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You know your a Fred if:(21 posts)

You know your a Fred if:xxx
Apr 30, 2001 7:06 PM
You know you're a Fred if:

1. ...you don't know you're a fred
2. While in the LBS, bank, store, etc., you keep your helmet on
3. You own at least 3 extraneous accessories that non-fred's simply don't understand
4. Your saddle bag can carry a small horse
5. Reflectors are an intregral part of your wheelset
6. You know your bike's weight to the nanogram
7. You know everyone in your club's bike weight
8. Your in a club
9. You ride a triple, aerobars, and a cadence computer
10. You own a 7-11 jersey
11. You have at least one autograph
12. You have at least one jersey with a Looney Tune theme
13. You don't shave
14. Every fund raising ride is referred to as ‘a race'
15. You don't quaff beers the night before ‘the race'
16. You attend the carbo-load dinner
17. The swag bag you get is likened to a treasure chest
18. All ‘races' have a ride ‘leader'
19. You ride at least a 25 in the rear
20. You refer to this as ‘1st gear'
21. You are totally stoked that Shimano is coming out with a Dura Ace Triple
22. All your tubes are slimed and/or lined with tuffy's
23. Presta valves are a pain in the ass
24. You look ridiculous in cycling garb
25. Clipless technology is overwhelming
26. You've no idea how many teeth your chainrings have
27. You always carry a map
28. You've no idea what a prime is
29. You've never paid a late fee in your life
30. You attend the carbo-load dinner
31. You can quote USCF rules
What is this?uwgrl
Apr 30, 2001 8:08 PM
This might sound a little silly but I am wondering what on earth a "Fred" is. It sounds almost as if you are making fun of someone who is trying to get into biking and may have bought too much out of ignorance. I think it is sad when people who are "good" at a sport make fun of others who are either learning or attempting to be a part of it.
As a "newbie" it is kind of daunting to read everyone's comments about "Freds" certainly makes the bike community not seem as inviting as people proclaim it to be.
What is this?cable_guy
Apr 30, 2001 8:41 PM
so what IS a "prime"?
primesimstress
Apr 30, 2001 1:00 PM
In the middle of a race, you sprint for the prime. It can be $20, points, a pair of tires, whatever. It has no bearing on the outcome of the race. I think it's pronounced "preem" as in 'premium'. Someone please correct me if I'm too fred to know it!
Pay 'em no mind, uwgrl.boy nigel
Apr 30, 2001 11:23 PM
First of all, I'm not sure if women can be "Freds." "Friedas," maybe. :)

"Fred" is a silly cycling term which "defines" a goofy/geeky person on a bike. Whether they're a "poser" or they just look ridiculous or do ridiculous things, they're called this. I believe that many of the "Fred" posts in the past day or two are meant in jest, and are exaggeratory. If not, don't worry about them.

Cyclists (especially roadies) can be snobby, whether outright or quietly. The people writing these things probably wouldn't treat a "Fred" any differently if they came across one, particularly if the person (Fred) in question is a nice, genuine one.

We all see people on bikes who either carry way too many things around with them, dress geekily, have ridiculous bike setups, or whatnot, just as we see people dressed goofily in all walks of life. Because cycling is so gear intensive, people like to categorize others in certain ways and terms. I think most of us are guilty to some degree of this; I am. I remember seeing a VERY heavy/overweight guy in New York's Central Park a few years back. He was on a Zipp time-trial-type bike with the works (about $3000 or so), wore too-bright clothing and an aero helmet, but had the stem raised a lot to saddle level, was pushing a big gear (slowly), but was travelling at about 8 mph. See what I mean? His choice, really (Who am I to tell him what to buy?), but he looked ludicrous, and obviously wanted to get a top-end FAST bike for his Sunday cruises around the park. Sad, and too bad.

Get it? I wouldn't have said anything negative or hurtful to the guy, though; just chuckled to myself. Harmless.

Be yourself, and do what you want to do. It's your life, your money, and your happiness.

Cheers,
Nige
Pay 'em no mind, uwgrl.xxx
May 1, 2001 8:40 AM
See, Nigel knows what's he's talking about. The guy above reeks of a fred. There are freds in every sport...(see, if you don't know, you may become one, and #1 on the list was: you don't know you're a fred). A female 'fred' is either a 'fred' or a 'wilma' - interchangable. Freds are usually about the nicest people you can meet, their just 'freds'. It's a self-explanatory term. Primes are pronounced 'preems' and they can happen on any lap of a race, not just the middle. It keeps the race fast, interesting, and there are alot of 'prime riders'. People that get in and race for just the primes...you can walk away with alot of cash/booty. Normally only the Cat 1-2's pay anykind of real loot in prime payout. I guess there are fred primes....two Cat 5's just honking like madmen for a neon pink helmet cover. (see......those are freds).

The point is: if you're a newby, cool...welcome to the sport. Just don't be a fred.
Pay 'em no mind, uwgrl.uwgrl
May 1, 2001 12:58 PM
Thanks for the clarification!
uwgrl
Question:ACE
May 1, 2001 1:27 AM
How many of these does it take to make you a FRED? I've only got 5 or 6 of them down, but I am working on a few more. Please don't leave me in the dark.
Question:xxx
May 1, 2001 8:48 AM
Ace, I don't know. I've never really thought about it. We can elect you 'Head Fred' and you can make up the rules.
THANKS!ACE
May 1, 2001 11:28 PM
What an unexpected honor, I am truly humbled.
re: You know your a Fred if:Bad knees
May 1, 2001 6:15 AM
Colnago and t-shirt
I guess I am a Fred. Old, overweight(see #15 from first post)
& when I commute I wear t-shirt while riding a Colnago.(although I own several jerseys) No shaved legs.
I wonder if I can subtract points for doing things right?
e.g. double not triple, campy components, no looney tune jersey.
Teeth and chainrings.....are we talking ratios or cumulative totals.
I guess I either have to get rid of the t-shirts or ride my old bike.
re: You know your a Fred if:Tommy T
May 1, 2001 7:17 AM
Last night, I rode my Colnago to the ice cream stand with my kids. Had on cutoffs, a polo shirt and my bike shoes. Hairy legs too.

Call me a Fred, if you will. I don't care - I'm having fun anytime I'm on a bike.
re: You know your a Fred if:xxx
May 1, 2001 8:46 AM
Heck no dude. Ice cream, coffee runs, etc are a blast in cut-offs and a t-shirt. Perfectly acceptable non-fred behavior. It's when you stand in line with your Looney Tunes jersey and helmet on: fred.
I'd rather be a Fred than a D*ckAlex R
May 1, 2001 7:11 AM
Pardon the vulgarity.

Alex
I'd rather be a Fred than a D*ckxxx
May 1, 2001 8:50 AM
See, freds apologize for vulgarity. No need, when someone cuts me off, I usually throw a few vulgarities at them.
now you've done it, you hurt my feelings, i'm quitting cyclingMade in Taiwan
May 1, 2001 9:23 AM
nm
Cycling stickers on my computerBrian C.
May 1, 2001 10:14 AM
Picked up a bunch of stickers at a cycling show recently. And when I bought the Colnago, I strong-armed the LBS into handing over a couple of the famous three-leaf-clover stickers.
Didn't know what to do with them, so they're decorating the Dell.
Uh oh, I'm a Fred I didn't know.
Damn. Where's the Exacto knife?
Colnago stickers....PaulCL
May 1, 2001 11:59 AM
...ooh ooh...I want one! Call me a Fred, I don't care....I ride a Colnago and, it may be fred-like, but I have cycling-related stickers all over my tool box (from Voler, Sidi, USCF, etc - gotta stick'em somewhere!). That's my cycling tool-box. In a very un-Fred-like manner, I do most of my own wrenching.

A question of Fred-ness: Here in the great Commonwealth of Kentucky, we do not have front license plates. Would it be overly Freddy to have one of those "fake" license plates on the front that say Colnago?? I have a small USCF sticker on the back of my jeep, that's cool. Would I lose all my coolness for advertising what bike I ride???? Please help. Lord knows, I don't want to be labeled a Fred.

A Fred clue: a rear view mirror on your helmet to match the one on your handlebars. Who needs 'em...just turn around. In the words of some famous Italian guy: "Whatsa behind dosanot matta!!!.
If you continue to ask this question.The Jerk
May 1, 2001 12:12 PM
or you come up with categories that 90% of the pro peleton would have to check "yes" besides.

Davis Phinney owns a 7/11 jersey. Is he a Fred?
All pros are in a "club". Are all pros Freds?
Most pros can quote USCF rules, so most pros are Freds. I'd think most Freds don't race, so they don't even know there is a USCF rule book. Freds get booted out of races because they break rules that they didn't even know existed.
Most pros attend Carbo-load dinners, so most pros are Freds.
If you continue to ask this question.xxx
May 2, 2001 8:35 AM
WillyD (below) has clue. You do not.

1. Davis was on 7-11...he deserves it, he's earned it.
2. Pros are on 'teams'.
3. Most pros (any racers for that matter), do what most normal humans do with junk mail...flip thru it and toss it. I mean..have you ever even read some of that stuff? Are they talking about cycling? It's lawyer speak, race director drivel. There is ONE rule: first person over the line - wins. It's not a hard sport to figure out as far as rules.
4. There are many, if not more, race freds as nerd freds.
5. Pros attend there own dinner. Normally chatting with their team and associated members. Usually, they are not wearing their helmets while doing so.
re: You know your a "Real Racer" if...Willy D.
May 1, 2001 2:09 PM
1. You've ever trained more hours in a day than you slept.
2. Instead of calling them "Cat. 5 tatoos", you say "Cat. 2 tatoos".
3. You can ride 200k no probs, but walking to the mail box is out of the question.
4. Your significant other has ever said "You'd rather ride your bike than me".
5. You didn't argue.
6. You don't have to show off on "club rides".
7. Your body fat percentage is in the "danger" category.
8. You've lived out of car for more than 1 night in a row.
9. You've lived off nothing but energy bars for more than a day straight.
10. You make fun of racers more than freds.