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the ultimate leg shaving (haiku) FAQ(29 posts)

the ultimate leg shaving (haiku) FAQJS Haiku Shop
Apr 18, 2002 11:00 AM
shaving, many thoughts
oh, my...should i shave my legs?
or pimp hairy gams?

some say shave knees-up
creating the feared "hair socks"
please do not do this

some say shave it all
like authentic greek athletes
well, it's up to you.

my job with haiku
not to lean you either way
but to state the facts

first time shave, best way:
have four beers, then have two more
electric razor

then, have two more beers
use disposable razor
and barbisol gel

then, have two more beers
admire sleek legs in mirror
clean up hairy mess

dear freshly shaven:
beware! pants, socks will feel strange
and S.O. may freak!

long time no shave, fast:
have four beers, then in hot bath
two more beers in tow

pink daisy razor
supplement with import beer
careful, and take time.

other shave questions
lest haiku not address all
let's consider more:

Nair: good idea?
-if you like strange smell (and taste!),
and not apt to spill

if shave, what purpose?
simple: aero benefits
and big weight savings

only if belong
some large gorilla species
or perhaps sasquatch

maybe for suntan
so rays from star are even
equal tan, both stumps?

no, good friend, not so
methinks better for lotions
suntan and bug spray

other advantage?
massage easier, it's true
including P.T.

see, if ride enough
to "mow the grass" off said legs
ride, risk overuse

then, with injury
to physical therapist
where bend like pretzel

and push on your quads
"massage" they call it! ho! ha!
much more like "the rack"

professional pain
during leg abuse, they use
sticky massage salve

goo not good in hair
suppose same with real masseuse
shave, for goodness sake!

and, bug passengers?
hairy legs=moving "fly strip"
end ride, many bugs

then, there's "rookie mark"
easy remove chainring grease
if no hair on leg

oh, and much simpler
make temporary tattoo
if no hair on thigh

maybe i'll get rose
or tasmanian devil
or a heart with "mom"

or maybe i'll skip it
and not use temp leg tattoo
from cracker jacks box

and what of road rash?
better no hair when shred skin?
oh, most certainly!

and, if shave legs, then
why not shave also forearms?
ahh, and eyebrows, too?

but, true reason here...
I shave legs to honor sport
and dedication

goals, motivation
but mostly for vanity
and conformity
Let me try a Haikueschelon
Apr 18, 2002 11:06 AM
Should I shave or not?
yes. But what about the butt?
no dingle-berries!

I know...pathetic...I'm no D.H. Lawrence.
D.H. Lawrence was no D.H. Lawrence. (nm0Sintesi at home
Apr 18, 2002 2:46 PM
Brilliant. fini128
Apr 18, 2002 11:11 AM
Here's my attempt (Rhyming haiku no less)mikebikr
Apr 18, 2002 11:21 AM
Should I shave my toes
that's not the way it supposed
no less drag there goes

I'm no JS Haiku either.
actually, I...........................................oh, nevermind. (nm)JS Haiku Shop
Apr 18, 2002 11:23 AM
It's OK ...let me have it. (NM)mikebikr
Apr 18, 2002 11:41 AM
...JS Haiku Shop
Apr 18, 2002 12:26 PM
to shave toes or not?
toe road rash not too likely
(shave them anyhow)

shaved legs, summer shorts,
pair of open toed sandals
hairy toes look strange
re: the ultimate leg shaving (haiku) FAQSlipstream
Apr 15, 2002 12:04 PM
lotsa' beers & real whippin cream
make happy SO then add one jacusi
carried away & maybe shave all over

smoooooooth bro
Apr 18, 2002 12:56 PM
me shave chick,
chick shave me;
interesting? fun? ;-)
I wonder if anyone...eschelon
Apr 18, 2002 1:03 PM
knows the correct methodology and rules to composing Haiku poems?

Just like the Special Olympics and its participants, no one is a loser...nor is anyone wrong...but hey, people, if you are going to compose really bad Haiku might as well do it are the rules:

first line has 5 syllables total
second line has 7 syllables total
last line has 5 syllables total

Now get out there and start rambling off your worst Haiku's be proud of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
those rules only apply if written in JapaneseSlipstream
Apr 18, 2002 1:27 PM
in english, it is allowed to be free flowing
yo....sumtin' illin' wit da NYC freeform haiku-flayva NmSpirito
Apr 18, 2002 1:27 PM
Hah, you're a real devilSlipstream
Apr 18, 2002 4:01 PM
but kinda' luvable just the same (don't take this the wrong way)

but you forget the beer, whipping cream and jacuzzi
I am sure you have thought of many many other things though

right, bro?
sure...but aren't they just flavor enhancers and sides......Spirito
Apr 18, 2002 4:42 PM
sometimes a grilled fish tastes just great on its own.
given a fresh fish i would even forego the seasoning.

and you really gonna hate me for this but i very, very rarely drink beer (..i even grew up in australia) but if i do its hoegarden (sp?) or guiness and neither of those appeall when in company, whereas vodka or tequila 9never together) my good sir....:-)
no no, they are the appetizersSlipstream
Apr 18, 2002 5:05 PM
you need to build up slowly to the main course, and of course there is the appertif to linger over while you savor the moment

now the choice of seasoning and au couture may and will vary given individual circumstances and tastes but remember a Pilsner Urquel can taste as sweet as a Chateau d'Yquem or a trockenbeerenauslese in the hands of a maestro (as if you didn't know this already)

what were we talking about? oh yeh, shaving. what does this have to do with that? i guess you would call this a third order derivative
"Third Order Derivative"Ahimsa
Apr 18, 2002 7:37 PM
I remember them. Late eighties prog rock band out of London, right?

Ah mates...

Nothing in my mind tops the following:

Sake (served warm or cold depending on brand and season) just before fine sushi.

Japanese dry beer with grilled food or in hot weather. Preferably both.

Home brewed brown ale ala my ol'pal Ken.

That choice bottle of mellow old smokey tequila that "what's his name" smuggled across the border in his sock in the early seventies. Uncorked for us on a hot august afternoon 25 years later. I forgot my own name by six P.M.

Any decent Port, Madiera, or Sherry.

Ice cold el-cheapo beer in a can at the local punk rock club on a friday nite.

Huge chunks of fresh pineapple turned pickled drunk in vats of Finlandia and served in a monstrous martini glass. Topped with additional Finlandia of course.

Any froo froo mixed drink made by a bartender old enough to know how to make a good Mai Tai (and smile all reminiscent-like while doing so).

Red Stripe on the dinghy in the chop off St. John.

A good martini (I know the ONLY place).

My bloody mary's.

My best friends Sin-ga-pore slings.

Gimlets with my dad one night that said it was all forgiven.

Rum punch.

Old Speckled Hen and fish an' chips.

Guiness and scotch eggs.

Beer and V-8 with my eggs for the hangover.

A big grand cheers!

aah, Ahisma, you know how to bring it homeSlipstream
Apr 19, 2002 7:03 AM
nothing like having your eggs and "third orders" over easy

just like Sunday mornin', eh?
Why I can't bring myself to shavevelolover
Apr 18, 2002 1:05 PM
I like the mystique
smooth shaved legs on fast roadies
I want to fit in


I have never raced
no road rash or leg massage
silly pretender!
My God you're gifted.Sintesi at home
Apr 18, 2002 2:49 PM
How long does it take you to reel off a post like that exactly? Do you stay up nights?
Uh... I'm being earnest.Sintesi at home
Apr 18, 2002 2:51 PM
Just reread that. Please don't take it as sarcastic. thx.
You just noticed?Spinchick
Apr 18, 2002 3:20 PM
He's the bard of the board. We luv him here :-).
Former-shaver FAQmickey-mac
Apr 18, 2002 8:01 PM
stopped shaving march 1
years of smooth legs over now
hair shorts are hair pants

shaving legs no more
razor is used on face hair
I feel slower now

question about hair
it doesn't grow back thicker
itchy for a while
Apr 19, 2002 6:17 AM
I've solidly stood on the credo that I would not shave. (Mostly out of fear of retribution from the wife.) Fear no more! It's coming off today! Pray for me! Hopefully 15 years of marriage should withstand this......
She likes it ! She really likes it!look271
Apr 20, 2002 2:14 PM
Did the nair thing. Yesterday. Legs smooth as a baby's butt. My wife didn't say anything except this morning she said "you have relly sexy legs!" Hehe. =)
shaving, SO's and beveragesTurtleherder
Apr 19, 2002 6:55 AM
The haiku is sheer inspiration. How do you do it? Look271, just go ahead and shave, your wife will like it. Mine is already asking me to hurry up and shave. For shaving refreshments one of my favorite summer adult beverages is blackberry instilled vodka. Take two pints of blackberries and add them to one bottle of Absolut (still can't bring myself to use the Greygoose) An old pickle jar works well. Put the jar on the kitchen counter and turn over once per day for five days, then into the freezer. Great refreshing taste and the blackberries turn into little frozen alcohol bombs.
You are gifted.RideLots
Apr 19, 2002 7:20 AM
You are not only gifted with the ability to write these things, but you seem to have pretty good insight into the substance, too. It's really cool.

i went to advanced schools from second grade 'til...JS Haiku Shop
Apr 22, 2002 5:24 AM
and the rest is history, pretty much along these lines:
case in point...JS Haiku Shop
Apr 22, 2002 5:26 AM