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rbreview.com scoop - "a rare interview with Spirito"(22 posts)

rbreview.com scoop - "a rare interview with Spirito"Spirito
Apr 17, 2002 10:02 AM
A rare chance interview with Spirito.

Photographs by Spirito, Interviewed by Spirito, Hair and makeup by Spirito, Clothing by Spirito.

Velonews magazine had asked me to interview Spirito ten months ago. Of course I said yes. As a matter of fact, I think I shit my pants. I was so excited. Imagine, little old me, the great Spirito, getting to interview him, oh my God, the great Spirito. However, tracking down the elusive, mysterious, handsome, workaholic superstar cyclist was not that easy. Neither one of us would make time for the other. We're both so damn busy. Chicks and stuff, you know. And revenge.

For the lost and out of touch who don't know Spirito: Lance Armstrong, his usual ridding buddy, describes Spirito as, "the best cyclist I've ever ridden with. He makes amateur cyclists like me look good. I wish I wasn't smoking so much crack during the off season, that way I could have come out of my filthy trailer now and then to watch the greatest gams being flexed. But I heard spirito was even better in his day. After rehab I hope to be able to see his rare race appearances."

eddy merckx, his manager/coach during the '80s (he also represented lesser knowns like Greg Lemond {(who?-ed)}, the over-rated Sean Kelly and Bernard "The Parisian Gimp" Hinault), when asked about Spirito had this to say: "He was my favorite cyclist I've ever trained. If only i'd had his talent i could've acheived something in my day. I'm sorry I'm such a penny-pinching wacko because I cheated him out of penny after penny, tons of pennies I cheated him out of. Plus, I prevented him from racing in many bigger races so I wouldn't lose a penny. And all the years I represented him, I behaved like a bitter, resentful, love-scorned sexually depraved ex-girlfriend, all because he made realise my love for cycling had more to do with cyclists and their bodies. I never really understood why he left the team and stopped cycling."

Spirito was quoted as saying, "I stopped cycling in 1990 at the peak of my success just to deny people the chance to see my undeniable style. And I did it out of spite."

I spoke to Freddy Rodriguez, one of the young american stars on the cycling map, about Spirito. He had this to say: "I'm just an upper middle class mulatto military brat. Spirito is the real thing. Spirito was always way way faster than me. I relied on him for any of my victories. He was way down with the advanced aero and controlled diet for success scene. He was the first white boy homeboy in the world. He was a very creative force behind most of early cycling fashion as well. He cycled fresh. He looked fresh. And he made it with the homegirls funky fresh. He was the Almighty Prince spirito. I am merely a beige-colored, e.p.o. addled figurehead."

Miguel Indurain, racing champion of the '80s and '90s watched Spirito a lot at the tracks during the '80s when Spirito raced on his 6lb selfmade from toilet roll custom and using 72 x 5 cogs. Indurain was once quoted as saying, "That Spirito kid races fast and smooth. He could be a champ if he wanted to."

Phil Liggot, never commentates without a photo of spirito at hand. Phil has said that Spirito's cycling says it all. Phil went on to say, "Spirito was actually a friend of Fausto Coppi. Fausto would have hated me. Good thing he's dead so I dont have to flatter him rather than Spirito. And nobody knows the difference."

Richard Avedon, who photographed Spirito for the prestigious Calvin Klein ads and revolutionary commercials, has said, "My life was no fun. I was photographing loser wannabes like creeps, you know, poseurs with the Campy logo's tattooed on their chests, the guy who sharpens DT spokes for a living. Then I got to work with Spirito and I remembered my glory days. I'm back. Eat your heart out, David Sims."

Spirito wanted to meet at his favorite lunch spot, Cafe Gitane, to do the interview. Funny, it's my favorite lunch spot, too. We got there at exactly the sa
rbreview.com scoop - "a rare interview with Spirito" part2Spirito
Apr 17, 2002 10:03 AM
Spirito wanted to meet at his favorite lunch spot, Cafe Gitane, to do the interview. Funny, it's my favorite lunch spot, too. We got there at exactly the same time. I watched him walking in and it was like they say, you know, he kind of glowed. Like a ray of light was around him. A kind of Jesus. He was wearing a light pink leather suit that had airbrushed flames all over, and engraved into the leather were flowers, hearts and bunnies. He made it himself. God, he does it all. He also made his patent leather cycling cap which was frayed into the shape of Warren Beatty's hair in the movie Shampoo. And a pair of transparent Sidi's that Mr. Sidi made for him in 1981. He was wearing solid gold DeFeet socks underneath.

As he walked through the restaurant, every chick and queer's head turned (seems like every man becomes queer around Spirito). Our waitress, sweating, gave Spirito a piece of paper with her number on it before she gave us our menus. He just blushed (he's so sweet!). We both ordered the beluga and blinis. Neither one of us drinks alcohol during the season, so we shared a bottle of Evian cooled with cubes of Stolichnaya. I later discovered neither one of us has ever taken any drugs to enhance our cycling. He's a natural.

ME:

Okay, before we begin I just have to tell you something. Although I don't know how to say it. First of all, I have to tell you, right off the bat, I'm not gay. Not even a little. Never have been. Never will be. But I feel like I have to tell you that you are the most handsome guy I have ever seen in my life. And you're even more handsome than you are in your rare race footage.
Spirito blushes again (he's so sweet!).

HIM:

Thank you. That's really nice of you to say. I never really know what to say when people tell me that. And by the way, I'm not gay either. Never have been. Never will be. But I was just going to say the same thing to you.

ME:

Alright, so you've had success in all the major races, including the 7 TdF's; the painfully sweet and charming comeback in the Vuelta after being 7 hours behind due to having your leg amputated and a false one put on; The World Record for the hour, where you spent half of it making love in the infield and still had time to beat the distance of Moser; the Paris-Roubaix which you won for 3 years straight on a monocycle sporting a campagnolo disc wheel and still rose above an all-star who's who of competitors; the Tour down Under where you won with 7 days to spare after realising that if you rode on a recumbent whilst suspended upside down you would defeat and negate all gravitational forces as well as shrugg off the effect of racing upside down as its in the southern hemisphere. You have your own clothing line. You won Trillions in Prize money and even More for your modeling work. You have the most important collection of vintage Cycling gear in the world, and you write Political thesis that is subrscribed to by everyone from Mandela to Lek Walenca to The Pope. You do plumbing, electric and plaster work. You cook and clean like a Sicilian immigrant. You co-managed Michael Jordan and changed the face of Basketball. You are a supermodel. And you've supermodeled for Calvin Klein, Yohi Yamamoto and Versace all over the world. You satisfied 36 girls at a Motel 6 in Texas for four hours. Legend has it that the maid keeps three dozen rubbers in a shrine in Mexico. You can fix or repair TV's and VCR's. You still maintain a 90 mph average pace for a century fun ride even though you must be well into your twenties. hey, Spirito, what the hell don't you do?

HIM:

I don't trust or love anyone.

ME:

Why?

HIM:

Because people are all creepy. Creepy creepy creeps. Creeping around. Creeping here and creeping there. Creeping everywhere. Crippity crappity creepies.

ME:

Who do you think are the creepiest?

HIM:

I'm glad you asked. Well, there's that rat bastard, Sheldon Brown; the backstabber Jobst b
rbreview.com scoop - "a rare interview with Spirito" part3Spirito
Apr 17, 2002 10:04 AM
ME:

Who do you think are the creepiest?

HIM:

I'm glad you asked. Well, there's that rat bastard, Sheldon Brown; the backstabber Jobst brandt who is ungratefull for me teaching him everything he knows; that twisted phony Bob Roll; Jeannie Longo that lesbo monster; Gregg that bullshit site host, he's the king member of the lucky club; Mario Cippolini, that filthy no-talent Psuedo wannabe-me; Bill and Hillary Clinton and their ugly orphan-like daughter Chelsea; Dr. Ferrari and his poisoned mind--"sport coach" my ass; Phil Anderson, that Judas piece of crap, listen everybody, he's the most gutless cyclist that ever was in the world; Mr.Rolf, that dark, anal wheel design plagiarist and his useless penis, he's a great example of a world gone wrong; Tullio "stumpy" camapgnolo who organised and funded the stealing of my collection of designs before i had patents on them, wow is he creepy; Mr. Shimano that A/Anon basketcase, worst component manufacturer who ever lived, shoulda stuck with fishing reels; Jan "I can't ride, but boy can I brown nose and have a whole team ride for me" Ullrich; my Ex-Mother-in-law; and that drug king and performance grandfather Eric Zabel, boy has he been around a long time.That's some creepy losers right there, huh? Huh?, yeah, and my mother, Mamma Creepy Spirito. And my father, the Godfather of Creepy.

ME:

Wow. That's amazing. I agree with you about all of them. Especially your mother. Boy, people are creepy, huh? Though, chicks after you date them are the creepiest. Anyway, are there any dead or alive folks that you like at all?

HIM:

I'm glad you asked. Well, Richard Nixon is number one. And I really loved Andy Kauffman.I also love Ronald and Nancy Reagan, Thomas Jefferson, Pier Pasolini, Yogi Berra, Dick Armey from Texas, Robert Ryman; Rush Limbaugh; Cy Twombly; Governor Pataki; Tal Farlow; John Wayne; Charlton Heston and current favorite in the whole world, "He don't give a hoot Newt," the super bright and clever Newt Gingrich. Johnny Ramone's a good guy, too, and I still idolize Chris Squier, bass player from Yes. Also, my ex-girlfriend Christy Turlington has had moments of kindness too. But those moments come and go. And then there's the beautiful Harlett. Well, she's perfect. When she's not personalizing my long before I met her mental illness.

ME:

I heard your father beat the shit out of you every day of your childhood. That he said you were nothing but a bum. And that you would always be a bum. That you were grounded once for a year when he found out you had raised the heater thermostat from 38° to 41° one cold winter day during your worst flu and bout of strep throat. That your father broke your nose once because you broke your ankle playing football and the doctor bill was $55. That your mother was dishonest, cold-hearted and a thief. That she idolized your brother and hated you. That she shaved your head of its beautiful long hair the night before your first day of high school and ruined your life.

HIM:

I've totally forgiven my parents for all of that. I have no more resentments or angers. I understand now that they did the best they could. that they're God's children.

ME:

Did you see any good movies this year?

HIM:

The re-released Rolling Stone's film, Rock-n-Roll Circus, Paradise Lost and especially the PBS documentary Triumph of the Nerds. Those were all brilliant.

ME:

What were the worst ones you remember?

HIM:

Swingers, the L.A. Jewish Mean Streets. I hated Romeo & Juliet, especially one of the girl leads. That chick, Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm sick of her. And I hate that gay ethnic Leguizamo. He always sucks. However, just seeing a movie poster with Johnny Depp on it is more than enough to make me pass gas. In a perfect world, Johnny Depp would be stopped by the doorman.

ME:

I know you have 10,000 bikes, but are there any new bikes you like?

HIM:

I like anything by Scattante
rbreview.com scoop - "a rare interview with Spirito" part4Spirito
Apr 17, 2002 10:06 AM
ME:

I know you have 10,000 bikes, but are there any new bikes you like?

HIM:

I like anything by Scattante especially the new one comming out called the "spirito". people have failed to realise that just by having my name on a bike increases their average speed by 5mph - even more in the hills. I would like any manufacturer that made a bike in my name. Even though Mrs deRosa ultimately died for asking Ugo to make a bike with my name. What could she do? She loved me. I would've done the same thing if I loved me. Anyway, that chick's a superstar. I should've stayed with her. Instead a chose to sow seed elsewhere and she passed on all my frame building knowledge to Ugo. Chicks!

ME:

Anything in life you're looking forward to?

HIM:

I just placed an order for a miniature donkey. I should be getting her in about two months.

ME:

A miniature donkey? What's that?

HIM:

A very, very small donkey, dummy.

ME:

What do they eat?

HIM:

The same things big donkey's eat, only a lot less.

ME:

What are you going to call her?

HIM:

Daisy. I'm going to build myself a sombrero and walk her around the city.
{Our waitress comes over and brings the check. Spirito swipes it out of my hand and lays down some cash. He's such a guy that way. We're talking a hell of a tip, too. As we were getting up to leave I asked him one more question.}

ME:

Hey Spirito, are you happy or sad?

HIM:

I'm the happiest the saddest guy in the world can be.
I have got to know Ahimsa & Slipstream so im happy but sad as well coz we have never had a drink together.

ME:

Strange, I feel exactly the same way.
{We shake hands and say good-bye, knowing we'll see each other again and again and again. Me and him. Him and me.}
You are the best! at adding color. nmLen J
Apr 17, 2002 10:24 AM
from me to you, SpiritotempeteKerouak
Apr 17, 2002 10:27 AM
No one asks you to throw Mozart out of the window. Keep Mozart. Cherish him. Keep Moses too, and Buddha and Lao Tzu and Christ. Keep them in your heart. But make room for the others, the coming ones, the ones who are already scratching on the window-panes.

-Henry Miller.

p.s. I like your stuff.
PS-How does Fast Freddy feel about you wearing his scarf? (nm)MikeC
Apr 17, 2002 12:06 PM
Could Spirito be Cyclist1?I Love Shimano
Apr 17, 2002 6:00 PM
Hilarious!
well.. i don't know if you are extremely talented or a nutcase.colker
Apr 17, 2002 10:37 AM
both?
Spirito SavantSpinchick
Apr 17, 2002 10:57 AM
Either way (or both) he certainly is entertaining!
not sure what to think of this (nm)ColnagoFE
Apr 17, 2002 10:06 AM
Forgot to get his prescription refilled? nmSpinchick
Apr 17, 2002 10:14 AM
"No one plays like me, no one even tries." -Spinal Tap guitaristfloatch
Apr 17, 2002 10:17 AM
Spirito, this post killed me. I almost fell out of my chair when I read what Lance said about smoking crack and your "greatest gams flexing." You rule.
hmmm...veelee intelesting, speeleetoo!JS Haiku Shop
Apr 17, 2002 10:23 AM
methinks Spirito
burned beyond recognition
(no further comment)
Spirito, This is a definate case ofSoftrider
Apr 17, 2002 10:27 AM
either too much caffine or not enough sex!

It is pretty funny
You are the best!!!! Great stuff (nm)Dave Hickey
Apr 17, 2002 10:36 AM
spirito -- do you wear a helmet?tarwheel
Apr 17, 2002 10:49 AM
Just curious. ... you didn't have a nasty spill, did you?
LOL. probably hard to find one in his size. nmJS Haiku Shop
Apr 17, 2002 11:06 AM
or, perhaps one covered in aluminum foil. nmJS Haiku Shop
Apr 17, 2002 11:06 AM
The City gettin' to ya? ; ) Well written, but HEY....:!128
Apr 17, 2002 11:43 AM
are we gonna be charged the special introductory rate for this unsolicited subscription, or should I bill YOU at my screen play proof readers rate!! :)

(oh, and what ever became of Mary-Lou?? You know, the one that got away?)

Have a great day SdF....
re: rbreview.com scoop - "a rare interview with Spirito"harlett
Apr 17, 2002 3:11 PM
brilliant..in a sort of understated way.*S*

no linguistic obligations-- aren't practicality and reason the goddesses who made wagner and nietzsche madmen and idiots?

this girl is off to listen to farlow's and costa's take on yardbird suite...
I tried to come up with some witty comment...Ahimsa
Apr 17, 2002 4:11 PM
...but no prose was worthy of reviewing that mad blur of a lampoon. Good stuff Spirito.

Truly hilarious. Too may highlights to mention. The John Leguizamo(sp?) crack is priceless.

Equal parts "Best in show", "The Bird Cage" and absolute madness. I love it when everyone gets a good roasting. They all deserve it, those cretins. They are barely worthy of Spirito's spittle and the contempt necessary to make it fly.

Carry on. Give 'em hell.

A.