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Another Fred Thread - Fred Things We've All Done(27 posts)

Another Fred Thread - Fred Things We've All DoneDog
May 3, 2001 3:35 PM
I'm certainly not in to name calling or categorizing people (i.e., "Freds"), but to make us all feel better, maybe we can share the "Fred" things we have all done. I'm certain there is a little Fred in each of us. I've done all these and more:

1. Forget a pump and have to admit to others on ride you need to borrow one to fix a flat.

2. Forget to tighten the bolts that fix the seatpost clamp on the saddle rails, thus having your saddle slide way back, and having to make 5 stops along the road at houses and business to beg to borrow the right sized allen wrench that you also forgot to bring, all while your riding buddy glares at you for screwing up his workout.

3. Puking in the pack.

4. Forgetting to seal your water bottle top tightly, so when you go to squeeze some water into your mouth, the top blows off spilling wet sticky pink stuff all over your jersey and bike (in front of people, of course).

5. Farmer blowing a big wad onto your shoulder and not seeing it there.

6. Stopping at a porto-pottie during a long event, and (sorry for the graphic here) not removing your wiping hand glove, only to later rub your nose and find you-know-what on the glove -- and now on your face.

7. Letting two additional tubes blow out after your "fixed" a flat and didn't see the slash in the tire, all while your riding buddy waits semi-patiently.

8. Allowing your bike to fall over and bang another bike.

9. Starting to click in with the second foot, and missing the pedal entirely, nearly crashing.

10. Chainring tatoos -- on your arm.

11. Leading others down wrong turns during a long event, as you have no clue where the route goes and you lost your route sheet.

12. Not seeing a big pile of glass in the road and leading a dozen riders in tow ride through it.

I could go on and on. Now tell me honestly, who doesn't have a little Fred in him or her?

Dude...that IS bad......(nm)USPS2002
May 3, 2001 3:42 PM
re: Another Fred Thread - Fred Things We've All DoneDinosaur
May 3, 2001 3:43 PM
And being the big strong macho guy that I am, I decide to unclip my right pedal first, as opposed to the left, and end up falling like a side of beef onto the roadway in front of oncoming traffic...
who doesn't have a little Fred in him or her?blue bayou
May 3, 2001 3:48 PM
My little fred rides up front. Near the front of the saddle. In a lycra blanket.

I loaded my bike in the rack and went back to work to get some stuff. The fred attack came suddenly; the parking structure clearance was only 6'10". Car made it. Now, I'm making payments on a bike, a rack and a rear window.
Now there's something I relate to...John R.
May 3, 2001 4:10 PM
I was traveling to Maine with two bikes on the roof when we decided to stop in Portland to check out the LL Bean store. Pulled into a nice parking garage and failed to note the horizontal clearance bar hanging from two chains over the entrance. We felt a little resistance, hit the gas and then heard a huge POP as the carrier and bikes were ripped from the roof and slid down the back of the car.

John R.
I got away with a new saddle and some body work. All in all,bill
May 3, 2001 4:53 PM
it could have been one f*ckload worse.
My freddisms have included clipped-in public falls, puking (I thought I was leading my little pack up the hill, which I did, but they didn't barf), a SWestern-themed saddle bag that I still think is kind of cool but no longer have the cool to use, truing my wheel until it's REALLY out of whack, oh, let's see, MTB helmet (Price Club), T-shirt, MTB shorts (BAD MTB shorts),
I don't know, should I go on?
Some of these I've moved beyond superficially, but they dwell within.
Oh, and letting Grz Mnky p*ss me off. That's definitely freddiebill
May 3, 2001 5:15 PM
I dont think Doug has the "FRED" concept...Wilma
May 3, 2001 3:53 PM
while those are certainly dumb things, theyre not all "fredish".
Think I'll change my handle to Bam-Bam. NMgimmeaminute
May 3, 2001 4:00 PM
The Fred conceptDog
May 3, 2001 4:02 PM
I think I know what you mean, but Freddism, I believe, goes behond things like using a 2 cubic foot seat bag, wearing a Kiss t-shirt while riding, or having 5 lights on the bike in the middle of the day. I think it's anything dorky, and I was just refering to my recent examples.

Yes, at one point in time, despite my infinite coolness now with my C bike, Record group, and team clothing, I, too, showed up for group rides in t-shirts, coaching shorts (yes, those yucky nylon things), tennis shoes, tube socks, and with a Gatorade bottle stuck in my bottle cage. That what you mean?

Great fashion sense.....gimmeaminute
May 3, 2001 4:08 PM
Your old get-up is so funny. You couldn't have made it up. I appreciate your fred concept much more than the previous.

You get a cool card. It's in the mail. :) (I check everyday for mine, must be in the system somewhere...)
youre getting closer Doug.Wilma
May 3, 2001 4:12 PM
By the way, hows the temp in good ol Fresno. ITs baking on the coast today. Basically, my perception of a Fred is someone who is just a bicycling nerd. People who can kinda make the image of cycling nerdy, unlike skiiers, surfers, DHers, etc. One guy earlier mentioned a guy with a big belly in a tight loonie tune jersey, thats a good example. Just geeky or dorky. Its not bad. To each his own, right? It just puts off an image of cylcists whether good or bad. I guess it depends on how you want cyclists to be percieved by society.
May 3, 2001 4:20 PM
79 degrees and sunny today. Perfect. A little windy, though.

Here, we wouldn't say "it's baking" until it's well over 100 degrees. :-)

That's more like it.look271
May 3, 2001 4:21 PM
So is this; showing up at a group ride in mid-spring here in PA with booties on. It was 65F. Overheard in the group;"who's the guy with the booties?"
Or, stopping at the 1st rest stop at a 100 miler where there are hundreds of people and failing to clip out as I fall over, on my side, on MY FRIEND'S Team Motorola Eddy Mercyks. :-)
The Fred conceptdustin73
May 4, 2001 12:32 PM
that's so funny. were the shorts the one's made by BIKE that they sell at wal-mart in the "baseball" section? come in like blue, red, white, black, and grey? all you needed to complete the ensemble was a can of Copenhagen in the one back pocket. sorry, that's just what my coaches dressed like...
Time to come clean....gimmeaminute
May 3, 2001 3:58 PM
Not on a road bike but I was pimpin' it at the beach one night on the GT cruiser and took off my sweatshirt wrapped it around the bars and strutted past some chicks then the sleeve got jammed in the forks locked up the front wheel and I went right over the bars and on my a**. They laughed so hard. I bet 50 people saw it.
Wow! I'm a Fred!Miklos
May 3, 2001 4:23 PM
1- I don't shave my legs
2- I ride with cotton t-shirts most of the time
3- Double sided SPD MTB pedals on road bike
4- Ride with MTB shoes
5- Use hydration pack on long rides
6- I always ride with a fanny pack

I don't feel bad for doing any of these things, no one else should either.

Funny thread, Doug.

not shaving your legs makes you a fred?got2ryd
May 4, 2001 5:05 AM
On your RIGHT!MeDotOrg
May 3, 2001 4:30 PM
Okay, it was the first time I had taken this route. I happened to be at the front of the lead pack, and we stopped and asked for directions. The directions weren't too good, however, and I proceeded to lead a group from an AIDS training ride onto Interstate Highway 280.

Among certain circles I am now known as "Freeway".
May 3, 2001 4:36 PM
Number 6!rollo tommassi
May 3, 2001 7:01 PM
"Number 2" is now Number 6!!!!!

ok, here's my share: went into a cornfield for some "privacy" to drop trou (corn was over 5' high) - did my business, pulled up my shorts and got back on the bike. Rode for about a mile until my ride mates began tittering and giggling, finally they had to break the news: somehow I'd gotten some corn husks/leaves caught in the back of the waistband as I pulled up my shorts, and I had a lovely floral display sticking out of my butt!!!!!
re: Another Fred Thread - Fred Things We've All Donexxx
May 3, 2001 8:42 PM
SEE!!! I knew I could get all you freds to lighten up. This stuff keeps me amused. Cyclists shave, freds don't. why? I don't have a clue...I don't care. But that's what makes this board so fun...because a fred will stay up all night wondering if he's just fun to see this stuff that freds go thru.

My fred moment..I was in some crit years ago...hotter than hell. Put my bottle mouth piece (freds wear 'hydration units'...not sure what those are) in a slot in my helmet. Of course it got stuck...yanking and yanking...finally just YANKED it and the top came off, splashing me/bike with an interesting mix of water/cytomax. A rather sticky situation by the end. See dudes....I'm human ....chill out )and don't be a fred...the world does not need freds.
re: Another Fred Thread - Fred Things We've All DoneDERICK
May 3, 2001 11:58 PM
Hey XXX now thaaaats funny. I think I am finally starting to marm up to you. That has got to be one of the funniest things I have ever read. BTW I left another reply on the "am I a fred?" thread (previous 40 by now) that should clear things up if you havent seen it.

Tailwinds to you.
re: Another Fred Thread - Fred Things We've All Donexxx
May 4, 2001 7:25 PM
I'm still scared of freds.
I've got a couple...DSA
May 4, 2001 8:46 AM
Dumbness prevails...

1. Leading a pack of 10 up a steep mountain climb where the weather was changing from warm to cool unpredictably, I suddenly decided I needed to take off my full-length Pearl Izumi gloves. Why, I don't know, but without dropping off the lead, I started taking off my gloves one at a time while in a standing climb. Suddenly, I found myself in the drainage ditch having gone over the bars. Worse part - I bent my Campy front brake and had to descend the backside of the pass WITHOUT a front brake. That was an experience...

2. Riding at the front of a pack of 20 or so last summer, dropped my water bottle as I tried to get it back into its cage - nearly caused a huge pileup.

3. Riding in Alaska last summer on the AIDS Ride in 20 degree weather and snow showers, I blew my rear tube. Was so damn cold and miserable that I rushed to get the new tube in....wasn't until 20 miles later that I realized that when I took the rear wheel off, I hadn't shifted all the way down to the 12 cog and had forgotten which cog I had taken the chain from. By this time, my hands were too numb to fix the situation and I just rode the remaining 50 miles into camp.

4. I pulled into a convenience store during a century last summer to relive myself and refuel. An hour later, I reached back to get a ClifBar from my jersey pocket and was confused to feel a loose strap dangling. Pulled over and realized I hadn't pulled my bib straps over my shoulders after the pit stop...

At least I'm consistent...
re: Another Fred Thread - Fred Things We've All DoneHap
May 4, 2001 9:16 AM
A couple of weeks ago there was a thread about whether you wear your glasses over or under your helmet strap. I had never given this any thought so the next time I was suited up and ready to go I looked in the mirror. I found that I wear my glasses under then strap, however, I thought it looked better over the strap so I started intentionally putting my glasses over the strap. Now every time I stop and take my helmet off I rip my glasses off of my face.

Freds? Ever heard of a Bahney? (Barney outside N.Eng.)128
May 4, 2001 2:46 PM
I think Freds are just folks on their way to finding out what's comfortable for them and gettin razzed by those already there...
But then, when in the Post-fred zone you gotta hang in there b/c after that you become an Arrogant Post-Modern-Fred Fred. THE worst kind of Fred.

I'm still a Fred on (road bike) bottom (shorts) but got the core wear hapnin..
Saw this advanced dude shirtless today, now that was wicked...

So I'm a cool and nascent mtb-er (awhile ago)moving through a techy trail in some woods and this roady pops up (shortcut between roads)and I'm thinking, "woe, is this a SuperHero coming up? Has he lost his way?" and as we pass I'm just gonna say "hey", cool like, and move on, well, just getting used to the clips! and my "hey" was accompanied by a fabulous, slow motion tilt, groan, and thud right into a rock, where I lay, thinking, " bet that looked funny..."