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I think it's time for a "What's the funniest and most(36 posts)

I think it's time for a "What's the funniest and mostSpinchick
Sep 19, 2001 1:50 PM
bizarre thing that's happened to you while riding recently (or ever) thread." Funniest story wins a prize!
re: I think it's time for a "What's the funniest and mostjtolleson
Sep 19, 2001 2:07 PM
Recently did a 60 mile club ride (for those who care, Sedalia to Palmer Lake in Colorado). When we met at the start, someone noticed a pair of men's briefs hanging on the fence nearby. A few jokes and we're off.

By the time we got to the turnaround, we counted 14 pairs of briefs all on the side of the road and/or on the fence.

This route is now known affectionate as the "Tour de BVD."
these aren't mine, but they are funnyDog
Sep 19, 2001 2:12 PM
This guy, Jim, writes some funny (but a bit off color) cycling articles: http://www.columbiabikeclub.com/jim'scorner.asp
Maybe not funny, but bizarreBrian C.
Sep 19, 2001 2:14 PM
I was walking my bike through the local patio bar district when a panhandler with dishevelled hair and torn t-shirt approached. I just said no and he left to try his luck across the street.
Presently, he came back and stopped beside me. I thought, "oh boy, here we go again." Instead, he began marvelling at my bike, a Colnago Master X-light.
"What's that bike weigh? 20-22 pounds?"
I didn't know what to say.
"What that cost you? $3,200? Maybe $2,800?"
I shrugged. He carried on, hand out.
related in a six degree kinda way...Roxy
Sep 19, 2001 3:43 PM
On my way home from an awesome ride, trying to beat a light and make the left...over some trolley tracks...dumb...tracks won...
I hit the pavement, slid a good distance, just laid there (first road crash, btw) waiting for my husband to catch up, and hoping that no cars would start.
Of course, the intersection was full of cars and pedestrians at the crosswalks...do you think any of them came to my rescue? Nope.
The only kind hearted person was the little old homeless guy that came over to me, helped me up, made sure I was okay, made a comment about the show I just put on and steered my bike to the sidewalk.
The only time I ever wanted to give 'em a dollar, and I didn't have any!
re: I think it's time for a "What's the funniest and mostDINOSAUR
Sep 19, 2001 2:56 PM
You decide to go for a ride in 103 degree heat
You are at the halfway point of your ride
And stop at a drinking fountain at a baseball field
You proceed to drink half of your 21oz water bottle
And pour the rest over your head
You then get off of your bike
Stretch
And make a couple of adjustments
With your bike
People are watching you
You are a cool guy
You casually saunter over to the drinking fountain
And start to refill your water bottle
And discover
That it has been disconnected
You are in the country
A long way from home
There are no places available for water
You contiunue to look cool
As you mount your bike
And head for home
And hope that you can make it

I know the bonehead who did this pretty well. Sounds like a stupid man thing.
Don't fret Dino, chicks can be pretty boneheaded too! :-) nmSpinchick
Sep 19, 2001 3:49 PM
I have TWO!!!nestorl
Sep 19, 2001 2:57 PM
I hope I don't get eliminated for entering two stories :-).
These are real.

I was taking a break at a traffic light after a grueling 80 miles with 20 to go... A biker on a Harley D. came a stopped next to me while he waited for the light to turn. He was about 50 years old, tall, and about 300 pounds (his belly was coming out of his shirt). he was wearing the traditional leather vest, American flag, leather pants, Tattoos all over the place, etc...
He looked at me, pointed and his bike and said..."Faster", I slimed, pointed at his belly and Said.... "fatter". :-)

(he then smiled and took off.. For a second I thought I was dead:-))

The second one.
I live in Ann Arbor MI where there are no hills. I found this mile long hill near my place and I decided to use to train by just going up and down the hill. Well the hill is in a street near the University where some students live. There is a house that looks like a communal with very "alternative" young people. They are usually sitting outside smoking pot (you can smell it when you by them), listening to Charlie Gracia, and working on a little vegetable garden they have. One day I am training going up and down the hill, which takes about 8 minutes to do an entire look. In my way up I rode pass one of the guys at the house. He looked at me and with a very stoned voice said hello. Many of them were outside. I then got to the top, turned around, came back down, and began climbing again. When I rode pass the same guy again I looked at him and said hello (kinda boasting at the fact that I was so crazy to keep going up and down that hill). But he looked at me, turned around to look at his friends, and while pointing at me riding by yelled...WHAT THE F*&^%(*??? I NEED TO STOP SMOKING THAT SH(^T!!!

Did I win?
Where were you in Ann Arbor? nmHMS
Sep 19, 2001 3:38 PM
Where were you in Ann Arbor? nmnestorl
Sep 19, 2001 5:57 PM
Story one... A corner around plymouth road and territorial..in Plymouth

Story two..Broadway street parallel to Plymouth road.

Are you in AA?
I am not in AA anymore - Uof M alum-nmhms
Sep 20, 2001 5:12 AM
You need to call someone in Hollywood, offer theseSpinchick
Sep 19, 2001 3:43 PM
stories up as an idea for some commercial, and then have them shown on The World's Funniest Commercials. You know that TV show where they have hilarious commercials that never get aired because they're too funny and people would forget what they are advertising? The first one could be a commercial for Weight Watchers and the second a commercial for the Cannabis patch?
Well....grzy
Sep 19, 2001 3:13 PM
Started off an afternoon ride with myslef a friend and my wife - we were in that order when we left the drive way and headed down our road which has a turn as it crosses a small creek. About 50 yards down the hill I zipped by the end of a driveway on the RHS, just before the creek and was surprised to be staring at an animal just standing there. At first I thought it was the neighbor's dog, but I knew that wasn't right, they have Goldens. It suddenly dawned on me that it was a full grown doe who was now spooked and I could hear her the hoof noises. Let's call her Bambi's Mom. No big deal, I'm doing about 20 mph - I'm thinking it might be a problem for the others who are each about 25 yards apart behind me. I was very surprised to look over my right shoulder and see BM closing on me from behind and now pulling up next to me. Great she spooked and suddenly decided she's got to get to the other side of the street in front of all of us - even though I had a big lead. Bambi's Mom realizes she isn't going to be able to cross in front of me so she jumps....and lands right smack on my back. I've got her piggy backed with her front legs over my left shoulder and her hind legs over my right hip. She weighs about 100 lbs. and I start to go unstable (remember the creek?) and bounce off the left guardrail with the whole works (bike, Bambi's Mom and me) getting ejcted into the middle of the street - mostly on my elbows. We skid to a stop and the doe promptly gets up and splits for the trees. There I am standing in the middle of the street with a pair of bleeding elbows, a wanged rear Ksyrium wheel and a bent deraileur and hanger, but otherwise unhurt. My buddy didn't really catch the whole thing since he was trying not to plow into us, but my wife is trying not to laugh at this comical sight that she just saw. She can see that my elbows really sting. I walk 50 yds back up the hill and drive myself to the pharmacy when I realize I'm out of big bandages. I get lots of stares and pointing from little kids with my two dripping elbows in the first aid section, before their mothers yank them away. I leave little puddles and drips all over the store. My friend and wife complete the ride. We get deer in our yard all the time, but I'm always looking for the one with road rash.

Also saw a young buck plow into a deer fence, not once, but twice in an attempt to get away while out riding MTB's. It was like watching an instant repeat as the deer got sprung back to his feet after his head and neck were all twisted around. Don't worry nature lovers - he was fine.

No doubt about it - deer are very dim and spooky animals - give 'em lots of room.
Best deer story ever!look271
Sep 19, 2001 3:22 PM
You told this one before, and I laughed my arse off then, too. You get my vote, hands down. I've had a few close encounters with Bambi's mom and his Dad/brother/sister/cousins, but none SO close!
Thanks!grzy
Sep 19, 2001 4:21 PM
We checked me for deer ticks - it would really be a drag to get Lyme Disease as a result!

Footnote: my real name is Dave so my friends call it my "Deer Dave" story...;-)
Man that's better than the llama story! LMAO!!! nmSpinchick
Sep 19, 2001 3:35 PM
Ok, I was going to ask what's LMAO?look271
Sep 19, 2001 4:29 PM
But it just dawned on me. Nevermind! It's wednesday; I'm a little slow......
I think the doe was making advances towards ya! -NMTig
Sep 19, 2001 6:18 PM
Big air. Bad landing.mr_spin
Sep 19, 2001 3:19 PM
Recently I was mountain biking at Mammoth. I'm coming down from the very top on a trail off the back of the mountain, which has a lot of deep and soft spots which are basically granite sand.

I'm cleaning all the turns, effortlessly navigating the deep sand, flying down the trail, and generally looking studly. I pass a group of guys on a turn, perfectly carving it out through rocks and deep sand, then I see a nice little jump down the trail. I hit it and gracefully fly through the air. I know I am impressing the hell out of the guys behind me. I must be, because I am so damn good.

A microsecond later I notice I'm a little off course. Oops. This is not good. I come down a few inches off the trail, and it's like landing in quicksand. Both tires sink in six or more inches and the bike stops dead.

Naturally, I'm thrown off--a little forward but mostly downhill. Making the best of a bad situation, I roll once and immediately spring to my feet, absolutely filthy, but not a scratch on me. All that sand makes for a very soft landing. I put on my best "I meant to do that" face and looked around.

The guys weren't even looking. In fact, they had stopped in the turn and were looking the other way. The only person who even saw it was my buddy behind me, and he almost fell off his bike laughing. It's hard to be a stud when no one is watching.

It seems like whenever I'm riding great and getting a bit cocky, the mountain slaps me around a bit. Humility. It's a good thing.
sometimes good things come out of car windowsMike P.
Sep 19, 2001 3:23 PM
This one is not all that funny but it did bring a long lasting smile to my face.

I was about to start down a mountain near the end of a very hilly ride. I was dead tired, just going to coast down. Anyway, I let an SUV pass before I started down. Another was close behind so I slowed to let him pass and ended up stopping only to have him turn. I guess he has not figured out what to do with the stick on the left side of the steering column. Being tired, this really irritated me. So I just hammered down the mountain. Caught up with the SUV about halfway down and stayed with it through some fun turns.

Near the end of the hill I saw the right rear window go down. I was expecting the contents of a cup or some object to come out. But instead a very small hand came out and very excitedly gave me the biggest thumbs-up I have ever seen in my entire life. I stopped next the them at a traffic light at the foot of the mountain and said hello. I don't know who was smiling more, me or the 5 year old.

Mike
Hard to top grzy...Brooks
Sep 19, 2001 4:33 PM
but here's a couple of stories for your reading pleasure.

First, when I was in grad school and racing our local club had Wed night time trials. I had just ridden out, done the TT and ridden back, about 40 miles. I had recently moved and my new apartment building was in the middle of the block and set back. Exhausted, I came up the street to the middle of the block and turned in...to a line of parking wheel blocks. I hit the brakes hard but I was clipped into toe clips with no time to reached down and get out. A car was nearby but it was a long reach. I just kind of grazed it with my hand to slow my fall to the pavement. I finally realized I was on the wrong street!

And speaking of toe clips, a buddy of mine was so proud when he first got hard-soled shoes with cleats he had to nail on (this is 1977). Instead of practicing getting in and out of the cleats in a flat parking lot or somesuch, he goes for a ride in the Berkeley (CA) hills. Apparently he forgot about the stoplight halfway up one the hills or the fact he was riding with cleats because he cruised right up to a red light then realized he needed to loosen the straps in the toe clips. He stayed upright and rolled backwards down the hill for a bit furiously trying to get his feet out, but to no avail. After sliding down the road on his hip for a bit more he finally came to a stop and got his feet untangled. He had managed to yank most of the nails out of the cleats in his efforts.

Another funny eyewitness account: I live in Park City Utah and my office window looks out at a ski run. A popular summer trail switchbacks up the hill. One day a moose decided to cruise on down the hill towards town. A couple of hikers stopped to watch from above the switchback as the moose was below. Meanwhile, a mtnbiker comes screaming down the trail, makes the switchback and looks up to find a large, sometimes nasty, moose just a few yards in front. The biker jams both brakes and does a multiple endo over the downhill side of the trail. He jumps up and continues running straight down hill. The moose ambles over to the spot where the biker went off the trail, shrugs his shoulders and says "Damn, mountain bikers". :-) Ps: The guy came back about 45 minutes later hunting for his bike.
Seeing how MB1 changes into riding clothes ...Humma Hah
Sep 19, 2001 4:51 PM
... its quite clever, actually. He wears a kilt! He can slip out of his pants and into riding shorts without giving all the girls a thrill.

When I showed up for his NSA-OCE century a couple of months back, he was walking around the parking lot in a kilt, and we were wondering if he was going to ride in it.
I've got that beat!peloton
Sep 19, 2001 7:13 PM
Changing riding clothes story.

Two years ago I was waiting for a friend in a parking lot by a local trailhead waiting to go for a MTB ride. There is a Ford Explorer parked just a couple of spaces from where I sit on the tailgate of my truck in my riding clothes waiting. This very attractive young woman comes from the trailhead on her mountain bike, obviously returning from a ride. She proceeds right to the Explorer by my truck, and proceeds to open the tailgate. No conversation or anything, she proceeds to put a t-shirt on over her torso and manages to wriggle out of her jersey underneath. Then, get this.... She pulls her shorts out of the car. She looks right at me, smiles, and drops her pearl izumi's...RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! She then puts her shorts on, smiles again, gets in her car, and drives away. I was absolutely speachless. When my friend showed up a minute later, he wouldn't even believe me. God bless pretty girls who ride bikes.
No question about it, you're right! (nm)Humma Hah
Sep 20, 2001 3:00 AM
nm
A long time ago, on a very different kind of bike ...Humma Hah
Sep 19, 2001 5:03 PM
... In my Enduro days, off-road motorcycling, I had a Can-Am Qualifier. Nice bike, but the suspension needed work. I installed a better pair of rear shocks.

Not having time to practice with them, I went to an enduro. They ran us down roads for a few miles, then into the woods. We encountered a series of "whoop-de-doos" (small bumps), and the bike got really wierd. A few seconds later, I was on my back in a sitting position, legs crossed, the bike sitting upside down, perfectly vertical, perched on my crossed legs. This was the nuttiest post-crash position I ever achieved.

Al Sedusky was an old guy with a movie camera, came to the events and set up in places where crashes were likely, and caught us, to show at the next event. I was thinking "I hope Al is not around here with that camera."

I got back up, got on, got running, rolled around the corner, and there was Al, facing the other way, camera pointed at a near-vertical climb that was toppling riders. I managed to clean that.
SUV passengerTypeOne
Sep 19, 2001 5:06 PM
Ok, it's a total "YHTBT" location story, and I posted it already on yet another rant about SUV drivers:

A big black Excursion/Excelsior/Excalibur/Enterprise (aren't they all the same?) was coming at me as I approached the intersection. Without signaling, it banked into a left turn and cut me off. I squeezed the brakes and skidded to the right. I caught a glimpse of the driver, a young woman with a cell phone pressed to her right ear. In the seat behind her was a little girl in carseat with what looked to be a toy cell phone pressed to her head.
Both were unaware that I was there.
I was immediately angry, but the sight of a mom with a little kid mimicking her idiotic driving made me laugh out loud. I wish I had a picture!
dog passangermk_42
Sep 19, 2001 5:29 PM
I was riding alongside traffic once on a main type street. It was one of those times when the traffic is flowing slowly and evenly enough that you stay lined up with the same car for minutes at a time. There was a car with a dog sitting in the passanger seat with his head out the window and that's who I was lined up with. There was not a whole lot of room for me so here I was riding pretty close, about a foot away from the dog's head. The dog kept looking forward and every few seconds he would turn his head and look at me. I would turn my head and look at him when I saw him turn. It was a mellow type lab, and each time he would look at me he seemed to be saying "what the hell are you doing?" After a few minutes they pulled ahead a little bit but I caught them at a light right after that. As we stopped about even both the dog and I turned our heads and looked at each other. It was just one of those grey poupon moments when someone has to say something so I said "Whas' up dog?" I thought I was really funny and had to let them go on the green because I was laughing too hard. The dog didn't laugh.

_42
I have a picture of me and one of my dogs side-by-side,Spinchick
Sep 19, 2001 5:38 PM
both laughing. It's pretty hysterical because we actually LOOK alike. (Oh, I'm opening myself up for some comments here). I think it's true that dogs and their owners start to look alike after while. Or is that husbands and wives?
re: I think it's time for a "What's the funniest and mostnee Spoke Wrench
Sep 19, 2001 5:51 PM
Didn't happen to me but to a good personal friend of mine.

Tim took his family for a few days of mountainbiking in West Virginia. I think the resort is called Snowshoe. Tim actually took his son Shane, who was about 3 at the time, over several of the singletrack trails in his Burley D'lite.

Tim rode between two trees which must have been about 31" apart. Unfortunately, however, a Burley D'lite is 32" wide. The Burley trailer, quite naturally, stopped rather abruptly and so did Tim's bike. Shane, in the trailer thought it was great fun to watch his dad endo over the bars and asked if they could do it again.
the back countrynuke
Sep 19, 2001 6:17 PM
From Ned Overend : About five years ago, I took a camping trip to Arkansas to ride the Womble trail. For those unfamiliar with this trail, its fantastic. Almost 50 miles (each way) of rolling, fast, sweet single track. Upon arrival, we decided to do a quick ride before setting up camp. About 1 mile into the ride, the trail forked. I took what looked like the more prevalent trail to my left. The trail widened descending down a hill allowing for a brisk pace. At the bottom of the hill the trail gave way to a bridge crossing a creek. The bridge was unusual inasmuch as it looked more like a very long cattle guard rather than a foot bridge. Not giving it too much thought, I crossed the bridge without slowing.

Just as I came across the bridge, I realized that I was no longer on a trail in the forest, but in a back yard. Not just any back yard, but the back yard of a Rottweiler lover. There were not one, not two, not three, but four of the biggest meanest looking dogs I had ever seen in my life charging for me. Without time to turn around, I jumped off my bike and pushed it between me and the charging monsters. With only my bike between me and a good old fashioned Arkansas goring, I frantically began to back-up, stopping just long enough to wack each dog in the head with my pathetic frame pump while they took turns attempting to come around my bike. After what seemed like an eternity but was actually only minutes, the dogs’ owner came strolling out of the house. This gentleman, who I think had a cameo role in “Deliverance”, casually strolled into the back yard, stood there for a while then called to his dogs who immediately stopped their onslaught.

This was the closest near death experience I have ever had. I felt like the prey you always feel sorry for while watching the Discovery Channel.
Good reason to always take the road less traveled. nmSpinchick
Sep 20, 2001 4:37 AM
run away wheelWagnerite
Sep 19, 2001 7:51 PM
riding along a busy street a while a go, going about my own business. all of a sudden i saw a black spot just wooshing by me. didin't get a good look to see what it was, but it was going over 60mph. Finally, it hit a parked car and mashed the door of the parked car. It was then i realized that it was a wheel. i looked back and saw a minivan leaned to the left. The front left wheel had somehow came off and just blasting down the street.
As i realized what had happened, i stopped and imagine what would have happened if that tire had hit me. Especially after seeing what it did to the parked car. wasn't til later that the driver of the van told me that he thought the wheel was going to hit me and there wasn't anything he could have done about it.

Since wheels are so darn heavy, and round, when they detach from a vehicle, they pick up speed, seeing that there is nothing to slow them down....

pretty strange and incredibly lucky
OK I'll try........Len J
Sep 20, 2001 3:19 AM
In the Seagull Century last year I hooked onto the back end of a paceline of about 20 riders following 2 tandems. We're tooling along pretty rapidly when the line goes to pass a slower rider. When the lead tandem yells bike left, the rider looks over his left shoulder and drifts left (BTW this is all hearsay as I was too far back to see any of this) in front of the Tandem. I guess you know what happened, tandem breaks, paceline accordians, last one to react is yours truly. Overlap wheels, guy in front of me jerks to the right & takes my wheel out. I do an endo & as I'm sliding along the Chip & seal road at about 20 MPH, with my eyes scrunhed shut, I am screming obsenities from the pain. Anyway when I finally stop & open my eyes, three grandmotherly women are huddled over me asking if I'm OK. Alls I can think of is , I just cursed in front of these old women. I apolagize. One of the women, a big women, leans back, hands on her hips, smirk on her face, and says;
"Honey, if it were me, it a benn damn worse cursing than the likes of you can imagine." I lose it laughing, trust me, road rash does hurt more when you're belly laughing.

Len
crashing...hammer_cycle
Sep 20, 2001 4:19 AM
When I was a junior racer, about age 16, I and some friends were checking out the course of a big road race I was planning on racing. There is a very long descent where one can easily hit 50+mph. As we started the descent, one of my riding partners said, 'Gee... I wonder what would happen if my front tire blew out half way down this hill...'

Since I wasn't too experienced with riding at the time, when I got back home I met up with my 'coach', who was an experienced racer and I asked him what would really happen, and what one could do. In a very serious voice, he first indicated that I would need to get down on the drops to control the bike. Then, I would need to lower my center of gravity more. Finally, he says: 'Keep on getting lower, bend over and kiss your arse goodbye!!!'
re: I think it's time for a "What's the funniest and mostdzrider
Sep 20, 2001 4:47 AM
On a solo tour from Florida back to Connecticut I was on Rt 17 at the border between South & North Carolina. I heard a loud bang from a passing vehicle and saw a pick-up truck come to a stop about 50 yards ahead of me. I still had all my Yankee prejudices and was pretty nervous but kept on riding.

When I reached the truck a woman in the passenger seat said "Sorry we scared you. We just opened this to celebrate getting back to North Carolina." She handed me a plastic glass of champagne and drove off.
re: I think it's time for a "What's the funniest and mostTurtleherder
Sep 20, 2001 8:20 AM
I haven't seen anything really good for awhile. The last one I remeber that really cracks me up was a father out riding with his son. Dad was on a mountain bike and had one of those third wheel things hooked to the seat post for his son. The third wheel thing is a rear wheel, pedals and seat with a long yoke that attaches to the front bike. Anyway, I am coming up behind them on the road, there's a head wind and it's hot, Dad is working his butt off. What he doesn't seem to notice is that junior has both feet down and firmly planted on the ground, just watching them scrape along. Before this I always thought those third wheel things looked good, kind of like an outboard motor for the bike, make the kid push you around, right? As I pass Dad I say something like "how's it going?" He says "this sure seems harder today for some reason, must be the wind" I didn't tell him about his two footed braking system and just started laughing as I pulled away. Aren't kids wonderful?