly hills though cause he is looking like a baby in the sunset bridge pic..
Vive Le Calypso&Tour de Farce! In a word: "Very great"- Rocky128
May 16, 2002 10:30 AM
Cast Bob Roll as Yoda!!Justride
May 16, 2002 10:53 AM
Bobke is the force!
Superb!! Encore, encore. nmJediKnight
May 16, 2002 8:57 PM